Paris Hilton is a What Now?

October 7th, 2010 // 31 Comments

Apparently Paris Hilton‘s latest boyfriend Cy Waits has a daughter and felt it’d be a great idea to introduce her to the new love of his life because rich people can afford antibiotics easier than we can. RadarOnline reports:

Paris Hilton is proving to be a stand-in mother for new boyfriend Cy Waits’ seven-year-old daughter Shea, has learned exclusively.
It’s a sudden change of pace for the hard partying hotel heiress, who was arrested in Las Vegas in August with cocaine in her purse.
“Cy is a dad and he is combining his part time parenting duties with his fledgling romance with Paris,” said a source close to the couple.

But don’t worry. Paris is so totally prepared for her new role, she practically has a PhD in kids:

“It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” the heiress, 29, said a few years ago.
And Hilton thinks she’s highly qualified for motherhood, explaining, “I look after animals, so I’d have a lot to give my kids.”

I don’t want to get morbid here, but we should all probably prepare ourselves for someone finding this kid suffocated to death by a feedbag full of oats. I know it’s a terrible thing to say, but sometimes you gotta hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Like having sex without a condom. See? I ended on a happy note.

Photos: Splash News


  1. Hmm looks pretty hot here. Id hit it hard

  2. Burke, Esq.

    Sounds like Cy’s baby ma has given him an ultimatum: Clean up your act or you won’t see your daughter and BTW, I’ll still rape your ass for child support.

    This dumb cunt is so sad..seeing her old party buddies (some of them with a couple of brain cells left) grow up, marry and have kids. Who are her famous buds anymore? LiLo is in rehab…

  3. Richard McBeef

    dude@dude.dude, i’m with ya. She looks better everyday and i’ve already nailed chicks with weirder feet and wonkier eyes. I think the herpes and slutty stuff is overblown too. sluts usually like to fuck and if you have seen the vids she isn’t too much into it. plenty worse sluts in celebridom that don’t get the flak p. hilton does.

    I’d hit it, d@d.d would hit it, we would hit it together, but our balls wouldn’t touch because that’s gay. Speaking of gay, that’s why you wouldn’t hit it.

  4. I saw video of her putting a whole pineapple up her vagina once. It was gross.

  5. Kevin

    Note to fetus, hang yourself with that umbilical cord sweety….

  6. RoboZombie

    Did you say Happy Ending?

  7. Dr. Alex

    happy ending.

  8. sobrietyisacrutch

    I just wish those guys over there at NASA would hurry up and finish building that goddamn time travel machine so we can send someone back to 1981 and jam a wire hanger up Paris’ mother’s uterus.
    Man, I could make a lot of money if I were a hell of a lot smarter….

  9. gaag

    I dont care what you guys say she was amazing in REPO THE GENETIC OPERA

  10. grobpilot

    29 years old, huh? I bet she thinks she can still fulfill that dream of squirting out four babies by the time she’s thirty.

  11. RasputinsLiver



    That bitch’s got feet the size of the fucking USS Bonzo!

    Fuckin’ galumphin’ clodhopper. Not at all an attractive female.


  12. GrammyDi

    Look…..she’s already wearing the poor child’s clothes.

  13. Paris Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    God, she has huge gross feet.

  14. pete

    Just checked.. she has size 11 wide feet.. good grief.. that is like clown feet.. its bigger than most mens feet !!!

  15. Boston_Freek

    “we should all probably prepare ourselves for someone finding this kid suffocated to death by a feedbag full of oats.”

    I seriously lol’ed at that one. Wicked!

  16. Lizzy

    Not to harp on old news, but…is it just me, or is there something seriously wrong with her forward leg in the banner shot? Is it just the angle of it or something? It looks like it’s about 3 inches thick from side to side. Her lower leg I mean, from about…just above mid-shin down. I swear I could probably fit one of my hands all the way around it, and I’m actually an inch shorter than that “Snooki” twit. And those super-high heels aren’t doing her any favors either.
    It has to be the angle. Otherwise, how on earth does this woman walk?
    Hell…even in the other shots her legs look unusually thin. Ugh. How unhealthy. Do some squats and leg presses, woman!

  17. Paris Hilton
    Willy Wonka
    Commented on this photo:

    How’s her Herpes coming along?

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