Goddammit, Cher, You’re 80. Put It Away.

April 11th, 2014 // 43 Comments

On Wednesday, I posted bikini photos of Minnie Driver that you people remarkably clicked the living shit out of, so you really only have yourselves to blame for this post. I am but a simple supplier here to meet your demand. You say nipples, I say how far down to the ground? This is our dance.

Photos:ELMO NY/AKM-GSI, WENN

The Most Retarded Criticism of Stephen Colbert You’ll Ever Read In Your Life

April 11th, 2014 // 80 Comments
Stephen Colbert
R.I.P. Colbert Report
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert Is Replacing Letterman Read More »

While tons of headlines were written yesterday about Rush Limbaugh predictably accusing CBS of declaring “war on the Heartland of America” by choosing Stephen Colbert to replace David Letterman, former Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro fired off a piece on his Truth Revolt blog accusing Colbert of – wait for it – political blackface. I’m not even going to be cute here. If you don’t get why equating a racist caricature that dehumanized human beings so they could continue to be subjugated with satirizing rich white people who control and/or influence every level of government is intellectually bankrupt with a moronic shitbag sauce, you should be repurposed into a chair so someone smarter than you has something to sit on while advancing us as a species which will be easy to do because you’ll be a chair and no one listens to chairs.

Conservative Writer Calls Stephen Colbert “Political Blackface” – Gawker

Photo: Comedy Central

Selena Gomez Fired Her Parents

April 11th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Goddammit, Not Again
Justin Bieber Selena Gomez Recording Studio
This One's On You, Legolas Read More »

Because she’s a big girl now who can make big girl decisions like getting back together with Justin Bieber for the 18th time even though he’s an awful little shithead who got her subpoenaed right in front of the paparazzi, Selena Gomez has officially fired her parents. TMZ reports:

We’re told Selena feels she’s outgrown her parents. She believes she’s now old enough — and famous enough — to have a seasoned professional manager with other A-list clients.
Selena has argued plenty with her parents over the direction of her career — not to mention over dating Justin Bieber — but we’re told family friction was NOT the reason for the split. We’re told Selena remains close with both of her parents, although they’re not happy about the decision.

In Selena Gomez’s defense, her parents really did do a terrible job managing her career because Justin Bieber is still alive and not buried underneath their pool with a shotgun wound to the face. It’s like they wanted her to fail.

Photos: Getty / INFphoto

Good Morning, Constance Nunes, And Other News

April 11th, 2014 // 12 Comments

- Drake isn’t getting the crazy sex that Chris Brown got. That’s what’s happening here. [Lainey Gossip]

- Kris Jenner won’t pose for Playboy. Your first-born was not sacrificed in vain. [Dlisted]

- Did Somebody Say Yoga Pants? [theCHIVE]

- Courtney Stodden‘s lips are almost as big as her face now. [Fishwrapper]

- Beyonce‘s Photoshopping her Instagram pics just like Kim Kardashian does. [The Frisky]

- Sara Sampaio‘s in a bikini. [Popoholic]

- Mariah Carey‘s kids – I’m sorry, Dem Babies. – are already singing on her albums. [Starpulse]

- Dave Grohl and Courtney Love hugged. We’re all going to die. [tooFab]

- Demi Lovato leaked her own photos. [IDLYITW]

- Goddamn, Clara Alonso… [Hollywood Tuna]

- That’s Taylor Swift‘s implant. [Celebslam]

- Juggalos have their own bitcoin now. You read that. [FilmDrunk]

- Selena Gomez is gonna love this. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 4.10.14

April 10th, 2014 // 475 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, a surprisingly large gallery for late in the week when I’m usually scrambling through random events where I think Richard Grieco might have heard they had free sandwiches. But thanks to Kelsey Grammer continuing his “People I Would Never Actually Associate With, But Will Pose With For A Photo-Op Tour,” Andrew Garfield finally getting around to all that molesting he was accused of (He wasn’t accused of molesting anyone? Oh well, I’m not thinking of something else now.), and the glory of Nicolas Cage‘s hairline, there’s actually some real celebrities in here today.

Except for you, Lindsay Lohan. You are not a real celebrity. In this moment, you look like you just sucked off the entire back of the house at Applebee’s for an eight ball, so you’re here for our mockery and judgement and nothing else,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Katherine Heigl’s Suing Duane Reade For $6 Million For Tweeting That She Shopped There

April 10th, 2014 // 36 Comments

Above is Katherine Heigl leaving a Duane Reade last March after shopping there with her mom Madame TurnYouIntoAnUnhirableCunt, and below is a tweet from two days later: More »

Alexandra Daddario’s Butt Is Naked, Too

April 10th, 2014 // 20 Comments

Here’s Alexandra Daddario posing nude for the new issue of Vanity Fair which if you click on, will lead you right into the gallery of her naked on True Detective. And that’s the story of why you’re looking at this post. The End.

Photo: Vanity Fair