Gwyneth Paltrow’s Marilyn Monroe Now

November 11th, 2014 // 20 Comments
Gwyneth Paltrow Marilyn Monroe
WATCH: Gwyneth Paltrow As Marilyn Monroe

Posing as Marilyn Monroe is some Lindsay Lohan shit, so imagine my surprise to see Gwyneth Paltrow posing as her for Max Factor. This is literally the most pedestrian thing I’ve seen her do in my life. It’ll be a miracle if they let her back into Britain. Or the ivory bazaar. Then where will she purchase the finest in feminine inserts? The local apothecary? Ha! Menstruating into cotton like a cobbler’s wife. Surely you jest. (h/t Lainey)

Maitland Ward Is Naked In Space Or Something

November 11th, 2014 // 32 Comments

Full Disclosure: We are crazy buttslammed from the Bill Cosby memes, so here’s a practically naked Maitland Ward on the set of Descent Into The Maelstrom which is apparently an actual movie and not the porn parody for Interstellar. I have no idea how that happened, so please don’t ask.

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Photos: MPNC/AKM-GSI

Mama June’s Letting Pumpkin Believe The Child Molester Is Her Real Dad

November 11th, 2014 // 32 Comments
Mama June Shannon Chet Weird Science
The Same Goddamn Bed?
Mama June Shannon
As The Child Molester? Jesus Christ... Read More »

It’s been a while since we peered into the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo spittoon, and surprise, it’s still getting more awful by the minute. Which is pretty amazing considering the last post was about Mama June letting Honey Boo Boo sleep in the same bed as the child molester who already raped one daughter in front of another one who’s now being led to believe said child molester is her real father because Hell is real and it’s the South. Via Gawker:

Last night on HLN, Anna talked to Dr. Drew about McDaniel’s abuse and how she feels about Mama June dating him again now. “I’m hurt,” she kept repeating. She also offered an explanation as to why Pumpkin, who was only three when she watched Anna get molested, is defending her mother:
[Mark] was supposed to be [Pumpkin's] so-called father or whatever it is. You know, out of all the kids we have, Mama does not know who Pumpkin’s dad is. And Pumpkin thinks it’s Mark which kind of hurts my feelings, because Mama is making her believe that someone who did that to me is her father. Now Pumpkin hates me for it…

Keep in mind, there’s also another daughter floating in the mix – And with the unfortunate nickname of “Chubbs.” – whose father did time for “sexually exploiting a child over the Internet,” so I really need to stop thinking there’s a bottom to this situation because it’s not going to end until this guy drives to Mexico with Honey Boo Boo and Anna’s baby in the car Mama June bought him while she devours the posse tasked with hunting them down. And that’s the happy ending.

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Photo: Universal Pictures (h/t Johnny Barbells)

The Bill Cosby Meme Generator Went Well

November 11th, 2014 // 37 Comments

Yesterday, the absolutely have to be fired by now people in charge of Bill Cosby’s Twitter account thought it’d be a fantastic idea to ask Twitter to “meme him” not even three weeks after Hannibal Buress turned “Bill Cosby rape into a trending topic, so it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how all of that went. By the end of last night, the meme generator was completely pulled down even after a creative attempt to automatically clear any text fields that used the word “rape” (yup) because by that point the damage was already done. So here are our contributions that Photo Boy and I spent all morning making even though we could’ve called it a day after the Jennifer Lawrence nipple slip post. We could literally be taking naps right now. You have no idea.

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Jennifer Lawrence’s Nipples Tried To Seduce Lorde

November 11th, 2014 // 43 Comments

The last time we saw new pics of Jennifer Lawrence, she was not spread eagle on a couch in a series of nude leaked photos. You imagined that. But what you aren’t imagining is her breasts popping out of her dress while she’s in the back seat of a car with Lorde. Her weird, oddly small breasts which I could’ve sworn were much, much bigger. Did Gwyneth Paltrow do this? Did she do this with her free-range witchcraft? Because I fucking told everybody, but “Nooo, we can’t stab her in the heart with a can of cheese.” God, I hate you so much.

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Photos: Vantagenews / Xposure/AKM-GSI

Abigail Ratchford Bikini Photos And Other News

November 11th, 2014 // 6 Comments

- Superman‘s looking tight I mean Amy Adams in that pants suit. [Lainey Gossip]

- Britney Spears‘ dad handpicked her new boyfriend because my Bertney Stories are 100% accurate. [Dlisted]

- Kendra Wilkinson is DTF? I think that’s what she’s saying? [Fishwrapper]

- Girls Night Out [theCHIVE]

- Taylor Swift‘s “1989″ is the first million-selling album of 2014. It’s November. [The Frisky]

- Kate Hudson‘s breasts are charitable. [WWTDD]

- Rick Perry got trolled with butt sex questions. You read those words. [Death and Taxes]

- Jesus Christ, Alessandra Ambrosio posing for her new swimwear line. [Popoholic]

- Barbara Palvin is naked. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Alyssa Milano wants you to watch her breastfeed some more. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet