If the headline already confused you, here are the Cliff notes upfront for this post to save you from trying to figure this shit out: Paris Hilton has AIDS. She has AIDS now. TMZ reports:
[A] male clubgoer filed a report with the Las Vegas Metro Police Dept. claiming his girlfriend was “making out” with Paris inside XS nightclub at the Encore hotel … when Paris’ new BF River Viiperi got upset over the hot girl-on-girl action.
The alleged victim claims Viiperi — a 21-year-old male model — punched him in the face sometime around 2:30 AM … and injured him so badly, he needed medical attention.
The victim told hotel security he wanted to press charges against River … and when cops arrived to the scene, Viiperi was arrested for misdemeanor battery. He was cited and released without ever going to the police station.
And if you’re wondering where Paris Hilton, World’s Best Girlfriend, was during all this, bitch fucking bolted:
We’re told Paris had already left the scene by the time cops arrived.
As for how the hell Paris scored a Spanish male model. Turns out River Viiperi is not only practically a child, but his Wikipedia page says he barely graduated high school so he’s a goddamn moron. If you asked him what herpes is, he’d probably say, “Is that like icey American drink with the blue and red flavors? Because I very much like that. It burn when I pee now, excusey.”
Photos: Getty
Pretty sad when Paris Hilton is the least eye-raping thing in this photo.
And, does anyone believe that this puss could’ve hit someone hard enough to require medical attention?
Well, it’s clear her left eye has already been raped. I wonder if it’s pregnant now, or if her eye has those magical secretions that can shut that whole thing down.
I love magical lady parts.
You must love Emma Watson then.
One could assume that they’re so delicate from their years of pampering that it wouldn’t take much force from a hit for them to require medical attention… That or their idea of medical attention is their make-up being smeared… Just sayin’
I think the writer meant “slapped” a dude. Probably right after saying something bitchy to impress Paris.
It’s obvious what happened here. Look around the picture… this guy is obviously gay, saw Paris making out with a girl and decided to hit on a guy. Well, said guy was straight, and gay boy here got mad. I should be a detective.
Kayne West is already eyeing him for a special “musical ” session
Paris obviously wanted a Vanilla Ice boy toy.
I’ll bet they have the greatest of conversations.
I think it’s funny that 4 of the 5 guys in the banner pic all have the same hair.
With their ties all tucked in too. It’s fun to be an individual.
Something is going on behind those two. If you notice, guys come in from the left with short hair and come out to the right as… I don’t really know, it’s just too fucked up to put a name to that look.
I was thinkin’ South American Prom Night.
It’s backstage at a fashion show fool.
This is another one of those magical outfits that bake it appear as if Paris has decent tits.
Make. Ugh.
I liked the image of “baking tits for Paris” actually. Sounds like a cool new Rachel Ray show.
See guys she doesn’t hate teh gays after all!
This homo should punch himself in the face for that haircut.
‘nother punch in the face for me
50′s Elvis is back in style???
Getting your ass kicked by a male model is not something you report to the authorities. or anyone else.
Looks like a Abercombie sales associate convention
So I see Paris Hilton is tired of being left out of all of the gossip sites these days and had to do something to get back in. Is her second “accidentally released” sex tape on its way now?
Her first one doesn’t deserve a sequel.
Actually, according to some sources her “first” was a sequel of sorts. A short clip was “leaked” online, and when given the opportunity to cash in on it, extra footage was allegedly shot.
Isn’t ANYBODY straight anymore?
So the gay dude she’s paying to be her boyfriend got pissed when the guy he was propositioning for sex refused him and punched the guy in the face? Some people can’t handle rejection.
I’d like to punch everyone in this picture.
I ask you, is that not a perfectly rational response?
Damn, I was going to wear orange on orange on orange on orange…
And, WONK EYE.
Standard Wonky McValtrex move: stir the pot by doing something just to get attention, then leave before the trouble starts which she directly causes. She’s a fucking coward and needs a good beatdown…
Ice, Ice, baby.
I actually know River and he’s a really nice guy. I didn’t think he was an idiot until I found out he was dating Paris. He’s an up and coming model and I can only think that he’s doing this for exposure. Hopefully he keeps it wrapped.
Probably should start with a massive vitamin ingestion program right now , along with bathing in bleach for the foreseeable future
does the bleach kill the herpes and crabs , or just chlamydia ?
I heard her scabies had herpes complex III
that’s justin beiber all grow’d up
Coke bloat X2.. ..and musky B.O.
Where’s Lindsay, by the way?
Someone tell Paris that polka-dots don’t hide herpes.
Paris is clearly desperate to get back in the news, but at least she is not using the Amanda Bynes strategy of causing car accidents on purpose.
The only chick in the world so dirty even a tie tries to hide from her.
Let’s count the problems with this story: 1)A guy got angry when his gf made out w/ another girl (must be gay),2)if he’s gay, why get angry?, 3) a male model punching hard enough to send someone to the hospital?!
What does he model, gloves?! He’s fug as fuck.
Not been a fan of her since 2007, and it’s just down the point that things goes out of nowhere, and end up your self in prison.
Greasy proto – bonded hair that serves as a reservoir of grease for impromptu anal ingress
So, let me get this straight. A 21-year-old, slick-haired she-man hit this dude so hard he required medical attention? And said dude made this public knowledge? got it.
I’m getting a very angsty early-Buffy Angel vibe here. Sic ‘er, Angel!
Oooh. Now I’m getting an Upper Paleolithic vibe. Club ‘er, Cro-Magnon Man!
I could say a lot but I don’t think the mod will let it through……….what’s with that %^&hair?
Shoosh!
Only the biggest douchebag in the world would date paris Hilton. Eww.
Wait, Ricky Martin is dating Paris Hilton?
She’s starting to look like a drag queen.
So is the chick she’s with. And by chick I mean the dude. Or do I? So confusing. Like a Rubik’s Cube with only 1 color. The color of skank.
If the “victim” was a real man he would have kicked that little p*ssy’s a*s if for nothing else that goofy a*s haircut!
she is looking more and more like her mother