Leonardo DiCaprio Had Sex With A Leonardo DiCaprio Amount of Women

December 8th, 2014 // 15 Comments
These Are Relevant
Toni Garrn Topless
Toni Garrn Is Topless Read More »

Over the weekend, Leonardo DiCaprio left a club in Miami with 20 women, according to NY Daily News, which shouldn’t be shocking to anyone, including people who think I’m talking about the Ninja Turtle, and yet I’ve seen at least 50 headlines about it. So let me explain to you how the news works: When something out of the ordinary happens, you report it. For example, if Leonardo DiCaprio leaves a club with only five women and two of them just want to dry hump, write an article about it because the Earth’s about to fall into the sun and life as we know it has ended. Do you follow me now?

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Photos: FameFlynet

Taylor Swift Made Out With Karlie Kloss ‘Allegedly’

December 8th, 2014 // 26 Comments
Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss
Taylor Swift Karlie Kloss Lesbians
This Year's Justin & Selena? Because They're Both Girls Read More »

While I was too busy covering real stories like how Hilary Duff‘s body’s going to be found in a wedding gown beneath Aaron Carter‘s shed, the Internet was losing its shit over a photo of Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss making out (below) even though they basically got married during the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show because I equate getting married with singing to somebody’s butt. Anyway, Taylor’s rep is denying the two are dating which, again, seems ridiculous after your client sings a song to another woman’s butt, and no, I can not stress that enough. Taylor Swift sang to a butt. These are facts, and it’s my duty to bring them to the peoples. THE BUTTS WERE SANG TO!

Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss Maybe Making Out After The Jump

Kendall Jenner Getting Spanked By Santa, Anyone?

December 8th, 2014 // 37 Comments

Kim and Kourtney knocked out their naked shit for the year, so here’s Kendall in lingerie getting spanked by Santa because Kris Jenner wants to finally finish off Bruce this Christmas. Except the joke’s on her, he replaced his soul with one of those new polymer ones you can just put in the dishwasher. Damn thing makes him looks like 10 years younger. And still like a woman, but that’s not the point.

Kendall Jenner Getting Spanked By Santa After The Jump

Miley Cyrus Made Out With Paris Hilton

December 8th, 2014 // 25 Comments
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Miley Cyrus Topless
Miley Cyrus Is Topless Read More »

Miley Cyrus is always looking for some stupid, new edgy shit to do, and what’s more stupid and edgy than sticking your tongue in a petri dish of death and disease? Which is probably the nicest thing I’ll ever say about Paris Hilton‘s mouth. The holidays just bring it out of me. Page Six reports:

“Miley and Paris were dancing and had a whole bunch of people around them. Patrick was sitting on top of a banquette. He wasn’t participating, but watching and enjoying. Miley sat on his lap and Paris was sitting on the couch. Miley leaned down to kiss Paris.”
Our eagle-eyed observer continued: “All of a sudden, they just started making out, and Patrick was in the middle, cuddling them both. Paris had her arm around Patrick’s waist. Then they all walked out of the club together” at around 5 a.m.

“Son, now you have da herpes. Dis is vhy I only have da sex with da maids. Da maids nevah have herpes.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“Da little horse in my kitchen told me. Ve ah best friends.”
“…. I’m gonna talk to mom about this.”
“Tell her I miss her Predatah mandahbles. She’ll know vhat I mean.”
“Goddammit, dad.”

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Photo: Getty, MPNC/AKM-GSI

Chris Brown Is Sorry He Called His Girlfriend A Cheating Whore

December 8th, 2014 // 44 Comments
Trout Mouth Ass Bitch!
I Have No Idea What Any of That Means Read More »

Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran apparently broke up over the weekend, so naturally Chris Brown reacted in a healthy, constructive manner (compared to what he did to Rihanna‘s face) by calling her a cheating whore on Instagram and telling everybody they had threesomes together. Via ONTD:

We’ve got scars, some them u game, some them I’ve caused. That ride or die act we have been fooling the world with obviously ain’t working. I was locked up for damn near 4 months and only got 1 visit from you while u was hosting parties and taking secret trip to Toronto, going on dates with Drake! When this relationship first started u knew what it was and even participated in threesomes. I slowed all that shit down. So let’s not try to save face for public opinion because I don’t need to play victim so people can take my side. All these celebrity niggas ain’t shit and focus only on themselves. I made it clear to the world who my girl was and made your life equal to mine even at the cost of me not focusing on my career at times. So miss me wit the bullshit. Now yall know the real.

Here’s Karrueche’s response on Instagram: More »

Good Morning, Kayla Swift, And Other News

December 8th, 2014 // 29 Comments

- Coldplay might finally be over. [Lainey Gossip]

- Hey, Eddie Cibrian needs that money to buy laxatives. [Fishwrapper]

- Kendra Wilkinson made $500,000 in six months from stripping. [Dlisted]

- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]

- The Hunger Games porn parody is here. [The Frisky]

- Robert Pattinson is having sex with this. [WWTDD]

- Wendy Williams showed her mindless audience a South Park parody of themselves. [Death and Taxes]

- Eva Longoria‘s in a bikini. [Popoholic]

- Top 20 Sexiest Instagram Girls [COED]

- Helen Flanagan‘s breasts are still awesome. [Hollywood Tuna]

- What’s up, Liraz Dior? [Celebslam]

- Anastasia Ashley‘s nude pics have been stolen. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

Kat Torres In A Bikini Is The Crap I Missed

December 5th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Alright, folks, provided Photo Boy‘s severed head isn’t strapped to a tortoise with a bomb in it, The Crap We Missed will return Monday where you can fill it full of your brain shits for The Most Important People on The Internet because doing work at your desk is for chumps. In the meantime, here’s Kat Torres shilling hemorrhoid donuts. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going on here.

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Photos: FameFlynet

Bill Cosby Stripped Of Honorary Navy Title As More Women Come Forward

December 5th, 2014 // 86 Comments

Some of you haven’t enjoyed my coverage of the Eric Garner decision, or racism in general, so in this post I not only believe that a black man is guilty of a crime, but also (slightly) question the motives of his alleged rape victims. It’s practically Christmas for your tiny little white dicks. Let’s roll! More »