Kate Winslet Never ‘Snogged’ Leonardo DiCaprio

October 3rd, 2014 // 14 Comments
Leo Should Never Rap
Leonardo DiCaprio Squirt Gun
'I Thought It Was Mad Dope, Bro!'
- Jonah Hill Read More »

Kate Winslet was younger than 23 when she filmed Titanic, so based on everything we know about this world, Leonardo DiCaprio was required to have sex with her by law. But so far this week we’ve seen George Clooney get married and Mila Kunis birth Ashton Kutcher‘s baby, so somebody’s traveling through time and fucking his mom instead of pretending to be Darth Vader so his dad will have the confidence to ask her out. (And if you’re reading this, knock it off.) Which brings us to Kate’s new interview with Marie Claire UK where she denies “snogging” Leo because why wouldn’t the British describe fucking in Dr. Seuss terms? I will not snog in the fog, or with a hog on a log, said the frog in the bog. Via HuffPost:

“I think the reason that friendship works is because there was never any romantic thing,” Winslet said. “It’s so disappointing for people to hear that, because in the soap opera of the Kate and Leo story we fell in love at first sight and had a million snogs, but actually we never did. He always saw me as one of the boys. I’ve never really been a girly-girl.”

And with that, Jonah Hill slowly raised his scope removing the red dot from Kate’s chest as the two exchanged silent nods. This wasn’t her day to die. Blake Lively on the other hand…

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Photo: Getty

Nick Jonas Is Grabbing His Dick On The Internet

October 3rd, 2014 // 21 Comments
Nick Jonas Dick Underwear Flaunt

It’s been a few weeks since I tossed our penis-loving readers a bone with the Jared Leto dick GIF, so here’s Nick Jonas grabbing his for Flaunt which you can see more of on Dlisted where it will receive the proper treatment and respect it deserves. As opposed to here where we’re just going to Photoshop Joe Jonas into it because we’re 11. This is literally the depths of our comedy: More »

Pamela Anderson’s Breast Is Just Hanging Right Out

October 3rd, 2014 // 34 Comments

I was going to write about Joe and Terese Giudice‘s jail sentence, but we already knew that shit was coming because she milked her children’s fragile emotions for ratings. So here’s a post with some actual drama, but mostly Pamela Anderson‘s breast dangling out of her dress in the backseat of a car. It’s struggle is real.

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Photos: Pacific Coast News

Mila Kunis & Ashton Kutcher Are Already Being Assholes About Their Kid

October 3rd, 2014 // 33 Comments
Ashton Kutcher Is A Dad
Mila Kunis Ashton Kutcher
And Mila Kunis Is The Mother. Fuck This World. Read More »

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher‘s baby has barely been alive for three days and already they’re not so subtly bitching about the paparazzi while revealing their daughter’s name. People reports:

“Mila and I would like to welcome Wyatt Isabelle Kutcher to the world. May your life be filled with wonder, love, laughter, health, happiness, curiosity, and privacy,” he wrote.
Speaking of privacy, the actor’s post included photos of several different babies. “Can you guess which one is ours, or does it really matter?” he wrote. “All babies are cute.”

Jesus fucking Christ. If you’re that concerned with your daughter’s privacy which would be completely understandable if you genuinely meant it, move the fuck out of LA. Nobody is forcing you to live there or be highly-paid actors. You can easily pack your shit up, buy a house that’s not directly inside the celebrity media’s butthole and live quietly and peacefully for the rest of your lives without ever worrying about money again. And if that isn’t fair because you “love” acting so much, congratulations, you’re parents who have to make difficult choices now instead of stomping your feet and expecting the most camera-laden city in the country to magically change because you shat a kid into it. Even goddamn Taylor Swift doesn’t bitch about the paparazzi, and she’ll write an entire album if a boy doesn’t respond to her texts with the perfect amount of heart emoticons.

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Photos: FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News

Good Morning, Michelle Lewin, And Other News

October 3rd, 2014 // 19 Comments

- Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber are definitely broken up again. [Lainey Gossip]

- Raven-Symoné is throwing shade at Lindsay Lohan. [Dlisted]

- These Girls Are Dropping A Cute Atom Bomb On My Heart [theCHIVE]

- Kendall Jenner is “obsessed” with Chris Brown. [Fishwrapper]

- Dianna Agron is topless. [The Frisky]

- Diane Kruger‘s camel toe, anyone? [WWTDD]

- Reminder: Everything with a penis is awful. It’s how I’m in business! [Death and Taxes]

- Goddamn, Edita Vilkeviciute in lingerie. [Popoholic]

- Notice how the phone is conveniently blocking JWoww‘s face. [tooFab]

- Holy fucking shit, Alyssa Barbara. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Joanna Krupa may have leaked her own photos. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Splash News

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 10.2.14

October 2nd, 2014 // 334 Comments

Welcome to Thursday’s The Crap We Missed where I recklessly speculate about Chris Brown attempting to beat a small girl, purposefully mispronounce this innocent man‘s name just to make a cheap avian genitalia joke, and somehow found a picture that has five Brooke Shields faces in it. I’m assuming it was recovered from the charred remains of a camera that was somehow built to withstand spontaneous combustion.

Also, don’t forget to say happy birthday to The Shannon Twins who turned what, 39, 40 yesterday? Wait, this says 25…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

That’s Reese Witherspoon’s Butt In Yoga Pants

October 2nd, 2014 // 8 Comments

We’ve been talking about butts a lot lately including a look at their historical and artistic significance because this is an academic blog first, and a tits and ass bonanza second. So keeping with that tradition, here’s Reese Witherspoon‘s butt in yoga pants. It won an Oscar, so that seemed like good enough reason to post on the Internet even though I would’ve also accepted “has a crack in it” and “is there.”

Photos: FameFlynet

‘Football Is A Flat Circle’

October 2nd, 2014 // 4 Comments
Matthew McConaughey Texas Longhorns
WATCH: Matthew McConaughey's Longhorns Pep Talk

If there are two things in life I never want to see together – even in the middle of a McConnaissance – it’s actors talking about how great they are and football. Except here’s Matthew McConaughey giving a pep talk to the University of Texas Longhorns where he basically tells them that the only reason to do anything is to make yourself feel awesome. “And if everyone is out there doing everything entirely for themselves then a whole team will work better or something. Alright, alright. Now who wants to see me do the chest bump which is literally the only reason I was invited, and you can tell how seriously I took that by letting my kid run around me in circles the whole time. Everybody now, hmm hmm… *bump bump* Hmm hmm…” (I just saved you five minutes.)

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