Because her husband has only spent nine days with her since their wedding and doesn’t want to ruin his streak, here’s Kim Kardsahian in Mexico this week where she let his rapists take exclusive bikini photos of her for fun and profit. Plus she also tossed a few shots to Instagram where she courteously used Joe Francis‘ pregnant fiance lying bloated and oblivious in the background to make her ass look better by comparison which is always a polite way to thank someone for their hospitality. Most people prefer it.
If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you already saw this yesterday, but you didn’t get to see it with sexy lingerie photos, so let’s all agree I blow dicks at social media. Anyway, Variety reports Deborah Ann Woll will play oddly-balding Matt Murdock‘s love interest Karen Page in Marvel’s Daredevil series for Netflix. Now, for those of you who get to experience the human log flume known as the vagina, Kevin Smith famously killed off Karen by having Mysterio trick her into thinking she has AIDS which means I’ve now written two posts that gave Donald Sterling a boner. I swear to God he’s not paying me.
Photos: Tyler Shields
While separatists armed by Putin almost definitely shot down Malaysia Airline Flight MH17 yesterday over the Ukraine, new information suggests far more sinister forces may be at work here. Buzzfeed reports:
More than 100 delegates and family members of the 20th International AIDS Conference, due to begin Sunday, were on board Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17, the Australian, the Star Observer, and the Age reported Friday morning local time.
That’s right. The top AIDS researchers in the entire world were on that plane. And who has AIDS? Magic Johnson. And who wants Magic Johnson to keep having AIDS and possesses an obscene amount of wealth necessary to strategically place Buk missile systems in European war zones? More »
- Even Miley Cyrus can avoid the paparazzi, Kanye. It’s your wife. [Lainey Gossip]
- And Kendra‘s pulling a Tori Spelling. Of course. [Dlisted]
- Bouncing Breast GIFs. Get on it. [theCHIVE]
- Whoreling 1 and Whoreling 2 are going to be wonderful adults. Just wonderful. [Fishwrapper]
- Hey, let the man dream of becoming a maxi-pad, alright? [The Frisky]
- Erin Andrews failed journalism. [WWTDD]
- Gracie Carvalhos in lingerie. [Popoholic]
- Drake said something about Macklemore apparently. [Starpulse]
- They should’ve got that real-life Elsa chick from Florida. [tooFab]
- Emma Stone thinks her dead grandfather leaves her quarters. [IDLYITW]
- Jesus Christ, Ann-Kathrin Brommel. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Kimora Lee has breasts. [Celebslam]
- Nicole Scherzinger can twerk. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed, in which I white knight the shit out of some Chrissy Teigen hate, joyfully discover Keri Russell‘s butt, and ponder Michael Lohan‘s impractical choice of footwear. Unless those are steel-toe loafers, this man really doesn’t fear shattering his pinky toe on a vagina at all.
Be sure to stick around for a special treat on the back end, which is a truly awful pun, but not nearly as awful as how much Fish and I laughed because we’re terrible humans,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
It’s no secret that Gwyneth Paltrow had tons of affairs while surreptitiously monogamous, but that was before she was locked in a battle to see who can be the most courteous separatist and still have sex with other people because it’s important to prove she lives on transcendental plane of conscious that extends far beyond the reach of mortal means. I heard it even has falafel. Which brings us to talk of Gwyneth’s new suitor and his floppish locks of hair, glistening in the moonlit sun. (I have no idea what that even means.) Page Six reports:
Gwyneth Paltrow was seen on a date with a “hot young guy” with dirty blond hair at Narcissa in the Standard East Village Tuesday.
“He had curly, shaggy hair and looked like he was in his 30s,” says our witness. “I think they may have been holding hands.”
Of course, I’m sure this has nothing to do with Chris Martin going on BBC Radio and boasting to the entire world that he eat meats now that he’s no longer confined to his spiritual discard’s nutritional sacrament. Gwyneth Paltrow is of royal lineage and royal lineage doesn’t revenge fuck on foreign soil. Every pauper knows this.
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INF, Splash News, WENN
Because shoving giant cartoon tits into a lettuce bikini is the most effective, if not the only way to truly save the animals, here’s Courtney Stodden handing out veggie dogs at a PETA event on Capitol Hill yesterday. You’ll also notice her mother keeps seductively rubbing Courtney’s stomach because moms do that and go, “Hey, remember that Whitesnake concert back in ’86? What were you 30? 32? God, we steamed up that van making that video for those roadies. We never do things anymore.”
Photos: Splash News
When Photo Boy slapped together these pics of Britney Spears leaving The Cheesecake Factory, he made sure to point out the look of sheer joy on her face. Which is almost definitely because of The Cheesecake Factory, but she could’ve just as easily watched Frozen so she’d stay in the booth. Have you seen that movie? The snowman talks! Anyway, the point of this post is she left without paying because why would Britney Spears understand basic concepts like the exchange of goods for services? “Y’all just walk in and eats!” The important thing is her dad quickly squared things away with the waitress while making it look like his daughter isn’t weaving in and out of restaurants like they’re her personal Golden Corral. TMZ reports:
Now she’s bringing in the ultimate peacemaker to make things right — Benjamin Franklin. Our Britney sources tell us the waitress is getting a $100 tip — more than 300%. That’s on top of the $30 tab.
We’re told Britney — who left with hard evidence of her heist (a doggie bag) — felt terrible about the mistake.
Witnesses say Britney walked into the restaurant carrying the bill in her mouth and had lots of questions about why grow’d ups like paper so much. She reportedly has a whole drawer of it in her bedroom, and a man named “Papa” buys more at “Walls-mart” if she colors “squigglies” on “bofe” sides. “Ain’t y’all got Papas?”
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News