Need Cash For Sex And Pizza? Call Paris Hilton Today

In a surprisingly benevolent move that suggests she’s become more charitable in her old age, Paris Hilton gave a homeless man $100 on Tuesday night after his unanswered pleas for pizza and sex touched a place in her heart that Paris herself knew not existed. Page Six reports:

“He asked her for $100 as she left the party,” said a witness. “She gave the man a crisp Benjamin Franklin.”
We’re told he’d been asking people all night, telling them it was for “pizza and sex.”

My word, are we seeing a brand new Paris Hilton filled with mercy and love for her fellow man? What else could it be?

Hilton made appearances on a number of shows today to promote her new fragrance, Gold Rush.

Sonofabitch. Well, at least it can’t get worse.

Naturally, the follow-up question was about Trump himself, and the heiress was asked what she knows about the GOP nominee that the public doesn’t.
Hilton answered, “I’ve known him since I’m little girl. He’s a very nice man. You know, I think on TV people like to say things about certain people, but he’s actually a very sweet person. I like him a lot.”

Why did I talk? Why did I open my fucking mouth? Goddammit.

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