Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where since we’ve already posted Alec Baldwin‘s wife’s nipples, we decided to lead this thing off with his daugther Ireland‘s butt, because bears are stupid animals that deserve no respect is what my boss told me, sir, I swear to you it was him. *dips Fish in honey, tosses into woods, climbs tree* Also, this post is on the heels of my three-day hiatus which means it’s crammed tighter than this denim, stretching all the way back to Valentine’s Day just for this shot of Pope Francis. I don’t know why, but the context seemed important on that one. Normally it’s just random royalty shitting themselves, 1986 Christie Brinkley‘s time-traveling hijinks and Instagram quasi-nudes, but the Pope with his special Valentine…
Didn’t want to let that one go unnoticed (Their track record with children isn’t great is what I’m getting at),
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Sports Illustrated may have put three swimsuit models who aren’t Kate Upton on the cover this year, but that was only to distract you while they shot her breasts into zero gravity. Then again, there are people who will tell you that things like NASA or science are a waste of precious time and money, and those people should be rounded up into a gulag and shot. I said it.
Kate Upton’s Zero Gravity Video After The Jump
Here’s Hilaria Baldwin posing for a photo shoot in Madrid over the weekend, and yes, that’s her nipple popping out. As for how she’s not being swarmed by paparazzi to take a picture of it, Alec Baldwin mauled them to death then dragged their bodies to a cave. I saw the whole thing.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
Yesterday, Defamer reported that President Obama personally asked HBO’s CEO for advanced copies of Game of Thrones and True Detective because you know who calls you in that middle of that shit when you’re the president? The talking bill from Schoolhouse Rock. Every time. More importantly, Alexandra Daddario saw Defamer‘s post and tweeted this:
A true statement considering her boobs get all kinds of naked in the second episode which is why we should probably look at them because this site’s about fostering an informed electorate by tricking you with titty pictures. On top of that, if they’re good enough for the president, then by God, they’re good enough for you at work. YOU WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO UNEMPLOYMENT.
Alexandra Daddario True Detective GIF After The Jump
Because his employment technically qualifies as indentured servitude, I granted Photo Boy the whole day off yesterday under the auspice that I could shoot an apple off his head with an old Derringer I found. But before I do that, I felt it’d be a prudent to make him put together a whole bunch of bikini galleries because who knows how accurate this thing is. The other day I aimed it at a bird, and it fired into my foot. Is it supposed to do that? I know literally nothing about firearms. I thought the damn thing was a whistle.
Photo: Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News
When we last left Lady GaGa‘s vagina, it was in full bush mode or sporting one hell of a merkin. Except here she is last night wearing a leotard between her freshly shorn labia because that’s a wholly original idea that no one’s been doing lately. Her creativity really is quite astounding. You’ll never see someone like Paris Hilton employing her vulva for attention. This is an artist’s work.
Photos: Splash News
Thanks to Disney owning both ABC and Marvel, the Guardians of the Galaxy trailer will debut tonight during Jimmy Kimmel Live!, but since this is the Internet, naturally there’s a trailer for the trailer. And because I’m a sexless nerd, naturally I’m posting it. In the meantime, this has been shatted out countless times into the the Intertubes, but only because it bares repeating that DC Comics still hasn’t got a movie with both Superman and Batman off the ground yet, while Marvel is already putting out an obscure space title with a talking tree and a raccoon with a machine gun that’s setting up a movie where The Incredible Hulk fights an entire planet. And if none of those words mean anything to you, what’s it like having money and friends? Do you sometimes congregate and eat the food stuff you purchased instead of figurines? Oh, I would ever so like that…
Rocket Raccoon & Groot Test Footage After The Jump