When I kept seeing headlines for “The Greatest Super Bowl Commercial Ever Made,” I wrote it off as probably some bullshit with kittens or marching bands or whatever the Internet’s going crazy for these days. (Neil Gaiman reading Dr. Seuss? Why not?) Except thanks to a bunch of you not shutting up about it, I finally watched Jamie Casino‘s Super Bowl commercial that only aired in Savannah, Ga. and JESUS CHRIST. Not only is this thing two minutes of fiery sledgehammer vengeance set against a sea of corruption, it’s practically the trailer for Ghost Rider 3: Have You Been Injured In An Automobile Accident? More importantly, this metal-as-shit pillar of justice has also proclaimed himself the defender of the innocent, so clearly he should be the one to battle George Zimmerman for the lawful right to that title. THERE CAN BE ONLY ON- wait, can sledgehammers stop bullets? Then never mind, forget I spoke. That was a stupid idea.
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Looks just like her.
Here’s Miley Cyrus in the new issue of W Magazine where she’s interviewed by Ronan Farrow and says a bunch of shit about weed and how she has it all figured out because what 21-year-old doesn’t? So feel free to subject yourself to that, or just look at her nipple while she looks absolutely nothing like Miley Cyrus. Alright, seriously, who is this really? Stop messing with me.
Miley Cyrus: Ronan Farrow Interviews America’s Bad Girl – W Magazine
Photos: W Magazine
Last week, George Zimmerman announced that he’d compete in a celebrity boxing event against whatever opponent will pony up the cash for an unnamed charity that George will make a minimal, legally-required 10% donation to so all of this doesn’t look like the scam it really is. Since then, The Game has already thrown his hat in the ring, but apparently George Zimmerman is holding out for a bigger (gay) fish. TMZ reports:
Keep Reading After The Jump
‘Cause my jigga’s unstoppable like Denzel, B-Bare‘s party weekend had them women being b-bared, naw mean? Here he is straight suckin’ on them stripper titties ’cause da rules of da common man need not apply when you rollin’ syrup deep. A feat of such unparabled defiance that it’s blowin’ up them Twitters (NSFW) like yo’ mama’s panties at a Twilight convention. Never before in all my days of hustlin’ the streets of Q-bec have I seen a gangsta swagger them swags like the B-Bare be breakin’ it off. And ‘fore y’all say this how my boy eats lunch everyday ’cause his tummy’s still growing, y’all best step off cause he’s been on formula for months now, mothafucka. MONTHS.
Photo: CertifiedHotties (NSFW)
The past few posts have either been about drug addiction, child molestation, or inevitable suicide, so here are Kelly Brook‘s giant breasts in a bikini to guide us out of the darkness. Provided you don’t think about the fact that not a single one of us will ever touch them. (I’ll be in the garage with the car running. Hold my calls.)
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
In case anyone feels the need to pay tribute on a tit and dick joke site, Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead yesterday in the bathroom of his Manhattan apartment with a needle in his arm. He was 46, and a powerhouse of an actor revered for his talents who just gambled that all away along with three kids who don’t have a father now because that’s what heroin does to you. So keep that in mind before you shoot that shit.
Rest In Peace, Lester Bangs
UPDATE: Philip Seymour Hoffman had plans to watch the Super Bowl with his son last night which apparently was something he needed to get high for beforehand. Helluva tender memory to leave a kid.
For those of you emerging from a coma and/or living in a country where football is actually played with your feet, Super Bowl XLVIII was last night. And while it may have started as a fierce athletic competition between two championship teams, that all ended not even 12 seconds into the game when the Seattle Seahawks scored a safety and literally became the Harlem Globetrotters to the Denver Broncos‘ not-the-Globetrotters for the next three hours. And if you think I’m making it sound bad, wait until hotel security has to open Peyton Manning‘s room tomorrow. But enough pigskin talk because here all the trailers that aired during the Vietnam of Super Bowls for your procrastinating pleasure:
Super Bowl Trailers After The Jump