Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed capping a solid week’s coverage of culture-shaping events like Joanna Krupa‘s apparently smelly pussy and Justin Bieber‘s hooker making a porno. These are trying times, you guys, and we’re here for you. Which is why this gallery exists. Not only are these pictures the most important things in the universe, they also serve as the vehicle by which you crack the hard shells around our hearts with your comments. So please, don’t hesitate to make the 4,652nd Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a horse joke, or find a way to connect Angelina Jolie‘s permanently hard nipples with African child abduction and/or ruining Jennifer Aniston‘s life. You really can never know how much that stuff means to us.
Good night, and good luck,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Brooke Hogan got engaged to Phil Costa of the Dallas Cowboys back in June, and it seemed like a match made in the heaven. Two athletes with penises. What more do you need? Except if there’s one thing I know about men, it’s that we’re terrified of commitment. I check under my bed for it every night. TMZ reports:
Sources close to Brooke tell us Hulk’s daughter ended her engagement to Dallas Cowboys center Phil Costa a few weeks ago … after he proposed in Vegas back in June.
We’re told Brooke realized things had moved way too fast, too soon … so she decided to call it quits and focus on her music — before making things official forever.
Our sources say Hogan recently moved back to L.A. to put the finishing touches on her new album … and she wanted to be closer to Momma Hogan.
If I had to put my finger on when things went south, I’d probably say it was the time Phil said, “Wait, why does your dad make you wear children’s pajamas?” then felt what he thought was a steel Thermos pressing against his back as he slipped into darkness. That, or Brooke farts in his sleep. Either one.
Jennifer Lawrence has given a series of interviews while promoting The Hunger Games: Catching Fire which we’ve covered exactly one of and almost entirely focused on her side boob and butt. But I did write about the poop one! Let the record show I wrote about the poop one. Anyway, here’s Jennifer Lawrence doing her final promotional stop on The Daily Show last night where she was just simply delightful. I understand what you see in her now, Internet, but I don’t think cat photos are going to be the way to this one’s heart. I see you have a lot of them there, bashfully hidden behind your back, but it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you. And, no, porn won’t work either, but good hustle, good hustle.
Jennifer Lawrence On ‘The Daily Show’ After The Jump
Here’s a high off his ass Lamar Odom hanging out shirtless (naked?) with some other dude and rapping about how he’s God and cheats on Khloe Kardashian because her divorce lawyer is a powerful wizard who made this happen with his mind. TMZ reports:
Lamar appears out of it, rapping about making money off his fragrance “Unbreakable,” and how he smokes drugs to make “the pain go away.” He even drops Kanye’s name.
But the crazy part — Lamar raps, “And when Khloe’s out of town / I still be on the DL.” His friend then follows up, “You know what it is / We the QU [Queens] pimps / Ask any of these shorties / We ran through their cribs.”
In related news, Kris Jenner‘s vagina just lubricated itself for the first time since 1997. There were no survivors.
Come on in, son, have a seat.
Listen, I know you’re all grown up now and have a family of your own, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t have a talk with your old man. As you know, it’s been a few months since your mother passed, and well, I’ve met somebody. Have you ever been on the Internet? Who am I kidding? You kids practically live on the damn thing. Like right now, put that phone away. I’m trying to have a moment here. Now, are you familiar with Courtney Stodden? You are? Why are you shaking your head like that? She’s a nice, sweet gal who’s helping your old man through a tough- don’t you take that tone with- no, I’ve never seen The Green Mile. Or Lost. Jesus, how much television does your generation watch? Get to the point. — Child bride? She’s a 45-year-old woman for crying out loud. — 18?! Are you smoking pot again? So help me if you’re smoking pot, I will put you in that rehab, mister. You have kids for chrissakes! Oh, so now you’re leaving. Fine. Who needs a crybaby son when I’ve got a pair of sweet tits waiting for me? That’s right, you heard me. Your old man loves tits! Think about that while you’re trying to get it up in that prison cell you call a marriage. I told your mother giving you my name was a mistake, but no, “Fred Willard Jr. sounds just swell, honey.” I should’ve left for smokes and never came back. Get outta my kitchen.
- Kris Jenner pimped Kendall to Harry Styles. [Lainey Gossip]
- Dina Lohan ordered to get psychiatric evaluation in her DUI case. [Dlisted]
- Guy Fieri dubbed is why we have an Internet. [theCHIVE]
- Snooki will apparently make your ovaries explode. I had no idea chlamydia did that. [Fishwrapper]
- Jennifer Lawrence‘s red carpet meltdown. [tooFab]
- Michelle Bachmann is that word Sarah Silverman was just singing about. [BuzzFeed]
- Good God, Xenia Deli… [Popoholic]
- Kim Kardashian is really, really mad that people know she’s full of shit. [IDLYITW]
- Kristin Cavallari looks fantastic pregnant, is a freak of nature. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Courtney Robertson‘s in a bikini. [Celebslam]
- Rihanna‘s still twerking. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- I believe LeAnn Rimes is exactly this crazy. [Amy Grindhouse]
- Batkid was worth worth every fucking penny. [FilmDrunk]
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