Rush Limbaugh: Robin Williams Committed Suicide Because Liberals Are Weak

August 12th, 2014 // 109 Comments
Rush Limbaugh

Rush Limbaugh is a drug addict whose dick doesn’t work, so when it comes to finding a pillar of moral virility and strength in this time of limp-wristed liberals hanging themselves from “depression” – Quotation markets dedicated to Matt Walsh, pedantic felcher. – look no further than radio’s own masculine Boss Hog and resident psychiatrist. Mediaite reports: More »

The Crap We Missed – Tuesday 8.12.14

August 12th, 2014 // 384 Comments

Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which, I’m not gonna lie, is essentially just a compilation post of The Expendables 3 LA premiere with a few TCWM favorites tossed in, because ever since Robin Williams died, the entire paparazzi has been posted up outside his house, his ex-wife’s house, his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and some other places where’s he’s rumored to have taken a shit. I know the 24 hour media cycle and content aggregate machine known as the Internet literally supports my livelihood, but on days like today, even I get a little disgusted. And that’s coming from a man who’s still laughing at Bruce Jenner eating this banana.

I’ll be over here convincing myself these tears are really from that joy and not the soul-crushing realities of being a human being in this cruel bitch of a world,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Courtney Stodden & Doug Hutchison Are Engaged Again Despite Never Getting Divorced

August 12th, 2014 // 30 Comments
BEST OF 2013
Courtney Stodden Topless Implants Bikini
Courtney's Topless Implants Read More »

Courtney Stodden has been rapidly fading from relevancy yet is remarkably determined to not just throw in the towel and do porn which makes her a better person than Farrah Abraham. Then again, so is this bagel. Anyway, in a successful (because I’m a cheap clickwhore) Hail Mary pass to get back in the press, she’s announced she’s engaged to Doug Hutchison again even though they never legally dissolved their marriage in the first place. The important thing is that her mom decided the best cover story instead of admitting every single move has been a calculated business move from the start is that her daughter just wanted to get banged a lot. FOX 411 reports:

[Krista] Keller says her daughter has had time to “experience other men” during their break and she now “want[s] to be with her original choice, her husband.”

Krista added, “Now that she’s no longer interested in sex, marriage is the perfect place for Courtney to be right now. Think of it as a sanctuary. A fuckless safe haven if you will.”

Photos: Coleman-Rayner

Kendall Jenner Threw Money In A Waitress’ Face For Not Serving Her Alcohol

August 12th, 2014 // 41 Comments
'But I'm A Kardashian!'
Kylie Jenner Daisy Dukes
Shut Up And Drink Your Shirley Temple Read More »

Before I start, if you’re wondering why you’re looking at bikini photos of Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin, this post involves both of them, so my choice of pics couldn’t be more relevant if Robin Williams was dangling in the background. (He would’ve laughed. Maybe.) Anyway, following in the footsteps of her younger, equally-as-entitled sister, Kendall apparently threw a fistful of cash at a waitress after a restaurant wouldn’t serve her 18-year-old ass alcohol and she tried to leave without paying. Page Six reports:

“Kendall got up and left and didn’t pay for all the food . . . about $60 worth, and without a tip.”
Her server, Blaine Morris (Betty Nardone on MTV’s “Skins”) ran outside to ask the celebuspawn to pay her bill.
“Kendall and Hailey started laughing,” our witness said.
“Kendall took a couple of $20 bills out of her wallet, threw them at the server and walked away, not even counting if it was enough or if it included a tip.”

In the meantime, while Kendall Jenner literally attempted to break the law, a black man was probably choked out down the street for, eh, whatever because racism is dead in America. Back me up, Missouri.

Photos: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News

Carmen Electra’s Breasts Are A Happy Post

August 12th, 2014 // 12 Comments

The last few posts have been about suicide, child molestation and sexual assault, but since the night is always darkest just before the dawn, here are Carmen Electra‘s breasts at The Expendables 3 premiere because I’ll never forsake you. Unless it’d be really funny then I won’t even hesitate. You’ll be like “Ah, shit!”

Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

There’s A $10,000 Reward For This Douche

August 12th, 2014 // 89 Comments
War Machine
Previously In Woman Beaters
Chris Brown Kick N It For Charity Celebrity Kick Ball Game
Chris Brown's Charity Kickball Game Read More »

While I try to make it a point not to write posts that give Chris Brown an erection, MMA fighter War Machine is currently on the run after allegedly beating and attempting to rape porn star Christy Mack. TMZ reports:

Porn star Christy Mack says War Machine broke up with her in May but for some reason showed up at her house at 2 AM Friday. She says he walked in, didn’t say a word but unleashed a beating on her friend.
War Machine threw the friend out of the house and then she says he allegedly made her strip and shower in front of him. Then she says the beating began … resulting in 18 broken bones around her eyes, a broken nose, missing teeth, a fractured rib and ruptured liver.
Mack says War Machine also “sawed much of my hair off with [a] dull knife.”
She says he threatened to rape her but was unable to perform.

Except if you ask War Machine this was all just a simple romantic proposal that had a little hiccup he can easily explain. After he flees the country: More »

Michael Jackson Threatened Maids With ‘Doo-Doo Snowballs’: A Serious Internet Report

August 12th, 2014 // 19 Comments
Michael Jackson
I'm Sorry, Duck Butter?
Macaulay Culkin Mila Kunis
Michael Jackson Called Semen 'Duck Butter' Read More »

While the rest of the world continues to mourn the tragic loss of Robin Williams, it falls on my journalistic shoulders to keep the Internet spinning by chronicling Michael Jackson‘s use of weaponized poop. I have a responsibility, dammit! The New York Post reports:

Neverland’s manicured lawns and fairy-tale facade masked a house of horrors and madness, five of Michael Jackson’s maids revealed to The Post.
“Michael sometimes ran around where the animals were, and he’d track . . . poop throughout the house and think nothing of it,” Maid No. 1 recalled. “Then, if you said something, he’d threaten to make doo-doo snowballs and throw it at you.”

However, like myself, Michael Jackson can’t be confined to just one medium and also dabbled in pee-pee. (I’m getting paid to write these words. There’s actual money in my bank account.) More »