The Crap We Missed – Thursday 5.17.12

May 17th, 2012 // 485 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed which has everything important that happened so far at the Cannes Film Festival right here and here. We’ve also got Vanessa Hudgens who still thinks Coachella‘s going on, Joe Jonas coordinates every single part of his outfit as all straight men are wont to do, James Gandolfini discovers sexting, and Dina Lohan shatters another innocent life. *dials phone* “Hello, Gerbers? Yes, she’ll do full frontal.”

You know Kris Jenner just dove into Kourtney’s uterus,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Miley Cyrus: A Lady Of Sophistication And The Such

May 17th, 2012 // 53 Comments

I honestly didn’t plan on writing two Miley Cyrus‘ posts today, but who could’ve honestly predicted she’d spend this afternoon hocking loogies off her hotel balcony before parading around in a tube top? Except don’t answer that because it’s everyone. Everyone could’ve predicted it. I’ve seen fish in water look less natural and perfectly suited to their environment.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, WENN

‘And, Lo, There Was A New Skarsgard, Forged of Chocolate And Ice…’

May 17th, 2012 // 31 Comments
Don't Sink My Skarsgard
Alexander Skarsgard Battleship Premiere
How The Battleship Premiere Got Pregnant Read More »

For reasons known only to him and a lounge chair lovingly dubbed “Sir Holds Them Booties,” here’s Criminal Minds star Shemar Moore standing shirtless on a yacht in Cannes this morning while holding a champagne flute, so we’re just going to go ahead and start calling him the Black Skarsgard. For this a man who came to fuck, and take a leak right next to Sir Holds Them Booties? Dude, he’s right in the splash zone! C’mon.

Your Black Skarsgard Soundtrack After The Jump

‘Teen Mom’ Jenelle Got Engaged To That Dude She Publicly Claimed Beat Her. Of Course.

May 17th, 2012 // 46 Comments

According to Us Weekly, Teen Mom Jenelle Evans has announced she’s engaged to boyfriend Gary Head who, and I’m trying to remember all this correctly even though I actively tried to avoid most of this information, she openly accused on Facebook of beating her because she was hanging out with her ex Kieffer who, after getting back with Gary and claiming she lied about all that abuse stuff, she may or may not have let take before-and-after naked pics of her new implants and sell them to the tabloids just a week ago. So basically all the foundations for a strong marriage are here. Or am I thinking of a meth lab fire? Eh, tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to.

Photos: INFdaily, Raef-Ramirez/AKM-GSI

John Travolta Allegedly Tried To Fellate Jeff Conaway While He Was Sleeping

May 17th, 2012 // 54 Comments
Accuser #3 Comes Forward
John Travolta Kelly Preston
And Kelly Preston Gets Locked In The Cellar Read More »

While old accusers drop their lawsuits just in time for new ones to keep coming forward, John Travolta is now being accused of trying to blow his late Grease co-star Jeff Conaway which surprisingly ended their relationship because Hollywood has weird rules that way. Ha, but not us though, right, Photo Boy? (Don’t look me in the eye.) Page Six reports:

Travolta’s steamy Early Morning Fever session happened in the 1990s at Conaway’s home, Conaway’s former fiancée, Vikki Lizzi, told the National Enquirer.
The late Conaway allegedly said he was so dismayed to wake up and find his friend giving him oral sex that it ended his long relationship with Travolta.
Lizzi told the tabloid that Conaway made the claim in a suicide note he left after a failed bid to kill himself in 2006.

Conaway’s former fiance also claims Kelly Preston is well aware of how gay her husband is because the two have a contractual agreement. A contractual agreement that apparently includes conveniently sharing a Mother’s Day “video card” from John to Kelly which might as well be called, “Hey, Look How Much I Love My Wife’s Vagina Because I’m Straight And Not At All Puckering My Anus At Masseurs And Offering Them At Least $10 Grand For Gay Sex. At Least. — Call Me.”

“A Mother’s Day Gift From John” After The Jump

Jenny McCarthy’s Doing Playboy Again

May 17th, 2012 // 58 Comments

Like most scientists, Jenny McCarthy just wants the respect of her peers and to be acknowledged for her tireless research in the field of medical science. Which explains why she agreed to show her tits for money in the July issue of Playboy like the reputable academic she is. Also, everyone knows posing for Penthouse is how you catch autism, and seriously, fuck that.

Photos: Splash News