Remember The Situation? It’s better if you don’t. The important thing is that you know he was arrested after getting into a fist fight with his brother in the tanning salon they own after employees called the cops when their paychecks bounced because New Jersey. TMZ reports:
Mike “Situation” Sorrentino was busted at Boca Tanning Salon in Middletown, NJ … according to law enforcement sources.
We’re told cops got a 911 call reporting a “fist fight” inside the salon … and when officers arrived — Sitch was arrested, and eventually booked for simple assault. He posted $500 bail … and on the way out he explained he and his bro, Frank were scrapping over how to run the business.
We broke the story … just last week salon employees called cops when their paychecks bounced. Sounds like that mess led to today’s fight.
Let me just stop right there, TMZ. Does this story involve Frank Sorrentino dishing out old neighbor tough love like that time him and Jimmy the Bep, Squeak, Larry Lasagna, Ralphie Scaramanga Pasquachio, and the Bayside Buttonmen took Mikey out for cannoli after he got caught stealing from nuns again? Then this story can eat a hundred dicks. And on the day of my daughter’s wedding? You bastards.
Photos: Splash News
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Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed starring Alec Baldwin‘s pantless young wife up there who’s Instagram I just discovered today and holy shit is that thing a goldmine. I will never understand that man’s level of rage since he basically has a bendy straw with a vagina doing goddamned splits all over his apartment all the time. Although, I’m now going to link to his daughter’s buttcheek as well as Paz de la Huerta continuing to make his beloved city a wasteland of drunken daytime prostitution, so there is that…
When you’re young, you’re too stupid to realize that there are millions of other people in the world, and you don’t have to immediately chain yourself to the first person you have sex with. Or even the second or third. Animals don’t even do that, and they eat their own shit. Which brings me to Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez who posed for the above Instagram pic over the weekend only to immediately take it down. But now TMZ has video of them clinging to each other at Bootsy Bellows last night after spending the whole day in Malibu because apparently after he’s done banging Adriana Lima, Yovanna Ventura, Chantel Jeffries, and Kylie Jenner you want to give a guy another shot. Clearly, she can change him by morphing into other girls with completely different vaginas every night. Love can do anything!
Photos: Instagram / Splash News
About a month ago, I wrote a heartfelt post about my daily struggle to not enjoy Kim Kardashian‘s huge, fat, giant breasts. It’s a disease I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life, but I take comfort in knowing some days will be better than others. A day like today however? Not so much. What is she even doing here? Kanye‘s in Europe, so who could she possibly be meeting that needs to see that much tit? What purpose are they serving besides reminding me I’d knock an infant into the street just to look at them? Or is that the whole point? Your daughter’s barely a year old, you heartless- alright, I’ll do it.
Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Splash News
If someone were to ask me who’s more hopelessly doomed: Noah Cyrus or Kendall and Kylie Jenner, my first response would be to shoot them in the teeth for asking me about work past 9 a.m. and be perfectly justified in doing so. #Merica After that, I’d eventually give it some thought before realizing fucked is just fucked, and go about my day thinking about literally anything more important. Like this penny for example. Will I place it in a jar? Or perhaps toss it in a well? Oh, what adventures it might have!