Heidi Montag Stops Fictional Sex Tape Release

September 1st, 2010 // 35 Comments
Heidi Montag

I’m still not putting my pants back on.

Heidi Montag has fired off a letter to Vivid’s Steve Hirsch effectively shutting down any chance of the sex tape that never really existed – unless you ask Karissa Shannon – seeing the light of day now that it’s sprayed everyone in the face with hot, wet publicity. Of course, semen innuendos aside, I’m also going to assume the letter doubled as a Thank You card for actually being stupid enough to believe these two in the first place. “Seriously? Us? Your funeral.” TMZ reports: More »

 
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Discovery Gunman is All You, Gosselins

September 1st, 2010 // 70 Comments
James Lee

(And, no, not because he’s Asian. Jerks.)

What at first seemed like another heroic attempt to bring us Shark MONTH, the manifesto of James Lee (above), the armed gunman possibly holding an explosive device in the Discovery Channel building, has been found and it suggests a man so thoroughly sick of reality shows featuring child birth, he finally snapped when the 19th Duggar came home. Here are the first two items from his screed which is literally all over the fucking map and kind of makes me wonder why he didn’t hit TLC first. [Ed. Whoops! Discovery owns TLC. And this is why I write dick jokes.] Via Oliver Willis: More »

 
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Paris Hilton Banned From Vegas Clubs

September 1st, 2010 // 79 Comments
Paris Hilton

Thanks to Operation: Fuck You, Lindsay, Paris Hilton has been officially banned from the Wynn and Encore resorts in Vegas and also managed to get her boyfriend Cy Waits blacklisted from working with Steve Wynn again in the process. People reports: More »

 
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And Look Who’s Out Again

September 1st, 2010 // 30 Comments
Lindsay Lohan

I want the respect that I had when I was doing great movies. And if that takes not going out to a club at night, then so be it. It’s not fun anyway. I don’t care. It’s the same thing every time.” – Vanity Fair.

Once again I find myself in the position of wanting to call Lindsay Lohan out on her bullshit because here she is at Marmont last night which is at least her third time since getting out of rehab exactly seven days ago. Except it turns out she just learned her own father is attempting to sell her diary for a profit and I’m back to being amazed she isn’t mowing down innocent pedestrians to make the voices stop. Though not for a lack of trying. (Everyone get a look at her Maserati? Good. You fucking run when you see it. And I’m talking straight into a building. Sidewalks and playgrounds mean nothing to her.)

Photos: Fame, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News

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Ashton Kutcher is Cheating on This

September 1st, 2010 // 125 Comments
Demi Moore in a Bikini

Seen here doing her best Buffalo Bill impression – “Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me hard.” – Demi Moore is apparently getting two-timed by Ashton Kutcher if you consider Star a reliable source, and that he’d be retarded enough to do it right outside of Madeo where Harvey Levin sleeps with a walkie talkie and a pair of binoculars: More »

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Jon Gosselin Extorted Money From Kate

September 1st, 2010 // 29 Comments
Jon and Kate Gosselin

“You may call me, The Blobfather.”

According to his ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman, Jon Gosselin reportedly extorted money from Kate Gosselin numerous times by threatening to report her to child protective services for allegedly yanking on Mady’s arm. (I just assumed for exposing the kids to her tits in public. But what do I know?) On top of that, he apparently documented all this in hand-written notes because he’s a moron who bangs women on ATVs with promises of free Ed Hardy T-shirts. RadarOnline reports: More »

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‘Did You Get That? Annnd.. Cut, Secret Chinese Cameras.’

September 1st, 2010 // 47 Comments
Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt in Costa Rica

Here’s Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt in Costa Rica pretending to be a divorced couple sharing custody of their dogs because that shit happens all the time. (Actually it might. You pet lovers are weird.) Anyway, for two people who supposedly can’t wait to get away from each other, they seem to spend a lot of time on tropical islands wearing next to nothing. Then again, that could all just be a clever ruse to make me think they’re still together, but trying to make everyone else think they’re not. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if Heidi’s nose fell off how high-pitched would Spencer’s shriek be? Because I’m going with it could summon bats like that thing Batman carries around when he wants to make a dramatic entrance.

BATMAN: *pushes button* This is going to look tits.
CITIZEN: Oh, no! Oh, my God. These bats are giving my children rabies! Rabies! WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM?! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNPRECEDENTED!
BATMAN: …. *hides in a dumpster*

Photos: Pacific Coast News

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Don Draper Will Sexually Harrass You and Other News

August 31st, 2010 // 40 Comments
Mad Men on the Cover of Rolling Stone

- Behind the Scenes of ‘Mad Men.’ [Rolling Stone]

- Teresa Guidice will eat your goddamn face off. [Popeater]

- J.K. Rowling > Stephenie Meyer. [Lainey Gossip]

- Salma Hayek may have breasts. I can’t be 100% sure… [Hollywood Tuna]

- Cameron Diaz is 38, so only 200 years to go until she’s A-Rod ideal age. Right, Madonna? [Dlisted]

- Katy Perry never does have hard nips, does she? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- Jim Carrey is losing his shit. [IDLYITW]

- Kelly Brook at the French premiere of Piranha 3D. [Egotastic]

- Jessica Alba is back to looking hot again. [Popoholic]

- Sam Ronson’s dog, I’m counting on you. You know what needs to be done. [The Fab Life]

- Mad Men Rolling Stone Cover Filled With Photoshop Disasters [BuzzFeed]

- Kim Kardashian admires Khloe’s vagina. Okay, sure. [The Blemish]

- Julia Roberts in a bikini. [PopSugar]

- Bristol Palin joined Dancing with the Stars to set a “good example for moms.” Didn’t Kate Gosselin say the same exact thing? [Huffington Post]

- Olivia Munn is still leeching off of Susan Sarandon. [Amy Grindhouse]

- Bethenny Frankel quit Real Housewives of New York. [ICYDK]

- Socialite Life’s 7th Anniversary Luxury Gift Bag Giveaway Reminder [Socialite Life]

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Photo: Rolling Stone

 
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