Paris Hilton is Getting a Felony Charge. Just Like She Wanted.

By: The Superficial / August 30, 2010

I’ve been trying failing horribly not to give Paris Hilton exactly what she wants from this ordeal (Read: All of Lindsay Lohan‘s press.), but apparently the Las Vegas PD are going to play her little game and also make themselves look like idiots by attempting to charge her with felony drug possession for less than a gram of coke that was obtained using questionable procedures. TMZ reports:

According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, the cop who stopped the Escalade pulled along the passenger side of the vehicle and smelled “the strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle.”
The cop writes he noticed immediately the passenger was Paris. He then observed her trying to roll up the window.
After the traffic stop and a crowd of 100 people gathered around, Hilton said she was “extremely embarrassed” and asked the cop if she could go to the bathroom at the Wynn Hotel.
At the hotel, Paris told the cop she needed lip balm so the cop handed Paris her purse: “As she began to open it, I saw a small bindle of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggie begin to fall from the purse and into my hand.”
The cop also says … inside the purse was a “broken tablet of Albuterol” — a prescription medication used to control wheezing. And cops say they found Zig Zag wrappers … used to roll joints.

Haha! Paris Hilton wheezes.

But, seriously, she’s already hired the biggest attorney in Vegas, walked without paying bail, claimed the purse was borrowed by a friend, and, most importantly, fell out of her mother’s stupid-rich vagina 29 years ago thus rendering this all moot. C’mon, this battle was over the minute the doctor said, “It’s a girl!” then was promptly decapitated as a sacrifice to Satan.

AT LAST THE SEAL SHALL BE BROKEN, AND FROM HER GROINS SHALL COME PESTILENCE AND DEATH. — OR MAYBE JUST PESTILENCE, THOU GETTETH MY POINT.

Photos: Splash News