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The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 2.12.14

February 12th, 2014 // 320 Comments

Richard Sherman Death Glare Malcolm Smith Jimmy Kimmel Live

Ireland Baldwin Derpface Selfie Red Carpet Samsung Galaxy Backstage Lounge Fashion Week

Sean Penn Charlize Theron Hanjob In Car After Charity Dinner

Madonna Cleavage Hard Canty Fitness Opening Toronto

Tara Reid Jamie Kennedy Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening

Midget Terra Jole Grabbing Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening

Farrah Abraham Ted With A Cock The Hungover Games Screening

Pope Francis Excited For Balloon Animals

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Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you before tomorrow’s all day snow and ice dickpunch. In anticipation of nature throwing another tree into my circuit breaker, I ressurected the Final Five again and stuffed it full of Gloria’s ass. But before you deplete your battery life gazing into that and then knife your family over the last can of Beefaroni, check out Ireland Baldwin pre-Instagram filter, or GAH! as I’m calling it, Pope Francis‘ first miracle – feeding an entire crowd with only three balloon penises, and this series of shots from whatever the hell this movie is starring Ted with a cock, because we can all agree that great parody begins and ends with dick jokes.

Wait, did I just negate our entire creative process? EJECT!

- Photo Boy

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Bonus Gallery: Anais Zanotti & Ana Braga in 'Bikinis, How Do they Work?'

Anais Zanotti Ana Braga Bikini String Thong Shower Nipples See Through Shirt

33 Photos »

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, WENN

Posted Under: The Crap We Missed

Shia LaBeouf Wanted To Wear A ‘Penis Cam’ For ‘Nymphomaniac’

February 12th, 2014 // 24 Comments

Shia LaBeouf Dirty Clothes Skinny Pants Tucked Into Combat Boots Purple Socks LAX

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Oh Jesus Christ

Shia LaBeouf Paper Bag On Head Nymphomaniac Volume I Premiere Berlinale International Film Festival

Then Again, Douches Do
Need A Bag Read More »

While everyone’s squirting digital ink over Shia LaBeouf actually going through with his art exhibit he ripped off Marina Abramovic, here’s a story from the set of Nymphomaniac when he wasn’t trying to disguise his penchant for plagiarism with performance art bullshit and was more focused on the cinematic qualities of dick cameras. Page Six reports:

“Shia had wanted von Trier to put a camera on his penis while filming, so that audiences could have the full experience,” said an insider, but it would have been too much for viewers. (And for his co-star). The film centers on a beaten woman who recalls her varied erotic experiences.

No camera on my dick, I show up to your premiere with a bag over my head. Seems fair enough. As for how this new, artistically alive Shia is going over with the independent film world? Not fucking well: More »

Posted Under: Shia LaBeouf

Stephanie Seymour & Boner Boy Did A Photo Shoot

February 12th, 2014 // 50 Comments

Stephanie Seymour Boner Boy Harper's Bazaar

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Just Ignore The Window

We Totally Can't See You Try On Lingerie Read More »

“Okay, now give me a look that says, ‘I made this all happen with my mind and soon will take over the world.’ *click* Perfect!”

Because boundaries have always been a core part of the Seymour-Brant family, here’s Stephanie Seymour posing for an erotic photo shoot in Harper’s Bazaar with her sons Boner Boy and Harry Brant who I had no idea existed because I haven’t seen him get an erection from his mother’s breasts. Then again, I guess this is one way to de-gay a son, or make sure this happens at college:

“Tell me, Peter… *takes off blouse* Do you like my breasts?”
“No, mother, I will NOT clean my room! Sorry, I’m sorry. Reflex action. Why are they so small?”

The Secret Origin of Boner Boy

25 Photos »

Photos: Sebastian Faena/Harper’s Bazaar

Posted Under: Harry Brant, Peter Brant II, Stephanie Seymour

Kristen Stewart Wrote A Poem

February 12th, 2014 // 86 Comments

Kristen Stewart Legs Booty Shorts Chanel Show Fashion Week Paris

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I’m going to be honest here. I know next to nothing about poetry and would immediately zone out during any part of any class when it was time to read or write it. I even dated an English major who tried her damnedest to get me into it, but she also could orgasm just by touching her nipples which is like giving a six-year-old a GameBoy while you’re trying to teach him Shakespeare. Anyway, I have absolutely no fucking clue whether or not the Internet is in any position to lose its mind over Kristen Stewart‘s poem in Marie Claire and declare it the worst shit ever written. So let’s all read it together, and we’ll compare notes at the end:

Kristen Stewart’s Poem After The Jump

Posted Under: Kristen Stewart

Jennifer Lopez’s Ass Did Something For Soccer

February 12th, 2014 // 12 Comments

Jennifer Lopez Butt Booty Shorts FIFA World Cup Brazil Music Video

Jennifer Lopez Butt Booty Shorts Pitbull FIFA World Cup Brazil Music Video

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So far we’ve had butt porn, butt aliens, and butt poetry, so let’s keeping that going with Jennifer Lopez‘s ass filming some sort of music video for the World Cup. A video that you’ll never believe has Pitbull in it, and now I’m positive JLo makes Casper Smart haul him around in a suitcase everywhere they go: More »

Posted Under: Jennifer Lopez, Pitbull

There’s A Sequel To ‘Achy Breaky Heart’ With Twerking Butt Aliens

February 12th, 2014 // 26 Comments

WATCH: Buck 22 - 'Achy Breaky 2'

Because ass-themed sequels are in right now, here’s “Achy Breaky 2,” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus and Buck 22 who’s apparently the son of Dionne Warwick in case Billy Ray Cyrus making random black kids carry his fishing gear before being sucked into a spaceship where hot alien bitches twerk like his daughter somehow wasn’t fucked up enough for you. Then again, we are living in a post-RoboCop shooting off dicks world.

Of Course We Screencapped The Butt Aliens

Naked Twerking Girls Buck 22 Achy Breaky 2 Feat Billy Ray Cyrus Music Video Screencaps

28 Photos »

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Posted Under: Billy Ray Cyrus, Buck 22, Video

Good Morning, Amy Willerton, And Other News

February 12th, 2014 // 14 Comments

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- Katie Holmes might be secretly banging Jamie Foxx after all. [Lainey Gossip]

- Miley Cyrus honestly believes her tour is educational for your kids. [Dlisted]

- It’s Always Fuego When Jackie Guerrido Does The Weather [theCHIVE]

- Taylor Swift has short hair now. [Fishwrapper]

- There’s footage of Justin Bieber pissing inside his jail cell. [The Frisky]

- The Khaleesi is AskMen’s most desirable woman of 2014. [tooFab]

- The ‘True Detective’ Meme You’ve Been Waiting For [BuzzFeed]

- Gwyneth Paltrow does work on that ass. I’ll give her that. [Popoholic]

- Jessica Lowndes is in a bikini. [IDLYITW]

- And so is Irina Shayk. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Nina Agdal got dumped. [Celebslam]

- And the hardcore trailer for Farrah 2 Backdoor and More. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter

Photos: FameFlynet

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Posted Under: Amy Willerton, Bikini, Links

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Courtney Stodden Bikini Photos	Miley Poses For Uncle Terry	Selena Gomez’s Almost Slip
Lindsay’s Braless Chopper Ride	Miley Cyrus ‘Wrecking Ball’	Selena Gomez Flashes Madrid
Nina Agdal’s Beach Shoot	Andressa Urach Bikini Photos	Rachel Bilson Bikini Photos

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Bonus Gallery: Anais Zanotti & Ana Braga in 'Bikinis, How Do they Work?'

The Secret Origin of Boner Boy

Of Course We Screencapped The Butt Aliens

Bikini Madness

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