Paris Hilton is Getting a Felony Charge. Just Like She Wanted.

August 30th, 2010 // 41 Comments

I’ve been trying failing horribly not to give Paris Hilton exactly what she wants from this ordeal (Read: All of Lindsay Lohan‘s press.), but apparently the Las Vegas PD are going to play her little game and also make themselves look like idiots by attempting to charge her with felony drug possession for less than a gram of coke that was obtained using questionable procedures. TMZ reports:

According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, the cop who stopped the Escalade pulled along the passenger side of the vehicle and smelled “the strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle.”
The cop writes he noticed immediately the passenger was Paris. He then observed her trying to roll up the window.
After the traffic stop and a crowd of 100 people gathered around, Hilton said she was “extremely embarrassed” and asked the cop if she could go to the bathroom at the Wynn Hotel.
At the hotel, Paris told the cop she needed lip balm so the cop handed Paris her purse: “As she began to open it, I saw a small bindle of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggie begin to fall from the purse and into my hand.”
The cop also says … inside the purse was a “broken tablet of Albuterol” — a prescription medication used to control wheezing. And cops say they found Zig Zag wrappers … used to roll joints.

Haha! Paris Hilton wheezes.

But, seriously, she’s already hired the biggest attorney in Vegas, walked without paying bail, claimed the purse was borrowed by a friend, and, most importantly, fell out of her mother’s stupid-rich vagina 29 years ago thus rendering this all moot. C’mon, this battle was over the minute the doctor said, “It’s a girl!” then was promptly decapitated as a sacrifice to Satan.

AT LAST THE SEAL SHALL BE BROKEN, AND FROM HER GROINS SHALL COME PESTILENCE AND DEATH. — OR MAYBE JUST PESTILENCE, THOU GETTETH MY POINT.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Rutty

    *I’ve been trying not to give Paris Hilton exactly what she wants from this ordeal (Read: All of Lindsay Lohan’s press.)

    And yet 3 of the 6 articles today are of Lohan and Paris…

    Don’t bullshit, there’s no “trying” here. You know as well as everyone else here that the second it was announced she was arrested, people would be looking for a site with information. Someone is going to get those hits, so why not let it be you?

    You don’t do this blog for the joy of it, you do it for the cash.

    You are one with paparazzi. You’re a gossip blog. This is what you do!

    Stop the bullshit and live up to it. Perez does. Stop pretending you’re better.

    Paris owns you! Lohan owns you! You make money doing what my girlfriend does for free! GOSSIP!

    • Pussy Galore

      Rutty does make a valid point here.

    • Drew

      If he’s making money at it, while your girlfriend “does it for free”, than who has the upper hand? I’m going to go with the guy that gets paid to make penis jokes and gets to edit titty pictures all day.

      That said, to humor you… Fish needs to provide the latest gossip. Unfortunately, the vast majority of it surrounds the “ever so important Lindsay Lohan”, or are Fishs’ subtleties serious too hard for you to grasp? Herp derp.

      • Rutty

        I have nothing against it. I’m here reading it. But every news item starts with something slamming them for trying so hard to get the media coverage he’s making money providing them.

    • Wow, Rutty beat me to it.

      Go Rutty.

      • Marcus

        It’s just a site to screw around have some laughs, why so preachy?

      • Retired Cop

        She called the best because she can, it is what I would do.
        Trust me, the elected DA wants no part of this.
        We will come back to this post after it has been resolved, and either I am wrong or not.
        To bad I can’t bet on this, easy money.

    • Retired Cop

      A Second year law student could beat these charges.
      WTF was the cop doing?
      God I hate incompetency!

      • McFeely Smackup

        seems like a “retired cop” would know the “plain view standard”. She wasn’t searched, she opened her purse under her own volition in plain view of the cop. There’s no beating that charge.

      • Retired Cop

        The list of things the cop did wrong will become a Police Training Video.
        Plain view will never stand up.
        I was wrong though, a 1st year student can beat this.
        The DA will never file the charges if he knows what he is doing.

      • Jennyjenjen

        How are you so confident she’s going to beat the charge? She opened her purse in front of the officer and the cocaine fell into his hand. It is all on video as well. She’s in trouble and I think that’s why she lawyered up with the best attorney Vegas can provide her, if this was such a clear cut case she’d have that first year law student you so confidently joked about. Perhaps you’ve lost your edge being retired and all..

      • mcfeely smackup

        Mr Retired Cop has never seen the front seat of a patrol car, bet on it. Notice he has no specific things to take issue with in this arrest, just hot air.

        This is a plain view controlled substance arrest, it’s as easy as they come. The prosecutor will be slobbering to get this one in front of the judge.

  2. Poofy

    She’s such a dope.

  3. Sheriff Officer TJ Hooker

    GO PARIS!!! BOO LINDSAY!!!

  4. Deacon Jones

    ,8 grams? 1 -4 years?

    Wow. We ned to reform the drug laws in this country.

    I think my senior year in college alone equates to 4 life sentences.

    • Righty Whitey

      If convicted maybe she’ll actually have to do a whole hour in jail. Last time she only did what? 45 minutes? I wish I was a vice cop, I’d totally plant a few kilo’s of herion on this waste of life so that no one would have to look at her or hear about her again, and it would be under the job description of preserving and protecting the public.

  5. Poondock

    I want to sniff her anus

  6. DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD

    PARIS IS AN ASSHOLE WITH HERPES ON IT

  7. kaili

    i hate drugs, so i hate ppl who do it! stupid girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. Marcus

    Is her sister alive?

    • Sugar

      Yeah she’s just not the attention whore fuck up that Paris is. I’m not sure which one is uglier though. It’s a toss up.

  9. LJ

    I wonder how much it is going to cost the Hiltons to have someone say “Oh, I put that coke in Paris’ purse for safekeeping and she knew nothing about it.”, and then do the time for her?

    $2 Million?

  10. Zuma Beach

    I’ve actually seen girls wearing her jeans ( Paris Hilton Brand). I felt sorry for them because you just know that someone that hated them very much gave them to them as a present.

  11. gibby

    Rutty for king!

  12. Ugh...

    Given how stupid, uneducated (she dropped out of high school because her lack of intelligence was causing her to fail) and illiterate she is, and given how her idiotic slutting, drugging and attention whoring caused her grandfather to give 95% of all of her family member’s inheritences to charity, I’m surprised this whore is still breathing. Personally, if her actions so incensed my grandfather to the point that I lost out on 95% of my inheritence because of her, I would have off’d her immediately & blamed it on one of the drug dealers/scumbags that she likes to hang out with…

  13. Urbanspaceman

    Her breasts are small again in this picture. How does she do that?

  14. Paris's Hole

    And her douchebag meat head bf got canned from his nightclub job today as well…NOT a ‘Las Vegas Nightclub Kingpin’ at all, as touted. More of a hired ape manager. I guess Mr. Wynn has a ‘zero tolerance’ policy for his mgmt having run-ins with the law. Should have a zero tolerance policy for dating stupid whores too.

  15. Jay

    i pray you all are correct that she is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, but come on….., she’s Paris Hilton, in Las Vegas, she may do 20 more days in jail, (or whatever it was) and that will be it………. People that kind of money don’t do serious jail time. Take O.J. for example. It took him a second time of kidnapping and extortion to go behind bars……. and only cause the “dream team” didn’t represent him. For someone who has dealt with the U.S. Court system, it is flawed…., for the rich and the powerful…….

    • Snooki's Taint

      All true, but she also won’t be allowed to travel, other countries will not allow her in due to a felony conviction. She had better get used to making her special appearances in Akron, Ohio, and East Bumfuck, Arkansas for the rest of her life. The U.s. justice system has done the world a favour, no more skank-flow polluting the river Seine.

  16. Jay

    Snooki’s Pu55y, true but she can still peddle her shit to the american public and everyone wants a piece, sad…………………………”There’s NO justice, there’s JUST-US!!!!!!!!!”

  17. Paris Hilton
    lol
    Commented on this photo:

    How does this girl ALWAYS manage to look stupid? Just, stupid. She can’t walk, can’t act, can’t sing, can’t dance, and now she can’t even look attractive. Brings a tear to my eye.

  18. KANYEISGAY

    TEAM PARIS, FVCK TEAM GINGER !

  19. Paris Hilton
    DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD
    Commented on this photo:

    LOOKS LIKE A HOOKER ON THE PROWL

  20. Paris Hilton
    DEATH BY STONING IN HOLLYWOOD
    Commented on this photo:

    UGLY ASS OUTFIT

  21. Demi Moore

    Finally the drug laws pay off.

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