“What is that? Some sort of SEO shit?”
“Why’s her name first?”
If you somehow haven’t had it screamed into your face now, twin bullshit factories Star and OK! Magazine are both reporting Eva Mendes is seven months pregnant with Ryan Gosling‘s baby. Which might actually be true, according to Lainey Gossip, who I’m going kicking this whole post over to because I only engage in high-stakes journalism where war machines look like butts. It’s a style of integrity I try not to brag about.
UPDATE: And we’ve got a confirmation. Please give your uterus my condolences.
Photos: INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
While appearing on CNBC yesterday to promote her Kardashian Kid Klothes (Try the hoods!), Kim Kardashian decided to refute Pespi CEO Indra Nooyi‘s recent comments that working moms really can’t have it all because Kris Jenner taught her daughters that you fucking abandon your kids until you can pimp them out for money and you abandon those little shits now. Via Jezebel:
I mean, I think that’s just not really like a positive outlook and for me, like my mom kind of taught us girls that we could have it all. You know, she works hard. She taught us that if you work hard, it’s just all about prioritizing and I think that, yeah, it could get tough and after you have a baby, there are so many times when I just didn’t want to get up and work on something and I just wanted to be home with my baby, but, you know, for me, and I think I can speak for my sisters, it makes us feel good when we are out working and we can provide something for our friends and products that, you know, we can’t find that we really want. And it just makes you feel productive. So if anyone really feels like they can’t do it all, I feel like it’s a little bit discouraging to say that, even if I couldn’t and it wasn’t possible, I would try. And I would, you know, try my best to do it all.
Of course, what’s even more hilarious than abandoning your baby for the higher cause of shilling niche boutique items to rich people who are apparently dying without whore-emblazoned overalls for their kids is that Kim Kardashian’s “work” entails literally just walking around and doing whatever she wants while somebody films it. The other day she ate a salad. That was her job for the day. Christ, in the pics for the post you’re reading right now, she’s at a fucking amusement park. An amusement park. You know who loves amusement parks? BABIES. And, okay, pedophiles, but like she knows that.
Photos: Splash News
The last time I posted about Pamela Anderson, she was blowing Rick Salomon in the ocean, so you’ll probably be surprised to learn she’s divorcing him again. Even though we have seen evidence this year that blowjobs ruin marriages despite almost completely vanishing in the presence of such. Life’s a riddle that way. Anyway, apparently she’s walking away with half of the $2.8 million he won in a poker tournament last week which would be some impressive gold-digging if Eric Johnson didn’t just marry Jessica Simpson over the weekend on top of already shoving two kids in her. It’s like comparing your high score in Pac-Man to Captain Ahab banging Moby Dick until gold coins shoot out of his blowhole. I don’t know how else to put that.
- Taylor Swift wrote an op-ed on the music industry. Oh, good. [Lainey Gossip]
- Halle Berry‘s daughter is already better at relationships than her mother. [Dlisted]
- Jennifer Lawrence can be dead sexy. Even in GIFs. [theCHIVE]
- Robin Thicke is blaming “Blurred Lines” for ruining his marriage. [Fishwrapper]
- Jesus Christ, how many kids does Beyonce‘s dad have? [WWTDD]
- What’s up, Tatiane De Souza bikini photos? [Popoholic]
- In case you live in a bubble, there’s a new Harry Potter story out. [Starpulse]
- The Situation has a new reality show about his family? FRANK SORRENTINO OR GTFO. [tooFab]
- Good God, Anna Kelle. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Amy Hood is one very naked pin-up model. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where I’m once again in familiar territory, alone, below some fantastic nakedness and free to write whatever I want without caution. So before my presentation on some of the good ideas the Nazis had (Did you know they invented frozen yougurt?), I’ll describe the questions that my in-no-way-severely-damaged brain created for my favorite pic of the day. Here’s perpetually shit-faced Kiefer Sutherland drunk shuffling down the sidewalk in NYC. Is he about to slur out a show tune and attempt a swing around a lightpole? Will teenage Ben Foster heading home from his shift at T-Mobile catch him when he falls?
I like to think so…I like to think so, *pushes thumbtack into Pierre, SD on wall-size U.S. map, pets imaginary cat on shoulder* It’s all coming together now, Prince Charles, soon, soon,
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Rabbi Tom Hanks Singing Montell Jordan And Wait, Bieber Posted This? OHMYGODHEREALLYISJESUS!!
Now that Shia LaBeouf has been effectively discredited thanks to a month of terrorizing New York with piss and butt-grabbing, it’s time to ask the hard questions about how he’s definitely a victim of MK Ultra. It’s totally obvious. Which brings us to Vigilant Citizen, a blog dedicated to pointing out how every single music video has the same exact imagery which is clearly the result of Illuminati manipulation and not, oh I dunno, Hollywood being a place where original thought goes to die. (That said, the dude’s write-up on True Detective is fucking bananaballs awesome because if anybody should write a breakdown of that show, it’s someone who actually believes there’s a psychosphere you can taste with your mouth.) Anyway, in VC’s latest post, his theory is that Shia LaBeouf was targeted for humiliation by his “MK handlers” back in 2008 when he told Jay Leno about an FBI consultant on the set of Eagle Eye who demonstrated to Shia that the government was recording “one out of every five conversations” either through our phones, home security or OnStar systems. Jump to four years later, and suddenly Shia’s naked in a Sigur Rós video eating a scorpion lollipop and being forced to wear a bag over his head. The evidence is all right there. OPEN YOUR EYES.
Videos After The Jump
Over the weekend, Chris Brown posted the above pic of Karrueche Tran‘s ass to Instagram only to delete it and every single picture of her from his account. Turns out she’d prefer the entire Internet not look up her butthole, so she dumped him, according to Radar Online. Which actually seems pretty tame in comparison to all the things Chris Brown has done, so let’s not pretend she won’t take him back after he plays the “At least I didn’t hit you (yet/again), baby!” card. That shit worked on Rihanna, and he almost killed her. It’s practically magic.
Photos: Instagram / INFphoto
Via Steve who probably thinks he’s safe in Canada. Hahaha! Fool.
Airlander 10: Up Close With The Gigantic Airship The US Army Wanted – The Verge 7.8.14
Photos: The Verge / Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News, WENN