Lady Gaga Has An Armpit Tattoo, Also Side Boob

November 20th, 2014 // 16 Comments

Remember Lady Gaga? Used to be Paul from The Wonder Years? Eh, it doesn’t matter. Here she is showing off her new armpit tattoo in England which I’m posting because you can see her side boob, and side boob isn’t Bill Cosby raping people. “Allegedly.” A topic I’ll eventually have to write about later today before staring into the phalanx of rape apologists this site attracts, so let’s table my depression for a minute and look for stray nipples. Whadda ya say, champ? (I’m doing it right now, aren’t I? Goddammit.)

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

Stop Asking Serious Artist Baby Goose To Be ‘Sexiest Man Alive,’ Girl

November 20th, 2014 // 12 Comments
'2014 Sexiest Man Alive'
Chris Hemsworth Shirtless Bathing Suit
It's Official. Thor Soaks All The Panties. (Enjoy Your Legacy, 'People') Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Yesterday, we spent some time considering whether or not Thor could get us off harder than any other chiseled actor, and today, we’ll spend even more time thinking about one of the guys who didn’t get that honor. I want to make it perfectly clear that when we’re casually discussing who is “the sexiest” by way of People magazine’s top-selling feature, we’re saying that when we sexually climax in the height of our passion, we’d like it to be all over Chris Hemsworth in the bed of a rusty farm truck. Perhaps this is why Ryan Gosling has decided “multiple” times not to be the superimposed face on your fat, sweaty lover’s body. Via The Wrap:

“They tried a few times, especially during his huge year in 2011,” an individual close to the cover negotiations said. Multiple efforts were consistently squashed by the actor’s team. “The consensus was he’s too serious for it, too artsy,” the individual added.

Or maybe this whole thing is a complete farce to sell magazines and/or get people to click on websi- *gets knuckles rapped with ruler by Fish* Fine, I just want to pull one more quote from this in-depth investigation into why Ryan Gosling doesn’t want me thinking about him when I masturbate with shampoo in the shower. Why, Ryan?! Why don’t you want us jerking off to your face??!!

But it’s the “Drive” star who speeds away from the glory.

Wow. That awful pun is hands-down the grossest thing written in this post. We can all agree on that as well as how much we want to blow Loki, because he’s totally the hottest Asgardian. (Now I’m mixing your nerd jargon with gay sex fantasies. Make me write another one of these. Go ahead.)

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Photo: MPNC/AKM-GSI

Good Morning, Alexandra Eriksson, And Other News

November 20th, 2014 // 10 Comments

- Benedict Cumberbatch wants to be Ryan Gosling. [Lainey Gossip]

- This is what Kylie Jenner looks like without 800 pounds of war paint. [Fishwrapper]

- Donald Sutherland thinks Jennifer Lawrence is Jesus, so guess who saw the nudes. [Dlisted]

- Rip-Roaring Redheads Coming In Hot [theCHIVE]

- Anna Wintour‘s backhanded reason for putting Kim Kardashian on the cover of Vogue. [The Frisky]

- Molly Shannon got breast implants. These are words I actually just wrote. [WWTDD]

- Julien Blanc, the pick-up artist jackass who chokes women, got shut down by the UK now. [Death and Taxes]

- Scarlet Johansson has a new mom hairdo. [Popoholic]

- Victoria’s Secret Casting Is The Best Thing Ever [Hollywood Tuna]

- What’s up, Brooke Perry? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 11.19.14

November 19th, 2014 // 339 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring the return of the big black microphone meme with the urine pig that started it all. We’ve also got Don Lemon who never gave me a reason to toss him at the mayhem of TCWM until he revealed himself to be a shit-stain of dumb, as well as Kelly Clarkson who I’m not fat shaming at all. I’m just saying this is Kelly Clarkson now.

I’m leaving that there and I’m positive you guys will have nothing but nice things to say,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Bill Cosby’s Lawyer: ‘Janice Dickinson Is A Liar’

November 19th, 2014 // 72 Comments
Janice Dickinson
Why Didn't You Bite The Dick?
Don Lemon
Don Lemon, Ladies And Gentlemen Read More »

Bill Cosby‘s lawyer already had to remove one statement denying rape allegations about his client, so let’s how well his response to Janice Dickinson‘s accusation that she was raped by Cosby in 1982 holds up. Via NBC 10 Philadelphia:

“The only story she gave 12 years ago in her autobiography as well as her interview with the media was that she refused to sleep with Mr. Cosby and he blew her off,” he said. “You can confirm with Harper Collins that she never claimed Mr. Cosby raped her, that no attorney representing Bill Cosby tried to kill the story (since there was no such story) and no one tried to prevent anything she wanted to say about Bill Cosby in her book.”

I’m not a big city attorney, but let’s see if I can make sense of this: According to Janice Dickinson, Harper Collins caved to pressure from Bill Cosby’s lawyers and wasn’t allowed to include her rape allegations against him in her book. She was, however, allowed to keep in an anecdote about him getting pissed that she wouldn’t consensually fuck him because, at the end of the day, that’s still way better than rape. And now Bill Cosby’s lawyer is basically daring people to ask Harper Collins – who’s noticeably been keeping their head down – what really happened because a huge multi-million dollar publisher is going to just roll right over in the middle of this shitstorm and say, “Yup, we totally made a woman not write about being raped because money. You got us.” On top of that, Bill Cosby still hasn’t sued a single one of these women for defamation of character because then he’d have to face these allegations in court when instead he can just make run-around denials and count on people to reliably go, “Eh, whores lie, and they could’ve just bit him in the dick.” (Zup, Don Lemon?)

UPDATE: And Variety reports NBC just cancelled Bill Cosby’s new show. Seems like that’d be a large financial loss you’d sue a certain model over if you have “documentary proof” she’s lying. But again, not a lawyer.

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Photo: Getty

Don’t Friend Taryn Manning On Facebook

November 19th, 2014 // 13 Comments

Crossroads star (That was entirely relevant.) Taryn Manning has been arrested for threatening a former friend/maybe ex-girlfriend in violation of a previous restraining order, according to TMZ:

Taryn had been ordered to stay away from Jeanine Heller, a former pal after the two ended up in court and a judge issued a mutual domestic restraining order.
We’re told the judge determined Tuesday Taryn violated the restraining order by threatening to kill Jeanine via text and social media. According to court docs, Taryn’s threatening messages included: “I will kill you, bitch” … “Go f**k yourself and die” … “What’s taking so long? Shouldn’t you be dead by now?”
Taryn was not in court, so the judge cited her for contempt and police then arrested her.

Am I the only one who laughed at “What’s taking so long? Shouldn’t you be dead by now?” because that’s some classic Hollywood entitlement. “Bitch, I hope you die! But I’m too busy to do it myself, so I’ll periodically check in to see if someone else did it. Or maybe you could just do it for me. OMG, that would be so amaze. BYEESSS!”

And now these four year old bikini photos I had lying around because, again, I have everybody. Literally everybody. That can’t be healthy.

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

Let’s Take A Break From Rapists, Child Molesters, And Everything Else

November 19th, 2014 // 41 Comments

It’s been a heady few days of rape, more rape, and reporters basically asking “alleged” rape victims why they didn’t just not get raped. So before I start writing about child rape (which I may completely flake out on before my soul falls out), let’s just kick our feet up and look at Miss Bum Bum finalist Claudia Alende recreating Kim Kardashian‘s naked photo shoot. And if that’s not your thing, below is Conan taking Jordan Schlansky coffee-tasting which is hilarious if you enjoy watching a replicant spectacularly fail to blend in with normal humans:

Conan Takes Jordan Schlansky Coffee Tasting After The Jump