Sherri Shepherd Thinks You Can Just Cancel A Surrogate Baby

July 7th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Sherri Shepherd
Solidarity, Right
Jenny McCarthy Cleavage Halloween Costume
Jenny & Sherri Got Fired From 'The View' Read More »

Seen here at The 2014 Samsung Hope For Children Gala because sitting next to Jenny McCarthy will destroy any person’s sense of irony, Sherri Shepherd is reportedly trying to bail on a surrogate child due next month because she doesn’t want to pay child support to her soon-to-be ex-husband. TMZ reports:

The baby was conceived with Lamar’s sperm, but NOT Sherri’s egg.
Now here’s where it gets tricky. We’re told Sherri does not want custody or even to be considered a parent … because she doesn’t want to get stuck with massive child support payments.
Sherri wants a judge to rule she has no parental rights or responsibilities — which would shut the door to child support. She claims Lamar defrauded her — that he got her to sign on for a surrogate birth knowing full well he would divorce her and then nail her to the wall for child support.

Considering Sherri Shepherd is an outspoken Christian, you’d assume the Godly thing to do would be to arrange some sort of shared custody of the child giving it two loving parents, or at the very least, not put the retention of material wealth over providing for its care. But that would cost Sherri money just to help some stupid kid, and if I had to pick two things God hates more than anything, its babies and poor people. He’s always like, “Yo, we should be able to get rid of them before they’re even born,” and talking about how easy it is for rich people to get into Heaven. “Like sticking a needle in a camel. You can’t fucking miss.”

Photo: Getty

Anthony Cumia Got Fired From ‘The Opie & Anthony Show’ For Being A Racist Asshole

July 6th, 2014 // 160 Comments
Anthony Cumia
Didn't We Just Do This?
Gary Oldman Jimmy Kimmel
Gary Oldman's Very Sorry, Jews Read More »

Last week, Anthony Cumia of SiriusXM’s The Opie & Anthony Show fired off of barrage of racist and violent tweets after allegedly being “attacked” by a black woman who he was more than likely trying to take creep shots of. It was the tail end of a long history of racism that’s been amped up to the point where it couldn’t be masked as some stupid shock jock shtick anymore, and comedians like Bill Burr were coming on the show and basically telling Cumia to shut the fuck up. So late Thursday night, SiriusXM fired him sparking an inevitable Internet shitstorm from other racists who still have no idea how the first amendment works, and it’s literally the same, exhausting battle lines all over again: More »

Jessica Simpson Got Married

July 6th, 2014 // 12 Comments
What's Happening Here?
Jessica Simpson Swimsuit Skinny Instagram
Jessica Simpson's Instagram Is, Uh, Yeah Read More »

Because I work in celebrity gossip, I’m obligated to inform you that Jessica Simpson married Eric Johnson this weekend who apparently couldn’t content himself with buckets of child support from two kids, and had to go for the alimony, too. Somewhere, Kevin Federline just saluted by holding a chicken wing to his forehead. That being said, I’m under no obligation to bore you with blurry wedding photos taken from three states over, so here are pics from that time Jessica Simpson’s breasts looked fucking amazing. As you can see, her wedding isn’t blocking your view of them, so did I even need to bring it up? No. No, I did not.

Photos: Pacific Coast News

Who Got Herpes This Weekend? And Other News

July 6th, 2014 // 11 Comments

- Robin Thicke misses Paula Patton so bad he has to bang groupies three at a time. [Lainey Gossip]

- Katy Perry‘s a Christian, you guys, and a Christian would never steal music. [Dlisted]

- Top Instagram Girls You Probably Don’t Know About [theCHIVE]

- This is what a Duggar looks like before her vagina becomes a Jesus cannon. [Fishwrapper]

- What’s up, Edyta Zajac? [Popoholic]

- Let’s see Buzzfeed make this list. [Starpulse]

- Brody Jenner never dated Lauren Conrad if anyone somehow still gives a shit. [tooFab]

- Rachelle Leah‘s in a bikini. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Chris Brown has been reduced to doing reality television. [Celebslam]

- Arianny Celeste and Brittany Palmer are in bikinis. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet, Splash News, Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

Happy Birthday, America, You Fat Dumb Bastard

July 4th, 2014 // 77 Comments
Captain America Statistics Song
WATCH: Captain America Statistics Song!

In honor of America’s proud tradition of making things go “BOOM” to celebrate our independence from a country that far surpasses us in health care, education, gun control, you name it, The Superficial will be off today because a paid holiday’s a paid holiday no matter whose bullshit birthday it is. (What’s up, Jesus?) So we’ll be back Monday, but if you hate your friends, family, or just human contact in general, you can check out our possibly more industrious link partners below and/or dick around with me on Facebook and Twitter where I’m sure I’ll be after my parents bring up Hobby Lobby, and I respond by shoving a live M-80 in my face. #USA

Lainey Gossip | Dlisted | theCHIVE | Fishwrapper | The Frisky | WWTDD | Popoholic | Starpulse
tooFab | IDLYITW | Hollywood Tuna | Celebslam | DrunkenStepfather

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The Crap We Missed – Thursday 7.3.14

July 3rd, 2014 // 434 Comments

Alright everybody, it’s your last The Crap We Missed before we celebrate America’s birthday by passing out drunk on top of the grill before the escorts even get there. What, you don’t like to barbeque? So, I managed to put together another hearty selection of essentially innocent celebrity candids for us all to project shameful, humiliating and albeit completely untrue scenarios onto. Yay, Internets! With that in mind, here’s back-to-back Kelly Brook shots that I almost felt guilty about until I remembered my soul died circa 1993, Lily Allen‘s stomach because see previous and the inevitable outcome of all that Jersey Shore bullshit that we waited patiently for.

They actually look so depressed they might kill themselves! Happy Fourth of July Everyone!!

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Chris Martin Quit Being A Vegetarian

July 3rd, 2014 // 19 Comments
Conscious Recoupling?
Gwyneth Paltrow
GOOP's Marriage Is A Mighty Phoenix! Read More »

“Hey, how you doin’? I can eat burgers now. *returns to call* So, anyway, she’s all ‘Who put the bloody doilies next to the bloody quinoa sifter?’ And I’m like, ‘Bitch, fuck your doilies! I want chicken nuggets.’ — Okay, that didn’t happen. But I thought it.”

Much like America celebrates its independence from Britain, so now shall Chris Martin celebrate his independence from eating macrobiotic polenta in a bowl of pretentious stew. Via Us Weekly:

Asked by host Steve Wright if he’s still a vegetarian, Martin replied, “Well, not really,” prompting Wright to say, “What do you mean ‘not really’?”
“Well, I eat meat,” the British singer answered, laughing. “I was vegetarian for quite a long time and then for various reasons I changed. My daughter’s vegetarian since she was born, so I keep getting tempted to go back. I don’t eat very much meat.”
Pressed for more, Martin explained, “I felt like you should only eat something that you’d be able to kill…You know, could you kill a fish? I wouldn’t like it, but I probably could, so I’ll eat the fish. But a giraffe…”

As for what his new, killable diet consists of, Chris Martin has created several tasty dishes using only Gwyneth Paltrow and badly wounded kittens. He hopes to expand to a squirrel that fell off the roof the other day.

Vantagenews/AKM-GSI

Lindsay Lohan’s Legs Look Like This Because of Biking, You Guys, She Was Biking

July 3rd, 2014 // 52 Comments

Seriously. Biking. Via Instagram:

A citibike gone wrong #notsoquiche !!!!

Wait. Did you think it was hooking? Holy shit, you thought it was hooking. Ohmygod, I am so sorry. This is embarrassing. I genuinely feel awful. These things happen. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Photos: Splash News