In a turn of events that surprisingly hasn’t happened sooner, Andrew Stern, the husband of Deal or No Deal model Katie Cleary, shot himself on Sunday following weeks of seeing photos of wife partying in Cannes with Leonardo DiCaprio and Adrian Grenier. According to her, they were already in the process of getting divorced and Leo and Adrian had nothing to do with it, but his friends say he was embarrassed as fuck and already battling depression which does kind of leave Leo out of this. But only Leo because let’s be realistic, most men understand they have a better chance of stopping their wife from getting caught in a rainstorm then not having sex with him. As for Adrian Grenier, well, you’d hope she’d know better and realize that funk isn’t going to wash off. You can only Febreeze a vagina so much before your husband realizes things are never going to back to the way they were before. These are facts.
Earlier this month, a New York federal judge ruled that parents can no longer send their unvaccinated kids to public school claiming a “religious exemption” – Which needs to start happening in more states, Pennsylvania. – and now comes word that Jenny McCarthy‘s getting kicked off The View after a year, so it’s been a good month for anyone who prefers their children not dead. FOX 411 reports:
According to a well-placed insider, the former Playboy Playmate’s contract on the talk show is up for renewal in July and ABC will likely not be re-inking the deal.
“Jenny just didn’t appeal to the daytime audience market. They couldn’t relate to her,” a source told FOX411. “There are a lot of changes taking place now that Barbara [Walters] has left.”
Of course, the most important part of the story is when Jenny McCarthy was hired for The View and a whole bunch of places used one of our fart jokes as an actual quote from her. And by most important I mean I’ve got nothing and didn’t want to just write “YAAAAAY!” down here. I bet this is how Thom Friedman does it.
Photos: Splash News
- Kristen Stewart wants to sue Joan Rivers for essentially being right. [Lainey Gossip]
- Megan Fox‘s life is so hard, you guys. [Dlisted]
- What is up, Libby Powell? [theCHIVE]
- Farrah Abraham is a motivational speaker now. [Fishwrapper]
- Michelle Vawer‘s in lingerie. [Popoholic]
- Justin Bieber‘s new neighbors already hate him. [Starpulse]
- Cute pic, but ask her what their names are. Go ahead. I’ve got time. [tooFab]
- Hello, Sarah Dumont… [Hollywood Tuna]
- Genevieve Morton is a way cooler Kate Upton. [Celebslam]
- Kate Compton gets naked for art or something. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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Photos: Pacific Coast News
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where I could try to explain to you why you’re looking at a naked boy with flashlight nipples or I could simply move on because now we all know what Michelle Rodriguez‘s vagina is truly capable of. You’ll also find Tom Hardy with what I hope to God are just dental prostheses for a character, Panama Hugh Jackman, which no, sadly, is not is a gay sex euphemism yet, and a Kim v. Kourtney ass off where the loser is clearly all of us. One day our alien overlords will dig up the remains of these asses and conclude that our sudden infatuation with the bovine anus is what signaled the start of our downfall.
Falcock McDickwings knows what I’m talking about,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Yesterday, word got out that Hank Baskett allegedly cheated on Kendra Wilkinson with transsexual model Ava London. And for those of you wondering if Hank knew his lover used to be a man – besides, I dunno, looking right at him/her – turns out he definitely knew and make that a used to be a still is. Radar reports:
Although she claimed the two did not have sexual intercourse, she said Baskett still was satisfied.
“He put my penis close to his face and that’s when he, you know, he came really quickly,” she alleged. “Hank and I gave each other hand jobs and he played with my breasts. And it didn’t really go that much further because he had already come.”
And, even more surprising, after the act Baskett casually took a shower in London’s bathroom to clean up, London claimed.
But their intimate meet-up wasn’t for free, according to London. The model alleges that Baskett enjoyed their fling so much, he gifted her about $500 for the 20-minute romp.
Of course, the most offensive part here is Kendra used to live with Hugh Hefner and knows that’s way too much for a handjob. Jesus Christ, if her husband’s going to pay that much just to get off she’s got a bunch of old strap-ons in the garage and will find the energy. It’s called communication, people. Use it.
For those of you who don’t know, soccer star Hope Solo was arrested over the weekend for domestic violence after she allegedly attacked her sister and 17-year-old nephew while drunk off her ass because she missed a flight. (I wonder how.) Her nephew even pulled a gun on her – albeit a BB gun – and hit her with a broomstick which didn’t even faze her because apparently Hope Solo is the goddamn Incredible Hulk. TMZ reports:
The boy says he walked into another room — but Hope followed and “called me a p**sy because I called my mom.”
“I then told her to get her c*nt face out of my house,” the boy said to police.
That’s when allegedly Hope went on the attack — grabbing the boy’s hair and repeatedly punching him.
“I then went into a back room and got an old gun that does not work, pointed it at her and she kept coming at me. She didn’t leave but walked around me cornering me like a shark.”
The boy says Solo eventually left the house when he called the cops — but then tried to get back in the house … and started attacking the boy’s mom … so he grabbed a broomstick and began hitting her in the head … but she kept coming.”
Hope Solo has since plead innocent and claims she’s the real victim here which sounds entirely believable to me because I’m pretty sure she can fly and burn things with her eyes. I’m not falling for this kid’s pussy lies. *hides in lead chamber* (Is she gone?)
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News
“Do I look like a guy who won’t break his leg to get out of this thing?”
A little less than two weeks ago, word got out that Harrison Ford broke his ankle after tripping over the door to the Millenium Falcon (No, really.), but everyone seemed optimistic he’d be back in a few weeks. Then things started to go downhill. It went from he actually broke his entire leg, then his pelvis and I stopped paying attention so just assume he died. Harrison Ford’s dead now. Anyway, turns out Han Solo was going to be the main character of Star Wars: Episode VII which just got fucked to Endor and back. (I’ll let myself out.) Via io9:
The rumor is he’ll be sidelined for six full months — which means the movie’s either getting delayed or massively rewritten.
The potential news comes from the UK-based site Jedi News, who says sources told them of an emergency meeting ay Pinewood Studios this morning to discuss how to handle Ford’s sudden unavailability. Since Ford’s Han Solo is reportedly the film’s lead, the only way to make its Christmas 2015 release date — which Disney has refused to move before — is to rewrite Ford’s scenes, or rewrite the script entirely.
Ironically, this happened because of J.J. Abram‘s insistence on using practical effects instead of the CGI shitshow that dominated the prequels. Except now he’ll have to use even more CGI or make the whole movie about Mark Hammill and when has that ever created a timeless classic beloved the world over? So you know somewhere George Lucas is laughing because none of ever happened on his sets. “This is exactly why I don’t use anything that wasn’t made by a computer. Including actors which raises the question: Whose baby is that, Rachel Bilson? Whose baby is that? Hahaha, I am evil. PURE EVIL. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
My last post involved such liberal faggot shit as thinking and consideration for non-straight, white male members of society, so here’s Emily Ratajkowski posing for the July issue of GQ where you don’t have to do anything but get lost in her topless breasts. Or you can read about how she wants you to bang her with confidence like Denzel Washington which hopefully means like a drunken airline pilot because I’ve got rum, aviator glasses and a bag of peanuts. Very, very small peanuts. You know what? Scratch all this. Scratch it. ABORT.
Uncensored “Blurred Lines” Video After The Jump