Paris Hilton Wants To Be a DJ Now

September 8th, 2011 // 84 Comments

Now that she’s officially become ratings poison on top of the kiss of death to any film she somehow stars in, Paris Hilton quickly needs to find a new career that requires minimal effort and absolutely zero talent. Something that’s as simple as, oh I dunno, say pressing play on iTunes then pretending you’re listening to giant headphones. TMZ reports:

Paris Hilton is training her ass off … working with some of the BIGGEST DJs on Earth … in a brand new quest to become the most POWERFUL female house music DJ of all time … TMZ has learned.
Sources close to P tell TMZ … Hilton has been traveling the world to shadow some super-famous DJs to get some guidance for her upcoming house music album.
We’re told Hilton has become pretty tight with HUGE names like Afrojack and Deadmau5 — and even plans to appear on stage with Deadmau5 in the near future.

TRAINER: Press play, Paris.
PARIS: I can’t… It’s too hard!
TRAINER: Press. Play.
PARIS: I’ll just fail like I do at everything else!
TRAINER: *grabs her by the shoulders* PRESS. PLAY!!
PARIS: *sobs* Okay, okay… *presses play*
TRAINER: There. Now you have accomplished the impossible.
PARIS: I can’t believe I had it in me! What do we do next?
TRAINER: Do next? I don’t get it.
PARIS: What does a DJ do after she presses play?
TRAINER: Nothing.
PARIS: Nothing?
TRAINER: Nothing.
PARIS: At last I have found my calling…

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Flynet

superficial

  1. did you hear her correctly?

    Fish, are you sure she ment DJ and not BJ?

  2. Cock Dr

    Fist

  3. Just what the world needs; another douchebag with no talent claiming they’re a “DJ” while they plug their iTunes into some speakers.

    • Lily

      So Paris Hilton markets herself as a DJ in order to get paid for club appearances now? She has money, why doesn’t she just pay the damn cover charge if she wants to go?!?

  4. yeah she can be a dj and i’ll be the ceo of sony

  5. stratacat

    laugh all you want, but she is the original sex-tape/reality show/famewhore. in a couple years, the kardashians will be going on a rave tour–each one spinning a different sub-genre of house.

  6. Uncle Phil

    She’s gonna be very disappointed when she finds out DJ doesn’t mean dick juggler.

  7. Personally, I can’t wait to hear all about the kids listening to the “Stars Are Blind” dubstep.

  8. cousin shit

    I will do whatever it takes to be there for her “debut” – and hurl eggs as hard as I can. I promise. Watch out, bitch.

  9. Eric

    Dude…I Can’t Stand Paris in Anyway & I Want Her shipped to another world! But to say dj’ing requires No Talent??? Ur Freaking Insane!! Let’s See U do just one 5hr set with NO HELP!!

    You’ll Be running right quick to ur keyboard 2 spew off Non Sense that U Hope people think is Superficial…Like ur talent.

    Till then…know ur role

    • stratacat

      you spin dubstep, don’t you?

    • not a DJ nor lives in Paris

      I get such a kick out of people who get butthurt over comments made at a site called Superficial.
      Yes, Fish is freeking Insane.

      Know ur websites.

      • Any Guy

        Eric, please regale us with your tales of how HARD it is to ‘DJ’. mommy and daddy’s trust fund didn’t pay for a big enough HD on your laptop? my heart goes out to you, douche.

      • Richard McBeef

        I’ve got $600 headphones and a big vinegar and water filled rubber bag with a tube that runs into my pussy.

    • The Presidential Mother-in-law

      Crazy white boy.

    • Venom

      Ha Ha Ha, next thing you are going to say being a DJ is harder than being a surgeon or an engineer, or a firefighter. lol
      Hell, I bet you DJs are even more badass than Navy SEALS or fighter pilots.

      Comedy.

      Thank you for your contribution to society.

    • you are a dbag and all dbagj’s are narcs! in more important news, i have to take a shit…

    • Alex

      I couldn’t agree more with Eric. In addition to it being very hard, being a DJ on the weekends is a terrific way to pay for community college.

    • Arzach

      Another non-talented douche that uses music from someone else to claim they “play” , learn some music , do something creative and stop whining for your not-hard-work-or-brains-required “job”

  10. Heather

    She dressed like she just walked off the set of a 1978 Carefree MaxiPad commerical.

  11. Paris Hilton DJ
    Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    I fully expected a swarm of flesh eating bees to fly out of her mouth…

  12. Al Bundy

    She is a DJ already, Dumb Jizzrag.

  13. Mike D.

    There’s only one logical career path for Paris Hilton, because it’s a job that utilizes the only skills she has: adult film star.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      She doesn’t really have those skills… but I saw her get killed in a horror movie, so I suggest snuff films.

  14. KM

    DJ, huh? Then she’s going to start banging Sam Ronson in a misguided attempt to become relevant in the tabloids again. *settles in and leans forward* This should be fun.

  15. Yeah, because the respect level for a DJ is so much higher than that of a fame whore heiress.

  16. Dan

    It takes much more than pressing play on iTunes to be a good DJ. Paris won’t be able to do this either.

  17. bob

    Derrik Jeter is pretty awesome indeed

  18. Steelerchick

    I thought the title said Now Paris Hilton wants to give BJ’s. What’s new?

  19. Hyper

    How is it she looks better than LiLo?

    • BrandiLye

      I was thinking the same thing. If I was a Martian who knew nothing of her shenanigans, I would think she was really pretty.

  20. stratacat

    Someone should give her an unreleased Goldie tune to play–but make sure he’s there (and close to a really steep flight of stairs).

  21. Clarence Beeks

    I think this is hilarious. She cannot stand that no one gives a flying fuck about her anymore. She will do anything to try and be relevant. Sorry bitch, you are OVER.

    hahahahahhahaha

  22. Paris Hilton DJ
    Guy Smiley
    Commented on this photo:

    must be nice not having to work an actual job

  23. zomgbie

    please give her a permanent dj gig in idk maybe chernobyl.

  24. Snack pack

    “Training her ass off!” By the looks of things, she accomished that quite a while ago. She doesn’t have much more to give, hence her apathy/lack of motivation.

    On another point, she is one of the main reasons I refuse to stay at a Hilton chain hotel during frequent business trips. Sounds silly, I know, but I feel like I’m doing my part.

  25. “pretty tight with HUGE names like Afrojack and Deadmau5 ”

    Interesting that “HUGE” name DJ’s might as well be homeless people for all I’ve ever heard of them. But then I guess being huge in the industry of “pushing the play button” on your Macbook is a fairly low bar to cross.

    The only thing that surprises me more than someone aspiring to be a professional DJ, is the fact that “professional DJ” is something that actually exists.

  26. cc

    She invented the whole ‘open mouthed vacuous look rather than smile’ school of posing.

  27. kimmykimkim

    A DJ? Whatever Paris! You can’t match beats girl! You’re a fucking idiot. Wait maybe I’m thinking too much into this, like she’s going to try to put DJ Shadow to shame or some shit. Yeah old reference but he’s one of the best. She’ll probably just hit shuffle on her iPod.

  28. What a retard

    I read that like everyone else; I thought it said “Paris Hilton wants to give BJ’s now…”

    You nailed it; not only has everyone finally figured out that she’s a leg spread slutty idiot who can’t chew gum & walk at the same time, but she’s a really ugly person inside as well. Since she kills any movie she’s in, can’t sing (even with the help of autotune) and nobody wants to see her in a “reality” program anymore, she’s got to find work… that doesn’t require skill, talent or brains. Dj’ing may be the only thing left for her to do…

  29. Crabby Old Guy

    DJ? I thought she was an STD? I get so easily confused these days.

  30. S

    DJs play other peoples music because they cant make their own.

  31. Bilvis Rides Again

    When did Steven Adler start carrying a purse?

  32. Paris Hilton DJ
    Fig
    Commented on this photo:

    Sure, 9 month tours with 100+ dates, not a problem. Plus she can stay for free at Hilton Hotels.

  33. UrBaN SqUiRrEL

    I dont understand why ppl are getting their panties in a knot over this.. I’d rather her push buttons, have her voice drowned out by music and her not “act” anymore. I think it’s a brilliant idea :)

  34. There’s a vast difference between legitimate “professional” DJs (the folks that engineer DMC, XMIX, etc.) and the wannabes that just spin those CDs they subscribe to. I think it’s important to differentiate… though maybe not so much where Paris is concerned. I’ll wager she has to concentrate on continuing to breathe.

  35. KumaTenshi

    I’m more disappointed that actual DJ’s are agreeing to train her stupid sorry ass, and REALLY fucking disappointed in Deadmau5 for having her on stage with them!!! WTH is up with that???

  36. traumady

    yeah she trained her ass off.
    and the environmental protection agency contained it and dumped it on the bottom of the atlantic ocean.

  37. Paris Hilton DJ
    Commented on this photo:

    I misread that headline as “Paris Hilton wants to give a BJ now.”, and I thought, “Hell, thats not news, thats her lunch break.”

  38. rican

    She’s training her ass of…for DP

  39. Mark

    Thanks, asshole. All this time I thought she had drowned in a bowl of cheerios. Thanks for resurrecting her. Thanks a lot. IT FUCKING FEEDS ON ATTENTION! STOP PAYING IT ATTENTION AND IT WILL WITHER AND DIE!

  40. CranAppleSnapple

    I played the triangle for a day in grade school band. I am officially more musical than Paris.

  41. juaquin ingles

    DJ Jizzlecooch.

  42. forrest gump

    this because clear thinking america is finally FED UP with her………..

  43. karlito

    this is her secret way of trying getting Lindsay back. she knows that Lindsay is still crushing on that “she beast” and she hopes that Lilo will be turned on by her new spinning skills. then she can declare to the world that she is a lesbian.

  44. Dj Huh

    The only thing Paris Hilton would be any good doing anywhere NEAR a dj booth would be sucking the cock of the dj and all his friends under the table while he’s performing

  45. Roberto

    Quoted from deadmau5′s facebook account
    “HEY WORLD… im not teaching Paris Hilton how to DJ. fuck already! she showed up to a show, and shit, ill be friendly to just about anyone who isnt a fuckin asshole. and she was respectful and polite, and all around nice to chat with, so i let her be a ghost… how the fuck does it end up all “im producing her next album” or “teaching her to be a DJ” if she wants to do whatever she wants, let er! i dont give a fuck… but why am i involved all of a sudden?”

    • Rikk Ton

      Well… It give her publicity… and probably she is telling people that EVERYONE has a price. Get ready Mau5 the call will come and the numbers will hit the table to write, remix or produce her album AND play next to you. To buy lessons hell there is nothing there but to buy an opening act for a major artist… they BETTER be good because the opening act can ruin your act.

  46. Paris Hilton DJ
    Rikk Ton
    Commented on this photo:

    Well…they say it takes two of three things to succeed in any field…
    1. Money
    2. Connection (Her money automatically made those for her)
    3. Talent (oh well…I guess the first two will have to do)

    the question will be is it enough to sell tickets in the night club scene because when I go see a name in a club it is 100% for his talent. Lets see what happenes to her.

    Rikk Ton

  47. Rikk Ton

    Well…they say it takes two of three things to succeed in any field…
    1. Money
    2. Connection (Her money automatically made those for her)
    3. Talent (well I guess the first two will have to do)

    The question will be is it enough to sell tickets in the night club scene because when I go see a name in a club it is 100% for his talent. Lets see what happenes to her.

    Rikk Ton

  48. Dj Jason Alan

    I heard she will be opening for Steve Angello…lmao

  49. Lee

    Yes, Paris, become a DJ. The Gathering of the Juggalos is always looking for new talent.

  50. leenie

    I think she looks so good here! Werk Paris!

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