Paris Hilton Hates Reality, Has A Butt Crack

April 3rd, 2012 // 33 Comments
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Once, when she was very little, Paris Hilton met an old sailor who told her that, “Argh, nothin’ relieves a below deck itch like a fresh waft of sea air on your biscuit,” so that explains these photos. With that in mind, here’s another story about Paris getting pissed off after a reporter dares suggest she won’t be famous forever and ever. Via RadarOnline:

Correspondent Edwina Bartholmew also politely asked Paris, “What about when you’re not famous anymore, what are you going to do?”
The 31-year-old Hilton responded by saying that she “just wants to be able to have children and have a normal life with my kids.”
Although she said it all in her typical Paris baby-tone complete with a smile, her publicist later made it clear that the heiress was not happy with being asked about losing her fame.
Sunrise producers were told that if they aired the full interview they would not be allowed on the red carpet at the club opening that night.
The show didn’t take kindly to being threatened by Hilton and ran it anyway.

In the end, Paris Hilton actually did have the Sunrise crew banned from the club opening, but only because she’s banging Afrojack who will clearly do anything for an itchy handjob. Otherwise, I like to believe Paul Hogan would’ve went, “Oy! Who’s the Sheila tryin’ to ban me mates?” and then whipped a boomerang at her vagina for looking like vegemite.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News


  1. AAPL made me rich!

    fuckin bird

  2. Paris Hilton will never be without her unwarranted fame because Paris Hilton IS unwarranted fame. It’s like asking Polio about the Salk vaccine.

  3. Ace Ventura

    My esteemed colleague, Mr. Marino, has just brought some new evidence to my attention. Now, history has certainly shown that even the most intuitive criminal investigator can be wrong from time to time. But if I am mistaken… if the Lieutenant is indeed a woman, as she claims to be… then, my friend, she is suffering from the worst case of hemorrhoids I have *ever* seen!

  4. I like the part where she “just wants to be able to have children,” because she really knows that she can’t have children. She knows.

    *waits for this comment to get 6-8 thumbs down just because I wrote it*

    • Seriously… who did you piss of here?

      • My criticism of Shasta’s “photo gems” was not at all well received, and I can only presume yesterday’s thumbing-down-a-ganza was continued fallout. But I get it: Shasta’s the new King of Comment, and when you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.

      • Richard McBeef

        How much fallout are you expecting from implying you were the previous King of Comment?

      • That was never my implication.

    • Clarence Beeks

      I hope to G-d she cannot procreate.

    • Richard McBeef, MD

      That’s an interesting theory about Ms. Hilton’s fertility, Dr. Frank. And yeah, I noticed you’ve got a hater squad.

      Pelvic inflammatory disease can often go unnoticed until it is too late. Regular testing for STIs such as C. trachomatis and N. gonorrhoeae is the key to prevention. These infections may present themselves subclinically so obvious signs and symptoms may not be present. The point is remember to get your cooter’s checked out, ladies, particularly if you are slut.

      Call my office to schedule an appointment, particularly if you are a slut.

      • dooood

        we’re lucky we got black scrubs around to drop science on us

      • Richard McBeef, MD

        I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow.

      • CranAppleSnapple

        Dammit, I knew I was supposed to remind myself that I’m a slut.

    • [img][/img]

    • Big Irv52

      Thumbs up x 10. Screw all haters TomFrank you are the King of Comments!

  5. juss

    She may have an ass crack but she still has no ass.

  6. Clarence Beeks

    She is so over and cannot stand it. It cracks me up.

    She should borrow some of Kim’s lumpy ass. She could use it.

  7. elephantman

    I’d hit it!

  8. Paris Hilton saying she … “just wants to be able to have children and have a normal life with my kids.”
    actually means she’s looking for just the right Guatemalan housekeeper to carry her fetus because she doesn’t want her tny little titties to sag and her oh so taught tummy to get stretch marks.

  9. dooood

    pffft, she should just go back to blowing random
    dirtbags on the internet. that’s her wheelhouse.
    that’s what made her a fake celebrity

  10. Nice hair piece Paris!

  11. tom

    Fucking disgusting.

  12. Paris Hilton Butt Crack Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    Always an ordeal when you have trouble tucking in your frank and beans

  13. Gen

    I saw the interview, it’s pretty funny if you want to go check it. You can check it on the link below..

  14. Paris Hilton Butt Crack Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    This shot does give me a boner, I have to say.

  15. Drsuess

    This skank is a walking disease….

  16. Paris Hilton Butt Crack Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    wow she literally has no meat on her body

  17. Paris Hilton Butt Crack Bikini
    ying lager
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn those are some sweet butt cheeks

  18. Brad Hallston

    Thong tan. What a SLUT

  19. If God and Mother Nature wanted her to breed she would of had kids by now so judging by her being childless means even they don’t want her producing even as much as we don’t. LOL XD

  20. Paris Hilton Butt Crack Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    guy behind her “is that smell on my hands !?”

  21. Paris Hilton Butt Crack Bikini
    Commented on this photo:

    “I’ll just wipe my hands here………no time to wash!”

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