Lindsay Lohan Wants J.K. Rowling To Write A Book About Her Sex Life

August 5th, 2014 // 44 Comments
We Have The Internet, Lindsay
Lindsay Lohan Bikini Instagram
We Know What You Look Like Read More »

At first glance, the headline would seem to suggest Lindsay Lohan wants to read a book about a beloved children’s author’s sex life, and honestly, who doesn’t want to know how many times J.K. Rowling achieved pure ecstasy of the flesh while creating Hogwarts? It’s practically all I think about it. Except this is Lindsay Lohan we’re dealing with, so naturally everything revolves around her and has a zero chance in hell of happening in real life. Radar reports:

The Liz & Dick star “held meetings at major publishing houses in London recently,” an insider told the UK Sun, regarding the prospects of a tell-all book with details so salacious, it might make Fifty Shades of Grey aficionados blush.
“The stories she promised the literary agents made their jaws drop.”

And while all of that sounds fascinating on paper, Lindsay Lohan is borderline illiterate so she’s going to need some help. Fortunately, she has a list of people in mind who obviously will jump at the chance to write about freckled handjobs that still didn’t get her a part in The Avengers. It’s every writer’s dream. More »

Dude, You Cropped Out Usher’s Head

August 5th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Justin Bieber Naked Instagram

Not cool, man. Not cool.

Justin Bieber’s Naked Instagram After The Jump

Olivia Wilde’s Breastfeeding, Too

August 5th, 2014 // 44 Comments

Here’s Olivia Wilde breastfeeding her son for the September issue of Glamour because not only is it National Breastfeeding Month, it’s apparently World Breastfeeding Week, so let’s pretend that’s why I posted those pics of Gwen Stefani breastfeeding yesterday. Because it certainly wasn’t to publish a private, perfectly natural moment for sexual titillation and profit. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. *goes back to pricing speed boats*

Alanis Morisette Breastfeeding After The Jump

You Have My Attention, ‘Pixels’

August 5th, 2014 // 60 Comments
Ashley Benson Topless
Ashley Benson Topless
These Are Topical To This Discussion Read More »

The only thing I know about Pixels is that it’s an Adam Sandler movie, so right off the bat I know way too much and will forever have to live with my shame. But then I saw these pics of Ashley Benson looking hot as shit while wielding double katanas as a perfectly mulleted Peter Dinklage runs behind her with a space bazooka and realized, wait, this isn’t a movie set. This is Heaven. Actual Heaven. Or you can believe that stupid kid’s story about Jesus’ horse which sounds super exciting. “What’s that, Didn’t Really Die Boy? Jesus’ horse ate a carrot? A whole carrot? All by itself?! Fuck space titties and midget mullets, let’s tell people about that. Hey, everybody, Jesus’ horse likes carrots! Orange ones, too! BOO-YEAH.”

Photos: Pacific Coast News

Good Morning, Andrea Calle, And Other News

August 5th, 2014 // 12 Comments

- The Olsen Twins really like old dudes. [Lainey Gossip]

- Gwyneth Paltrow loves violent facials. [Dlisted]

- I suddenly want to be invaded by Norway. [theCHIVE]

- Kristen Stewart probably stole Jennifer Lawrence‘s boyfriend. [Fishwrapper]

- Beware of the No Fap diet and, yes, it’s exactly what it sounds like. [The Frisky]

- There’s going to be an all-female Ghostbusters reboot now. [The Daily Banter]

- Golf has coke and slutty wives now? I’m listening. [WWTDD]

- Did Minka Kelly‘s breasts get bigger? They look like they got bigger. [Popoholic]

- Michael Johns probably didn’t die from a blood clot. [Starpulse]

- Mariah Carey apparently lets her children drink dish soap. [tooFab]

- Ryan Gosling cries after sex. [IDLYITW]

- I would punch Justin Bieber over this. Or a sandwich. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Hilary Duff is sending me an adorable message. [Celebslam]

- Hayden Panettiere pregnant in a bikini, anyone? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.4.14

August 4th, 2014 // 468 Comments

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed featuring the full blossoming of Bruce Jenner‘s beautiful mullet. If that thing had breasts that it was exploiting on social media to squeeze out it’s last few droplets of fame, it surely would have lead today’s gallery. But this Internet empire lives and dies by the pageview (Perverts, right this way.), so hopefully you’ll click all the way through not-at-all-shitfaced-drunk-while-on-probation Chris Brown, as well as Bishop Don “Magic” Juan making sure a bitch isn’t infringing on his territory, and more promotional shots from Nicki Minaj, who apparently made an album dedicated entirely to her ass.

And now back to the loyal perverts who pay for the gym shorts I work in – Remember when Taylor Momsen was a little kid? I’ll see you all in Hell,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

We Know What You Look Like In A Bikini, Lindsay

August 4th, 2014 // 17 Comments
Exhibit Flapjacks
Lindsay Lohan Saggy Side Boob Skinny Legs Swimsuit Jetski
KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE! Read More »

Because Lindsay Lohan lives in an imaginary world where she’s a sober Oscar-winning actress and not a prostitute who files frivolous lawsuits for money on the side, why would she be aware of a worldwide information system with readily available photographs of how she really looks in a bikini? So here she is on Instagram in a darkened room pushing the defreckler filter to its limits on the off-chance someone will look at her and go, “Now there’s a beautiful woman whose price I won’t try to haggle down after wondering if emphysema is contagious on account of hearing her siren’s voice.” It’s practically foolproof.

Lindsay Lohan Bikini Instagram After The Jump

That’s Gwen Stefani’s Nipple

August 4th, 2014 // 63 Comments

While breastfeeding her son. Should I have mentioned breastfeeding her son upfront? That’s Gwen Stefani‘s nipple while breastfeeding her son. Now you sit there staring out the window thinking about how that didn’t even stop you. You barely hesitated. What are you doing with your life?

Photos: AKM-GSI