The Crap We Missed – Monday 3.31.14

March 31st, 2014 // 481 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, which is so full of homoerotica I had to replace my office chair with a block of ice it made Kellan Lutz pass out from excitement. True story. Seriously though, this has to be the gayest compilation I’ve ever put together thanks to Patrick Schwarzenegger and his boys gone wild, Andy Dick existing in reality, and whoever this dude is who thought it would be hilarious to try on a lady’s swimsuit.

HA! You almost had us bro, sweet dick though,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

Courtney Stodden Rubbed Her Giant Cartoon Breasts All Over The Dead

March 31st, 2014 // 21 Comments

As you can see, my headline was sadly literal because here’s Courtney Stodden at the Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery where she took selfies of her plastic tits in front of the graves of Marilyn Monroe, Eva Gabor, and Farrah Fawcett because she’s (almost) just like them. There’s just one tiny little thing missing…

Photo: Instagram

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Conscious Uncoupling Was A Smokescreen? The F*ck You Say?!

March 31st, 2014 // 27 Comments
Thank You, The Little People
Gwyneth Paltrow
GOOP Could've Done It Without You. Easily. Read More »

You might want to sit down for this. So you know how Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin announced they were consciously uncoupling making it look like they’re both super cool, meditative people whose marriage is on a deep, spiritual journey high above yours? Turns out they might have done that so you don’t find out what horrible people they really are. I know, I didn’t believe it myself. Seriously, have you tasted Gwyneth’s quiche? Just the crust alone makes none of this sound right, and don’t get me started on the orphan ganache. TMZ reports: More »

BREAKING: Miranda Kerr Wants To Bang Women

March 31st, 2014 // 35 Comments

Here’s Miranda Kerr posing nude for the April issue of British GQ where she reveals she’s open to having sex with a woman now that she’s single. Which – okay, you got me – doesn’t really count as breaking news because this happened already. I wrote about this happening. You guys don’t miss a trick.

Adding… If you click on anything today, immediately clear the room and make it this. (You’re welcome.)

Photos: British GQ

Nickelodeon Hates Jennette McCurdy

March 31st, 2014 // 9 Comments
'Nipples or GTFO'
Lea Michele Nipple Kids Choice Awards
Your 2014 Kids' Choice Awards Read More »

While we’re on the topic of the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards thanks to Lea Michele’s nipples, former leaked photo lingerie person Jennette McCurdy pulled a no-show despite being nominated for Favorite TV Actress. An award that went to her co-star Ariana Grande probably because she wasn’t half-naked on the Internet which I’m going to assume is what Jennette’s rant is all about: More »

Yes, Lea Michele, The Kids’ Choice Awards Is A Great Place To See Your Nipples

March 31st, 2014 // 31 Comments

While appearing at The Humane Society Gala, an adult fundraising event, Joanna Krupa, of all people, had the social decorum to at least cover up her nipples with pasties. So with that in mind, here’s Lea Michele at the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards where I’m staring directly at her nipple. And people wonder why Cory Monteith OD’d. — What? I didn’t say I wondered that. I said people. People wonder that.

Photos: Getty

Louis C.K.’s SNL Monologue Went Over Well

March 31st, 2014 // 118 Comments
Louis CK SNL
Christians Hate Cosmos
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Who Saw That Coming? Read More »

Let me get this out of the way so some of you can avoid hurting yourself:

HURR DURR WHY DIDNT HE MAKE FUN OF MOOSLIMS?? A HUURRRRR DURRRR PUSSIES WON’T JOKE ‘BOUT ISLAM HURRRR DURRR CHRISTIANS DON’T BEHEAD YOU BUT WE LUB OUR GENS HURR DURR DUMB HURR DURRRRRRRRR IS MY DEFLECTION WORKING? HURR DURR DURR HUUURRRRR

Louis C.K. SNL Monologue After The Jump