Well, That Horse Is Dead

July 16th, 2014 // 25 Comments
Paris Hilton Come Alive
WATCH: Paris Hilton - 'Come Alive'

Here’s Paris Hilton‘s new video for “Come Alive” which I didn’t make Photo Boy screencap because I like to draw the line at sexually-tinged indentured servitude. Anyway, I don’t know what the digital equivalent of taking a piss on something then lighting it on fire is (Wait. Yes, I do.), so here are some bikini photos from last week which I suggest looking at instead of watching Paris Hilton sing about emotions she’ll never be incapable of feeling. I’m pretty sure if she had a child, she’d probably just make a butler polish it or something.

“Ms. Hilton, I believe your son requires – ahem – feeding.”
“Uhhhh, you have nipples.”
“Very good, mum.”

superficial

  1. “You make me come” — Rick Salomon

    Also, that was fucking horrible. I made it about a minute.

  2. Well, now horse AIDS is a thing.

  3. Here are the lyrics for anyone who wants to sing along while jamming an icepick in your ears:

    I’m having a dream
    Having fun
    Loud as my addiction
    I don’t care what they say
    This life I’m gonna live it
    My life can get some crazy
    Oh yeah oh oh
    Our life is so amazing
    It’s like forever
    Only time will tell
    How I feel about you
    Own the world, overdose my heart
    Cause boy you sailed right through

    You make me smile
    You make me dream
    You make me feel alive
    You make me dance
    You make me feel it
    You make me come to life
    You make me come alive
    You make me feel alive
    You make me come alive
    You make me come alive

    Come here dream girl
    I’ll be your princess
    Whatever you choose
    I’ll travel the world just to be with you
    Oh oh oh oh
    I’ll put on a show when it’s all for you
    You baby oh yeah
    Can’t stop thinking of this
    Love is true
    I just wanna be
    I just wanna live in the moment

    Only time will tell
    How I feel about you
    Own the world, overdose my heart
    Cause boy you sailed right through

    You make me smile
    You make me dream
    You make me feel alive
    You make me dance
    You make me feel it
    You make me come to life
    You make me come alive
    You make me feel alive
    You make me come alive
    You make me come alive

    Here’s my heart
    Laying on the light
    Know that nothing’s perfect
    Never giving up
    Gotta live my life
    No regrets, no worries
    This could be our last dance to feel alive

    You make me smile
    You make me dream
    You make me feel alive
    You make me dance
    You make me feel it
    You make me come to life
    You make me come alive
    You make me feel alive
    You make me come alive
    You make me come alive

  4. Short Round

    While watching all I could think was what terrible thing people had to commit to be so blacklisted in Hollywood as to have no other choice but to work on making this video.

  5. Guezis

    Although I would prefer to come on a horse…

  6. buzz

    It’s like watching a Katy Perry video without the tits to distract you from how bad the music is.

  7. Steve

    If we give you money do we HAVE to listen to it?

  8. Greg

    WoW, she sounds like Bretney Spears

  9. cuddles

    Two things…
    1. I’m pretty sure somewhere Tinkerbell just shat all her fairy dust when she got the note saying she now has herpes.
    2. Does the auto tune machine have a setting for “just awful” to make Paris, Farrah, and all the other failed reality whores sound the same? Because I think it’s smart to save money where they can.

  10. Rasputin's Evil Twin

    Just when I thought or hoped she was dead, we get this.

  11. That dildo mounted on the horse seems long enough, but what girl wants carrot sized girth?

  12. Just like her last musical effort. And the one prior to that.
    “Well, That Horse Is Dead”
    And yet she’s still beating it.

  13. If my giant assed friend stole my act and was much more successful with it, I’d be pissed. How about you, Paris?

  14. Great now the nation’s glue supply is contaminated with herpes…or should I say Horsepes.

  15. Oh! I remember Paris Hilton! And also, WHAT IS WRONG with you people!? Don’t you know it’s rude to mock the dead!?!?!?

  16. Her singing sounds like sausage day on the pig farm.

  17. Auto Tune is getting well over used these days.

  18. Yoman

    Cash Money Records, Inc.

  19. When you said that horse was dead I thought you meant the horse was a metaphor for yet another attempt at a legitimate career and that it had been beaten to death. But I guess the disease joke works just as well.

  20. Kelly

    Some people have beautiful voices, then some people sound like the seagull from the Little Mermaid. Guess which one I am thinking of at this moment??

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