Ela Rose Topless in a Bikini is The Crap I Missed – Tuesday 11.25.14

November 25th, 2014 // 30 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

It’s been a long day filling in for Fish that contained two rape posts, one of which playfully suggested maybe everyone in Ferguson is knee-jerk crazy and took a swipe at football worship, so I’m going to find a bunker to hide in. But before I go, I wanted to correct the site’s wayward course which has taken us away from fake breasts selling tub water for several hours, so here’s Ela Rose‘s falling out of her soaking wet blouse. Don’t say I never did anything for you, even if that thing was getting you fired.

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

Everyone’s Throwing Bill Cosby Under The Bus Now

November 25th, 2014 // 69 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

While rioting has broken out once again in Ferguson, MO after protesters thoughtfully reviewed and found fault with the nearly 5,000 page grand jury report that was released only hours ago and led to the decision not to indict Darren Wilson (Yep, I’m just leaving that there.) [Ed. Note: Dude... - SW], Bill Cosby has seen his own world fall deeper into chaos over the seemingly endless allegations that he drugged and raped over 20 women. More »

Katherine Heigl Used John Mayer’s Penis To Get Engaged

November 25th, 2014 // 24 Comments
Don't Tweet Heigl
Katherine Heigl Duane Reade
Even If She's On A Public Sidewalk In Front Of The Store You Own Read More »

I stand by that headline entirely.

Posted by Photo Boy

John Mayer‘s penis has done all sorts of reckless shit. It went crazy after being in Jessica Simpson and made him say the n-word. It refused to marry Taylor Swift after they did it under the bleachers. It even dumped Katy Perry. The Katy Perry with the huge boobs. But there’s one thing it never did, and that’s put its master within striking distance of Katherine Heigl when she threatened to absorb it into her bitchface if her boyfriend didn’t propose. Via Us Magazine:

“These musicians, they are competitive and jealous of each other,” Heigl teased. “[So] over the phone, because he was on tour, I was like, ‘Josh, I’ve got to be honest. I just want to know where we stand because if not, I might try to pursue something with John.’”

JOHN MAYER’S PENIS: *radio crackle* Mayday, mayday, penis to brain, penis to brain, shut us down now, do you read me?
JOHN MAYER’S BRAIN: *static* Say again. *static*
JMP: We’re surrounded by snaggle teeth. Cannot disengage. Target lock malfunction! DO SOMETHING!!
JMB: Negative. The mission is still a go. Over.
JMP: Fucking bureaucrats! pulls pins on entire grenade belt

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News

Hopefully Lady Gaga Just Accidentally Pulled A Hannibal Buress

November 25th, 2014 // 10 Comments
Fuck Yo Drought!
Screencaps From Lady Gaga's GUY Video
Lady Gaga: Thoughtless Asshole For The Ages Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Remember Lady Gaga? Merkin Lady…ran around naked in the woods that time? Not ringing any bells? Well, she used to be a pop singer, but now she just does naked onstage costume changes, blows polka dot penises, and dry humps her backup dancers. Anyway, this one time, she made a super rapey video with R. Kelly which she never released for bullshit reasons about “delays.” Delays that surely had nothing to do with the resurfacing of rape allegations against R. Kelly that just like a certain purveyor of popsicle-shaped pudding sticks seemed to periodically come and go without much recourse. Then yesterday, Lady Gaga tweeted the above picture in support of her fellow artist with the following caption, via Fishwrapper: More »

Bette Midler Told Ariana Grande Not To Whore Herself

November 25th, 2014 // 63 Comments
From Disney To Vulva Wedgie
Miley Cyrus Vagina
Where's The Hate For The Crotch That Launched Them All, Bette? Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Ariana Grande looks like a child, but in reality she’s a grown woman who loves to dress like a prostitute and perform sultry dances to the terrible, terrible music she makes. To lecherous old men, this type of thing is irresistible. To idiotic young girls, it’s a career aspiration. To the dying music industry, it’s a golden goose that lays a million other golden geese a day. So I’m not really sure why Bette Midler, a veteran of the music and entertainment industries, can’t grasp why everyone involved in the creation of an Ariana Grande won’t stop using her butt like an ATM. Via Jezebel: More »

Christian Bale Wanted To Play Batman Again

November 25th, 2014 // 16 Comments
Don't Sweat It, Christian
Chadwick Boseman Black Panther
Marvel Has DC's Nuts In A Vise Anyway Read More »

Posted by Photo Boy

Before the Internet collectively shat itself over Ben Affleck being cast as Batman, there was fleeting hope that Christian Bale was going to return for a Justice League movie until he effectively shot that shit down. But now, to the gnashing teeth of nerds everywhere who already decided to pretend that Batfleck isn’t going to suck balls even though Daredevil, it seems the hero they deserved, but not the one they needed right now really needed to be deserved after all. (I have no clue what I’m talking about anymore.) via FilmDrunk:

“I’ve got to admit initially, even though I felt that it was the right time to stop, there was always that bit of me going, ‘Oh go on… let’s do another.’ So when I heard there was someone else doing it, there was a moment where I just stopped and stared into nothing for half an hour. But I’m 40. The fact that I’m jealous of someone else playing Batman… I think I should have gotten over it by now. I haven’t spoken with Ben, but I emailed him offering bits of advice that I learned the hard way. I would imagine he is doing everything he can to avoid doing anything that I did.”

You mean he’s trying to not completely turf the last act of a trilogy after immediately making probably the most iconic super-hero movie of all time? Yes, that’s a given, but I’m sure he’s mostly just trying to keep Zack Snyder away from the slo-mo button in the edit bay. “Quickly Jennifer, he’s licensing an Evanescence song for the soundtrack, you know what to do!” *roundhouse kicks head off*

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Photo: Splash News

Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

November 25th, 2014 // 20 Comments

Posted by Photo Boy

- Jennifer Aniston still has to talk about the Rachel haircut. [Lainey Gossip]

- Demi Lovato says she has nothing in common with Miley Cyrus, but I believe penis cake would tell a whole different tale. [Fishwrapper]

- Amber Heard is tired of old penis is how I read this. [Dlisted]

- This gallery isn’t tits, but it’s worth it for Asian Johnny Depp, I swear. [theCHIVE]

- Scientology is getting an HBO documentary. I didn’t even know Matt Lauer worked there. [The Frisky]

- Rose McGowan is going to continue being topless. Get on board. [WWTDD]

- Michael Bay‘s boner just exploded. It died. [Death and Taxes]

- Jessica Alba‘s Instagramming workout videos now. [Popoholic]

- Kim K Superstar earns Ray J $360,000 a year. *hangs self* [Celebslam]

- Bella Thorne is about to go full “Fuck You, Disney.” [Hollywood Tuna]

- This is Alyssa Arce completely naked. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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The Crap We Missed – Monday 11.24.14

November 24th, 2014 // 346 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which is a post awards show weekend, stuffed-to-the-gills bonanza of celebrity fuckery and stuff my near delirious mind made happen. Oh, and it’s also got almost all of the Baldwins, including Daniel who even the family thought was dead, but not Ireland, so you’re right, I don’t know why I bothered either. *throws laptop in garbage disposal*

*remembers porn, dives in after it*

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Splash News