Dear Hilary Duff: AARON CARTER’S GONNA KEEL YOU, GIRL, RUN!!

December 5th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Back Off My Girl, Carter
Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans
You're Freaking Her Out Read More »

Aaron Carter already made shit creepy enough by expressing his undying love for Hilary Duff on Twitter which he did back off on after she told Buzzfeed that it’s weirding her out. Except here he is with a new Instagram pic of himself watching an old episode of Lizzie McQuire because helping your girl lock down that restraining order is a form of love, too. That being said, if Aaron Carter was black, this would be legal grounds to shoot him in the back then choke-hold the bullet out. #CrimingWhileWhite

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Photo: Instagram

Krysten Ritter Is Your New Marvel Person

December 5th, 2014 // 29 Comments
Previously In Nerd Shit
Jared Leto Naked Terry Richardson
Jared Leto As The Joker Is Happening Read More »

After confirming Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, Marvel announced that Krysten Ritter landed the title role of Jessica Jones for its upcoming Netflix series. I should probably mention Alexandra Daddario was also up the part, but mostly so I can link to her nude scene in True Detective because the SEO game don’t sleep, son. Anyway, for those of you don’t know who Jessica Jones is, she was a character created for Marvel’s mature line in the early 2000s who used to be an Avenger but quit to start her own detective agency and have butt sex with Luke Cage which naturally led to them getting married as butt sex so often does. A plot line I’m pretty sure won’t be in the show because The Avengers only just formed in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and you can’t sell action figures with grinding anal thrust. I got estimates. As for who’s playing Luke Cage, Deadline reports Mike Colter is the frontrunner, or they could just use Sugar Ray Leonard because I’m pretty sure Seinfeld jokes are old enough to be public domain now. Newman.

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Photos: Getty

Whitney Port’s Still Wearing Bikinis And Other News

December 5th, 2014 // 12 Comments

- Gwyneth Paltrow saved Meryl Streep‘s Thanksgiving. Take that, Martha Stewart! [Lainey Gossip]

- Kendall Jenner‘s posting selfies of her panties now. [Fishwrapper]

- LeAnn Rimes pulled some Madonna shit at the Rockefeller tree lighting. [Dlisted]

- A Satantic Temple holiday display in Florida? Let’s see how quickly that gets shot. [The Daily Banter]

- In Life There’s Underboob And Then There’s Everything Else [theCHIVE]

- #AliveWhileBlack is essential reading if you give a shit about police brutality. [The Frisky]

- Good God, Barbara Fialho in holiday lingerie. [WWTDD]

- Sony hates Adam Sandler movies, too, now. [Death and Taxes]

- What’s up, Natasha Barnard swimsuit photos? [Popoholic]

- Miley Cyrus did some topless shit again. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Sofia Vergara is officially an American citizen, and deportation nuts are remarkably silent. [Celebslam]

- Emma Hernan is Miss COED. [COED]

- Those are Chrissy Teigen‘s panties. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet, INFphoto

Ela Rose In A Bikini Is The Crap I Missed

December 4th, 2014 // 35 Comments

Here’s Ela Rose who you’ll notice is not a treatise on racism or justified outrage at police brutality, but instead an attractive woman with giant breasts. And while we’re talking about breasts, let’s set the record straight on 138 Water: I’m in no way paid to post their pics. In fact, here’s how it works. I have unlimited access to a photo agency who carries the pics, so essentially I’m getting free photos of hot chicks in bikinis to generate clicks, you’re getting free photos of hot chicks in bikinis to generate an erection, and 138 Water is getting the off-chance dudes will stop masturbating and notice a bottle because advertising’s basically gambling. The End.

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Photos: FameFlynet

Lindsay Lohan’s Crotch Will Sell You Clothes Now

December 4th, 2014 // 31 Comments
'I'm Making A Comeback!'
Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Charlotte Tilburys Backstage Beauty Booth Counter Launch
No, You're Not. Shut Up. Read More »

If there’s one constant that stops Lindsay Lohan from swallowing a bunch of pills and not waking up in the morning, it’s that Earth drugs can’t kill her now. But if there’s another constant, it’s that some idiot somewhere is waiting to hand her money for some stupid project that will end badly. Which brings us to Lindsay’s new CivilxLohan clothing line now available at PacSun which is apparently still around. Because if there’s one thing young hepcats today love, it’s clothes endorsed by actresses who haven’t been relevant since 2004. And I honestly don’t know if that counts as sarcasm because I have no fucking clue what kids are into these days except for tweeting random nonsense at people who call Ariana Grande a toddler. I do know they like that. We rapped.

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Photo: Civil Regime

Chris Rock Unloads On Racism In Hollywood

December 4th, 2014 // 47 Comments
Chris Rock
Jon Stewart Goes Off
Jon Stewart
'We're Not Living In A Post-Racial Society' Read More »

And fuck it, we’re talking about racism again. Only this time it’s not about the police giving “thugs” what they “deserve,” but the quiet, institutional racism of Hollywood that Chris Rock calls out in a new essay for The Hollywood Reporter where he not only talks about helping black comedians like Leslie Jones catch a break because she doesn’t have the connections white comedians do, but also about how Los Angeles treats Mexicans while claiming to be some post-racial, liberal Mecca:

But forget whether Hollywood is black enough. A better question is: Is Hollywood Mexican enough? You’re in L.A, you’ve got to try not to hire Mexicans. It’s the most liberal town in the world, and there’s a part of it that’s kind of racist — not racist like “F— you, nigger” racist, but just an acceptance that there’s a slave state in L.A. There’s this acceptance that Mexicans are going to take care of white people in L.A. that doesn’t exist anywhere else. I remember I was renting a house in Beverly Park while doing some movie, and you just see all of the Mexican people at 8 o’clock in the morning in a line driving into Beverly Park like it’s General Motors. It’s this weird town. More »

Miley Cyrus Wore A Dang Ol’ Boobie T-Shirt

December 4th, 2014 // 9 Comments

It’s becoming more and more evident that the police can murder minorities with impunity, but are any of those people wearing boobie T-shirts? No. No, they are not. So here’s Miley Cyrus wearing a T-shirt with naked breasts on it which is probably the most important piece of information some of you will read today if not your entire life. You thought this was going to be another boring day, but then POW, I just turned everything you know upside down. Ducks say “moo,” cows swim underwater with their asses up, nothing will ever be the same again! *swigs scotch, ignores every life decision leading up to this point*

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Photos: FameFlynet, INFphoto, Splash News

Mariah Carey Ruined Christmas Or Something

December 4th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Mariah Carey Rockefeller Tree Lighting
WATCH: Mariah Carey - 'All I Want For Christmas' Live
A Mariah In The Making
Ariana Grande Panty Flash
As Soon As She Hits Puberty Read More »

There are way more important things happening in New York than Mariah Carey acting exactly like Mariah Carey, but if we talk about Eric Garner instead of Christmas tree lights, Gretchen Carlson‘s jaw will unhinge and open a portal to the demon world. So above is Mariah Carey performing live at Rockefeller Center after blowing off a pre-recorded taping Tuesday night by leaving an NBC crew and a group of 10-year-old backup singers in the freezing rain while she made a three hour phone call. TMZ reports:

Carey was supposed to tape a segment for the live show that airs Wednesday night. But as fans waited for hours in the rainy, cold night , there was no Mariah in sight.
People connected to the hotel tell us … Mariah was ensconced in her East Side hotel, yacking with her lawyer on the phone about her divorce. People who overheard her say it did not seem nasty … she was going over the property settlement.
When she pulled up to Rockefeller Center more than 3 hours late, she was still on the phone and people overheard her continuing to talk divorce.
NBC execs were full on enraged — ditto the crew — and Mariah’s people were told to just go home. We’re told she really wanted to perform, but the network had clearly had enough.

Mariah later apologized and promised to perform live which she did but without hitting the high notes, so someone should probably choke her or shoot her to death for acting like a “thug.” White people tell me that’s an acceptable response to these things.

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Photo: Splash News