The Crap We Missed – Friday 6.20.14

June 20th, 2014 // 394 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed where Kevin Hart actually fell for the old “Hey bro, can we get a selfie?” before being arrested for obstructing the sidewalk, having drugs planted on him, and being tossed in jail because NYC is so clean and family friendly everybody, bring the kids! And speaking of kids, meet Apollo Rossdale, my new personal hero for his valiant effort to try to show me Gwen Stefani‘s boob. Almost kid, almost. When you can perfectly edit farts into my favorite terrible action movies, you’ll have my vote for President, I promise.

You and the boobie paint girl. Ok, you might have to be her VP, you understand,

Click Here To Start The Gallery

- Photo Boy

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Here’s Michelle Lewin’s Crazy Butt While I Talk About Moon Knight

June 20th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Previously In Nerd Shit
Justice League New 52
Kevin Smith Says Nikki Finke's List Is Legit Read More »

If I’m going to burn another post talking about nerd shit, the least I can do is give you a butt to look at, so enjoy Michelle Lewin‘s while my eyes turn black like a shark’s from dork-blood in the Internet-water.

According to some heavy speculation on Cinema Blend‘s part, there’s a chance Moon Knight might be popping up in Ant-Man and could be part of the reason why Edgar Wright quit. Which makes sense considering Marvel wants every film to be a springboard for future films and Edgar Wright’s more of a standalone filmmaker who’s very protective of his creative vision. It also sounds more realistic (except not at all because everything’s coming out of everyone’s butts) than “Stupid fucking Disney made him put stupid fucking ads in it,” considering Edgar Wright’s next project is giving Disney a new Johnny Depp movie. That’s like three blowjobs and a rosebud to them. They’re practically married. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, MOON KNIGHT. More »

Kate Upton Makes Country Music Videos Now

June 20th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Kate Upton Bartender Lady Antebellum
WATCH: Lady Antebellum - 'Bartender'

Because my main means of conveyance lacks both rubber testicles and a “Don’t Tread On Me” poop-snake, I don’t listen to country music. Not to mention it’ll be the soundtrack for the day America disintegrates in a nuclear fried turkey accident – Sponsored by Mountain Dew™ – because reading instructions is for pussies. So imagine my disappoint to find a fully-clothed, non-cleavaged Kate Upton starring in Lady Antebellum‘s new video for “Bartender” along with Buster Bluth in a non-Motherboy context. The whole thing makes me want to shoot up a Walmart. (Not soon enough? You’re right. I suck.)

There Was A #FreeTheNipple Fundraiser, Of Course

June 20th, 2014 // 52 Comments
#FreeTheNipple
Scout Willis Topless Nipples
Scout Willis Is A Serious Activist Read More »

A few weeks ago, Scout Willis walked around New York City topless because Instagram doesn’t allow nipples or something. The important thing is that it’s a very serious issue that required very serious celebrity activism instead of, oh I dunno, say childhood obesity, education, hunger, poverty, unemployment, domestic abuse, fracking, gun control, climate change, or virtually 8,000 other issues that directly impacts the lives of non-white and/or non-privileged human beings. So last night Russell Simmons hosted a fundraiser which Rumer Willis attended instead of Scout because apparently all that mattered was somebody with one of those weird faces that fell out of Demi Moore‘s vagina showed up. That’s how you fight the power. Also, just assume this happened:

HOMELESS PERSON: Hey, what’s everybody doing in there?
SHITBURGER: We’re like raising money so women can like show their nipples anywhere. It’s super serious.
HOMELESS PERSON: Oh. Got any change?
SHITBURGER: Eww! Get away from me!

Photos: Getty, Splash News

There Is Your Life Before ‘Fartzenegger,’ And Then There Is Your Life After

June 20th, 2014 // 8 Comments
Arnold Schwarzenegger
WATCH: 'Fartzenegger' - A Ridiculous Compilation

The Internet is a powerful, almost evolutionary tool that has catapulted mankind into a wondrous age of technological and sociological progress. It’s been used to start revolutions, advance science, promote diversity, and expose secrets of governments and religions alike. But more important than any of that, it’s allowed someone to add perfectly timed farts to Arnold Schwarzenegger movies causing responsible, educated adults to laugh like a retarded child seeing a puppy. I don’t say this lightly, but we’ve achieved peak Internet. Shut it down. Shut the whole thing down. Nothing our generation, or any future generation, can ever do will escape the shadow of this day. Oh, they will try. And they will fail. (h/t Uproxx)

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Master of Disguise
Arnold Schwarzenegger Undercover Gold's Gym
Method Acting Is For Girly Men Read More »
An Arnold Christmas
Arnold Schwarzenegger Christmas Party
In Austria, Santa Is The DEVIL Read More »
Luke, I'm Your Fahdah
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Arnold As Darth Vader, Anyone? Read More »

Hot Donna’s Xenu-Boobs And The Rest of The Critics’ Choice Awards

June 20th, 2014 // 14 Comments

Here’s Laura Prepon at last night’s Critics’ Choice Awards where her breasts looked the biggest, so she gets her own gallery because we’re serious journalists. From there, you’ll find Tatiana Maslany below because Orphan Black is the shit along with Keri Russell who’s a goddamn machine on The Americans (Fuck Fargo.) followed by Emmy Rossum and Michelle Trachtenberg who are literally nothing but filler because boobs. And that’s how you red carpet. BOOM. Suck it, Joan Rivers.

Photos: Getty, Splash News

Conan Went To E3 And Other News

June 20th, 2014 // 2 Comments
Conan O'Brien
WATCH: Conan O'Brien Visits E3

- Whitewashing Batfleck‘s gambling problem begins. [Lainey Gossip]

- Lady GaGa and R. Kelly made a rape video with Terry Richardson or something. [Dlisted]

- Random Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About The Porn Industry [theCHIVE]

- Goddammit, Katy Perry. What did you do?! [Fishwrapper]

- A mommy blogger with Munchausen by proxy? What could go wrong? [The Frisky]

- Hello, Samantha Gradoville… [Popoholic]

- God wanted Ashley Benson‘s security guard to bang her. Seems legit. [Starpulse]

- Can We Admit That Jimmy Fallon Sucks? [The Daily Banter]

- Matthew McConaughey might not be in Magic Mike XXL. THIS WORLD MUST BURN. [Film Drunk]

- Miss USA didn’t know her state capital?! Strike, Sarah Michelle Gellar! Strike hard! [tooFab]

- Taylor Swift‘s transition into a cat lady is going well. [IDLYITW]

- Jesus Christ, Genevieve Morton‘s cleavage. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Kris Jenner is pissed Kanye wouldn’t let her sell his wedding photos. [Celebslam]

- Jillian Michaels‘ ripped, naked, dude’s body. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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The Crap We Missed – Thursday 6.19.14

June 19th, 2014 // 382 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed which features the bromance that’s reportedly sent Jonah Hill spiraling into a froyo binge from which only Leo’s arms can save him. This gallery also has probably the highest concentration of butt photos ever compiled in a TCWM unless you count every single one I’ve ever made before today.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, but go ahead and keep filling it with ass shots,” is something I believe Lincoln once said to the troops,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News