A few weeks back, Radar published a rumor that Fox fired Bryan Singer from X-Men: Apocalypse because of his underage sex scandals. It was a story that got a surprising amount of traction despite the fact X-Men: Days of Future Past made shitloads of money which means Bryan Singer could have an entire Twink Holocaust graveyard in his basement, and the only thing a studio would even think of saying to him is, “Need another shovel?” So it makes all kind of sense that he just posted a picture of the script because there’s no fucking way he got fired after that box office. Which is great news for anyone who actually enjoyed X-Men: DoFP, and terrible news for any males 18-22 who just wanted to play Morph without getting butt-sexed at a pool party. That’s, uh, that’s not gonna happen.
‘X-Men: Apocalypse’ Script After The Jump
I’m going to shoot it to you straight, folks. We’re barreling toward a holiday weekend, so there is next to jackshit happening which is why you’re looking at Kim Kardashian stuffing her face which used to be something the paparazzi would’ve never dreamed of doing because they hate physical comedy, but this is at least the second time in under a week which means her empire is crumbling beneath her hooves. More importantly, side-boob, holy cow! It’s like a boob – but from the side! Everybody click on it, so it looks like I didn’t write this from a hammock. (You swore an oath.)
Photos: Splash News
Considering her husband hasn’t issued any sort of denial whatsoever about his alleged affair with transsexual model Ava Sabrina London, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that moving trucks were outside Kendra Wilkinson‘s house, and she supposedly flushed her wedding ring down the toilet, according to Us Weekly:
Once Wilkinson discovered an unexplained—and damning—charge on his credit card, she “flipped out,” the source says. In a rage, she punched walls in their Calabasas, Calif. home, threw their 2009 wedding photos into the pool, and even pulled off her wedding ring, flushing it down the toilet, the source says.
Considering Hank’s already dropping $500 for just a handjob, it probably would’ve been a good idea to hold onto that ring for the day he can’t make child support because he’s spending $80,000 on anal. Granted, I’m not a financial advisor, I do have a rudimentary understanding of basic butt math. For example, if X equals the male penis, and Y equals some sort of hole, then X + Y = Ah, shit I’m broke. A child could do it.
Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Following his arrest Thursday night, and the string of crazy preceding it, X17online reports Shia LaBeouf has checked into rehab. (Although, Gossip Cop says that hasn’t happened yet but is probably coming soon.) And as much as I shit on Shia, I can’t even imagine what it’s like coping with the fact that one minute you’re Steven Spielberg‘s wunderkind with all the Megan Fox vagina that entails, and then next you’re chasing a homeless guy over a hat because you made porn with Lars Von Trier and went full James Franco. (Never go full Franco.) I’m pretty sure my mind would cleave itself in half, too, provided my head hadn’t already rocketed off my body the second Megan Fox touched my penis. On quiet nights, I like to imagine it reaching Jupiter, still yelling “Zowie wow wow boppity zip!” to the cosmos. *pours out 40* One love, Neil DG.
Photos: Courtesy of TMZ
Here’s Justin Bieber‘s latest photo for Shots, an app I’ve never once heard of until now, so just assume him and his buddies sat around going, “Dude, bro, we should totally make our own Instagram, but call it something dope like, uh… fuckin’ Shots! Like we be doin’ shots in da club and da Internet. ” Which is actually kind of amazing because you’d just assume Justin would go with something like “BlackBallers” or “DoubleCupNiggaJoint.org” because he’s about as subtle as Kim Kardashian in a china shop, and BAM. That’s how you cow joke, mothafucka. PEACE. *drops mic*
Photo: Shots / Splash News
- Tilda Swinton did an AMA. [Lainey Gossip]
- Nicki Minaj threw a lamp shade at Iggy Azalea if I’m reading this right. [Dlisted]
- The Force Is Strong With This Selfie [theCHIVE]
- How the hell did these two even end up in the same place? [Fishwrapper]
- Jessica Alba is cleavagey. [Popoholic]
- Beyonce just overthrew Oprah. [Starpulse]
- Erykah Badu doesn’t give a fuck about your news report. [tooFab]
- Yes, Nicola Peltz is hot, but how well does she wax a Ferrari? [Hollywood Tuna]
- Where are Cameron Diaz‘s nipples? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
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Photos: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Splash News
Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed which is pretty BET Awards heavy, not only because Chris Brown got shit-faced afterwards and basically had to be carried to his car (Probation, what’s probation?), but also because it was the only notable celebrity event that happened this weekend aside from the Transformers: Age Of Extinction European premiere and nobody famous is even in those movies anymore. We’ve also got Courtney Love tricking on Lindsay Lohan‘s turf and Joe Jonas sending up the signal for gay Batman.
“Burciaga just paired twill minis with herringbone neck socks, which is so last season. Some men just want to watch the world burn. Oh and bring extra handcuffs. Love you!”
- Photo Boy
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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
When Shia LaBeouf was arrested for smoking and playing grab-ass during a production of Cabaret on Thursday, the prevailing theory was he was looking for attention the day before a new Transformers movie – the first without him in it – was released. Except, according to TMZ, it turns out Shia LaBeouf has been spending the past month in New York basically being an asshole in general. From pissing all over the outside of restaurant to literally asking a guy to punch him in the face outside of a strip club (below) because Tyler Durden is every douchebag’s totem. So if anyone did ask Shia on Friday if he got arrested because of Transformers, he’d not only have no idea what you’re talking about, but would probably shit on your foot for tampering with the time-web. “Why you disrupting my string, bro? Do I fuck with your string? Now help me make a soap bomb. There’s a bottle of Dawn in my pants.”
Shia LaBeouf Asks Guy To Punch Him Outside of Strip Club After The Jump