Kat Torres In A Bikini Is The Crap I Missed

December 5th, 2014 // 15 Comments

Alright, folks, provided Photo Boy‘s severed head isn’t strapped to a tortoise with a bomb in it, The Crap We Missed will return Monday where you can fill it full of your brain shits for The Most Important People on The Internet because doing work at your desk is for chumps. In the meantime, here’s Kat Torres shilling hemorrhoid donuts. I’m pretty sure that’s what’s going on here.

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Photos: FameFlynet

Bill Cosby Stripped Of Honorary Navy Title As More Women Come Forward

December 5th, 2014 // 86 Comments

Some of you haven’t enjoyed my coverage of the Eric Garner decision, or racism in general, so in this post I not only believe that a black man is guilty of a crime, but also (slightly) question the motives of his alleged rape victims. It’s practically Christmas for your tiny little white dicks. Let’s roll! More »

Usher Charged His Phone With A Woman’s Vagina

December 5th, 2014 // 44 Comments

Here’s Usher at Art Basel the other night where he charged his phone with a woman’s vagina because apparently that’s another thing they can do that I had no idea about. (Is it true women can pee out of them, too? You know what? Don’t tell me. I want it to be a surprise.) Considering iPhones take a few hours to charge, I’m guessing Usher didn’t stand there demanding a full 100% like I would have until someone called the cops, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t leave without getting instructions on how to install one of these inside Justin Bieber. “Just slide it in like a tampon? Word, word. Kid gets more useful by the day.”

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Photo: Vector Gallery

Dear Hilary Duff: AARON CARTER’S GONNA KEEL YOU, GIRL, RUN!!

December 5th, 2014 // 14 Comments
Back Off My Girl, Carter
Hilary Duff Butt Tight Jeans
You're Freaking Her Out Read More »

Aaron Carter already made shit creepy enough by expressing his undying love for Hilary Duff on Twitter which he did back off on after she told Buzzfeed that it’s weirding her out. Except here he is with a new Instagram pic of himself watching an old episode of Lizzie McQuire because helping your girl lock down that restraining order is a form of love, too. That being said, if Aaron Carter was black, this would be legal grounds to shoot him in the back then choke-hold the bullet out. #CrimingWhileWhite

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Photo: Instagram

Krysten Ritter Is Your New Marvel Person

December 5th, 2014 // 29 Comments
Previously In Nerd Shit
Jared Leto Naked Terry Richardson
Jared Leto As The Joker Is Happening Read More »

After confirming Benedict Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange, Marvel announced that Krysten Ritter landed the title role of Jessica Jones for its upcoming Netflix series. I should probably mention Alexandra Daddario was also up the part, but mostly so I can link to her nude scene in True Detective because the SEO game don’t sleep, son. Anyway, for those of you don’t know who Jessica Jones is, she was a character created for Marvel’s mature line in the early 2000s who used to be an Avenger but quit to start her own detective agency and have butt sex with Luke Cage which naturally led to them getting married as butt sex so often does. A plot line I’m pretty sure won’t be in the show because The Avengers only just formed in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and you can’t sell action figures with grinding anal thrust. I got estimates. As for who’s playing Luke Cage, Deadline reports Mike Colter is the frontrunner, or they could just use Sugar Ray Leonard because I’m pretty sure Seinfeld jokes are old enough to be public domain now. Newman.

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Photos: Getty

Whitney Port’s Still Wearing Bikinis And Other News

December 5th, 2014 // 12 Comments

- Gwyneth Paltrow saved Meryl Streep‘s Thanksgiving. Take that, Martha Stewart! [Lainey Gossip]

- Kendall Jenner‘s posting selfies of her panties now. [Fishwrapper]

- LeAnn Rimes pulled some Madonna shit at the Rockefeller tree lighting. [Dlisted]

- A Satantic Temple holiday display in Florida? Let’s see how quickly that gets shot. [The Daily Banter]

- In Life There’s Underboob And Then There’s Everything Else [theCHIVE]

- #AliveWhileBlack is essential reading if you give a shit about police brutality. [The Frisky]

- Good God, Barbara Fialho in holiday lingerie. [WWTDD]

- Sony hates Adam Sandler movies, too, now. [Death and Taxes]

- What’s up, Natasha Barnard swimsuit photos? [Popoholic]

- Miley Cyrus did some topless shit again. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Sofia Vergara is officially an American citizen, and deportation nuts are remarkably silent. [Celebslam]

- Emma Hernan is Miss COED. [COED]

- Those are Chrissy Teigen‘s panties. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet, INFphoto

Ela Rose In A Bikini Is The Crap I Missed

December 4th, 2014 // 35 Comments

Here’s Ela Rose who you’ll notice is not a treatise on racism or justified outrage at police brutality, but instead an attractive woman with giant breasts. And while we’re talking about breasts, let’s set the record straight on 138 Water: I’m in no way paid to post their pics. In fact, here’s how it works. I have unlimited access to a photo agency who carries the pics, so essentially I’m getting free photos of hot chicks in bikinis to generate clicks, you’re getting free photos of hot chicks in bikinis to generate an erection, and 138 Water is getting the off-chance dudes will stop masturbating and notice a bottle because advertising’s basically gambling. The End.

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Photos: FameFlynet

Lindsay Lohan’s Crotch Will Sell You Clothes Now

December 4th, 2014 // 31 Comments
'I'm Making A Comeback!'
Lindsay Lohan Cleavage Bra See Through Shirt Charlotte Tilburys Backstage Beauty Booth Counter Launch
No, You're Not. Shut Up. Read More »

If there’s one constant that stops Lindsay Lohan from swallowing a bunch of pills and not waking up in the morning, it’s that Earth drugs can’t kill her now. But if there’s another constant, it’s that some idiot somewhere is waiting to hand her money for some stupid project that will end badly. Which brings us to Lindsay’s new CivilxLohan clothing line now available at PacSun which is apparently still around. Because if there’s one thing young hepcats today love, it’s clothes endorsed by actresses who haven’t been relevant since 2004. And I honestly don’t know if that counts as sarcasm because I have no fucking clue what kids are into these days except for tweeting random nonsense at people who call Ariana Grande a toddler. I do know they like that. We rapped.

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Photo: Civil Regime