Paris Hilton Is, Like, So Sorry, Gays

September 21st, 2012 // 29 Comments
'Eww, Gays Have AIDS'
Paris Hilton Adam Lambert
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Just when Paris Hilton was a lock for the 2016 GOP ticket by being racist and thinking every homosexual has AIDS, she capitulated yesterday to the gay mafia who probably held her Valtrex scripts hostage when they weren’t too busy sucking blood out of infants and starting all the wars in the world, those fanciful bastards. Via GLAAD:

As anyone close to me knows, I always have been and always will be a huge supporter of the gay community. I am so sorry and so upset that I caused pain to my gay friends, fans and their families with the comments heard this morning. I was having this private conversation with a friend of mine who is gay and our conversation was in no way towards the entire gay community. It is the last thing that I would ever want to do and I cannot put into words how much I wish I could take back every word.
HIV/AIDS can hurt anyone, gay and straight, men and women. It’s something I take very seriously and should not have been thrown around in conversation.
Gay people are the strongest and most inspiring people I know. It is so wrong when people bully or put down others for being gay. No one should have to go through that. Again, I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart and I feel absolutely horrible. I hope that everyone can accept my apology and know that it is not who I am or how I feel in any way.
Thank you for taking a minute to read this, I love you.

Like most red-blooded Americans, my initial concern was, “Great, now she’s just emboldened them even further and it’s only a matter of time before we have to let them drink out of the same water fountain as us.” But then the gay hookup site Grindr tweeted this little gem and I found myself thinking, “You know what? Maybe Jesus doesn’t want us to fire these people into the sun.”

@parishilton, frankly we’re surprised that you hadn’t heard about Grindr sooner, given some of the guys you date. [Ed. Note: You're gonna want to click on that.]

Do gays like receiving a box full of glossy Jon Hamm‘s penis pics in the mail as way of saying thanks, or is this more of an erotic fruit basket occasion? — Dick-shaped gingerbread cookies with meringue testicles? On it.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin


  1. Smapdi

    We already have to endure the Kardashians, does Hilton have to come back on the scene too?

  2. PlaysBothTeams

    Geez, she didn’t say anything really all that bad. I’m gay, and it’s mostly true.

    • Creep guy in van

      it’s mostly true that all gays will die of AIDs? I doubt you are really gay, or self-loathing to find her statement non-offensive.

      • Think maybe that’s the point which falls under “mostly”?

      • Honest

        She didn’t say anything too far from the truth. I’ve met many gay people and have enough friends to make me worry how they are not worried about sleeping around. They go to a website and just meet random people to have sex with. It’s appalling how common it is. “Mostly” is just appropriate.

      • Melissa

        I can’t believe I’m defending Paris Hilton, BUT, she didn’t actually say “all gays have aids” or even “most gays have aids.” She was referring to the type of people who would find a random person online in their area to have sex with. THOSE type of people probably have aids. And she’s probably right. Do YOU just go around having sex with random people all the time? People are so fucking sensitive.

  3. Mohawk Disco

    She should just apologize for existing. Or rather her parents should apologize.

  4. Yuuuuup

    Clinton signed DOMA. Democrats = BIGOTS!!!!!!!!

    • FudgeSticks

      As usual, hypocritical libs cast the first stones! Another victim of the liberal media!

    • 1. Republican Congress passes the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in 1996, eight weeks before the election.
      2. Republicans say, “Sign this, or we’ll make it an election issue on which you’ll lose” at a time the country is no way close to accepting same-sex marriage.
      3. Clinton signs DOMA to shut the Republicans up and keep them from possibly winning the White House (and hence, total control of government) that year.
      4. Today: Republicans call Clinton a bigot for signing DOMA.

  5. Good move on the apology. I mean, if she offends the gays, who’s going to buy her shoes?

  6. AbRtFl

    Paris gets hotter and hotter every time I see her.

    • kirby

      I only wish that post was in the context of “as she flies through space towards the sun in a tiny ship.”

  7. Cock Dr

    Thanks for the link…and the memories.
    No self respecting straight guy will ever seriously date Paris Hilton. Some brave fools will don the rubbers and bang her a time or 2, but she’s a lost cause. Her only hope is to buy herself a famewhore gold digger.

  8. Paris Hilton Bikini Print Skirt Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    “No, Ms. Hilton. Pink and cheetah hides the herpes well, but according my scanner here, this entire beach is now infected. Now, please sit down while we take you to the containment ship. Simplex 1 to Base…the carrier has been isolated and removed….beach is secure and target is painted….valtrex strike is a go. I repeat, valtrex strike is a go.”

  9. Miss Moppet

    I always love it whens someone says something douchey, gets caught and says, “This is not who I am”. It’s exactly who you are. embrace it. You are sarcastic and mean spirited. I know cuz I am too and if people recorded some fo the shit that comes out of my mouth in private when I’m trying to be funny, I’d be making public apologies too.

    The problem here is not what she said, it’s that she wants to be an asshole and also wants to be viewed as sweet and thoughtful. Just pick one. Either shut yer trap and act sweet, or be the sarcastic mean bitch you truly are and don’t apologize for it.

  10. She is obviously a major bitch that doesn’t care for anyone who isn’t exactly like her or doesn’t kiss her ass. I say they forgive her so we can go back to pretending she doesn’t exist again.

  11. Cardinal Fang

    Dems are more racister* than the Repubs.

  12. Carl

    Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

  13. Paris Hilton Bikini Print Skirt Hat
    Commented on this photo:

    Weird bulge…

  14. Inmate 12236969

    I heard some of the SNL staff interviewed they said she is SHIT! Even John McCain went out as other guest hosts do meeting people being friendly etc. This bitch was nothing but a stuck up snob of bitch stayed in her dress room with a that damn dog of hers, didn’t want to do shit.

  15. Mary Feeney

    I don’t like Hilton and I’ve never voted Republican, but I think knee-jerk political correctness sucks and I cannot believe how knee-jerk PC The Superficial is, as illustrated by this line: “Just when Paris Hilton was a lock for the 2016 GOP ticket by being racist and thinking every homosexual has AIDS…”

  16. Ted Morton

    Remember that time Obama opposed gay marriage? It was only 4-5 months ago. According to Superficial logic that makes him homophobic, and human garbage according to Sara Silverman.

    Also, reading comprehension: Hilton was clearly referring to gay men who use that grindr service, not all gay men.

  17. What an idiot

    “Um, like, oh my god! I’m, iike, so sorry that I called all fags horny. I was, like, so wrong, and whatever. I… um, is that a dick? Oh yes…*suck, suck, suck*

  18. Terry

    30 years old and she’s still acting like this is 2000. She is a train wreck.

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