Someone Invited Jessica Simpson To ‘The Hunger Games’ Premiere

November 18th, 2014 // 14 Comments

The Hunger Games is about a dystopian future where the rich eat all of the food leaving the poor to starve unless they shoot each other in the dicks with bows and arrows. Those words also describe every Tuesday night at the Chili’s near Jessica Simpson‘s house. Are you seeing the irony now?

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, MPNC/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Bella Thorne In A Bikini

November 18th, 2014 // 17 Comments

A while ago, I had to deal with an annoying situation involving Bella Thorne that really should’ve persuaded me from doing things like giving her free publicity by posting paparazzi photos of her on the site. But then she wore a bikini in Miami yesterday, and I don’t need to tell you what happened next because you’re already looking at the pics. Just looking at them right in the butt, so really, this is your fault. You practically held a gun to my head.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Splash News

Jose Canseco Selling Gun That Shot His Finger Off

November 18th, 2014 // 19 Comments
Jose Canseco Gun

Yesterday, we learned that Jose Canseco‘s finger fell off during a poker tournament which is generally what happens after you explode it off your body with a bullet then try to reattach it with a few stitches, and I’m not even a real doctor. And now’s the part where you come in because he’s selling the gold-plated gun that accidentally went off while he was “cleaning it.” Via Twitter: More »

Tila Tequila Is A Mother, This Is Our World Now

November 18th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Jews Killed Paul Walker
Tila Tequila Nazi
And Other Crazy Things A Man Had To Ignore To Have Sex With This. Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Since we’re now almost exclusively in the business of reporting awful shit happening to children, here’s the announcement that Tila Tequila replicated, which is the only word I’ll used to describe her somehow making another life form. Via Us Weekly:

I just want my baby to be proud of me and to know how much I love him or her. To love someone else unconditionally is one of the best feelings in the entire world, and I hope I will have plenty more pregnancies to come.”

HA! This idiot’s life plan is to just keep shitting out kids? Just so everyone’s clear just how delusional this is, we’re literally talking about a Nazi midget, who believes she has psychic abilities that she somehow can’t use for profit, so she has to repeatedly release sex tapes. It’s almost like she believes that men are so dumb and horny, they’ll ignore all of that to put their penises near her huge fake ti– California, tell your people to stay away. Stay away now, don’t – don’t come in here. Whatever you hear, stay away! TILA TEQUILA HAS THE UPPER HAND!

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: David Nguyen

Willow & Jaden Smith Sniffed All The Farts, The Farts Are Gone

November 18th, 2014 // 98 Comments
Willow Jaden Smith
Previously In Entitlement
Gwyneth Paltrow
The 2014 GOOP Gift Guide Read More »

While I was buried deep inside Gwyneth Paltrow yesterday – *rereads* Yup, that came out right. – apparently two other pretentious twatwaffles were busy fumigating the New York Times with their metaphysical butt fumes which they openly huffed while pontificating on reality, the human mind, and babies breathing energy while they’re building their bones in the womb only to be shoved into a world that crushes them into boring morons who make shitty music. Or something. I honestly understood about half of this, and the other half I chalked up to Willow and Jaden Smith reading a Scientology pamphlet once and making a conscious decision to repeat words from it even if they didn’t know what a single one of them meant. Unfortunately, none of those words were, “Tom Cruise derives his flight powers from the butt,” but that’s what you get from a reality that’s nothing but a holographic image made by a highly-evolved space consciousness, amirite? You ever see one of those try and change a tire? Fucking disaster. Anyway, here’s the stupid:

Excerpts From Willow & Jaden Smith’s New York Times Interview After The Jump

Good Morning, Alexandra Eriksson, And Other News

November 18th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- There are Benedict Cumberbatch engagement truthers now? Goddammit, Internet… [Lainey Gossip]

- June Shannon is in Dumb and Dumber To. Yup. [Fishwrapper]

- There’s a Christian version of Fifty Shades of Grey. Of course. [Dlisted]

- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]

- Victoria’s Silvstedt‘s in a bikini. [WWTDD]

- Charles Manson is getting married. The Charles Manson. [Death and Taxes]

- Where did Megan Fox‘s ass go?! [Popoholic]

- What’s up, Malin Akerman‘s hot sister? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Amber Heard does GQ Russia. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Crap We Missed – Monday 11.17.14

November 17th, 2014 // 447 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed featuring the return of Katy Perry‘s breasts, except she put them on Twitter. This is how out of touch with where the kids are posting themselves half-naked these days she is and wow, that got creepy real fast. Uh…uh…look, Alexander Skarsgard‘s holding this gas pump like it’s his dick! And what the hell is Russell Brand staring at in the sky? I bet it’s not pseudo child porn…

And fuck that was probably the worst person to try to legitimize this post with *pulls rip cord,*

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

The 2014 GOOP Gift Guide Is Quintessential GOOP

November 17th, 2014 // 35 Comments

We’re beginning our initial descent into the maw of the holiday beast where we’ll be slowly digested over the course of the next six weeks. So to speed up that process, here’s the 2014 GOOP Gift Guide which promises to try and stay under $100, yet immediately starts with a $285 zipper wallet that some asshole’s trying to call a “currency case.” For that kind of money, it should have a tiny panda inside that blows you, and before you say that’s ridiculous, I just told you a zipper wallet costs $285 because some jerk changed the name to “currency case.” You’re missing the trees for the Blowjay Panda.

The 2014 Gift Guide After The Jump