Good Morning, Miranda Kerr, And Other News

December 2nd, 2014 // 18 Comments

- Miley Cyrus and The Gropenator‘s son spent Thanksgiving together. [Lainey Gossip]

- Wait, wait. Aubrey O’Day has a face? [Fishwrapper]

- Scary Spice used to pick up MILFs before she met her husband. [Dlisted]

- Girls In Excessively Tight Dresses [theCHIVE]

- Emotional Support Pigs don’t do well on airplanes. I’m as shocked as you are. [The Frisky]

- Maitland Ward eating ice cream. [WWTDD]

- Aww, the poor policemen got their fee-fees hurt. [Death and Taxes]

- Xenia Deli in holiday lingerie, anyone? [Popoholic]

- Julia Pereira‘s in a bikini. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Top 20 Sexiest Instagram Girls [COED]

- People are freaking out over this Jessica Alba bikini pic. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: The Grosby Group/AKM-GSI

Anais Zanotti Is The Crap I Missed – Monday 12.1.14

December 1st, 2014 // 10 Comments

Alright, folks, normally this would be the part where Photo Boy drops The Crap We Missed on you, but he’s in Mexico all week with Mrs. Photo Boy who I do not have a voodoo doll of. Who told you that? Anyway, here’s Anais Zanotti doing yoga to put a nice bow on today, and by bow I mean you can stare into her crotch while she does stretches. So basically the kind Santa uses. See you tomorrow.

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Photos: FameFlynet

Scott Stapp Is Out of His Goddamn Mind

December 1st, 2014 // 35 Comments
Scott Stapp
Obama Never Forgets
Scott Stapp Creed
The Day Scott Stapp Turned The Election. But Not Really. Read More »

Just like Mickey Rourke “winning” a boxing match, a lot of people wrote in over the holiday to let me know that Scott Stapp is supposedly broke and living in a Holiday Inn. And just like the Mickey Rourke story, there’s a simple explanation, and it’s Scott Stapp is crazy. Fucking bananaballs crazy. Turns out he was placed under a three-day psychiatric hold before going on Facebook and saying he’s homeless which he then followed up with the greatest hits of delusional nuts: ISIS is coming after his kids’ school, Obama’s using the IRS to silence him, and taking prayer out of school has destroyed America. Literally all the hallmarks of crazy. Via Mediaite:

We’ve taken God out of everything — we won’t allow kids to pray to Christ or God in our public schools, but we sure will make allowances for Muslims and Hindus and Buddhists to have their freedom of religion. So we take Christianity out but then we inundate our children’s minds with the freedom of religion for everybody else. I mean, we’re humans, we’re made up of body, mind and soul. Right now, we have a generation of children and people all the way up to their forties who have a complete soul sickness because God has been removed out of American culture and relegated to churches. Except for it’s printed on our money, because what I’m starting to realize is that’s really what’s become the God of America: money.

Except here’s the amazing part: Even Scott Stapp read all that and went, “Holy shit, what am I saying?!,” and fucking deleted it. Via Facebook: More »

Those Are Madonna’s Nipples

December 1st, 2014 // 53 Comments

Here’s posing Madonna posing topless for Interview who I’m going to assume were forced to make her nipples look like buttons on a battleship or else she’d shoot lightning at them from her goat staff. It’s classic Madonna.

“So, how do you want these to look?”
“Like lighter buttons on an old grill.”
“What? Why?”
“YOU DARE QUESTION MY WAYS, MORTAL?!” *puts curse on Sleeping Beauty*

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Photo: Marcus Piggott, Mert Alas / Interview

The ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Special Edition Trailer Is Spot On

December 1st, 2014 // 34 Comments
Star Wars The Force Awakens Special Edition Trailer
WATCH: 'Star Wars: Ep. VII' - Special Edition Trailer

For a change of pace (Read: I need an easy punt between posts. Sue me.), here’s the “George Lucas Special Edition” trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens which really drives home why everyone geeked out over the return-to-basics feel of the actual trailer because that shit could’ve been worse. Way, way worse. And to put some English on this awesome, here’s John Boyega‘s shutting down Internet racists who were apparently pissed about a black stormptrooper in a fictional universe full of magic and laser swords where Samuel L. Jackson and Billy Dee Williams have already played characters. Jesus Christ. It’s like you’re picking this shit out of a hat. *ruffles around, pulls out paper, reads* “Holy shit, Turks are eating Pop Tarts? TO SOME COMMENT THREAD SOMEWHERE!”

John Boyega Responds To Internet Racists After The Jump

Ray Rice Can Play Football Again

December 1st, 2014 // 55 Comments
Ray Rice Janay
Everybody Called It
Ray Rice
The NFL Doesn't Give A Shit About Women Read More »

Now that Ray Rice has been officially reinstated by the NFL, let’s see how football fans are reacting to seeing a man who knocked his fiance unconscious in an elevator successfully negotiate a delicate pat on the wrist before being handed millions of dollars to move a leather ball down a field. TMZ reports:

Didn’t take long for Fantasy Football owners to forgive Ray Rice — because just hours after he was reinstated, Ray has become the MOST picked up player in Yahoo! fantasy leagues.
As we previously reported, Ray’s fantasy stock sank like a stone after TMZ Sports published the inside-the-elevator footage back in September.
But now, according to Yahoo! “Transaction Trends” page, Ray has already been added to more than 168,000 fantasy teams … the #1 added player today … BY FAR.

FOOTBAAAALLLLLLLL!!! And while that’s depressing enough by itself, here’s Janay Rice telling Matt Lauer that it was God’s will for her to be punched out and dragged out of an elevator by a professional athlete whose employer would see to it that he faced the most minimal of legal repercussions if any at all. *kisses fingers, points to sky* Just living by His plan, y’all. TODAY reports: More »

Shia LaBeouf Claims He Was ‘Raped’ During His Performance Art Show

December 1st, 2014 // 53 Comments
Shia LaBeouf
'Metamodernist Christian'
Bring Shia LaBeouf Your Poor, Your Unwashed Read More »

Thanks to Bill Cosby, there’s been a dialog happening about the credibility of rape accusers and how the trauma of the act itself along with societal stigmas can cause them to remain silent for years, if not decades, so what better time for Shia LaBeouf to claim that some dude’s girl totally couldn’t resist “raping” him in his Fart Sniff Emporium while her man was standing right outside. You should’ve seen the look on his face! Via Dazed And Confused:

One woman who came with her boyfriend, who was outside the door when this happened, whipped my legs for ten minutes and then stripped my clothing and proceeded to rape me… There were hundreds of people in line when she walked out with dishevelled hair and smudged lipstick. It was no good, not just for me but her man as well.

And because this is the Internet, people actually started taking Shia LaBeouf seriously complete with cautions not to victim blame, and to show the type of decency that should be reserved for, oh I dunno, people who were actually raped. Because as it turns out, his art show collaborators were right outside the room and removed the woman once they heard some shit happening. Shit they won’t specify because no one dares contradict the Fartmaster, but at the same time, please do art shows with them. It’s totally safe! Via USA Today: More »