Stephen Colbert Is Replacing David Letterman
(R.I.P. Colbert Report)

April 10th, 2014 // 26 Comments
Stephen Colbert
#CancelYourself
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert Shuts Down #CancelColbert Read More »

Hey, do you like Colbert Report? Well, fuck you, it’s over. It’s all over because CBS just announced Stephen Colbert as David Letterman‘s successor for The Late Show which means his Comedy Central show will end at the of 2014 when his contract was up. Although on the bright side, he’s bringing the entire staff and crew with him and started things off with this statement. Via Entertainment Weekly:

“Simply being a guest on David Letterman’s show has been a highlight of my career,” Colbert said. “I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave’s lead. I’m thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth.”

When reached for comment, Jimmy Fallon sang a silly song then laughed hysterically at his own jokes. It got 8 million hits on YouTube.

Photo: Comedy Central

Joe Francis Is Going To Be The Father Of Twin Girls. Joe Francis.

April 10th, 2014 // 28 Comments
'Please Don't Exploit Me!'
Joe Francis Abbey Wilson
- Joe Francis, Founder of Girls Gone Wild Read More »

And now for the most hilarious collection of words you’ll ever read thanks to Joe Francis announcing to Us Weekly that he specifically Kate Gosselin‘d his girlfriend Abbey Wilson with twin girls because women’s bodies are but a canvas for him to create if create means taking naked pictures of drunk sorority girls:

Francis isn’t concerned about being the father of two girls. “We chose to have girls,” he said. “I believe people will finally understand my love, respect and admiration for women. I love girls.”

On May 7, 2013, Joe Francis was convicted of assault, three counts of false imprisonment, and one count of dissuading a witness from reporting after taking three women back to his house in 2011 and choke-slamming one of them to the floor after refusing to let them leave. This is on top of alleged reports of attacking Jayde Nicole and, oh I dunno, a pregnant woman, so yes, when I think of someone who “loves girls,” my first thought’s Joe Francis. He’s just a caring guy trying to Chris Brown his way into their hearts. Why can’t you see that?

Photos: Getty

It’s The Rihanna Naked Butt Photos

April 10th, 2014 // 70 Comments

Per your request, here are the uncensored photos of Rihanna‘s naked butt that TMZ ran yesterday, and we were finally able to purchase this morning. As for how we could afford them, let’s just say there’s a good chance you’ll run into Photo Boy in a Romanian brothel now. And if you do, tell him I regret nothing. NOTHING.

Photos: INFphoto

Amanda Bynes’ Mom Is A F*cking Idiot

April 10th, 2014 // 48 Comments
'Gravely Disabled'
Amanda Bynes Wig Dog
I Believe A Team of Doctors Said Read More »

So remember when Amanda Bynes was wandering around building bombs out of her dog, Tweeting topless pics and talking to herself in a secret language? That’s about to happen all over again because her mother’s an idiot. TMZ reports:

Amanda Bynes’ mother just came out publicly and said her daughter does NOT suffer from Schizophrenia or bipolar disorder — she says the only problem Amanda had was weed — but multiple sources tell TMZ … that’s just NOT true.
Amanda’s mom says all her her daughter’s problems emanated from marijuana, and she is now weed-free, so Amanda is off ALL medications. Lynn Bynes says, “She has no mental illness whatsoever.”

That’s a pretty amazing statement for a woman who currently has a conservatorship over her 28-year-old daughter thanks to a team of medical professionals who deemed her “gravely disabled” so they could lock her in the goddamn psych ward. Don’t get me wrong, potheads annoy me, too, but I’ve never seen one try to explode an elderly woman’s driveway while wearing a Miss Piggy wig. They’re not that ambitious. Trust me.

Photo: IXOLA/AKM-GSI

Once You Go Bieber, You Never Wanna Leave Her

April 10th, 2014 // 16 Comments
Orlando Bloom
Orlando Bloom Hollywood Walk Of Fame Star Ceremony
Ain't Got Shit On #BBare Read More »

I know all you bitches out dare be hearing rumors dat Selena Gomez be banging Legolas and gettin’ served on accountant of my boy #BBare, but let me tell y’all a lil sumpin: Bustin Bizzle be packin’ six feet a bubble gum, and Selena Gomez wants to get dat Big League Chew on, naw mean? She ain’t ever givin’ dat up. Not for no Will Turner, or no One Direction England mothafucka who’s all like, “Ooh, let’s drink tea and watch dat show with dat bitch from Harry Potter who be teachin’ them kids magic and shit.” Fuck all dat. Selena Gomez wants da bonez, and my boy #BBare’s got da whole damn skeleton. Click clack, ho.

Photos: INFphoto

Good Morning, Nicola McLean, And Other News

April 10th, 2014 // 3 Comments

- Johnny Depp is getting treated like Jennifer Garner now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Anne Hathaway singing rap songs. Goddammit… [Dlisted]

- Redheads, man… [theCHIVE]

- Kim Kardashian is still a vapid cunt. In case you were wondering. [Fishwrapper]

- Jennifer Lawrence was a good choice as Mystique. I take it all back. [Popoholic]

- Bob Saget is a good dad. [Starpulse]

- Lindsay Lohan prank called Oprah because she no longer fears death. [tooFab]

- Amber Heard‘s doing Marilyn Monroe photo shoots now. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Is Jordan Belfort a model? Then Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t give a fuck. [FilmDrunk]

- Tara Reid‘s in a bikini. Kill it. KILL IT WITH FIRE. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 4.9.14

April 9th, 2014 // 352 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed which features an Arquette Family Photo, the first ever to appear in TCWM, and a perfect excuse for me to advocate my long held belief that five children is too many. As the middle child of five, who ended working a job almost entirely dependent on unintentional celebrity nudity for a living, I can tell you that there’s just no way they’re all going to end up alright. Seriously, to anyone out there contemplating a fourth or just leaving it to chance, I can tell you from experience that police, dead pets, and paying for unused community college credits are all in your very near future.

This has been a Superfical Public Service Announcement,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN