Kate Gosselin’s Nanny Escaped To Tell Her Tale

July 25th, 2014 // 17 Comments
Jon Sues For Custody
Kate Gosselin
Except For The Twins. They're Tainted. Read More »

In a surprising move considering Kate Gosselin‘s eyes see all, and in the darkness, all see Kate, one of her nannies has escaped the compound and is talking to the media about just how anal a shrill mother of eight kids can be. As for how the nanny escaped, I’d assume by using the children to dig a series of intricate tunnels not unlike the Viet Cong. And if that seems racist, I’m not the one who shoved them out of my vagina for that exact purpose. Take it up with their mother. E! News reports:

“We always had to refer to the manual because it listed her pet peeves,” the nanny told E! News in a recent interview. “You couldn’t put anything on the ground. You had to put shoes in a certain spot. You couldn’t close doors loudly. You could only vacuum during certain times of the day if she was home.”

On top of never put things on the floor in a house full of eight children, the nannies were also encouraged to eavesdrop on the kids’ phone calls with Jon which seems risky considering one of them might be seduced by his talk of ATVs and betray their master: More »

Paris Hilton Made Another Carl’s Jr. Commercial

July 25th, 2014 // 33 Comments
Paris Hilton Carls Jr 2014

Like a flare up that eventually goes away if you just stop itching it, Paris Hilton is being shoved into our faces again with a new Carl’s Jr. ad that she’s somehow getting all the credit for despite the fact it stars Hannah Ferguson and Paris is just a cameo which is fucking bullshit. Hannah’s a legitimate Sports Illustrated swimsuit model while the only thing Paris Hilton’s done to deserve attention is fall out of a wealthy vagina. And even then somebody had to pull her out. She literally just sat there going, “Gawd. This is taking forever.”

Carl’s Jr ‘I Love Texas’ After The Jump

The Selena Gomez I Missed – Friday 7.25.14

July 25th, 2014 // 9 Comments

Selena Gomez and Cara Delevingne‘s lesbian vacation is officially over, so here are the rest of Selena’s outfits in St. Tropez that I didn’t post yesterday because I was too busy covering such hard-hitting news as Superman with a lightsaber and The Queen actually smiling which probably explains this. There’s your answer right there.

Photos: Abaca / Vantagenews / AKM-GSI, INFphoto, Splash News

‘Hot Tub Time Machine 2′ Has A Red Band Trailer And Other News

July 25th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Hot Tub Time Machine 2
WATCH: 'Hot Tub Time Machine 2' - Red Band Trailer

- “How hard is it for you to grow a penis? I’m not asking much, am I?” [Lainey Gossip]

- John Travolta‘s lawyers can’t stop his gay lover from writing a tell-all book. [Dlisted]

- Why Go To Comic-Con When Meg Turney Is At theCHIVE? [theCHIVE]

- Justin Bieber is your new Robin Thicke. [Fishwrapper]

- Pro-Tip: Don’t leave sex toys in your vagina for an entire decade. [The Frisky]

- Simon Cowell declared gay in court. [WWTDD]

- Kate Beckinsale is still a fucking angel. [Popoholic]

- Yes, take relationship advice from Taylor Swift. What could go wrong? [Starpulse]

- Kristin Cavallari just had a baby two months ago. Two. [tooFab]

- Beyonce thinks she’s Rosie The Riveter now. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Yara Khmidan? [Hollywood Tuna]

- And you, too, Maite Perroni. [Celebslam]

- Those are Ashley Sky‘s nipples. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Comic-Con Day 1: Hope You Like Chins

July 25th, 2014 // 17 Comments

Comic-Con officially started yesterday, and the excitement was palpable provided your idea of excitement is looking at chins because literally two of the biggest stories are chin hair-based. I’m not even joking. So here’s a quick rundown of Day 1, and all the lower portion of the face information that dwells within:

Comic-Con: Day 1 After The Jump

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 7.24.14

July 24th, 2014 // 414 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed that finds two of New York’s favorite sons out on their best behavior, with Alec Baldwin fraternizing with the homeless and Shia Labeouf actually wearing a clean-looking suit to court. Are they turning a new leaf, or should I keep making flagrantly irresponsible assumptions about two men I know nothing about based on a single candid photo? What I will definitely do, however, is proudly offer up this damning piece of evidence I’ve patiently waited for, so I can finally nail Joe Jonas‘ ass.

*submits to Fish for copy-editing, comes back all clear, clicks Publish*

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Stop Fapping To Jennette McCurdy’s Sexy Instagrams, Gross Boys

July 24th, 2014 // 20 Comments

Above are Jennette McCurdy‘s leaked photos that I posted just so I had an excuse to write “Jennette McCurdy leaked photos” and make a million Internet dollars. (Redeemable for one free cat photo.) And below is her latest Instagram photo because Sam & Cat is officially cancelled, so it’s not like Nickelodeon can fire her for sexy pictures twice. She’d also prefer it if gross boys don’t look at it and go “fap fap fap” because it’s clearly an artistic expression of her butt in case you couldn’t tell by the caption:

#nofilter #datass #fapfapfap #eww #boysaregross

And Jennette’s right. Can’t a girl pose seductively in her panties on the Internet without some jerk getting an erection in the privacy of his own home? Or is this one of those times when I’m supposed to check my privilege? She’s in her underwear on Instagram! It’s not like dudes are breaking into her house. *hides grappling hook*

Jennette McCurdy’s Butt Instagram After The Jump

No One Ever Suspects Her Majesty’s Photobomb

July 24th, 2014 // 7 Comments
Queen Elizabeth Photobomb

While this post doesn’t directly involve Prince Charles, it does involve the vagina he was pulled from like a crying, squirming Excalibur, so close enough. *high fives Photo Boy* Here’s Her Royal Majesty photobombing an Australian field hockey team this morning because somebody gave her an Iphone for her birthday, and now all she talks about are lulz and subreddits. The other day they caught her making Sad Jack White memes in the middle of a knighting ceremony. Poor bugger nearly lost an ear.

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