Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which contains not just one, but two shots of old men exposing themselves, as well as a pretty impressive run of no-name chicks dressed like prostitutes making red carpet appearances and/or performing early 90′s leisure activities in swimwear starting here. I’m doing the Lord’s work, I know.
And in case you’re offended that I called Russell Simmons‘ or Mike Tyson‘s date a women of the night, go ahead and look at those before you judge me,
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
According to Page Six, Taylor Swift‘s parents are straight Katherine Heigl-ing her career which is really all I wanted to post about. Not so much the specifics of what’s happening to Taylor’s career, or why her parents are to blame, but that Katherine Heigl has been reduced to a go-to term for how hard a parental unit is fucking their child’s career. I needed to feel good about the world for a minute. Just one minute. It’s getting rough out there.
Back in 2011, Scarlett Johansson got pissed off about the nickname ScarJo, and now here’s ScarJo getting mad about ScarJo again while also shitting on JLo because apparently ScarJo doesn’t want to be equated with JLo who’s not very ScarJo. Via HuffPo:
“I associate that name with, like, pop stars. ‘It sounds tacky. It’s lazy and flippant … There’s something insulting about it,” Johansson told Glamour magazine, clearly throwing shade at Jennifer Lopez, otherwise known as J.Lo and the woman who basically started the media’s portmanteau trend.
In ScarJo’s defense, ScarJo was surprisingly awesome in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, so I’m going to let ScarJo have her moment about being called ScarJo. ScarJo earned it.
Photo: Getty, INFdaily, Joe Alvarez, Splash News, WENN
“Lindsay, Lindsay! Do cocaine!”
“Lindsay, Lindsay! Say a bunch of shit that isn’t true!”
“Lindsay, Lindsay! Have sex with a man’s dick for money!”
“Lindsay, Lindsay! Pretend to live in an alternate reality where people want you to blow them kisses.”
“Haha, I got you! I totally got you! Now you have to get inside my magic bag.”
- Why I’m not invited to these things
Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News
While Beyonce went the less subtle route of having her publicist demand websites remove unflattering photos of her, Lady Gaga‘s people were smart enough to realize photo agencies would let you have sex with your kids if it meant an exclusive and started demanding pics be “enhanced” before they’re approved for publication. A process that was immediately agreed to because I made the joke about sex with kids, right? Okay, good. Page Six report: More »
Kate Mulgrew (Or “Red” on Orange Is The New Black for you whippersnappers) played the only female Starfleet captain with her own series, so it only makes sense that that would backfire in a ball of crazy because here she is narrating the documentary The Principle which claims that the sun revolves around the earth. A concept that was disproved in the 16th century, or so the Jews would have you believe…. Oh, yeah, that’s right. The guy making the film is Robert Sungenis a crazed anti-Semite who also runs the blog “Galileo Was Wrong” which has conveniently dropped offline in the past 12 hours. The sad part is that people will actually watch this shit and believe it because that’s how fucked we are as a country right now, and one in four Americans already don’t know that the Earth revolves around the sun to begin with. Fortunately, there’s a show on TV right now that’s explaining how the universe can’t be like it is, but it do, except the people who should be watching it hate it, and it’s up against Game of Thrones which I don’t know if you saw Sunday’s episode, but people got naked. Like super naked. Did you see that one chick do that thing with her leg? Holy shit. What was I talking about?
UPDATE: Captain Janeway was bamboozled!
- “I’ve never fucked this model before in my life!” [Lainey Gossip]
- The Human Barbie is a child-hating racist. [Dlisted]
- Miley Cyrus cancelled her North Carolina show 30 minutes before it was supposed to start. [Starpulse]
- ‘Cute’ Is A Vastly Inadequate Word To Describe These Girls [theCHIVE]
- Christina Hendricks wants to be on Game of Thrones. Let her. LET HER NOW. [The Superficial]
- Lady GaGa is morphing into Kim Kardashian. [Fishwrapper]
- All The Important Humping On ‘Game Of Thrones’ [The Frisky]
- Martha Hunt bikini photos, anyone? [Popoholic]
- Kevin Federline qualifies as a Duggar at this point. Or at least a Gosselin. [tooFab]
- Does anybody recognize these boobs? Anybody? [Hollywood Tuna]
- Guardians of The Galaxy is looking better and better. [FilmDrunk]
- Barbara Palvin does a.. heroin dance? These fucking kids today. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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