My last post involved such liberal faggot shit as thinking and consideration for non-straight, white male members of society, so here’s Emily Ratajkowski posing for the July issue of GQ where you don’t have to do anything but get lost in her topless breasts. Or you can read about how she wants you to bang her with confidence like Denzel Washington which hopefully means like a drunken airline pilot because I’ve got rum, aviator glasses and a bag of peanuts. Very, very small peanuts. You know what? Scratch all this. Scratch it. ABORT.
Uncensored “Blurred Lines” Video After The Jump
In the latest issue of Playboy, Gary Oldman gives what is otherwise a goddamn awesome and candid interview about his career that unfortunately no one will go back and read because halfway through he decides to say Mel Gibson was right about the Jews and Alec Baldwin should be able to call the paparazzi cocksucking fags without everyone getting all uppity. Two people, who for the record, Gary Oldman brought up on his own, so go ahead and put down your, “Man, I hate these stupid gotcha questions” guns: More »
Because I’m still trying to work myself up to write about Gary Oldman, here’s an increasingly pregnant (IN THE BEWWWBBSS!1) Hayden Panettiere in Italy over the weekend which I was going to post yesterday but got distracted by such pressing topics as who’s grooming Miley Cyrus‘ vagina and Wiener-Tuck: A Rich Man’s Game. So enjoy these, and see if anyone can figure out if Hayden’s actually walking with her own legs or the baby’s. I honestly don’t know how you could tell.
- Robin Thicke really wants you to think he wants to bang Paula Patton again. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kristen Bell is pregnant again. [Dlisted]
- And speaking of #Pedorazzi, how’s that working out? [WWTDD]
- Discover The Sexy Side of Tapiture [theCHIVE]
- Kate Gosselin thinks you’re as dumb as Kate Gosselin. [Fishwrapper]
- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Blowjob Techniques You (Maybe) Need To Try [The Frisky]
- Again, this will totally make George Clooney jealous. Well played. [Popoholic]
- Okay, so maybe JLo really is banging Maksim Chmerkovskiy. [Starpulse]
- Holy shit, Maria Menounos bikini photos. [tooFab]
- And you, too, Laura Brunskill. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Anna Paquin‘s still getting naked on True Blood. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed featuring Prince Harry in a completely innocent photo that I’m in no way using as a subtle suggestion to Fish about the summer vacation he always talks about, but we never get around to taking. YOUR LIES CUT DEEP, YOU KNOW THAT?! We’ve also got Justin Bieber and the Ghost of Douchemas Future, Donnie Wahlberg‘s petrified stare as the realization that no, those titties weren’t worth it after all finally sets in, and Brooke Mueller dragging the hellspawn through LAX, so if you needed a diversion, Al Qaeda, security will never be more tied up than right now.
List? You really think we weren’t on some type of list already? HA! You guys..
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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
If it seems like Miley Cyrus has been spending an awful lot of time with her 14-year-old sister Noah lately, it’s because she’s in charge of making sure Miley’s vagina is ready to be shown to as many as possible with a leotard violently wedged up in it. Haha! And you worked at Dairy Queen like a loser. Via Gossip Cop:
[Sophie] Monk was curious about whether Cyrus waxes or shaves, given how the singer’s stage show includes lots of dancing in a unitard that barely covers her pelvic region.
Cyrus explained that Noah serves as her “pussy police” to make sure “everything is staying in tact.”
Somewhere, Billy Ray Cyrus stares into an empty box of Corn Pops. “I never get the fun job,” he sulks.
“Shh, there, there,” says Fred Durst. “You got me.”
“‘Back in the basement, boy!” Billy yells, but the gimp is right. He does got something to live for. Something no vadgity beaver can ever take from him unless Fred’s family comes lookin’ for him which makes Billy laughs just thinkin’ about it. Why’d they ever go and do a thing like that?
Photos: Terry’s Diary
Trigger Warning: Penis into vagina that used to be a penis talk.
According to Radar, Hank Baskett allegedly cheated on Kendra Wilkinson – while she was eight months pregnant, by the way – with transsexual model Ava Sabrina London and checked into a hotel on Friday presumably because Kendra found out. Which makes no goddamn sense sense to me because I can barely have sex with a singular vagina, yet these guys are running around looking for ones that could turn into a boner at any second. It’s gotta be like having sex with a Jack In The Box. And before the PC Police arrive, they actually prefer that terminology, you were just too cisgender to ask. Check your privilege.
When we last saw Kate Hudson‘s butt in a bikini it was eh. Fortunately, here it is over the weekend where it looked so awesome Matt Bellamy had to kiss it in front of their kids. Which makes him a better father than I’ll ever be because no one’s exchanging money afterward or asking why mommy only ever stays for an hour. Or at least they’ll try to ask before she makes with the cigarette burns. Which is why I’ll love her the most.