What’s That Dang Ol’ Miley Cyrus Doin’ With Her Bergina Now?

March 21st, 2014 // 18 Comments

Here’s Miley Cyrus with dang ol’ dolla bills down her drawers ’cause y’all think she’s one of dem debbil stripper woman flashin’ her hootenanny to every Tom, Dick and Jane. It’s a joke, ya see? Sasfire. Lil’ Mark Twain her pappy used to call her. Or maybe just Mark. Dem Cyruses ain’t exactly right.

Photos: Getty, WENN

Madonna’s Khaleesi Costume Was The Actual Khaleesi Costume

March 21st, 2014 // 25 Comments
#DISNIGGA
Madonna #disnigga Instagram Rocco
Uh, Madonna, You And Your Son Are White Read More »

Because it’s a silly place, the Internet freaked out over Madonna wearing a remarkably accurate Khaleesi costume for Purim. Turns out it was so accurate because it’s the actual goddamn costume Emilia Clarke wears on Game of Thrones. NY Daily News reports:

“It’s my real costume, because I thought I was dreaming,” Clarke told Jimmy Fallon on “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday night.
“I got an email from amazing HBO publicist Mara, saying, ‘Madonna would like to borrow your costume, is that okay?’
”I thought, ‘God, this must be a dream. This can’t be real,’” said Clarke.

Ironically, it really was a dream which allowed Madonna to obtain the costume for she is not bound by this realm or any other. As for her purpose for the garments? Lowering our defenses so that we might be lured into her hairy armpit of eternal suffering. Welcome to the darkness, little priest.

Photos: Instagram

Karina Jelinek’s Butt’s Back And Other News

March 21st, 2014 // 19 Comments

- Emma Stone is apparently way, way, way too into the Spice Girls. [Lainey Gossip]

- Pamela Anderson thinks she looked like Anderson Cooper now. [Dlisted]

- Bouncing breast GIFs are like little digital Jesuses. With boobs. [theCHIVE]

- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Compliment The Vagina [The Frisky]

- You’d think Taylor Momsen would find it totes edgy that we all saw her tampon string. [Fishwrapper]

- This Is Why Fighting the Anti-Vaccination Crowd Matters [The Daily Banter]

- Good God, Debby Ryan… [Popoholic]

- George R.R. Martin just gave Hollywood a giant coke boner. [FilmDrunk]

- Thor‘s wife hath birthed his double brood of children. [tooFab]

- Katarina Ivanovska‘s in a bikini. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Ashley Greene in spandex, anyone? [Celebslam]

- The creepiest Charlize Theron bikini video you’ll ever see. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

Scarlett Johansson’s Breasts Are Getting Larger By The Minute

March 21st, 2014 // 24 Comments

Remember the other day when Scarlett Johansson defended Woody Allen?

Yeah, me neither. *slaps face against monitor* (Hold my calls.)

Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 3.20.14

March 20th, 2014 // 252 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed which is a special type of hybrid post. We knew we wanted the Charlize Theron pic with the photog snapping directly into her breast area for TCWM, but were the rest of the pics worthy of an entire post? Is her body morphing into that almost old-lady shape that makes you wonder if you’ve been looking a little too long at your mom’s friends vacation photos on Facebook? These are the tough questions that serious journalists like Fish and I have to ponder daily. So instead of making this post about just her and risk denying you Captain America hotboxing a car and/or the most hilarious prank ever pulled on perpetually intoxicated London mayor Boris Johnson, we decided to just shove Charlize into a bonus gallery below.

Suck on that, Brian Williams,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

UPDATE: Kurt Cobain’s Suicide Just Got Reopened

March 20th, 2014 // 29 Comments

After recently developing 35 mm film that was forgotten for almost 20 years in an evidence locker, Seattle police have reopened the investigation into Kurt Cobain‘s death, according to KIRO. Except let me save everybody a whole bunch of time and energy: It was Courtney Love. Courtney Love did it. Why do you think she’s been so helpful lately? “I know. If I find that missing plane, they’ll have to think I’m innocent! Courtney, you genius…”

UPDATE: According to the Seattle Times, there were no new findings and police were merely reexamining old evidence that will be released to the public on April 5 the 20th anniversary of Kurt Cobain’s death. Then again, this could all just be a cover story so Courtney Love doesn’t get spooked which would be impossible because she’s a poltergeist made of heroin and penis tears. Fear is her, and she is fear.

Photos: Fame/Flynet, WENN

Miley Cyrus Likes To Constantly Touch Her Vagina?
I Had No Idea

March 20th, 2014 // 27 Comments

At some point between making Illuminati hand symbols and yesterday afternoon Miley Cyrus somehow bruised her ass and naturally had to show everyone on Instagram while wearing a bikini and fingering her vagina. Does not touching her clit every other second open a black hole? Is that why Malaysia Flight 370 simply vanished without a trace? DON LEMON NEEDS ANSWERS.

Photo: Instagram