Paris Hilton Made Another Carl’s Jr. Commercial

July 25th, 2014 // 36 Comments
Paris Hilton Carls Jr 2014

Like a flare up that eventually goes away if you just stop itching it, Paris Hilton is being shoved into our faces again with a new Carl’s Jr. ad that she’s somehow getting all the credit for despite the fact it stars Hannah Ferguson and Paris is just a cameo which is fucking bullshit. Hannah’s a legitimate Sports Illustrated swimsuit model while the only thing Paris Hilton’s done to deserve attention is fall out of a wealthy vagina. And even then somebody had to pull her out. She literally just sat there going, “Gawd. This is taking forever.”

Fun Fact: Those burger chewing sounds? Paris getting out of her car. True story.

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  1. Pete

    I’ve risked STDs for worse looking broads, so I’m in folks. Please pray for my condom’s strength.

    • anon

      Pete, before leaping into a cesspool please consider the following:

      Restraining Order Issued Against Paris Hilton

      By Caitlin Liu
      Times Staff Writer
      607 words
      8 February 2006
      Los Angeles Times
      Copyright 2006 The Los Angeles Times

      Testifying that Paris Hilton assaulted and threatened him, a Hollywood events producer expressed relief Tuesday after a court commissioner granted him a restraining order against the waif-thin celebutante. “I’m going to sleep better at night knowing that she or her henchmen can’t come after me,” Brian Quintana said after leaving the courtroom. “Usually, it’s the celeb that needs protection.”

      Hilton’s representatives pooh-poohed the court order, saying the socialite has no desire to socialize with Quintana anyway. “She’s fine with the idea of not going near him,” publicist Elliot Mintz said. “Just as he does not wish to be near her, she does not want to be near him. It’s a perfect outcome.”

      Hilton, who denied the accusations but didn’t show up to tell her side of the story in court, spent the day elsewhere in Los Angeles getting ready for a “promotional event,” Mintz said. The hotel heiress’ attorney, Howard Weitzman, said he didn’t want to put his client on the stand because he “did not want to create a media circus.” Quintana’s lawyer, Richard Lloyd Sherman, scoffed: “She didn’t want to show up in court to be cross-examined because she knows she’s full of it.”

      Inside the packed courtroom, Commissioner Timothy Murphy granted the restraining order after hearing Quintana testify for more than an hour about his onetime friendship with Hilton and their ugly falling out. Their relationship grew strained, Quintana said in an interview later, after he began working as a media handler for her boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos. Hilton, 24, didn’t like that he always seemed to be hanging around Niarchos, a 20-year-old sophomore at USC, wherever the couple went.

      Quintana, 38, said he was hired by Niarchos to help introduce him to Hollywood’s young social set and velvet-rope nightclub scene, and also to help his media-shy family keep him out of the headlines. Hilton, who knew Quintana first, accused him of trying to make her look bad to Niarchos’ family, which would like to see the couple break up, he said.

      The final straw came in November, when Quintana told Hilton and Stavros that he got a call from a tabloid magazine. “He got a call … asking for confirmation that she had herpes, but he said he didn’t know anything about it,” said Quintana’s Beverly Hills lawyer, Richard Lloyd Sherman. Quintana said that Hilton grew furious, pushed him in the chest and told him: “if this gets out, you’re a … dead man.”

      He said Hilton badmouthed him to his clients, causing him to lose business. The credits listed on the event producer’s own website include a birthday bash for singer Rod Stewart’s son, Sean, the world premiere for “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and an Emmy Awards party for “Entertainment Tonight” and People magazine. After Hilton threatened him, he began getting calls from anonymous men saying he’s “a dead man,” Quintana said. He called Hilton “a physical and abusive person.”

      Weitzman called Quintana “an annoying individual” and said Hilton called only to ask him to “stop bothering she and Stavros.” He also accused Quintana of seeking publicity for himself.

      Before Tuesday’s hearing, “we offered to stay away from him,” Weitzman said. “They refused to accept the offer.”

      Quintana said he hopes his police report will lead to criminal charges.

      “Paris happens to be from the school of, ‘there’s no bad publicity,’ ” Quintana said, “but I think this is it.”

  2. Paris is looking really fucking good these days. I’m considering risking herpes for that.

    • I wouldn’t be surprised if she had herpes, just cuz that shit is everywhere, kids. But honestly, I think the super slutty thing is maybe a bit exaggerated. Having watched her sex tape(s) it doesn’t appear as if she gains actual enjoyment from sex which makes me wonder how much she throws that pussy around.

      • Good points all around.

      • Mr. Fahrenheit

        You know, I thought the same thing about her sex tape. The whole thing screamed, “I’m doing this because this is what all my friends are doing, but please just finish up as quickly as possible and turn the camera off.”

      • dennis

        Or it could just mean Paris Hilton is simply a bad lay.

      • Cock Dr

        Good sex usually means all parties involved give enthusiastic pleasures to one another.
        Paris isn’t a giver, unless you count the pathogens.

      • Well said, Dr. I think it’s high time for a sequel to that sex tape. a chance for redemption for Paris. show us how much she’s gown in the past decade.

      • Faber Castell

        Have you guys seen the sex tape she made with Rick Soloman?

        With the exception of some half-hearted head at the end, she’s pretty much the definition of a ‘lame fuck’.

        A cold dead fish has more energy than she does; and you don’t need to go on a valtrex regime afterwards.

      • LOL, OK, here goes: “she doesn’t enjoy sex because she hasn’t tried it with me”.

        Thank you. Thank you very much.

      • cc

        Her chatting on her cell phone while getting doggied would suggest her interest is nominal, at best.

  3. Greg

    I never knew herpes is a good branding tool.

  4. The herpes thing has me reluctant. I’m thinking maybe just a handy and a facial would do.

  5. I just watched a commercial to watch a commercial

  6. Mr. Fahrenheit

    “Alright, everyone! Who here needs hamburgers? And herpes?”

  7. ace11

    Why the hell isn’t Nicky joining her?

    2 Hitlons in Bikini’s eating burgers

    YES YES YES

  8. I can’t watch this with out flashing back to archer

    “Ugh, she is riddled with Herpes”

    “Hey! Innapropriate workplace topic! … And also a deal-breaker.”

  9. Brooks

    The Herpburger. No, it’s not fish.

    Now at Carl’s Jr.

  10. anonymous

    Seriously, who is going to be swayed to eat at Carl’s Jr because of Paris Hilton? I see her eating Carl’s Jr about as often as I see her shopping at Walmart so this marketing strategy is b.s.

    If Carl’s Jr want to produce softcore porn, they should just do it.

  11. PtC

    You don’t “itch” something, you scratch it. You scratch an itch. Jesus Christ, dude.

    • “Itching” oneself; It depends on where you live in the US my friend. I have lived in quite a few places One becomes used to local colloquialisms, and actually learns to embrace them if they are colorful enough. Viva Carl’s new Herp-Burger (kudos to Brooks above who literally took away my breath with his comment)! It definitely gives new meaning to the term “Special Sauce.”

    • Coach Red

      Feel better now? SMDH

  12. I’m surprised Paris is beside a Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit model and she doesn’t look out of place. Heck she almost looks like she should have been in Sports Illustrated.

  13. Jay

    Hey, LOOK…herpes is back…break out your Valtrex everyone.

  14. z.free

    When did Hardee’s/Carl Jr. decide to start marketing to the racist, homophobe, Nazi, STD, ex-porn actress crowd?

  15. mememem

    Why on earth would she say, “If this gets out your through!” Paris dear, the world already knows your infected with the herpes!!! What is the big fucking deal he opening his mouth? Do you have oral or genital herpes Paris? Or both?

  16. Well, in Paris’ defense, labor CAN last for hours.

    And it would seem even longer with the no-guarantee-of-a-successful-birth, and the huge pile of money waiting to cushion her fall. How much can a person be expected to bear?

  17. Bittersweet Lenny

    She looks great here. Not having fully disclosed (OMG, my dick’s closed!) medical access to the fungi, whore spores and those maladies only incubated in moist, warm tissues of a living host(ess) such as Paris, I wouldn’t touch her with my most hated enemy’s dick.

  18. Native Horndog 4 white girls

    paris climb aboard my eiffel tower

  19. Rocket

    She looks great here.

  20. Andrew

    I’m not going to lie. Every time I see Paris Hilton in this commercial I almost lose my lunch at the site of her 5 pounds of clown make up. I usually find her quite ugly but this takes the cake.

  21. Andrew

    The worst part is she makes an otherwise good-looking model look ugly just by having her ugly face standing nearby.

  22. guest

    Paris looks better in a swimsuit than Hannah Ferguson who is an SI swimsuit model.

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