Good Morning, Julia Pereira, And Other News

April 7th, 2014 // 13 Comments

- Johnny Depp is getting really fucking annoying. [Lainey Gossip]

- Naomi Campbell is throwing phones at Michael Fassbender‘s penis now. [Dlisted]

- Please, nobody tell these girls how their clothes are supposed to work. [theCHIVE]

- A Cameron Diaz and her pubes shall not be separated. [Fishwrapper]

- Demi Lovato Made Naked Pictures [The Superficial]

- Jennifer Lopez‘s ass has still got it. [Popoholic]

- Funny Girl Sex Guide: Bad Sex Etiquette [The Frisky]

- Richard Donner is talking about a Goonies sequel again. [tooFab]

- Hey, bigots, guess what? You’re losing. [IDLYITW]

- What’s up, Bryana Holly? [Hollywood Tuna]

- Goddamn, I Need A Nerd-Cigarette: A Review of ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ [The Superficial]

- Kaley Cuoco really loves her implants, so just assume she tried to marry them. [Celebslam]

- Heaven Is For Real advertises group tickets in its TV spots. That’s all you need to know. [FilmDrunk]

- Keri Russell‘s sex scenes in The Americans look like this. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Demi Lovato Made Naked Pictures

April 6th, 2014 // 45 Comments

Like my contemporaries God and his hippie bastard of a son, I don’t work on Sundays. Except today’s a special Sunday because Demi Lovato‘s naked pictures just leaked and I’ll be horse-damned if I’m going to renege on my sacred journalistic oath to put boobies on the Internet. Also, if I’m being frank, this is how I show love. This is how I show my love. Let’s get an apartment.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.12

April 5th, 2014 // 23 Comments

Welcome to this week’s installment of The Most Important People on The Internet which you’re surprisingly still getting after I wrote a giant nerd novel about Captain America: The Winter Soldier for I am a kind and benevolent blogger of celebrity boobs with a splash of Commie pinko talking points. And we’ve even got a special comment below thanks to USDA Prime McBeef’s epic table of contents for Farrah Abraham‘s “In The Making”, part one of her Celebrity Sex Tape trilogy because Hitler and Christians were right. We need to burn books. Books have gone bad. I’ll get the lighter fluid.

Farrah Abraham ‘In The Making’ Table of Contents After The Jump

Goddamn, I Need A Nerd-Cigarette: A Review of ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’

April 4th, 2014 // 21 Comments
Captain America The Winter Soldier

For the past few weeks, the advance word on Captain America: The Winter Soldier is that it’s as good as The Avengers if not the best Marvel movie to date. It even made curmudgeony ol’ fusspot Jeff Wells‘ heart grow three sizes as it should have because the hype is real. Winter Soldier is the best Marvel movie to date that smacks you around like a vibranium shield to the dick. Which sounds more painful than pleasurable, but shh, shh, that’s in the past now. It’s in the past.

The Superficial Review of ‘Captain America: The Winter Soldier’ After The Jump

We Went To The Movies And All You Got Are These Jennifer Metcalfe Bikini Photos

April 4th, 2014 // 46 Comments

Alright, folks, apparently the summer blockbuster season starts the first weekend of April now, so by the time you’re reading this Photo Boy and I are on our way to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier where there will be no hand holding or butterfly kisses. I don’t care what that hobo we paid to film us says. He’s a drunk. So while we do that, and you wait with bated breath for my review later today, here’s whoever the hell Jennifer Metcalfe is. (The bikini pickins were slim. Sue me.) And if that does nothing for you, below is Conan O’Brien giving Jordan Schlansky a cowboy makeover which should immediately send you plummeting down a YouTube hole to find more of him because my God:

Conan Gives Jordan Schlansky A Cowboy Makeover After The Jump

Lindsay Lohan’s Telling People She Was Supposed To Be In ‘The Avengers’ Now

April 4th, 2014 // 43 Comments
Guess Who's Broke Again
Lindsay Lohan Jimmy Fallon
$2 Million Barely Buys You Any Coke, You Guys Read More »

In a new episode of her reality show, serial liar Lindsay Lohan claims she was supposed to be in The Avengers, but her manager screwed the whole thing up by “not pushing hard enough.” Oh, and also they wanted an “unknown,” so it would’ve never worked because she’s Lindsay Lohan: Movie Star. Except Uproxx expertly deduced that the only possible role she could’ve been, but absolutely was not, up for is Maria Hill which went to Cobie Smulders, the star of a long-running, popular sitcom and not in any way an “unknown” beneath Lindsay Lohan. So just to put all of this in perspective, here’s what Lindsay Lohan was doing in late 2010/early 2011 while Cobie was consistently and professionally showing up for work and Marvel was looking at actresses: More »

Isn’t Miley Cyrus Already A Porn Parody?

April 4th, 2014 // 32 Comments

You’d think a porn parody of Miley Cyrus would be redundant, but fortunately the fine folks in the adult film industry have yet to meet a product they couldn’t slap dicks and butts into which is why I’m patiently waiting for Backdoorgammon XXX and You Sunk My Battledick. Anyway, below is a crazy NSFW link to the trailer for Molly’s Wrecking Ball a porn parody of Miley Cyrus’ life starring Miley May who should probably never occupy the same space as as our universe’s Miley, or else the very fabric of existence will vagina diddle itself right the fuck out. I don’t know who brought her over, but I have a pretty good hunch.

Molly’s Wrecking Ball Trailer – (NSFW)

Photos: Twitter