Zack Snyder Made Superman A Sith. Of Course.

July 24th, 2014 // 8 Comments
Superman Jedi
Rain Is Totes Serious
Henry Cavill Batman V Superman
And Superman Is Very Dark And Serious.
And Dark. Read More »

For reasons known only to Zack Snyder, Henry Cavill, and Ben Affleck dressed like Princess Leia (not pictured), here’s Superman holding a lightsaber which Zack Snyder oddly tweeted last night along with the hashtag #SuperJedi because the man responsible for the DC Cinematic Universe doesn’t even know the difference between a Jedi and a Sith. Then again, he also made a movie where Pa Kent told a young Clark Kent to let a bus full of schoolkids die, and then got murdered by a tornado to prove his point about never saving anyone. Ever. I’d hyperventilate into an inhaler right now if my untouched penis didn’t just crumble into dust all over my office chair. This’ll never come out.

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Nicki Minaj Has A Butt, Not Sure If You Knew

July 24th, 2014 // 42 Comments
Nicki Minaj Butt Anaconda

Here’s the cover for Nicki Minaj‘s new single “Anaconda” which apparently is a song written by and for her butt. Or it’s about the metaphysical struggle between the dueling natures of humanity. You know what? I bet it’s that. You can tell by the shoes.

Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Cover After The Jump

LeAnn Rimes & Eddie Cibrian Told His Kids About Their Affair

July 24th, 2014 // 13 Comments
Is That Shit Poop?
LeAnn Rimes Bikini
A Serious Investigative Report Read More »

And in a week, they’ll tell them about this one. Having kids is great!

I don’t know how young is too young to tell a child daddy got tired of having sex with mommy and that’s why they live with a skeleton woman now, but apparently LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian felt ages 7 and 11 were good enough. In Touch Weekly reports:

“We’ve had discussions with them about the whole situation,” Eddie says in the new issue of Life & Style, on stands now, of their honesty with Mason, 11, and Jake, 7, about their infidelity. “They understand more than you think they do,” LeAnn adds.

I’m pretty sure they don’t, LeAnn Rimes, because they’re 7 and 11. But if they do somehow understand, your bedroom door has a lock. Fucking use it. In the meantime, how did that conversation even go? More »

Charisma Carpenter’s Naked

July 24th, 2014 // 30 Comments

While the entire Internet’s a flutter over Mommy Porn: The Movie and all the pube-pulling that dwells within, intrepid journalist Kevin alerted me to Charisma Carpenter tweeting a nude photo of herself last night to celebrate her birthday. How old is she? It doesn’t matter years old. why would you even ask me that? Or still be reading this? I linked to Edward Cullen Fisting Pants and a naked woman. There was something for everybody. Go. Get. Skedaddle.

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‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Has A Trailer

July 24th, 2014 // 42 Comments
Fifty Shades of Grey Trailer
WATCH: 'Fifty Shades of Grey' Trailer

Here’s the first official trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey which is interesting only in the sense that Hollywood has officially lowered itself to making a movie that’s based on a book that was originally Twilight fan-fiction until the character’s names were changed and Mormon abstinence was replaced with high-business pubes-pulling per Joseph Smith‘s original teachings. Not many people know that. Anyway, Jax Teller, who quit the film, made it a point last week to tell people not to call Fifty Shadesmommy porn” because it’s actually “brilliant” writing about a millionaire who sexually awakens his shy, homely secretary and then fists her stupid. It’s practically Gone With The Wind if Gone With The Wind tied up Scarlet O’Hara and jizzed on her in an airplane.

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What’s Up, Andrea Calle? And Other News

July 23rd, 2014 // 11 Comments

- I’ve always thought these two should get together. [Lainey Gossip]

- Kid Rock‘s glass dildo has been subpoenaed. You just read that. [Dlisted]

- If You Like Tattoos, Get In Here [theCHIVE]

- The fucking Amish are sick of hearing Farrah Abraham‘s shit. [Fishwrapper]

- The more I hear Blake Lively talk, the more I still love her breasts. I’m a trooper. [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Irina Shayk. [Popoholic]

- Snoop Dogg smoked weed in the White House. Thanks, Obama. [Starpulse]

- Miley Cyrus made a video with Pharrell if anyone still gives a shit. [tooFab]

- I suddenly forgot all about Kelly Brook. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Terry Richardson is subtle. Very, very subtle. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 7.23.14

July 23rd, 2014 // 366 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, where I’ll shoot you straight and tell you I’m about to make nothing but anal sex jokes. First, it’s David Beckham learning the hard way why you never turn down John Travolta‘s invite to a Sea Org cruise, then there’s Richard Gere holding a statuette of a tiny, mythical creature of lore that undoubtedly is going right up his ass, and finally, there’s Young Commissioner Gordon doing this, which isn’t necessarily about the difficult brown, but reminds me of when a dog shits and their legs shake and they look at you like “C’mon man, do you have to giggle like that? Jesus.”

Welcome to the awful, infantile prison from which there is no escape that is my mind,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Justin Bieber Used A Wheelchair To Skip Lines At Disneyland ‘Allegedly’

July 23rd, 2014 // 17 Comments
Justin Bieber Wheelchair Disneyland
Citizen's Arrest The Brat
Justin Bieber Colorful Sweater Gold Chain Leather Apron Fedora
Read: 'Go Rodney King On Him, Please' Read More »

When it rains Justin Bieber is a shithead posts, it pours, so here’s a picture of him at Disneyland tweeted by SWAGGYJB3194 and you’ll probably notice he’s in a wheelchair. According to TMZ, it’s because he used it to cut in line at Disneyland, but according to Justin’s people, it’s because he injured his knee playing basketball and already gets special treatment at Disneyland anyway, so what would be the point? Which makes sense until you realize this is another attempt to make him look like a gangsta. And while my head wants to remind everyone he’s a fucking white kid from Canada, my heart still wants to see him get shot by George Zimmerman, so ignore that all that Canada stuff I just said. Ballers be ballin’! You know how they do. Slap me some skin, blood. Fried chicken all night! (I may have taken this too far.)