Chris Brown Is Sorry He Called His Girlfriend A Cheating Whore

December 8th, 2014 // 44 Comments
Trout Mouth Ass Bitch!
I Have No Idea What Any of That Means Read More »

Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran apparently broke up over the weekend, so naturally Chris Brown reacted in a healthy, constructive manner (compared to what he did to Rihanna‘s face) by calling her a cheating whore on Instagram and telling everybody they had threesomes together. Via ONTD:

We’ve got scars, some them u game, some them I’ve caused. That ride or die act we have been fooling the world with obviously ain’t working. I was locked up for damn near 4 months and only got 1 visit from you while u was hosting parties and taking secret trip to Toronto, going on dates with Drake! When this relationship first started u knew what it was and even participated in threesomes. I slowed all that shit down. So let’s not try to save face for public opinion because I don’t need to play victim so people can take my side. All these celebrity niggas ain’t shit and focus only on themselves. I made it clear to the world who my girl was and made your life equal to mine even at the cost of me not focusing on my career at times. So miss me wit the bullshit. Now yall know the real.

Here’s Karrueche’s response on Instagram: More »

Good Morning, Kayla Swift, And Other News

December 8th, 2014 // 29 Comments

- Coldplay might finally be over. [Lainey Gossip]

- Hey, Eddie Cibrian needs that money to buy laxatives. [Fishwrapper]

- Kendra Wilkinson made $500,000 in six months from stripping. [Dlisted]

- Girls With Future Lower Back Problems [theCHIVE]

- The Hunger Games porn parody is here. [The Frisky]

- Robert Pattinson is having sex with this. [WWTDD]

- Wendy Williams showed her mindless audience a South Park parody of themselves. [Death and Taxes]

- Eva Longoria‘s in a bikini. [Popoholic]

- Top 20 Sexiest Instagram Girls [COED]

- Helen Flanagan‘s breasts are still awesome. [Hollywood Tuna]

- What’s up, Liraz Dior? [Celebslam]

- Anastasia Ashley‘s nude pics have been stolen. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Kat Torres In A Bikini Is The Crap I Missed

December 5th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Alright, folks, provided Photo Boy‘s severed head isn’t strapped to a tortoise with a bomb in it, The Crap We Missed will return Monday where you can fill it full of your brain shits for The Most Important People on The Internet because doing work at your desk is for chumps. In the meantime, here’s Kat Torres shilling hemorrhoid donuts. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going on here.

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Photos: FameFlynet

Bill Cosby Stripped Of Honorary Navy Title As More Women Come Forward

December 5th, 2014 // 86 Comments

Some of you haven’t enjoyed my coverage of the Eric Garner decision, or racism in general, so in this post I not only believe that a black man is guilty of a crime, but also (slightly) question the motives of his alleged rape victims. It’s practically Christmas for your tiny little white dicks. Let’s roll! More »

Usher Charged His Phone With A Woman’s Vagina

December 5th, 2014 // 44 Comments

Here’s Usher at Art Basel the other night where he charged his phone with a woman’s vagina because apparently that’s another thing they can do that I had no idea about. (Is it true women can pee out of them, too? You know what? Don’t tell me. I want it to be a surprise.) Considering iPhones take a few hours to charge, I’m guessing Usher didn’t stand there demanding a full 100% like I would have until someone called the cops, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t leave without getting instructions on how to install one of these inside Justin Bieber. “Just slide it in like a tampon? Word, word. Kid gets more useful by the day.”

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Photo: Vector Gallery

Dear Hilary Duff: AARON CARTER’S GONNA KEEL YOU, GIRL, RUN!!

December 5th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Back Off My Girl, Carter
Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans
You're Freaking Her Out Read More »

Aaron Carter already made shit creepy enough by expressing his undying love for Hilary Duff on Twitter which he did back off on after she told Buzzfeed that it’s weirding her out. Except here he is with a new Instagram pic of himself watching an old episode of Lizzie McQuire because helping your girl lock down that restraining order is a form of love, too. That being said, if Aaron Carter was black, this would be legal grounds to shoot him in the back then choke-hold the bullet out. #CrimingWhileWhite

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Photo: Instagram

Krysten Ritter Is Your New Marvel Person

December 5th, 2014 // 29 Comments
Previously In Nerd Shit
Jared Leto Naked Terry Richardson
Jared Leto As The Joker Is Happening Read More »

After confirming Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, Marvel announced that Krysten Ritter landed the title role of Jessica Jones for its upcoming Netflix series. I should probably mention Alexandra Daddario was also up the part, but mostly so I can link to her nude scene in True Detective because the SEO game don’t sleep, son. Anyway, for those of you don’t know who Jessica Jones is, she was a character created for Marvel’s mature line in the early 2000s who used to be an Avenger but quit to start her own detective agency and have butt sex with Luke Cage which naturally led to them getting married as butt sex so often does. A plot line I’m pretty sure won’t be in the show because The Avengers only just formed in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and you can’t sell action figures with grinding anal thrust. I got estimates. As for who’s playing Luke Cage, Deadline reports Mike Colter is the frontrunner, or they could just use Sugar Ray Leonard because I’m pretty sure Seinfeld jokes are old enough to be public domain now. Newman.

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Photos: Getty