Those Are Lea Michele’s Nipples

April 21st, 2014 // 33 Comments
Uh, They're Children Here
Lea Michele Nipple Kids Choice Awards
Lea Michele's Nips At The Kids Choice Awards Read More »

In case anyone’s in the mood for nipples frolicking through a hazy field from 800 yards away, here’s Lea Michele shooting a music video over the weekend where her top kept falling down because God smites awful people who should never be Batman. That being said, before anyone else points out that her gut looks like a goddamn murder scene, keep in mind, Lea Michele just had a miscarriage. Or am I thinking of a different horrible cunt? I should really make flash cards.

Photos: INFphoto, Pacific Coast News

Miley Cyrus Canceled Her Bangerz Tour

April 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments
Miley Cyrus Hospitalized
Miley Cyrus Hospital
Look At Her. So Sick, So Frail... Read More »

If you’ve noticed a sudden freshness to the air along with a general feeling of improved health across America, Miley Cyrus has officially canceled the remaining US dates of her Bangerz tour before she even got a chance to blow Teddy Roosevelt. Theoretically, the tour will resume in August once she’s recovered from an allergic reaction to antibiotics, but that’s if you believe the official story, and not the real one which is she miscarried Billy Ray Cyrus‘ baby. All the cool kids are doing it.

Photos: CYVR/AKM-GSI, Getty

Tila Tequila Says Tila Tequila Is Pregnant

April 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments

Now that Tila Tequila‘s done doing InfoWars porn – and actual porn – it’s time to resort to the famewhore spectacle of choice: faking a pregnancy. And if you’re thinking to yourself, wait a minute, didn’t Tila Tequila already try this before? Why, yes, Pete, she did. In fact, not only did Tila pretend to be pregnant back in 2010, she also pretended to have a miscarriage because that’s what pseudo-celebrities with no souls do for attention. You heard me, frecklepuss.

Photos: Facebook

Lindsay Lohan Had A Miscarriage, You Guys

April 21st, 2014 // 62 Comments
Previously In Horseshit
Lindsay Lohan Legs High Slit Dress Coachella
Lindsay Got Drunk At Coachella Read More »

Here’s a quick little timeline of this post for the sake of reinforcing what a gaping cuntbag of a liar Lindsay Lohan is which is my main thesis here if not every single time I talk about her. So last night I got some posts set up in advance because my car’s in the garage right now, and the WiFi at the dealership always blocks The Superficial’s pics. (I can’t imagine why.) Originally, this post was titled “Lindsay Lohan’s Sex List Was Part of Her 12 Steps, You Guys” because as of 9 PM EST Sunday night, that was her latest lie. And as always it was a fucking doozy because only Lindsay would literally try to say the handwritten list of celebrities she had sex with that somehow ended up at In Touch netting her tons of publicity – and presumably cash – was written for Step 5 of her AA recovery. It’s the kind of bullshit only Lindsay would say out loud with the genuine expectation of people hearing it and going, “Why that sounds perfectly reasonable, and she’s so pretty.” Except you’re not getting a post about that More »

Happy Easter, Constance Nunes, And Other News

April 20th, 2014 // 7 Comments

[Ed. Note: As you'll notice, it's technically still Easter, but we're giving our link partners some love a bit early thanks to the past three days we took off to thumb our buttholes in a fit of lethargy. And trust me when I say that's nowhere near as seductive as it sounds. It's MORE. - SW]

- James Franco responds well to criticism. [Lainey Gossip]

- Gwyneth Paltrow is taking celebrity friend selfies now. Fuckdammit… [Dlisted]

- Cute Girls Make The Sun Shine A Bit Brighter [theCHIVE]

- Dolly Parton has no fucking clue what Miley Cyrus is doing. [Fishwrapper]

- There’s literally a shortage of sturdy shower rods thanks to Mimi Faust‘s sex tape. [The Frisky]

- Heather Graham will never stop being hot. [Popoholic]

- For the love of God, please pay attention to Sofia Vergara‘s ass. [Starpulse]

- Paul Walker‘s brothers are making sure the world gets a seventh Fast & Furious movie. [tooFab]

- Ashley Greene‘s gym owes her a refund. [IDLYITW]

- Karolina Kurkova‘s hotness is back. [Hollywood Tuna]

- The Sexiest Social Media Pics of the Week [Celebslam]

- Samuel L. Jackson is doing a Quentin Tarantino live-read. Fuck yes. [FilmDrunk]

- That’s Scarlett Johansson‘s labia. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Most Important People on The Internet: Zombie Jesus Edition

April 18th, 2014 // 65 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet coming at you a day early thanks to America’s magic mascot rising from the dead two thousand years ago because that’s literally how long we’ve been beating the zombie genre into the ground. Anyway, I’ve also got two long as shit comments that broke our gallery, so special thanks to Pierce Bronzetan and cmonreally for paying careful attention to Katherine Heigl‘s Duane Reade lawsuit and pointing out the goddamn ridiculousness of Kim Kardashian‘s Audrey Hepburn photo shoot respectively. May the Holy Bunny fill your Fallopian tubes with assorted eggs, candies, and those little birds made out of marshmallows. For as it is written. More »