Paris Hilton — Oh God, please let this be true

October 20th, 2008 // 60 Comments

Forget withdrawing our troops from Iraq, there’s a much more important evacuation plan underway. Showbiz Spy reports:

Paris Hilton is planning a permanent move to London.
The hotel heiress is currently in the British capital filming her new TV show Paris Hilton’s My New BBF (British Best Friend). And she is ready to leave Hollywood for good and settle down in the UK.
She told friends, “I love it here, I am going to move here permanently. I have already been here for one month and am much, much happier here.
“I love guys with English accents. I have met a really cute English guy, but it’s early days.”

The only question is whether pushing Paris Hilton onto another country constitutes an act of biological warfare. But that’s really a minor concern. If she makes good on this, I pledge to donate a kidney to an organ-transplant facility. Not my own, mind you–probably one from the homeless guy who’s always passed out in my doorway. Hey, it’s not like she’s taking Heidi Montag with her.

Photos: WENN

  1. tata


    I hope she moves there. America has enough problems, she is one less problem the way I see it.

  2. Chauncey Gardner

    Goddammit. The minute I decide to move to London, Paris Hilton has to move there. Fuck.

  3. Tata


    I hope she moves there. America has enough problems, she is one less problem the way I see it.

  4. Tata


    I hope she moves there. America has enough problems, she is one less problem the way I see it.

  5. Googolygoo

    She looks hella-old in the header pic. Blech.

  6. Jamie's Uterus

    She can take all her venereal warts and assorted STDs and spread them over there, she’d be the next patient zero. Please go Paris, go!

  7. CheeseSandwhich

    the flash from the camera makes her look like one of teh kids from Disturbing Behavior.

  8. s.gothman

    Of course she’s moving to London, from the looks of things she’s turned into that broad from Absolutely Fabulous.

  9. I don't like either

    Does this mean that the Superficial Writer won’t write about Paris or the Douche Twins?

    As an existential side note, what would we do with our lives?!

  10. Dick Bush

    She huffs cocks.

    Vote Republican in ’08 !!!!

  11. Sport

    Worst ‘celebrity’ ever.
    Famous for going to parties and being a tramp. Buh Bye ‘London’ Hilton.

  12. Anon

    No keep her.

    If she really is as thick as she comes across as then how will she cope having to spell words correctly.

  13. Rant

    That main picture of Paris….I thought it was her MOM!

  14. she should really stop wearing those blue contacts.

    people know your eyes are brown, paris.

  15. and–they should name and STD after her… ya know, like, Lou Gerhig’s Disease?

    Paris Hilton’s Disease: characterized by bumps and reddness, severe itching and inability to have a career.

  16. Case

    I guess this would be considered an even swap for that fucking twit Posh?

  17. libtard

    On behalf of the United States, I would like to apologize to England.

  18. Limerick_Dan

    There once was a woman named Paris
    Who was supposed to behave like an heiress
    She didn’t, of course
    But had a face like a horse
    And made pornos with jockeys to scare us

  19. sapphire eyes

    Now I finally know where the infamous English “yeti” is … a slimy celebutard who looks like a middle age version of herself.

  20. duck duck goose

    well, she’s had every cock in hollywood — it’s time to conquer london.

  21. wwwukeruker

    All of you jealous losers need to be shipped off but not to England. That would only cause Europe to decline towards the Dumb and Dumber wrold that you present in the USA. NO! I say Afghanistan.

    Paris Hilton is one of the great Americans and is a world icon. She accomplishes more in a week then any of you jealous anonymous cretins will accomplish in a lifetime. You all represent the pathetic misogyny that is an epidemic in the USA but is hidden with charges against the Muslims.

    Paris Hilton IS what so many of the other celebrities like that Thai T-girl lookalike Jessica Alba wishes she could be. Then again, whoever likes Alba is just a symptom of a nation where there’s no class or taste.

  22. wwwukeruker

    And to the Dumb-Dumb goose.

    Its not all the ‘cocks’ Paris has had in Hollywood, She’s one of the greatest lovers of the modern era which is why a bunch of young prudes like you are persecuting her the same way Casanova was persecuted. Take a look at all the celebrities who stand like Paris x-legged. She’s either had them, meaning the Hayden’s and Elisha’s of the World or they are trying to be her.

    See, the young celebs you jack-off too are trying to be what Paris is. Its their attempts at aristocracy on red carpets that’s fake not Paris.

    And virtually everyone who has been her friend has benefitted from it not suffered. You are all just pathetic throwbacks to the miserable skunks who used to line the streets during the inquistion shouting ‘burn the Witch’ to the delight of the eunuchs in the Catholic Church who wanted to murder another woman due to her beauty. How pathetic you hatred. All of you need an asskicking which is why I am working hard to get a draft so most of you would have something to fear in your empty lives like duty in Afghanistan. You pathetic ass-wipes.

  23. londoner


  24. sariyou

    Oh gawd!

    Note to self, next time don’t let Dolly Parton do your makeup

  25. not english

    No chance.
    There’s no freakin way she can put up with our newspapers/tabloids.
    They’ll completely maul her and leave her crying every night

  26. Paris to PARIS!

    I think it would be exceedingly rude to send Paris to London or anywhere in England. The English are so polite, she still thinks they’re being nice to her. That will change eventually, but she can be snubbed and abused in Paris, France right away! It would be perfect, except for the French, but screw ‘em!

    WTF happened to Skippy or Benji or whoever was her most recent sperm donor?? You know, the one with the hat and tattoos (no, not Sam Ronson!)

    I thought their love was the real thing? I thought they were going to have children! My world has been turned upside-down! Damn, I’m glad I held off on the memorial tattoo!

  27. paris is a joke

    It would be great to get rid of this pathetic ding-bat!! I hope they know herpes is forever!!

  28. I’m wondering: SHE WANTS TO LOOK AMERICAN?

  29. Did she went to the local FUN-FAIR?

  30. Mel

    she looks like a 40 year old hooker.

  31. Name

    Lol #2. Me too. (if you were serious) haha.. :(

  32. Alexandra

    All that money and yet she looks like a tranny out of a Mississippi trailer park.

  33. NO way in hell does Paris move to London full time. She’s nothing there whereas here in the USA she can spread herpes and fragrances and “reality” TV or whatever the hell she’s selling nowadays.

    PS: Paris was hot till she got the herps now her cooch is rotten hamburger meat!

  34. Evan Faine

    Don’t come back, ya fuckin’ cunt! Hope some chav shanks her outside the McDonalds.

  35. sun

    Seems I have seen this woman on some tall dating place yet,The ideal place to pick up women as far as i know __ T a l l c h a t.c o m __ cute, hot , talented… whatever u can come up with…LOL

  36. no_won_yuno

    will she pick up a fake British accent like all the other bimbos who moved there did?

  37. Lizzie

    I live in London. If this is true it won’t be for much longer.

    We have a system of mass evacuation in place for if there’s a flood or terror attack or whatever. I say we use it the minute she buys a house.

  38. A Woman

    I think something is seriously wrong with her eye in the header pic. That, and she looks like a middle-aged drag queen. Scary.

  39. Diane

    Because it’s so funny to deride Hilton, yet denigrate the the homeless in the same sentence. Try spending three days outside in your downtown area (where services the homeless depend on are). You are either ignorant or you are a dick. You’d do us all a service if you joined her.

  40. KDB

    I thought that she was still with one of the Madden brothers…

  41. asheley

    OMG! she looks scary!!! Scrape off some of that make-up girl!

    If you haven’t seen this yet, check it out, funny…

    And pass it on!

  42. denise

    Just want to say “Thank You” to the folks in the U.K.
    First Madonna then Paltrow and now Paris……..we owe you.
    Take em
    Keep em

  43. stoplookingatme

    #2: I know, right… me too! Why she gotta go rub her diseased ass all over my future like that?!

  44. poopskoop

    She’ll be lucky to find anyone ethnically English in London.

  45. ishi-san

    @ 40: That’s what I was wondering as well……… Maybe we were right and they never actually were an item! :-)

  46. Yank and wank they rhyme for a reason

    fuck no you American trash can keep your trash, if that bitch moves here lets hope a homegrown schizo hears voices in his head to kill the whore. We are getting rid of Madonna we certainly don’t want to replace her with even worse scum.

  47. We love drag queens in England. How thoroughly delightful this news is. I shall warm the teapot in readiness for her arrival.

  48. el ces

    Paris is leaving the country?
    I heard a rumor that congress and their families were making similar plans.
    Bombs going to be dropped over here. Big ones.

  49. UpChuck

    She finally figure out Obama is going to take her money if she stays

  50. Echh

    She always looks awful close up. She really does not have attractive features. And she needs to lose those ridiculous blue contact lenses.

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