Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

August 14th, 2014 // 12 Comments

- Idris Elba is slowly conquering the Internet. [Lainey Gossip]

- There’s going to be a Lifetime movie about Britanny Murphy. Oh, good. [Dlisted]

- Underboob Is The Best Boob [theCHIVE]

- Robin Williams‘ daughter quits social media after trolls blame her for his suicide. [The Daily Banter]

- Oh, and by the way, he wasn’t going broke. [Fishwrapper]

- Future cheated on Ciara. (Those are real people. I swear.) [WWTDD]

- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Opening Up My Sex Toy Goodie Drawer [The Frisky]

- Sofia Vergara busts out her giant breasts for Joe Mangianello. [Popoholic]

- Warner Bros. is developing two scripts for an Aquaman move because at least one of them is going to be terrible. Because it’s about Aquaman. [Starpulse]

- Blake Lively wants a “litter of kids.” I’ll be right over. [tooFab]

- Goddamn, Casey Batchelor… [Hollywood Tuna]

- Bella Thorne‘s making bikini videos now. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

Peter Dinklage? Never Heard Of Him

August 13th, 2014 // 8 Comments
Verne Troyer Shark Costume

And this world has nothing more to offer me. We’re good here. Robin Williams, wait up!

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Photo: Instagram

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 8.13.14

August 13th, 2014 // 392 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, a surprisingly robust collection considering the site shat its shorts for a good part of the day, resulting in a distinct lack of joy, which in turn slanted our lefty worldview right into a negative space. It’s a good thing pajama pants don’t require belts. (Back me up here, Rush.) In spite of all that scientific evidence for why God makes you super sad if you’re not cool with his son that he murdered, we prevailed and you’re still getting some good shit. Good shit like Joe Manganiello realizing that no tits are worth having to sit through a Justin Timberlake concert, Amanda Seyfried seriously considering how good that baby would look mounted on the wall in her den, and Paris Hilton earning hundreds of thousands of dollars right at the very moment that picture was taken.

So, still any takers on the whole God is real and loves you thing? Anyone? Helloooo?

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Ariana Grande Has Rocket Titties Now

August 13th, 2014 // 32 Comments

I know very little about Ariana Grande except that she was on a Nickelodeon show with Jennette McCurdy before Jennette McCurdy’s sexy photos got everyone fired. But apparently Ariana is some sort of singer who now makes music videos where rockets shoot out of her tits whenever she’s not giving laser BJs or singing to penis-nosed aliens. Whatever get kids interested in space, I guess.

Ariana Grande ‘Break Free ft. Zedd’ After The Jump

Dog The Bounty Hunter’s Closing In On War Machine

August 13th, 2014 // 51 Comments
Dog The Bounty Hunter
Seen This Douche?
War Machine
Turn His Ass In For A Reward Read More »

Yesterday, we learned about War Machine‘s romantic proposal to Christy Mack that somehow ended in him “allegedly” breaking 18 bones in her eye and rupturing her liver before attempting to rape her then cutting her hair with a dull knife when his dick wouldn’t work. It was the strangest thing, and he honestly has no idea how it happened. But if he had to take a guess, it’s probably because she was on her period. The important thing is he’s about to become an episode of Dog The Bounty Hunter who apparently knows exactly where the shithead is, but is readying his film crew and giving exclusive interviews to MMA Mania first instead of, oh I dunno, calling the police:

What do you say to those who might be harboring him?
He’s got a lot of friends. So what you are going to see soon through social media — this is a social media kind of hunt, you don’t go to 7-Eleven and pass out mugshots on this one. This one we have to cover everything … and social media does that. So, pretty soon on social media some of his best friends, relatives and people close to him are going to start telling him to call Dog because this is it. And, hopefully, he doesn’t want to do suicide by cop — he’s very depressed. Very soon you are going to see pleas for him to come in because we are going to catch him — we are very close to him right now. We just have to handle it right because we don’t want anyone killed.

And if you’re thinking to yourself, wait a minute, Dog doesn’t carry guns, you’re right. So that was kind of an odd statement. But what does he carry is enough bean bag guns and TASERs to take down a rhinoceros which I’ll just assume are tested in the bedroom. *tips hat* Ms. Chapman. More »

We’re Experiencing Technical Difficulties

August 13th, 2014 // 40 Comments
Heroin Jesus

Billy Ray Cyrus shooting heroin into Jesus difficulties.

So here’s our day so far: First, we couldn’t, and still can’t, access one of our largest photo agencies that’s having technical issues of its own. Then, our server decided to epically shit the bed for at least the past two hours and is slowly coming back to life in fits and spurts. So if you’re somehow reading this on The Internet right now, know that I fucking Matrix’d it up there with my mind then had a giant sex orgy with your mom below the earth’s crust. My work is a delicate process.

Photo: Art For God via Cracked

Whoever’s Robbing The Kardashians, Don’t Stop

August 13th, 2014 // 34 Comments
'Go To Jail For Me!'
Kendall Jenner Bikini Butt Hailey Baldwin
Kendall Flips On Waitress Who Won't Serve Her Booze Read More »

Over the past few months, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian have been robbed three times – the latest happening just a few days ago – and now all three sisters are refusing to film the upcoming season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians because they think the crew is doing it. TMZ reports:

Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian are REFUSING to film season 10 of their reality show … unless the person stealing their money and jewelry is caught.
Family sources tell us … the girls are convinced whoever has stolen 10s of thousands of dollars from them works for the TV show.
All 3 thefts — $4K taken from Kourtney’s Hampton’s rental, $50K stolen from Kourtney’s Calabasas home and $250K in jewelry taken from Khloe’s house — appear to be inside jobs, with no signs of forced entry.

While my initial reaction was to suggest somebody kidnap North West effectively ending the show forever, I realized it has to be something Kim Kardashian actually cares about, so stick with cash. Cash is good. Cash and jewelry. She’ll notice that’s missing.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, Vantagenews / Wagner Az / AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Hilary Duff, And Other News

August 13th, 2014 // 7 Comments

- Rest In Peace, Lauren Bacall. [Dlisted]

- Ashton Kutcher‘s website is apparently run by plagiarists. [Lainey Gossip]

- And now 64 pics of Ronda Rousey. [theCHIVE]

- Norm MacDonald has an awesome Robin Williams story. [Fishwrapper]

- Keeping Up With The Kardashians with no Kardashians and only Bruce is amazing. [The Frisky]

- Alessandra Ambrosio‘s in a bikini. [WWTDD]

- Amanda Seyfried gets cleavagey for Ted 2. [Popoholic]

- Ariana Grande is banging Big Sean right now. [Starpulse]

- Frances Bean reaches out to Zelda Williams. [tooFab]

- The Super Bowl Halftime Show is going to be especially boring next year. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, April Cheryse? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Goddammit, who let Tara Reid near Instagram? [Celebslam]

- I don’t know who Sarina is, but she’s topless. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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