Kate Upton Has Leaked Nude Photos, Too

August 31st, 2014 // 70 Comments
Hilary Duff, Too?!
Hilary Duff Legs Butt
Wait A Minute,
Is This A Joke? Read More »

So remember that scene in Ghostbusters when Peck shuts down the containment unit and floods the entire city with ghosts? Well, today’s been like that except with every single celebrity naked instead of the undead. I’m doing my best to stay away from them (WHICH I HAVE ALL DAY YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING) because I’d prefer not to get sued right the fuck off the Internet, but sometimes a man has to stare death in the eyes and show everybody giant breasts. So here’s a link to the alleged Kate Upton nude photos (NSFW) which seem to fly in stark contrast to her Ice Bucket Challenge where she might as well have worn a nun’s habit. And, wow, apparently this post can get more erotic. I didn’t think I had it in me.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Jennifer Lawrence Has Leaked Nudes (Yes, That Jennifer Lawrence)

August 31st, 2014 // 67 Comments
Kate Upton: The Fappening
Kate Upton Cleavage No Premiere New York Film Festival
How Is The Internet Still In One Piece? Read More »

UPDATE: Naked pictures? What naked pictures? I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Baby Jesus’ birthday isn’t until December, but apparently his dad looked down upon the Internet and went, “Eh, fuck it, Labor Day’s close enough,” because here are leaked nude photos that popped up on reddit and are ALLEGEDLY (If I could make that blink, I would.) of Jennifer Lawrence. Although none of them are confirmed, and I for one, am certainly not saying that, yes, they are specifically the labia of Academy Award winner Jennifer Lawrence star of The Hunger Games. That would be reckless and irresponsible. I will, however, say that it was definitely Gwyneth Paltrow who leaked these. They had the distinct smell of sandalwood quiche.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Here’s Coco’s Giant Anus Because F*ck It

August 29th, 2014 // 117 Comments

So it took me at least two hours to get Rihanna up, and I practically forced these Coco bikini pics into the site using a crowbar because apparently our database has “corrupt tables,” and I can’t even tell you who the hell’s bribing them. Couple that with a distinct lack of Photo Boy, and I’m taking a mental health day before I’m outside Hilary Duff‘s house again disguised as a trash can. If she’d just wear this dress I made with my pub- Anyway, a special thanks to the criminally understaffed product team who’s been putting out no less than eight million fires across the company this week. You guys (and gal) somehow keep our sites running and could use some more co-workers instead of Directors of Sticky Widgets or whatever bullshit positions somebody came up with for cachet. Fingers crossed we’ll start heading in that direction. In the meantime, enjoy Coco whose epic struggle to stay on an inflatable raft is the perfect metaphor for me trying to publishing anything today.

See you after the holiday, and follow us on Facebook or Twitter (below) where I’m sure I’ll be bitching about something all weekend. I have no life.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Splash News

Rihanna’s In A Bikini And Other News

August 29th, 2014 // 16 Comments

- Jessica Alba‘s organic diaper company is worth a billion dollars. A BILLION. [Lainey Gossip]

- I’m going to assume James Haven‘s response will be “Muuuurrder…” [Dlisted]

- A Bikini A Day Keeps The Doctor Away [theCHIVE]

- Ariana Grande‘s brother is a fucking douchebag. [Fishwrapper]

- I love how the solution here was basically, “Bitch, just clean your damn purse.” [The Frisky]

- Goddamn, Johanna Lundback. [Popoholic]

- Kendall finally realizes her last name is tainted. [WWTDD]

- Joan Rivers is “resting comfortably” and presumably telling Death it has a small dick. [Starpulse]

- The Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story is stressing people out. AS IT GODDAMN SHOULD. [tooFab]

- Are you black and just waiting to pick your kids up at day care? Suck Taser, thug! [Death and Taxes]

- The NFL will only let you hit a woman once now. And, okay, probably a second time. [IDLYITW]

- Hilary Duff is becoming already the hottest MILF. I fixed it for you. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Celebslam Presents: It’s Cold Outside [Celebslam]

- Jesus Christ, Lizzie Caplan posing for Rolling Stone. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photos: Xposure/AKM-GSI

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.28.14

August 28th, 2014 // 330 Comments

Welcome to Thurday’s The Crap We Missed which will be your last one for the week, because I’m off tomorrow and no, not to wash Fish’s car in a bikini. Again. Anyway, you’ll also notice the gallery is a little light, because when I blow off work, I go big. So, enjoy almost seeing Halle Berry‘s vagina, or totally seeing it, I don’t know, I ran away screaming “ICKY!!” before I got a good look, Will Forte‘s bird nest beard that I hope to Christ is for MacGruber 2, and Kris Jenner with Dean Cain proving beyond a shadow of a doubt he’s broke as shit, because this exact conversation happened.

“For that price, it’s either me or the big one and she’s only on sale this week until she gets reshod.”
“I don’t know, ma’am, I’m so hungry, does any of it come with bread?”

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Diane Sawyer Is Out There Blowing People

August 28th, 2014 // 18 Comments
Diane Sawyer
Previously In Blowjobs
Lindsay Lohan
An Investment Banker? Get Out Read More »

Appropriate pictures: I haz them.

Whenever I teach my non-accredited journalism course “Internet Money Make You I Can” at the local Sheraton, the first thing I teach my students is that 95% of all reporting is dicks in mouths. Later, I’ll ask for a volunteer which usually ends in me yelling, “Well, maybe if everyone stopped laughing, it’d get hard!” Except you know what? I don’t remember any of you cutting me a cashiers check for $500, so no more freebies. Anyway, thanks to Sheila Weller‘s new tell-all book The News Sorority, the Internet learned that Katie Couric allegedly liked to accuse Diane Sawyer of blowing people to get ahead, so naturally we’re all going to pay close attention to that because, circling back to my main point, dicks in mouths. Via The Daily Beast:

When Diane beat Katie on an interview with a 57-year-old woman who’d given birth to twins, Katie mused aloud, according to a person who heard the comment: “I wonder who she blew this time to get it.”

There’s also a whole bunch of anecdotes about Katie Couric wooing Walter Cronkite over dinner at her house, Diane Sawyer and Barbara Walters basically vowing to murder each other, and something about Sam Donaldson getting prostate cancer, but none of those possessed a rich fellatio backstory that informs as much as it entertains. Journalism is a proud, noble profession, fuckshitbags.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty

Beyonce’s Dad: ‘The Divorce Rumors Were A Hoax To Sell Tickets’

August 28th, 2014 // 15 Comments
Beyonce Is Beneath Kim
Beyonce VMAs
You Are No Longer Worthy! Read More »

So one of two things are happening here: 1. Matthew Knowles reads the Internet and saw of all your conspiracy theories about Beyonce and Jay Z‘s divorce. 2. You’re all fucking detectives who probably solve murders in Hawaii without even inviting me. Goddammit. Page Six reports:

Sometimes rumors “ignite” tours, he explained. “The Jedi mind trick fools you a lot of times. So things you see sometimes are [makes poof noise],” he said.
When asked if he thought the now famous elevator fight between Jay Z and Solange was staged, Knowles refused to go into details but said, “Everyone’s talking about it. Ticket sales went up. Solange’s album sales went up 200%.”

Okay, so they made a shitload of money in ticket sales. That’s cool, I guess, but Chris Martin got to bang Jennifer Lawrence, so I’mma let you finish, but Gwyneth Paltrow had the greatest divorce OF ALL TIME. (You know she’s saying that shit into a $48,000 Chakra mirror while conditioning her pubic hair with Allosaurus marrow. Don’t even pretend she’s not.)

Photos: INFphoto

Joan Rivers Is Probably Dead (Update: Or Not)

August 28th, 2014 // 42 Comments

Seen here making fun of Anne Hathaway‘s vagina as I’ll always remember her, Joan Rivers was rushed to the hospital this morning after she stopped breathing during surgery on her vocal chords. According to TMZ, her heart also stopped beating with no word on whether it started again, so… yeah. In related news, Lindsay Lohan and Abe Vigoda have issued a joint statement promising to tread lightly across humanity’s bones during their infinite reign. “For we are God’s cockroaches,” they said, “And God’s cockroaches shall respect those who came before even as your dust paves the streets of our kingdom of death. For as it is written”

UPDATE: According to Ken Baker, Joan has been upgraded to stable condition because apparently 81-year-old women do that after their 900th surgery. This is why I stopped pretending to be a doctor.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter