*gives Photo Boy a raise*
On the heels of probably true reports that she’s been showing up late, if at all, to rehearsals for “Speed-The-Plow,” Lindsay Lohan somehow arranged a BBC interview where she spewed the usual horseshit about being super serious about acting and completely done with partying. So naturally she was photographed falling down drunk at a gala last night which was the only possible way this story could’ve ended. She practically dared the universe to make this happen. Or sucked its dick. We can’t rule that out.
Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI
Yesterday, we saw Hilary Duff‘s butt in a bikini, and now today we’re seeing it tight jeans, and I honestly couldn’t tell you which way looks hotter. Mostly because my every thought is consumed with being suffocated by it as this plane of existence slowly drift away. Which isn’t even real anyway, so it’s not like it’d matter. To prove my point, somebody actually reads the stupid shit I write on this site, and then pays me money for it. That’s how The Matrix gets started. *touches back of head* I know your back there, you bastard plug. Show yourself!
Jezebel got a hold of the unretouched shots from Mariah Carey‘s photo shoot with Terry Richardson which I’m going to kick over to them because it’s their exclusive and I’m not a dick. I’m just a simple journalist trying to uncover the truth, and through that truth encourage people to ask themselves how many times Terry probably ejaculated on Mariah’s face for each edit because I wrote down eight. I’m going with eight.
Retouch My Body: Terry Richardson Pix of Mariah Carey Before Photoshop – Jezebel
Photo: Terry Richardson
Blake Lively is a gorgeous, thin blonde who also happens to be friends with Beyonce and has a pretentious, fart-sniffing website launching next week which makes you wonder why we even need Gwyneth Paltrow anymore. And I’m not just saying that because Blake’s breasts are way more awesome to the point that it’s not even a competition. If they were a race car, Gwyneth’s would be a wheel-less sandalwood box that smells vaguely of cinnamon. E! News
According to the source who also confirmed the launch date, the name of the actress’ secret project will be “Preserve.”
So what can we expect? The insider tells E! News: “Preserve will focus on artisans and products, many hand-made one-of-a-kind items all selected by Blake. Items will be available for purchase through the site. Preserve is all about story-telling through video. Blake will be in some of these videos.”
Yo, I heard the site automatically filters out plebeians AND only works on vegan bandwidth. AW SNAP.
On Sunday, Bethenny Frankel posted an Instagram photo of herself in her four-year-old daughter Bryn’s clothes which apparently pissed off a bunch of mommy bloggers concerned about unhealthy body images (?) and whatever it is mommy bloggers like to complain about. Not that I’m saying this shit is right, I just feel like the more pressing issue is her daughter walking around asking complete strangers if she knows how she got her scars. Plus her pockets are full of nothing but knives and lint. That can’t be sanitary.
Bethenny Frankel Wearing Her 4-Year-Old’s Clothes After The Jump
Because weird Instagram photos that she actually thinks are sexy is Jessica Simpson‘s new bag, here she is announcing to the word that she’s Jessica Johnson now. Which seems sad at first, until you realize there’s no possible way anyone could’ve explained what a mark is without her going, “Haha! That’s a boy’s name.” Then again, the two-year-old might get it and start stashing money away in her dollhouse. Someone fetch me my puppets. — What? You don’t have puppets? That makes you the weirdo, not me.
- I hope they name this one Usurp Gingerbottom after his uncle. [Lainey Gossip]
- Christopher Walken will be your tap-dancing Captain Hook. [Dlisted]
- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]
- Nicole Richie has a fashion empire while Paris Hilton is still pulling shit from 2005. [Fishwrapper]
- Here’s how the first day of The Opie & Jim Show went. [The Daily Banter]
- What’s up, Mayra Suarez? [Popoholic]
- Lindsay Lohan is fucking delusional. [Starpulse]
- Get a good look at Kristin Cavallari‘s son before he dies from whooping cough. [tooFab]
- Nina Agdal in yoga pants. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Terry Richardson shot an entire issue of Playboy. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed in which a momentous occasion — 844 days in the making — has taken place. Prince Charles shat in another jet and if you’re trying to picture the joy this brought me, just forget it. There aren’t enough baby pools or Jell-O or matching Speedos for Fish and I to wear in the world that could ever bring me to this level of ecstasy. I mean sure, I also found clear before and after evidence that Gerard Butler got butt-sexed around a plastic shitter, and I also got Kayte Walsh desperately trying to use the new texting feature for 911. Do you think any of that matters to me?
*stands outside Buckingham Palace, holds stereo over head*
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News