Nope, Beyonce Won’t Try To Scrub These From The Internet

June 26th, 2014 // 18 Comments

Because it’s been three fucking days of Gary Oldman (Hey, I don’t make the news. Unless the Illuminati sends a raven then, okay, sometimes.), here are a whole bunch of pics of Beyonce‘s ass that don’t require critical thinking, so enjoy them before she tries to erase them from the Internet because she looks like She-Hulk having a hernia again. I already hear slapping in the hallway. Quickly now.

Photos: INFphoto

Kris Jenner Put A Hit On Rob Kardashian

June 26th, 2014 // 32 Comments
Don't Out-Moo Your Sister
Kim Kardashian Cleavage Pre Wedding Kanye West Paris
This Wedding's Only Big Enough For One Cow Read More »

Seen here leaving the gym with those nachos he likes yesterday, Rob Kardashian has no idea he’s about to get The Lamar Odom Treatment because here’s TMZ with a report – complete with pictures – of him using sizzurp and in desperate need of rehab which I’m sure has nothing to do with him bailing on Kim’s wedding thus lowering its SEO score by not tweeting pics of Jayden Smith in a white Batman costume from his verified account. What kind of mother would do that to her own son? Except, just kidding, it’s Kris Jenner. Kris Jenner would do that. Her pimp hand is STRONG.

Our sources say the family is well aware of what has been going on with Rob, depicted by these photos during a drug-fueled party a few days ago.
You can see Rob holding a double cup … the container of choice for Sizzurp. The cup on the table actually has the words, “Codeine Boys” emblazoned on it. He’s also seen smoking weed.
We’re told the Kardashians have been calling rehab facilities, but Rob refuses to go. They feel desperate because they don’t know what to do and hope pictures like these may change Rob’s mind.

Wow, these people are predictable as shit. Which is great news for everyone waiting for Kendall‘s first sex tape to surface. In the meantime, just like what happened with Lamar, Kim doesn’t give a fuck about Rob which is probably why she launched her new blonde hair ahead of schedule because now that’s all anyone will talk about. A man’s going to eat himself to death, but my God, look at that coat! She’ll win first prize at the State Fair for sure. Anyway, here’s Chris Rock‘s face reacting to Kris Jenner’s presence which says everything that needs to be said here. I don’t know why I even wrote words: More »

Gary Oldman’s Still Apologizing

June 26th, 2014 // 28 Comments
Gary Oldman Jimmy Kimmel
WATCH: Gary Oldman Apologizes On 'Jimmy Kimmel Live'
Gary Oldman's Sorry, Jews
Gary Oldman
Please Let Him Keep Being In Every Movie Read More »

When Gary Oldman issued an apology for his Playboy interview where he agreed with drunken Mel Gibson that “The Jews” run Hollywood and Alec Baldwin should be allowed to call the paparazzi faggots without fear of reprisal, there were two ways to look at it, and admittedly, even I couldn’t tell: Either it was a sarcastic “Fuck You” to the Anti-Defamation League, or it was a way too syrupy sweet blowjob to them written by an overzealous PR flack. Regardless, they weren’t having it, and so here is the part where manly men expected Gary to come out guns-blazing and continue his one-man war on politically correct pussies and their faggot-like regard for others, but instead he went on Jimmy Kimmel and cried and apologized some more because, again, it’s written right in the interview that even Gary Oldman realized Gary Oldman was saying stupid shit Gary Oldman shouldn’t have been saying. As for why he didn’t get out in front of it, I’ll assume he actually thought Playboy would edit out the Mel Gibson stuff instead of going, “Holy shit, you got that on tape?!” and riding pageview unicorns into mountains of coke. And when you think about it, of course he’s apologizing because at the end of the day, his main argument is that we’re all as racist, homophobic, misogynistic, whatever as Mel Gibson which is a pretty fucking tall order. Christ, even this neighborhood watch member who just got outed as a KKK Grand Dragon is remarkably polite(-ish): More »

Good Morning, Lea Michele, And Other News

June 26th, 2014 // 5 Comments

- Oscar Isaac will clean up the mess Harrison Ford‘s broken pelvis made. [Lainey Gossip]

- Joe Biden knows what’s up. [Dlisted]

- Look at that Stormtrooper helmet. Oh, and that ass. [theCHIVE]

- That real life Elsa from Frozen took bikini pics now. [Coed]

- So Courtney Stodden has officially run its course. Good times. [Fishwrapper]

- Lea Michele went surfing, too. Her schnozz makes a great rudder. [WWTDD]

- Did Kim Kardashian Photoshop her own nipple? [The Frisky]

- According to Sports Illustrated, Valerie van der Graaf is legal, but I dunno… [Popoholic]

- The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1 has a trailer. [Starpulse]

- Masseuses are always looking at Channing Tatum‘s dick. Even if his wife’s there. [tooFab]

- Georgia Salpa is still a hotter version of Kim Kardashian. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Those are Miranda Kerr‘s nipples. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 6.25.14

June 25th, 2014 // 366 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed which is pretty Instagram heavy — even more than normal — but when Ireland Baldwin returns in a bikini after a prolonged absence in a move clearly calculated to shame Lindsay Lohan‘s diarrhea freckles, I must document it. This is my charge. I also tossed in Samuel L. Jackson who is like the bacon of celebrity photographs, they’re always improved by him, as well as a double dose of Satan’s representation on earth starting here, because it’s important to remember exactly how ugly they truly are on the outside as well.

And yes, that’s motherfuckin’ Dabney Coleman, because Cloak & Dagger was my shit. Go ahead, say something,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

‘Please Be Quiet Around My Tits And My Baby. My Tits And My Baby Need Silence.’

June 25th, 2014 // 43 Comments
Previously In Moo-Cows
Kim Kardashian Cleavage Bra See Through Top
Donald Trump Wouldn't Hit It Read More »

Because Kim Kardsashian is a vacuous leather couch who demands constant attention, she wheeled her supposedly sleeping baby (and see-through tits) through LAX instead of sending it ahead with the nanny who nobody would’ve recognized and could’ve easily got the kid in a car. Except the paparazzi that Kris Jenner called in advance were promised Kim with North West for their cooperation which is why she felt extremely comfortable demanding silence in one of the busiest goddamn airports in America. Except here’s the amazing part: They actually listened. Because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t get the next call, and they know for a fact complete fucking idiots will gladly pay for pics of Kim’s- GODDAMMIT! Alright, new plan: When they find my body at the shooting range in a hour, tell them I had a wife and Leonardo DiCaprio banged her. It’ll be funny, trust me. *searches for keys*

Video After The Jump

Gary Oldman Is Sorry, Jews

June 25th, 2014 // 49 Comments
Gary Oldman
'Mel Gibson Was Right'
Gary Oldman
Oh, Gary. Gary Gary Gary. Read More »

“I’d first like to personally apologize to Matthew McConaughey, a sterling example of your kind- what’s that? Goddammit.”

If you somehow were nowhere near the Internet yesterday, Gary Oldman experienced a whirlwind of shit after his recent Playboy interview was published online and included the following defense of Mel Gibson:

Mel Gibson is in a town that’s run by Jews and he said the wrong thing because he’s actually bitten the hand that I guess has fed him—and doesn’t need to feed him anymore because he’s got enough dough.

He also defended Alec Baldwin who has a history of getting pissed off at the paparazzi and referring to them as cocksucking fags, toxic little queens and if he’s feeling jaunty, coons:

Alec calling someone an F-A-G in the street while he’s pissed off coming out of his building because they won’t leave him alone. I don’t blame him.

Both were examples for an odd, out-of-nowhere rant on “political correctness” that even Gary Oldman immediately realized were exactly the wrong choices and made him look like a bigot. Which is a mindset Gary Oldman has never exhibited or shown any proclivity towards until now, and backed right the fuck away from it because he’s a rational adult who, despite his previous rant, does realize words have meanings: More »

Katie Cleary’s Husband Shot Himself After Seeing Photos of Her With Leonardo DiCaprio

June 25th, 2014 // 45 Comments
Leo Gets A Pass
Justin Bieber Drinking Adriana Lima Rick Ross Gotha Club Cannes
Entirely Because of This Read More »

In a turn of events that surprisingly hasn’t happened sooner, Andrew Stern, the husband of Deal or No Deal model Katie Cleary, shot himself on Sunday following weeks of seeing photos of wife partying in Cannes with Leonardo DiCaprio and Adrian Grenier. According to her, they were already in the process of getting divorced and Leo and Adrian had nothing to do with it, but his friends say he was embarrassed as fuck and already battling depression which does kind of leave Leo out of this. But only Leo because let’s be realistic, most men understand they have a better chance of stopping their wife from getting caught in a rainstorm then not having sex with him. As for Adrian Grenier, well, you’d hope she’d know better and realize that funk isn’t going to wash off. You can only Febreeze a vagina so much before your husband realizes things are never going to back to the way they were before. These are facts.

Photos: Abaca/AKM-GSI