In the past 24 hours, Kim Kardashian put two pics of North West on Instagram, and now here she is somehow being spotted by only one photo agency – These were exclusive. – despite Kanye repeatedly stating with crazy talk that he doesn’t want his daughter photographed by the paparazzi. Then again, he left the country without Kim again, so what’s she supposed to do? Sit around all day and not exploit an infant? That’s slavery.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
Tom Cruise found himself in some shit over the weekend after making some poor, albeit slightly out of context, statements equating acting to serving in Afghanistan. Naturally, this left him open to criticism except from say another actor who claimed he could’ve stopped 9/11 with his fists where an Israeli Special Forces officer could not. Which is of course what happened last night during a Q&A for Lone Survivor because Mark Wahlberg only masturbates with his wife’s vagina so he says what he wants. TheWrap reports:
“I don’t know it just hit me in a way that uh … I don’t know, it just really upset me that those guys were never gonna see their families again. For actors to sit there and talk about ‘Oh I went to SEAL training,’ and I slept on the — I don’t give a fuck what you did. You don’t do what these guys did. For somebody to sit there and say my job was as difficult as somebody in the military’s. How fucking dare you. While you sit in a makeup chair for two hours.”
“I don’t give a shit if you get your ass busted. You get to go home at the end of the day. You get to go to your hotel room. You get to order fucking chicken. Or your steak. Whatever the fuck it is.”
“Shit, I go back to my luxury trailah and ordah a delicious Wahlburgah because I need my fuckin’ protein, and then I call my wife and tell her to slap her tits against the phone a few times before I sleep on satin fuckin’ sheets. Try complainin’ to a fuckin’ soldjah about that after he just spent a yeeh in some shithole jerkin’ it behind his buddy’s back not knowin’ if he’s ever gonna see his wife’s pussy again or, Gahd forbid, his kids and teach them lessons like, hey, you know all that jerkin’ I did in fuckin’ Iraq? Don’t fuckin’ do that if you want to grow up strong and punch a gahddamn terrahist in his gahddamn mouth. ‘Actin’s a hahdship.’ Get the fuck outta heah.”
In the aftermath of Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison‘s “separation,” there’ve been endless reports about why they broke up, if they were even in a relationship to begin with, and what happens next. Except all you really need to know is that Vivid’s Steven Hirsch told E! News that Courtney Stodden was born to be a porn star because that’s exactly what’s going to happen next. Which is information I could’ve told you days ago, but I waited until I had new bikini pics of Courtney’s huge fake tits so you could look at them and go, “Yup, those will be in porn,” without bothering to read a single word of whatever the hell I’m writing down here. Something about porn babies? I can’t keep track of these things.
Photos: Glen McCurtayne/Coleman-Rayner
Seen here making a move for Andrew Garfield‘s man in a rare public appearance, Zac Efron will apparently be even more scarce because his jaw is wired shut now after.. slipping in a puddle of water in his house? TMZ reports:
Zac Efron broke his jaw. His jaw is wired shut. It supposedly happened when he slipped in a puddle of water at his home. That’s Zac’s story.
Zac has been in rehab twice this year for cocaine abuse. He also had been dabbling in Molly.
In addition to the broken jaw, Zac apparently also suffered a big ol’ gash that had to be closed with stitches.
Wait a minute, how can that be Zac’s story if his mouth is wired shut? How’s he even talking to anybody? And if he somehow is, I’m pretty sure his only words are, “Mush Mishmole Midman manna mang me mow? Mook at this mick mar. Mars mar mool.”
Photos: Getty / FameFlynet, WENN
Because Kelly Brook and Jeremy Piven have been a damnable blight upon all that is good and right in the world, here’s Nina Agdal wearing literally nothing underneath a white dress while posing on a beach in Miami yesterday. Let her nipples be the light that guides you out of darkness. Unless you’re Adam Levine then I don’t know what gets you off anymore, but I bet it’s weird shit like pandas dressed up as Shirley Temple. You don’t even look at Christina Aguilera‘s breasts. How am I supposed to trust you?
Photos: FameFlynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News
Welcome to the most depressing post you’ll ever see on this site, and it’s literally taking all my willpower not to slam my laptop shut and hang myself in the garage because this life is a big ol’ cock slapping you in the face. Just slapping you until you think you can’t take anymore, pausing for a minute, asking if you’re okay, and then slapping you again. If you’re in high school or college reading this, just give up. There’s no future for you. There’s no future for anybody. There’s only a constant stream of douches douching their way into giant titties because God himself is a douche. “I made you in my own image,” I believe were his exact words before fashioning Adam a pork pie hat out of Eve’s logic center. “Eh, she won’t need it.”