Selena Gomez Has Breasts And Other News

August 25th, 2014 // 3 Comments

- Benedict Cumberbatch did the Ice Bucket Challenge naked. Go to him, Cumberbitches! [Lainey Gossip]

- Floyd Mayweather responded to 50 Cent with $72 million. [Dlisted]

- If you manage to scroll past the first pic, you’re goddamn Superman. [theCHIVE]

- The creepiest Wilmer Valderrama pic you’ll ever see in your life. [Fishwrapper]

- Jennifer Lopez will get married for a fourth time, but doesn’t “whore around.” Whatever you say. [The Frisky]

- There’s a second Human Barbie now. Of course. [WWTDD]

- Vanessa Hudgens in booty shorts. [Popoholic]

- Jesus Christ, Lucy Hale in Cosmo. [Starpulse]

- Ireland Baldwin brought Angel Haze to the VMAs. [tooFab]

- V. Stiviano says Donald Sterling is gay. Why not? [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Colleen Shannon? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kate Upton‘s breasts made $7 million last year. [Celebslam]

- Except we all should pay more attention to Genevieve Morton. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet

Suge Knight Got Shot 6 Times At Chris Brown’s Pre-VMAs Party

August 24th, 2014 // 30 Comments
Suge Knight

The VMAs haven’t even started yet, but already Iggy Azalea fell of a stage and one of Nicki Minaj‘s backup dancers got bit by a boa constrictor which both are offensively inconsequential now in light of Suge Knight getting shot six fucking times at Chris Brown‘s pre-VMAs party. TMZ reports:

And we know … cops are interested in this — there were several known gang bangers surrounding Chris at the time of the shooting.
This could all be problematic for Brown …. He’s still on probation in the Rihanna beating case, and hanging with gang members and throwing gang signs is not going to impress the judge.

Here’s where I’m torn. On the one hand, I want to say Chris Brown did it because guns are for pussies, and Chris Brown is a gigantic one of those. On the other hand, Suge Knight is a man who’s larger than Chris and will almost definitely fight back, so there goes that theory. Which is why I’m going to meet in the middle and say Justin Bieber did it after asking his teddy bear if this will make people finally believe he’s black. Mr. Fuzzybottom’s a stone-hearted killa. Dem button eyes don’t give a fuck.

Videos After The Jump

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.22

August 23rd, 2014 // 3 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet our weekly grab-bag of all the horrible shits you say in the comments that I love as if they were my own children. You’ll notice there’s two Morgan Freeman comments this week, and that’s because you can’t read them without hearing them in his voice making each one awesome. On top of that, a bunch of you went fucking bananadong over Russell Mcjimmy‘s review of Nicki Minaj‘s “Anaconda” video, so I posted that in its entirety down below which reminded me of McFeely Smackup‘s epic review of Farrah Abraham‘s sex tape from May 2013. I could’ve sworn that shit happened just the other day. You’re all growing up way too fast. I don’t like it!

Russell Mcjimmy’s ‘Anaconda’ Review After The Jump

The Crap We Missed – Friday 8.22.14

August 22nd, 2014 // 270 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed which I’m slapping together as fast as humanly possible while we’re still up until Sandy Brown and The Yawning Clam inevitably roll us under again. So here’s Joe Jonas at a churrascaria, a place where you shove an unending supply of meat into your face until you beg them to stop bringing it, so heaven, he’s in heaven. Then there’s Josh Brolin responding to the question “How’d you think Oldboy came out?” and jesus christ another vagina flash?! *watches smoke pour out of USB ports*

Tell my family I love them and if you guys tell them exactly what “digital publishing” I was involved with I swear I’ll haunt you so hard,

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News

BREAKING: Ryan Seacrest Got Drunk Enough To Touch A Vagina

August 22nd, 2014 // 8 Comments

“You! Yeah… you, right there. Black dress, stupid strap thingy. You get Cowell on the line and you tell that bastard a bet’s a FUCKING bet. He didn’t think I could do it, well, you tell him I fucking did it. I fucking did it all by myself with my hands on the slimy thing and he fucking owes me one hundred fucking MILLION dollars. Or.. or.. c’mere. I wanna whisper in your fucking ear: A hairy motorboat between those giant man-tits. Emphasize that last part. Wink!” *pukes in champagne bucket*

Photos: Abaca/AKM-GSI

And Now Time For Tara Reid Or Kate Gosselin Melting Under A Heat Lamp?

August 22nd, 2014 // 12 Comments

Now I know what you’re thinking, there aren’t 25 Asian kids running around, so clearly it’s Tara Reid. Except you’re forgetting one important piece of information: Kate Gosselin hates her children and will do everything in her power to never be around them. Why do you think her house is 80% crawlspaces? The woman’s a calculated and meticulous planner. Anyway, happy guessing, super sleuths.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

Bruce Jenner And The Case of The Mysterious New Man-Titties

August 22nd, 2014 // 21 Comments

According to the photo agency we got these from, Bruce Jenner was allegedly going out of his way to make sure the front of his chest wasn’t photographed yesterday because he may or may not be blossoming into a beautiful woman, full-bodied and sensual. (h/t Eric Jonrosh) And if you have no idea what the hell I’m talking about, tits, people. He’s growing tits. One of them’s opening the car door, for God’s sake.

Photos: Xposure/AKM-GSI

That’s Ashley Benson’s Naked Butt (Or Not)

August 22nd, 2014 // 9 Comments

We’ve already seen Ashley Benson topless, so here she is running around naked with Troian Bellisario in a new Instagram photo because apparently she doesn’t know people are suing over uncensored butthole these days. Or does that only count if there’s gaping birth canal? I tried to ask our lawyer, but he was too busy giving Chris Hansen directions to my hou- wait.

UPDATE: Apparently Ashley Benson took this pic from Pinterest because here’s her real butt: More »