“I’m so sorry sir, this one seems to be malfunctioning. Don’t worry, we’re always prepared. KYLIEEEEEE!!”
Posted by Photo Boy
I know, it’s two Kardashian posts in a row, but when Kim gets paid half a million dollars by a creepy old dude like Richard Lugner and claims it’s just for attending a fancy ball an alarm goes off and Fish and I spring out of our bunk beds and get to slide down a shiny pole. Radar Online explains how Kim is the only one not understanding how prostitution works:
“Kim is annoying me,” Lugner told reporters. “Because she’s not sticking to the program.”
The program of “I pay you. Then sex.” It’s a simple transaction, but one Lugner seems to have trouble with over and over since the article also points out he was unable to seal the deal a few years ago with notorious streetwalker “The Red Freckle.”
Despite the drama, Kardashian is hardly Lugner’s worst date of all time. That honor surely goes to Lindsay Lohan, who didn’t even show up for her scheduled appearance in 2010 after she missed her flight.
Wow, so this guy has millions of dollars, but somehow couldn’t find access to cocaine? Maybe the war on drugs isn’t the biggest waste of money and resources of all time. Wait, did you say 2010? Ok nevermind, there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation here.
Photo: Splash News
Posted by Photo Boy
Ok, I guess I gave it away with the cow in the headlights up there, but for the sake of burning a few minutes on your boss’ dime, let’s pretend The Game didn’t just basically admit he banged Kim in a radio interview and consider which member of Satan’s legion would have been the most likely.
Posted by Photo Boy
Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher haven’t publicly confirmed that they’re engaged, but yesterday she was wearing a huge rock and all the “reputable” outlets, like E! Online are reporting it, so yep, I guess this is happening. Our conquering alien overlords would later find this ancient text buried in the rubble of a massive mansion with its own amusement park:
And so it came to pass that The Douche Lord would enchant The Half-Blind Princess with promises of endless tech start-up money and the desire to bareback town whoresfolk and evil woods witches fully behind him. The realm would be cast into a dark four to seven years as per the duration of the typical Hollywood marriage until The Mad Blond Jester and his band of Pizza Knights would ride to reclaim his queen and assert himself as rightful king by dosing the village well with hallucinogens powerful enough for them to ignore how clearly insane he’d become as a result of his lost years enslaved at the hands of The Black And White Minstrel.
Photo: EVGA/AKM-GSI, Splash News
- Paula Patton couldn’t look happier without Robin Thicke. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kate Hudson is probably single right now. [Dlisted]
- Things That Bounce Thursday is why God gave us GIFs. [theCHIVE]
- Kylie Jenner is totes edgy, you guys. Totes edgy. [Fishwrapper]
- Let a married guy tell you why your boyfriend’s a shithead and how the male mind works. [The Frisky]
- Melissa Joan Hart lost 40 pounds. Not recently, but over four months so don’t get too excited. [tooFab]
- I think Olivia Wilde‘s pregnant. Not as clearly as Reese Witherspoon, but close. Close. [Popoholic]
- Losing a loved one to FOX News is some legitimate bullshit that’s happening. [The Daily Banter]
- Goddamn, Tanya Mityushina… [Hollywood Tuna]
- Taylor Momsen did more stuff with tape over her nipples. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Thurday’s The Crap We Missed or “The Words Under The Titties That Broke Paula Patton‘s husband’s brain.” And here I had all kinds of stuff to show you, like Sharon Stone suddenly remembering she’s just an actress and doesn’t actually know anything about stuff, and Sinead O’Connor doing the shocker.
It’s fine, you go have fun with your boobies, I didn’t want to talk anyway,
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Alec Baldwin on the set of Law & Order: SVU in New York this morning. Posted without commentary.
It got a little bit nerdy and a little bit teary-eyed up in here, so here’s Hofit Golan flashing her mons pubis in Paris yesterday which people with mon pubis (mon pubii?) tell me is the new underboob. A fact I went ahead and believed because I’ve been referring to everything from the belly button down as the vagina and will continue to do so until you pry my keyboard from my cold dead hands. VAGINA!
Photos: Splash News