So remember how Adam Driver from Girls was supposed to be Nightwing in Batman Vs. Superman? Just kidding. He’s the new Darth Vader guy in Star Wars: Episode VII. (Why didn’t I just say Sith when you know I absolutely know the word? I’m trying to touch a vagina, and never mind, it just ran under the fridge. Goddammit.) Variety reports:
Sources tell Variety that while no deal is done yet, the “Girls” actor is close to signing on to play the villain in J.J. Abrams’ “Star Wars: Episode VII.” Exact details are unknown, but the character is said to be in the vein of iconic “Star Wars” villain Darth Vader.
If you’re assuming this is the part where I joke that Lena Dunham is the new Jabba The Hutt, give me some credit. I’m not a complete asshole. More »
Above are stills from Nina Agdal‘s 2013 Super Bowl Commercial for Carl’s Jr., and below is Nina’s 2014 Carl’s Jr. commercial which did not immediately, albeit eventually, make me wish my penis was a fish sandwich thereby failing every known maritime law of advertisement:
Nina Agdal’s 2014 Carl’s Jr. Commercial After The Jump
“I’mma call you Mammy, sugah.”
Because eight months has been a long enough exile for thinking black people dressed as plantation slaves are an acceptable wedding decoration – Or saying “nigger” once in the 80s to a bank robber, as this story will continually be spun. – Paula Deen has launched a $75 million comeback which has taken all of two weeks to blow up in her face because someone made the critical error of letting Paula Deen say words. Via The Wrap:
The celebrity chef has compared her struggles to those of the NFL’s first openly gay prospect, Michael Sam.
“I feel like ‘embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s like that black football player who recently came out,” Deen said in a People Magazine cover story, which hits newsstands on Friday. “He said, ‘I just want to be known as a football player. I don’t want to be known as a gay football player.’ I know exactly what he’s saying.”
In other words, Deen does not like being labeled a racist for a slur she swore she used a “very long time ago.”
Let me just make sure everyone’s on the same page here. More »
Because shoving his hand up another woman’s ass apparently isn’t cut and dry enough, TMZ reports that Robin Thicke‘s VMAs performance with Miley Cyrus is the real reason why his marriage fell apart:
Sources connected to the couple tell TMZ … Paula Patton felt “utterly disrespected” when Robin virtually simulated sex with Miley the night of the VMAs. We’re told after the performance Paula got into a blow-out argument with Robin, telling him he insulted her before a huge national TV audience.
What really pissed Paula off is that the performance was a total surprise. Miley improvised the raunchy part without warning, but Robin played along … and that enraged Paula.
Sources say Paula went nuclear when she saw pictures surface of her hubby at one of the after-parties grabbing a woman’s ass … virtually digging inside.
So basically Paula Patton got tired of pretending to be chill with her husband’s newfound access to vagina thanks to the success of “Blurred Lines.” Which is kind of understandable until you realize why any man anywhere becomes a famous musician, and it’s to have sex with lots of people. I believe it was Beethoven who said, “HUH? WHAT? WHY ARE YOU PUTTING MY GENITALS IN YOUR MOU- oh sweet concerto.”
Miley Cyrus’ 2013 VMAs Performance After The Jump
- Why wouldn’t George Clooney be banging Julian Assange‘s lawyer? [Lainey Gossip]
- Henry Cavill truly is Superman because this could’ve been him. [Dlisted]
- The Newly Single Chivettes Have Come Out To Play [theCHIVE]
- Gwyneth Paltrow did something tolerable? That can’t be right. [Fishwrapper]
- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Types Of Travel Sex (Part 1!) [The Frisky]
- Jon Gosselin just handed Kate more child support on a silver platter. [tooFab]
- The first time Leah Remini met Kevin James he grabbed her tit. [BuzzFeed]
- Katherine Heigl in yoga pants is apparently something that’s happening. [Popoholic]
- Anastasia Ashley grinding on Chrissy Teigen anyone. [IDLYITW]
- Remember the old Olivia Munn? She was kind of great. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Lea Michele poses for Uncle Terry. [Celebslam]
- Alyssa Miller in lingerie. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where I’ve now been informed that in editing this post daily I’m actually complicit in the sexual assault of children except, HAHA!, joke’s on you, I’ve owned a panel van since 2003. So, if you guys think I shouldn’t have posted Simon Cowell not even letting a little thing like it being nighttime and therefore no reason to have your hairy manbags out, for the sake of his week-old kid he can’t stop parading around photographers, go ahead and don’t write something hilarious in the comments below it. And if we’re going to get technical, I guess don’t say anything mean about Ryan Sweeting either, because if that face isn’t clearly saying “Oh fuck me, I put a baby in that crazy,” then I don’t deserve this pedorazzi diploma after all.
Right here, Dax Shepard, pass that on to your wife,
- Photo Boy
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