Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

October 14th, 2014 // 13 Comments

- There’s a woman with George Clooney‘s last name out there. THE END IS NIGH. [Lainey Gossip]

- Iggy Azalea is attacking the paparazzi with shopping carts now. [Dlisted]

- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]

- Goddammit, Mariah Carey, put that shit away. [Fishwrapper]

- Fuck your sentimental bullshit about life before social media. [The Frisky]

- Penelope Cruz is Esquire‘s Woman of The Year. [WWTDD]

- John Oliver has had enough of Big Pumpkin Spice. [Death and Taxes]

- Another shameless promotion for my Tumblr. [Yeah But Dinosaurs]

- Goddamn, Selena Gomez‘s legs on Ellen. [Popoholic]

- Kate Bosworth doesn’t look she’s dying. I don’t believe it. [tooFab]

- Helen Flanagan is still awesome. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Sahara Ray will vagina her way onto the Internet now. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Monday 10.13.14

October 13th, 2014 // 427 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is always a bountiful grab bag of random shit thanks to a full weekend of red carpet events where I cherry-picked famous people looking super fat, like Denise Richards or just plain dead for a decade, like Larry King. Also, Brigitte Nielsen getting shit-hammered in the driver’s seat of a car. That’s not to allege that she was drinking and driving, it just happens to be the best bar in town. Free peanuts in the glove box.

Almost forgot, Zach Galifianakis went full Jonah Hill, so look out for his supporting role in Scorsese’s next project, living in a studio apartment in a model’s vagina, constantly talking about Bobby D, or kissing the tip of Channing Tatum’s penis. *rereads* Yup, I think I covered all of them,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Is Kylie Jenner Dating Tyga? A Post With Kim Kardashian’s Nipple In It

October 13th, 2014 // 44 Comments

There’s a persistent rumor going around that 17-year-old Kylie Jenner is dating Tyga, a 25-year-old rapper, which her family denies so you know it’s definitely happening. And while that seems questionable as hell, you can see Kim Kardashian‘s nipples through her dress, so let’s focus on that and let Kylie’s mother worry about that other stuff along with the lighting for the sex tape. “They’re so hard to capture on film, right? Ohmygod, is that racist? I don’t care I just ate a whole baby.”

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Photos: AKM-GSI

How Do You Replace Kelly Brook With This?

October 13th, 2014 // 34 Comments

Two weeks ago, we learned that Kelly Brook is single thanks to David McIntosh cheating on her. And now here he is with his new girlfriend Metisha Schaefer, who isn’t even the woman he cheated with, because the man’s 2% body fat and apparently has an erection 24/7, so the world is his oyster. And yet he went with not-Kelly Brook. Does he hate breasts? Did one murder his mother? Help me understand.

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Photos: FAMA/AKM-GSI, Splash News

There’s The Snappening Now

October 13th, 2014 // 16 Comments

After The Fappening realized it was leaking pictures of Nick Hogan and shot itself in the face (It’s a working theory.), the time was right for The Snappening, a new hack of SnapChat resulting in over 90,000 photos leaked online yesterday. Except one small problem, besides being illegal as fuck, SnapChat is widely used by kids between the ages of 13 and 17. Whoops. Via The Daily Beast:

This whole episode is of particular worry to Snapchat users since the photo and video messaging service’s claim to fame is that the sent file self-destructs after viewing—not in the Mission: Impossible sense, but that it disappears from one’s mobile device and is scrubbed from Snapchat’s company servers. Because of its “self-destruct” reputation, the app is a popular tool among youngsters for transmitting sexually explicit material. Snapchat claims that 50 percent of its users are between 13-17 years of age, this potentially brings “The Snappening” into child pornography territory.

In SnapChat’s defense, the whole issue allegedly springs from a third-party app called SnapSaved.com which allowed users to store photos and videos that should’ve been “self-destructed,” according to Business Insider. As for which celebrities were hacked, I honestly have no clue, so I just used Vanessa Hudgens pics because there are always Vanessa Hudgens pics. You could hack a toaster, and her vagina pics would be inside. Spread eagle shots are but the canvas upon which she shares her art.

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

Kat Dennings’ Breasts Are Dating Josh Groban

October 13th, 2014 // 29 Comments

Josh Groban‘s voice has the gift to unlock powerful emotions that you never thought you were capable of experiencing. Kat Dennings’ breasts do exactly the same thing only on a much deeper spiritual level that’s capable of bathing all of humanity in a warm golden light while ushering in a new age of peace and prosperity, so let’s be honest, what’s he bringing to the table here? Besides talent, boyishly good looks, money, and by most accounts, a charming personality. Ignore all that for a second.

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Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

You Take A Run At Martha Stewart, You Best Not Miss

October 13th, 2014 // 71 Comments
Martha Stewart Gwyneth Paltrow Conscious Coupling
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Gwyneth Paltrow
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Last month, Martha Stewart took an open crack at Gwyneth Paltrow which apparently was the opening salvo in a turf war because bitch just went to the mattresses, and holy shit, is it a good thing. From a recipe titled “Conscious Coupling” (above) in the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living:

Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I’ll have what they’re having. Our holiday pies honor such so there’s a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.

And that was Gwyneth Paltrow’s detached spine dangling in Martha Stewart’s hands before becoming a beautiful centerpiece that complements your Christmas ham.

SHADETALITY!

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Taylor Swift’s Cat Is Hitler And Everyone Hates It

October 13th, 2014 // 32 Comments

During a recent appearance on The Graham Norton Show, John Cleese asked Taylor Swift right to her face if her cat was in an accident because it looked “damaged.” And I’ll be the first to say, who could ever possibly give a shit? Except this is the Internet, and the Internet is 90% cat photos and porn, so naturally the whole thing lit up with, “LOLOLOLOLOL what a stupid cat” because apparently our greatest first world problem is having to look at Taylor Swift’s deformed cat. Unless, wait a minute, is it hurting her legs? Is that furry retard fucking up her legs?! I’LL THROW IT OFF A BRIDGE! *rummages for burlap sack*

John Cleese Insults Taylor Swift’s Cat After The Jump