Considering I just burnt an entire post on an aborted Spider-Baby joke, the least I can do is post some new bikini pics, so here’s Joanna Krupa posing for a photo shoot in Miami yesterday which may or may not be an shameless ploy to get more dis how chicken look jokes out of you. So fine, once again, this is all about me. It’s always about me. You knew what this was.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
“So Spider-Man‘s swinging through the city, right? Lots of action, webs everywhere, but then he perches for a minute on the side of a building and checks himself out in a window. His reflection – wait for it – the baby he made Gwen Stacy abort… dressed like Spider-Man.”
“What the hell does that have anything to do with water?”
“It’s a baby dressed like Spider-Man.”
“Sold. But only if it dances. *presses intercom* Cheryl, could you bring in the cocaine cart?”
Back in July, Oprah paid Lindsay Lohan $2 million to appear on a reality show that accurately portrays her as the fuck up she is. So the fact that I’m writing this post almost nine months later instead of the very next day is a miracle in and of itself. I’m man enough to admit that. Page Six reports:
LiLo was not amused when her cards were declined at Rag & Bone on Mercer Street Sunday.
A source close to the troubled starlet — who is reportedly so broke that the production company behind her reality show on Oprah Winfrey’s OWN had to come through with checks for her rent and security deposit — told us, “Lindsay was trying to buy something for around $300 but her credit cards were declined. She looked really embarrassed and tried to negotiate before her friend finally stepped in and paid.”
Fortunately, Lindsay’s turned her life around and is a serious actress/producer with a new movie Inconceivable set to start shooting in March, so that takes care of- what’s that? It’s already April and nobody shot a goddamn thing? Suck the dicks! SUCK ALL THE DICKS BEFORE YOU GO BANKRUPT.
Jennifer Love Hewitt has been in hiding ever since the “birth” of her “child” in November. Except here she is debuting her new maternity line yesterday and, goddammit, what happened here? And before anyone accuses me of body shaming, I’ll have you know I’m (also) talking about her face. This is almost Britney Spears level crazy face. I’m talking people should look at these and immediately start asking themselves when’s the last time they’ve seen Jennifer Love Hewitt’s “husband,” and why she kept carrying trash bags to her car the other night. It wasn’t Garbage Day.
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Splash News, WENN
Like any Christian author paying his or her dues, Farrah Abraham has to get a trilogy of erotic romance novels out of her system before she can set herself to the task of instructing you, the Godless heathens, on how to raise your children in a manner befitting the Kingdom of Heaven. Which brings us to “In The Making,” the first installment of the “Celebrity Sex Tape” series, so already you can feel the originality just splooging all over your face. Like a shot of creativity to the butthole. Via Fishwrapper: More »
- J.K. Rowling is writing new Harry Potter “megamovies” now. [Lainey Gossip]
- Banging Superman put Kaley Cuoco on the map. [Dlisted]
- A Woman’s Abs Are Something Like Magic [theCHIVE]
- Brittany Murphy‘s last movie has a trailer. [Fishwrapper]
- When naked selfies turn to murder: A (Mexican) Sweet Valley High Adventure. [The Frisky]
- Hello, Stacy Keibler‘s ass in yoga pants… [Popoholic]
- Sister, Sister premiered 20 years ago today and cue depression. [tooFab]
- Kate Upton is the new Anna Nicole Smith. [Hollywood Tuna]
- How the hell is Russia cloning woolly mammoths before us? [FilmDrunk]
- Rita Ora‘s side-boob is the cover of Elle. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]
THE SUPERFICIAL | About • Facebook • Twitter
Welcome to Tuesday’s The Crap We Missed where I wish I had a celebrity pulling an awesome April Fools’ prank for you guys, but I don’t unless you count Billy Dee Williams tricking his Dancing With The Stars partner into being his ho. Other than that, it’s your usual yoga pant butt parade and Kelly Brook‘s boyfriend hiding his boner pics that you’ll all somehow find a way to quote Jaws to. Never change, you guys.
And let me be the first to say that for today’s Final Five, Zaloog would,
- Photo Boy
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Photo: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN