During his interview with BBC Radio 1 in September, Kanye West described himself as Vanellope von Schweetz from Wreck-It Ralph. Except now he’s seen 12 Years A Slave, so he’d like to change it to that now. He’s the guy from that movie now. Via Radar Online:
“For me, I felt like the main character. In what I’m dealing with even as a mega-popular-rich-celebrity-f**k-you-who-do-you-think-you-are-to-complain-about-anything situation that I’m in, or in the past when I’ve dealt with attempting to create in other fields or in clothing, I’ve kind of been in this campaign that started with, ironically, my song, “New Slaves” where I was sitting in Paris and dealing with all of these companies that I promoted and I saw my friends promoted, and the reason literally why they would sell on Barney’s floors, is because me and Jay Z, everyone wore it,” West rambled.
“And it will be something that I sort of discovered maybe four years before that… putting it on trend. And then you start just doing more research and say, hey, I want to be part of the creative conversation and be able to make money off of that also, and they stop you right there and say, you can’t be a part of that conversation, or they give you a one-off, like, Louis Vuitton I did one shoe and Nike I did two shoes where they spread ‘em apart over four years and they had like, the most impact possible.
“And I kind of saw that side of what it was as a creative to be free, as the parallel of the main character in 12 Years A Slave. And then when it was taken away from me it felt like what it felt like as a creative to be enslaved, to have all of these ideas for product, things you were talking about earlier.”
And just in case the gravity of how fucking ridiculous every word out of Kanye’s mouth was isn’t immediately apparent, here’s the Wikipedia synopsis of the main character Solomon Northup‘s life which, by the way, is a true story and not a fictional candy princess this time because Kanye’s shitting on the very fabric of reality now. Just shitting right on it: More »
Alright, Internet, I’m going to say some things about your girlfriend, and I understand if it costs me a wedding invitation, but I only make with the real talk because I love. Long before Jennifer Lawrence started telling humorous anecdotes about shitting herself, there was another attractive blonde, also named Jenny, who liked to tell stories about pooping herself, too. Everyone thought it was so hilarious and that she was so hot, and then a bunch of kids died from diseases that had no business existing out of the 1920s. Not that I’m saying that’s going to happen here, but just be careful. Your father and I worry about you.
Jennifer Lawrence Talks About Shitting Her Pants After The Jump
Let’s start from the beginning. Three weeks ago, Chris Brown was arrested for allegedly assaulting a man for photobombing him – Yup. – then preemptively checked himself into rehab for anger management to try and duck violating his probation. Barely two weeks later, Chris’ lawyer told everyone he voluntarily checked himself out to finish the community service he was ordered to complete after getting caught faking his community service in Virginia that was part of his sentence for beating the shit out of Rihanna. Which actually sounded reasonable to me at the time because no one ordered Chris Brown to go to rehab, it was a transparent Hail Mary to duck going to jail, and he legitimately had community service to complete. So naturally it turned out he was kicked out of the facility for throwing a rock through his mom’s car window because Chris Brown is a violent shithead. TMZ reports:
We just got hold of the probation report in the Rihanna case, which outlines what happened during his 13 days in a Malibu rehab joint for anger management counseling.
According to the report, Chris’ mom showed up for a family session and was urging her son to stay in the facility for extended treatment. Apparently, Chris violently disagreed with her and in a fit of anger threw a rock through her car window, shattering it.
Fortunately, this was a smart move by Chris Brown because by telling his mom to fuck off and chucking a rock at car like a goddamn two-year-old to prove he doesn’t need anger management, he was court ordered yesterday to serve 90 days in a live-in rehab for exactly that. Because the thing you don’t know about Breezy is, he plays three-dimensional chess. More »
- Sean Penn and Alec Baldwin need to go live on Rage Island. [Lainey Gossip]
- Let’s keep Hump Day rolling with Bryana Holly. [theCHIVE]
- Will Smith just shows up in Justin Bieber‘s room in the middle of the night. [Dlisted]
- Which probably explains why his children are still shitheads. [Fishwrapper]
- The Change.org petition to end all Change.org petitions. Literally. [The Daily Banter]
- Kristen Bell is a Disney Princess now. [tooFab]
- The Best Advice To A Homophobic Parent That’s Ever Been Given [BuzzFeed]
- Hel-the-fuck-lo, Violet Budd… [Popoholic]
- Kelly Brook is still the perfect wom- Oh, right, Jeremy Piven. Fuck. [Hollywood Tuna]
- Maryna Linchuk is really starting to get my attention. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Unless you want herpes, buy your own damn copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. [FilmDrunk]
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Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed featuring newcomer Kea Ho, a man woman whose name actually made me laugh out loud into the cold emptiness of my mother’s basement, because I am both emotionally undeveloped and racially insensitive. So to keep that vibe going, here’s Jeremy Piven being heckled by gays, Iggy Pop actually wearing a shirt, and Jennifer Nicole Lee dribbling ice cream all over her boobies to make me think of ejaculate.
*breaks through third waffle cone with penis* HOLLYWOOD IS ALL LIES!
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
Earlier in the week, Rita Ora collapsed in Miami while doing a photo shoot which I didn’t bother posting about because I honestly have no idea what the fuck she does outside of dating Rob Kardashian that one time which made me want to know even less. Except here she is wearing a bikini this morning which seems like something I should probably cover unlike that stuff about her almost dying. Because let’s be realistic, everyone “almost dies” every time they fall asleep at night. What does she want? A medal?
Photos: Splash News