Because I like to think of myself as an enlightened gentlemen of a new golden age, I go out of my way to try and reduce both men and women to nothing more than sexual objects for people to gawk at on the internet. We all help in our own ways. So here are uncensored photos of Tom Brady naked, which are somehow remarkably penis-free. I must've looked all morning and probably will do so into the night....

Last week, Radar published a report claiming they know the identity of Corey Haim's rapist, and that the perp is allegedly an A-list star. "One of the most recognizable faces in the industry," were the article's exact words. This launched a goddamn avalanche of speculation that I wouldn't be surprised if Ronald Reagan is a suspect at this point. The entire 80s is on trial. This morning, Radar finally...

When we last left Melissa Joan Hart, she was complaining about not enough 9/11 during 9/11, yet somehow she's managed to swerve off of Batshit Conservative Patriot Lane and onto I'm White, Rich And Want To Keep All of My Money, So Fuck You Boulevard because she's now the Connecticut Chairperson for Gary Johnson's campaign. PEOPLE reports: "I want to break away from this two-party system and I think...

"You know how I know our love is real, baby? Because I know you'd never bring a child into what is essentially an elaborate scheme to milk whatever tiny portion of money you can out of my sister's porn-founded empire." Rob Kardashian is apparently fat and depressed again, according to sources who are definitely Kris Jenner, because one way or another, young man, you're going to fuck on camera for your...

Imagine this. You're seven, eight, nine-years-old fleeing your home country so your family won't be murdered in the streets by terrorists. You arrive in a new country only to be met with distrust and cries from around the globe to send you back into the arms of the people trying to kill you because idiots think you're secretly one of them. Is today the day you have to go back? Or will it be in the...

To the surprise of even the most cynical pundits, last night's presidential debate was a sobering moment in American politics as a country watched a flailing orange shitbag turn into a human comment board while priding himself on not preparing for the most important night of his life. For the first time since this Klan rally-themed circus started over a year ago, it felt like people finally went, "My...

If someone asked me to draw what an Olsen twin in a bathing suit, that person would probably end up seeing a heroin needle complaining about tricksy hobbitses. So imagine my surprise when I saw these Ashley Olsen swimsuit photos, and more importantly, dat ass. Where did dat come from? Does absorbing the souls of your victims do dat? Heath! Heath! Can you hear me? Clench the right cheek if you thought...

With Jill & Jessa: Counting On continuing to lose advertisers who don't want their products anywhere near a child-molesting baby mill that's sole purpose is to outnumber us godless heathens and eventually occupy all levels of government (Not even a joke.), the last thing The Duggars should do is try to wheel out Josh and say he's all better now. They wheeled out Josh and said he's all better now. Happy...