Chris. Brown. Is. In. JAAAAAAAAAAAILLLLLL.

March 18th, 2014 // 35 Comments
No Anger Problems Here
Chris Brown Christine Mendoza Philippines Typhoon Charity Event
Chris Brown Threw A Rock At His Mom Read More »

“Why do all these words say ‘Punch Rihanna until the demons stop?’ Seems strange for a legal document…”

For those of you wondering what’s taken me this long to cover this, you’ll be surprised to learn that I didn’t hire Photo Boy for his speed and efficiency in mopping up gallons of semen from around my desk. But that’s neither here nor there because Chris Brown is finally in jail for being a violent fucking moron that can’t keep his hands off women. TMZ reports:

Chris Brown Gets Kicked Out of Rehab After The Jump

Farrah Abraham Made A Song Called ‘BLOWIN’

March 18th, 2014 // 51 Comments
Farrah Abraham Blowin
WATCH: Farrah Abraham - 'BLOWIN'
'I'mma Be A Virgin Forever!'
Farrah Abraham Hungover Games Premiere
Pretty Sure That Boat Sailed Read More »

Farrah Abraham‘s first two singles were autotuned abortions that borderlined on child abuse, so why should her new one be any different? Here’s the video for “BLOWIN” as in “blowin’ all the bullies away” and not “blowin James Deen in the dick while filming back-to-back pornos for money.” Because, you see, in Farrah’s magical music land, she’s “topin” the charts (lyrics below) and being famous by being herself. Which is technically true because Farrah is famous in the sense that people know who she is thanks to all the bullshit lies about her career in porn. On the same token, Adam Lanza is also famous for shooting up an elementary school, yet I don’t see him bragging about it in a techno remix with the daughter he routinely abandons to shit on the people currently watching her for free. Not that I’m saying he’s a better person, but you’ll also notice I’m not not saying that.

‘BLOWIN’ Lyrics After The Jump

Good Goddamn, Jenna Dewan, And Other News

March 18th, 2014 // 8 Comments

- Elizabeth Hurley is banging a billionaire now. [Lainey Gossip]

- Courtney Love found Malaysia Flight 370. [Dlisted]

- Without Selfies There Would Be No Internet [theCHIVE]

- Remember the House Stenographer who had a “message from God” during the middle of the government shutdown? She’s calmly lucid for a woman who honestly believes she’s sane. [The Daily Banter]

- Katy Perry is a moron. That’s basically all you need to know. [Fishwrapper]

- Jessa Duggar thinks you’re a slut. [The Frisky]

- Gisele Bundchen is still doing yoga in a bikini. [tooFab]

- Hello, Natasha Barnard in lingerie… [Popoholic]

- And to you, too, Fanny Francois. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Pamela Anderson‘s naked again. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News

Here’s Your New Batman TV Show

March 18th, 2014 // 19 Comments
Previously In Batman
Batman Arkham Knight
I Just Jizzed A Batarang Read More »

I had no idea this was filming already, but here are set photos from Gotham the new FOX series about Commissioner Gordon‘s pre-Batman days which apparently will feature him as a mustache-less Ben McKenzie. And while my gut says that’s a crime against God and nature, Donal Logue as Harvey Bullock is whispering to my nerd-heart to give this a shot. In the meantime, I literally have no opinion on whoever the hell Robin Taylor is as The Penquin, so I’ll just make this an even deeper vagina-less grave by saying this show really should’ve been a live-action Gotham Central. The comic masterpiece I’m still convinced is the end-product of Law & Order and The Dark Knight having sex in front of Robin. Or the giant penny if that weirds you out. The kid’s gotta learn somewhere.

Photos: JAXN/AKM-GSI

The Crap We Missed – Monday 3.17.14

March 17th, 2014 // 578 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed – St. Patrick’s Day Edition! Except not really, because none of these photos make any reference to it unless you count the lead pic in which there’s a strong argument to be made that Madonna is in fact Dracula Saint Patrick and has been for over a thousand years. Aside from that it’s all your run of the mill Arnold Schwarzenegger about to rape someone, Danny Trejo & Michael Madsen about to rape someone, and Cee Lo Green about to ra– ok, you see where I’m going with this.

So enjoy, Irish people and general fans of rape, a little something for you all,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Mick Jagger’s Girlfriend Hung Herself

March 17th, 2014 // 53 Comments

According to TMZ, Mick Jagger‘s longtime girlfriend fashion designer L’Wren Scott was found hanging inside her apartment today. Even more surprising, police don’t suspect foul play despite the fact The Joker’s killed Mick Jagger’s girlfriend before. Remember when he stole Jerry Hall from Jack Palance and was all like, “Okay, so you’re an art thing, but now I’m bored and want to bang Kim Basinger,” and Batman’s like, “Uh, nope, I totally got her drunk and hit that shit first?” It’s all right here in this YouTube clip: More »

Twitter Just Vaccinated Jenny McCarthy

March 17th, 2014 // 57 Comments
Previously In Oh Goddammit
Kristin Cavallari Pregnant
Kristin Cavallari Thinks Vaccines Cause Autism Read More »

“So my kid got measles last week.”
“… Dis how chicken look?”

On Thursday night, Jenny McCarthy(‘s social media manager who’s presumably fired by now) thought she’d have some innocent fun on Twitter by asking her followers what the most important trait they look for in a mate and to respond back using the #JennyAsks hashtag. What happened instead was a goddamn avalanche of awesome as her hashtag was hijacked by “haters” who want to see children not be wiped out by illnesses that have no business reemerging in the year 2014. And it’s still happening as we speak. So what started as your run-of-the-mill bullshit exercise to engage social media users has now epically snowballed into a viral story about how stupid Jenny McCarthy is. So here a couple of my favorite responses, or you can click here and watch the shit continue to pile on in real-time:

#JennyAsks Twitter Responses After The Jump