Posted by Photo Boy
Originally, these Heidi Klum shots were going to be just one pic in today’s The Crap We Missed until I showed them to Fish. After he finished smacking my head with a rolled up newspaper and screaming, “Place multiple angles upon the Internet and either reference Adult Swim or call Kim Kardashian a whore,” I decided to write this post. So, here’s Heidi at some event that Kim Kardashian’s probably not allowed to attend because of how much penis she loves or how she just “doesn’t get” Space Ghost.
[Ed. Note - Wow, we actually have a tag for 'Nipples.' I'm suddenly glad all my grandparents are dead.]
Photo: Getty, Splash News
Probably my favorite part about this whole Amy’s Baking Company fiasco is that not even 10 days after the Internet saw Farrah Abraham get her butthole blown out by James Deen in a graphic, made-entirely-for-publicity porno, all it took were two idiots running a bakery into the ground in Arizona for people to move onto the next shiny object. I’m literally sitting here kissing my fingers going, “Mwah!” it’s so delicious. Anyway, Samy Mafiadonquaccio and his trophy wife Chef Identity Theftardee naturally made it onto the local news last night where she promptly told them to get the fuck out of her restaurant only to have her husband shove her out of the way and say they couldn’t talk because of their Kitchen Nightmares contract and then proceed to do nothing but talk. So that video’s under the cut as well as the press release for their grand re-opening where, if I’m reading it right, they’ll punch everyone in the face that doesn’t think the cannoli they bought from Wegman’s is the best in Scottsdale.
Amy’s Baking Company Local News Interview and Press Release After The Jump
Back in 2009, I posted about a male model named Premo Stallone who claimed he was the real father of Kourtney Kardashian‘s baby because she hooked up with him 10 months before Mason was born when she was on a break from Scott Disick. The whole story went away pretty quickly and nobody thought anything else of it. Except, surprise, Premo (Real name: Michael Girgenti) is suing Kourtney for a paternity test and if she refuses to take one, he could be awarded custody of Mason. Via Hollywood Life:
A California lawyer tells HollywoodLife.com EXCLUSIVELY that if Kourtney refuses the test, the judge can technically give Michael custody of Mason:
“It is theoretically possible that if she declines the judge could rule against her and grant Michael paternity and the rights that go along with that. Shockingly, California Law permits anyone that alleges that they are the father of a child to sue for paternity. The court is required to order the genetic testing and if a party refuses to submit to the test, the court may automatically grant the other party paternity. That means that if Kourtney refuses to submit to genetic testing, the court could find Michael is the father and would award him visitation rights and he would have to option to sue for custody.”
Of course, a simpler solution is to let Khloe sniff Mason and then whoever she tracks down first is the father. It’s practically foolproof unless Kris Jenner forgets to take the Snausages out of her purse. In which case, those will be the father.
Photo: Fame/Flynet, Splash News
Here’s Miley Cyrus at The Maxim HOT 100 Party where she was the guest of honor despite at least three other women looking as hot if not hotter than her because they didn’t wear a pantsuit. They also had much larger breasts which out of respect for Angelina Jolie I will neither confirm nor deny were a factor. In fact, if you ignore every single word written on this site every single day, I barely even notice women have them.
Photo: Getty, Splash News, WENN
- Tom Cruise showed up to the premiere of Star Trek Into Darkness to tell J.J. Abrams the true story about the events of Star Wars: Episode VII. “Not a lot of people know this but L. Ron Hubbard invented the Force…” [Lainey Gossip]
- Brooke Mueller doesn’t want to lose custody of the $55,000 Charlie Sheen pays her each month. [Dlisted]
- Chivettes Bored At Work [theCHIVE]
- James Franco has no fucking clue. [tooFab]
- 31 People Who Will Make You Not Want To Live On This Planet Anymore [BuzzFeed]
- Alice Eve… has looked better. [Popoholic]
- This really isn’t helping the Beyonce pregnancy rumors. [IDLYITW]
- The poor man’s Megan Fox is still cleavagey. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Keira Knightley in a bikini is unfortunate. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Tyler Perry is the Black Jesus of metaphors. [FilmDrunk]
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Photos: Pacific Coast News
Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed which draws pretty heavily on the two big film premieres from last night. First, there was The Great Gatsby at Cannes, from which two Leonardo DiCaprio pics were chosen, because I don’t know how to not include this or this. Then it was apparently a fantastic ass-themed premiere for Star Trek Into Darkness, which LeVar Burton was totally down with. Aside from all that, there’s Reese & Jim‘s power lunch, Amber Rose just about back to her pre-baby disgustingly obese ass weight, and Governor Chris Christie explaining to Prince Harry how “Soon as construction’s complete, we’re gonna cover this whole area in hot fudge.”
Dolph Lundgren with a ponytail is the cherry on top,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Bauer-Griffin, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INF Daily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN