A few weeks ago, we learned that Jared Leto has a giant penis with a head shaped like a Praetorian Guard thanks to Alexis Arquette‘s remarkably accurate knowledge of Roman helmets. And now here’s a GIF of Jared Leto grabbing said Roman warrior penis from a since-deleted YouTube video of a live 30 Seconds To Mars performance because the ladies, and always welcomed cock-loving gents, who somehow keep visiting the site get the shaft 99% of the time, so for once I decided to literally give them a shaft. You can see it move and everything, so it’s like we’re finally watching the ARPANET deliver all the dreams it promised except for that one where a beautiful cyber-woman cooks a delicious digital roast. You bastards lied.
Jared Leto Dick GIF After The Jump
Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed, a surprisingly large collection thanks to Fashion Rocks. Admittedly, I don’t know what the fuck that is, but apparently is was brought to you by Butts™ and sponsored by More Butts™. That said, this gallery is almost all female with a few of our favorite dudes sprinkled in, most notably the patriarch of my dark heart himself, Prince Charles, seen here watching a black woman clean a couch. Believe me when I say that when I find stuff like this reality just barely hangs onto my grasp.
*looks at Brett Ratner pic, climbs onto roof, spreads arms* I dare you, laws of physics, SHOW YOURSELVES!!
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Miley Cyrus‘ “Dirty Hippie” art show opens today, and if you have no idea what that is, congratulations, you only looked at her naked boobs in V Magazine without reading any of the words. We’re kin. Except if you do read the words like I only just now did, you’ll find out that Miley Cyrus gets high all the time and glues a bunch of random shit to other random shit which apparently makes her an artist and more than just a pop star now. Somewhere, your eighth grade teacher just shot herself. Or masturbated with a clay pot. I honestly don’t know what those people do: More »
Lemme get this all straight: Jennifer Lopez can flash her granny ass all over da stage, but da second my sexy, young boy #BBare gives y’all some dark sexual chocolate, mothafuckas be booing his ass? Dat’s some Rodney King shit right here. Next you gonna tell me my boy can’t drink from da same water fountain as you? Ride da same bus? Show white bitches his Spongebob underwear? That’s how this shit starts, son. It’s the same reason why there’s a liquor store on almost every corner of Canada. Why? They want #BBare to kill hisself.
Justin Bieber Gets Booed At Fashion Rocks After The Jump
With Nicki Minaj cornering the ass market, it’s important to remember that it was Jennifer Lopez, not Kim Kardashian (What’s wrong with you?), who brought giant butts into the mainstream. So here she is performing at Fashion Rocks last night while flashing her 45-year-old ass or be forever banished into the wilderness in this post-Miley Cyrus Thunderdome we now live in. — I’m joking! There’s always dictators to perform for. Tons and tons of dictators. More importantly, I want to know what this guy’s job is. What’s his specific stage instructions? “Okay, beat, beat, beat, and sniffing the butt. You’re sniffing the butt. Sniff that shit like a fucking flower annnnd… jazz hands!” How do I gear my LinkedIn towards that? How do I make that happen?
Bertney And The No Good, Gosh Darn Secret That Wouldn’t Stay A Secret
A Learning Story For Junior Secret Keepers
A long time ago Bertney got to be in a real, live movie. She doesn’t remember much about it, and has never seen it on account of it not being cartoons, but she does remember a table full of lots and lots of goodies that Papa let her eat if she said her lines right. It was like being in a play everyday!
And, so, while Papa reminded Bertney about her movie, he told her some very exciting news: One of her co-stars was coming to visit!
“A co-star?” Bertney asked Papa, “Like them things you put drinks on that I always think are cookies?”
“Haha, no,” Papa said. “A co-star is like a friend who helps you make a movie.”
“A friend!” Bertney squealed. “Oh boy!” Now she was really excited. Maybe they’d play Barbie dolls together or eat great big bowls of ice creams until their bellies hurt. Bertney loved ice cream. More »
Posted By Photo Boy
- Reese Witherspoon is a heroin-addict hiker in Wild. But what about the baby?! [Lainey Gossip]
- Hey, remember Jared Leto‘s gladiator helmet dick? That was only the beginning. [Dlisted]
- Cameras Are A Girl’s (Boobs’) Best Friend [theCHIVE]
- Kris Jenner in a bikini, because Satan needs your eyes for some reason. [Fishwrapper]
- Ranking Jax Teller’s Hair’s Fuckability [The Frisky]
- Rick Santorum wants to ban secularism from schools now. [Death and Taxes]
- Is Paris Jackson pregnant or just 16 years old and shirtless? Discuss. [WWTDD]
- Jesus Christ, Nina Agdal lingerie photos. [Popoholic]
- The thought of pulling your mom’s pubes gave Charlie Hunnam a nervous breakdown. [Starpulse]
- Channing Tatum is terrified of porcelain dolls. [tooFab]
- Here’s a picture moment for Christine. Her boobs deserve it. [Hollywood Tuna]
- And here’s Charlotte Carey naked for something. It doesn’t matter. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed which contains a Lindsay Lohan facial and a kid staring at you while you stare at her mom’s ass. It’s practically a Disney movie. There’s even a Prince, a hideous monster and a terrified Kevin Smith who just knows security is going to confiscate all the poutine he’s smuggling in that luggage. All three pieces.
Ok, admittedly that last one had nothing to do with Disney unless you count the anti-Semitism. What, you didn’t know Kevin Smith hates Jews?
- Photo Boy
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News