The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 7.9.14

July 9th, 2014 // 306 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, which happens to be one of the smallest collections we’ve had in a while. Thanks, Obama. But what it lacks in quantity, it makes up for in quality, and by quality, yes, I of course mean the unrestrained nipples of Thor‘s wife, as well as Emmy Rossum, and possibly Rosario Dawson. If you squint really hard and cock your head to the side, yep, I think there’s something there.

There are days in my life when I understand my father’s tears. Let’s go ahead and log this one,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

The Britney Spears Without Autotune Track Is Real

July 9th, 2014 // 35 Comments

A few days ago, a pre-autotuned version of Britney Spears‘ “Alien” was leaked online which sounded almost like you’d expect Britney Spears to sound without autotune except knowing the Internet it was probably way too good to be true. (Not to mention she was saying comprehensible words and made it through the whole song without asking for “basghetti.”) Except apparently it was real, but producer William Orbit claims it was just a warmup track which you would totally understand if you were in the biz: More »

Lindsay’s F*cking Up ‘Speed-The-Plow’ Already

July 9th, 2014 // 42 Comments
She's Really Doing This?
Lindsay Lohan Lopsided Boobs Nipples No Bra
Lindsay Just Sued GTA V Read More »

If Lindsay Lohan has one talent, it’s begging and pleading and blowing and promising not to act like Lindsay Lohan if she gets just one more chance, and then acting exactly like Lindsay Lohan once some idiot gives her that chance. And now that idiot is David Mamet who really did cast her in “Speed-The-Plow” because his brain got sucked through his dickhole. They say he only speaks with finger paints now, and the occasional macaroni picture. Via Radar Online:

Lohan has been clubbing all night, then arriving to rehearsals late and unprepared, and sometimes not showing up at all.
“The cast is already really annoyed,” an insider says. “The director told her that, basically, it’s a one-strike deal; if she misses one more practice or comes in late again, she’s done.”

And now a special message for the entire entertainment industry at large: More »

Eva Mendes Ryan Gosling Baby Pregnant

July 9th, 2014 // 10 Comments

“What is that? Some sort of SEO shit?”
“Why’s her name first?”

If you somehow haven’t had it screamed into your face now, twin bullshit factories Star and OK! Magazine are both reporting Eva Mendes is seven months pregnant with Ryan Gosling‘s baby. Which might actually be true, according to Lainey Gossip, who I’m going kicking this whole post over to because I only engage in high-stakes journalism where war machines look like butts. It’s a style of integrity I try not to brag about.

UPDATE: And we’ve got a confirmation. Please give your uterus my condolences.

Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kim Kardashian Is Like A Working Mom, You Guys

July 9th, 2014 // 46 Comments
Kim Will Crush Our Enemies
Airlander 10
It's Important To Feel Useful Read More »

While appearing on CNBC yesterday to promote her Kardashian Kid Klothes (Try the hoods!), Kim Kardashian decided to refute Pespi CEO Indra Nooyi‘s recent comments that working moms really can’t have it all because Kris Jenner taught her daughters that you fucking abandon your kids until you can pimp them out for money and you abandon those little shits now. Via Jezebel:

I mean, I think that’s just not really like a positive outlook and for me, like my mom kind of taught us girls that we could have it all. You know, she works hard. She taught us that if you work hard, it’s just all about prioritizing and I think that, yeah, it could get tough and after you have a baby, there are so many times when I just didn’t want to get up and work on something and I just wanted to be home with my baby, but, you know, for me, and I think I can speak for my sisters, it makes us feel good when we are out working and we can provide something for our friends and products that, you know, we can’t find that we really want. And it just makes you feel productive. So if anyone really feels like they can’t do it all, I feel like it’s a little bit discouraging to say that, even if I couldn’t and it wasn’t possible, I would try. And I would, you know, try my best to do it all.

Of course, what’s even more hilarious than abandoning your baby for the higher cause of shilling niche boutique items to rich people who are apparently dying without whore-emblazoned overalls for their kids is that Kim Kardashian’s “work” entails literally just walking around and doing whatever she wants while somebody films it. The other day she ate a salad. That was her job for the day. Christ, in the pics for the post you’re reading right now, she’s at a fucking amusement park. An amusement park. You know who loves amusement parks? BABIES. And, okay, pedophiles, but like she knows that.

Photos: Splash News

Pamela Anderson’s Divorcing Rick Salomon. Again.

July 9th, 2014 // 12 Comments

The last time I posted about Pamela Anderson, she was blowing Rick Salomon in the ocean, so you’ll probably be surprised to learn she’s divorcing him again. Even though we have seen evidence this year that blowjobs ruin marriages despite almost completely vanishing in the presence of such. Life’s a riddle that way. Anyway, apparently she’s walking away with half of the $2.8 million he won in a poker tournament last week which would be some impressive gold-digging if Eric Johnson didn’t just marry Jessica Simpson over the weekend on top of already shoving two kids in her. It’s like comparing your high score in Pac-Man to Captain Ahab banging Moby Dick until gold coins shoot out of his blowhole. I don’t know how else to put that.

Photos: Fame/Flynet

Those Are Ana Braga’s Nipples And Other News

July 8th, 2014 // 10 Comments

- Taylor Swift wrote an op-ed on the music industry. Oh, good. [Lainey Gossip]

- Halle Berry‘s daughter is already better at relationships than her mother. [Dlisted]

- Jennifer Lawrence can be dead sexy. Even in GIFs. [theCHIVE]

- Robin Thicke is blaming “Blurred Lines” for ruining his marriage. [Fishwrapper]

- Jesus Christ, how many kids does Beyonce‘s dad have? [WWTDD]

- What’s up, Tatiane De Souza bikini photos? [Popoholic]

- In case you live in a bubble, there’s a new Harry Potter story out. [Starpulse]

- The Situation has a new reality show about his family? FRANK SORRENTINO OR GTFO. [tooFab]

- Good God, Anna Kelle. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Amy Hood is one very naked pin-up model. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 7.8.14

July 8th, 2014 // 418 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m once again in familiar territory, alone, below some fantastic nakedness and free to write whatever I want without caution. So before my presentation on some of the good ideas the Nazis had (Did you know they invented frozen yougurt?), I’ll describe the questions that my in-no-way-severely-damaged brain created for my favorite pic of the day. Here’s perpetually shit-faced Kiefer Sutherland drunk shuffling down the sidewalk in NYC. Is he about to slur out a show tune and attempt a swing around a lightpole? Will teenage Ben Foster heading home from his shift at T-Mobile catch him when he falls?

I like to think so…I like to think so, *pushes thumbtack into Pierre, SD on wall-size U.S. map, pets imaginary cat on shoulder* It’s all coming together now, Prince Charles, soon, soon,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

or

Rabbi Tom Hanks Singing Montell Jordan And Wait, Bieber Posted This? OHMYGODHEREALLYISJESUS!!