Taylor Swift’s Cat Is Hitler And Everyone Hates It

October 13th, 2014 // 32 Comments

During a recent appearance on The Graham Norton Show, John Cleese asked Taylor Swift right to her face if her cat was in an accident because it looked “damaged.” And I’ll be the first to say, who could ever possibly give a shit? Except this is the Internet, and the Internet is 90% cat photos and porn, so naturally the whole thing lit up with, “LOLOLOLOLOL what a stupid cat” because apparently our greatest first world problem is having to look at Taylor Swift’s deformed cat. Unless, wait a minute, is it hurting her legs? Is that furry retard fucking up her legs?! I’LL THROW IT OFF A BRIDGE! *rummages for burlap sack*

John Cleese Insults Taylor Swift’s Cat After The Jump

Heath Ledger’s Joker In A Bikini And Other News

October 13th, 2014 // 18 Comments

- Some Benedict Cumberbatch suit porn? [Lainey Gossip]

- Cameron Diaz might be engaged to Benji Madden. [Dlisted]

- Bad Girls Bend And Snap [theCHIVE]

- Farrah Abraham‘s in a non-pornographic film? That can’t be right. [Fishwrapper]

- The Dumbest Things Steve Harvey Ever Said About Love And Vaginas [The Frisky]

- The girls of Fifth Harmony are in bikinis. [WWTDD]

- PSA: Not knowing who a celebrity is does not make you an intellectual. [Death and Taxes]

- This is a 12-year-old girl. Call her Ariana Grande, or whatever you want, she’s 12. [Popoholic]

- Does Sasquatch want Kim’s old job? What the hell’s happening here? [tooFab]

- Katy Perry is probably your Super Bowl halftime show. [IDLYITW]

- Sofia Vergara‘s in good shape. [Hollywood Tuna]

- What the hell is Christina Hendricks wearing? [Celebslam]

- Scarlett Johansson apparently has a better ass after giving birth. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

- And I start using Tumblr again if anyone gives a shit. [Yeah But Dinosaurs]

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Photos: FameFlynet

Amanda Bynes 5150′d Because of Sam Lutfi. Again.

October 13th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Just Kidding!
Amanda Bynes Smoking Joint On Street NYC
My Dad Didn't Molest Me Read More »

When Amanda Bynes was first put on a 5150 hold, it was because Sam Lutfi – Yup, the dude who was drugging Britney Spears. – bought her a plane ticket from New York to LA where she proceeded to light a woman’s driveway on fire using her dog for the wick. Turns out she’s been talking to him again, only this time he coordinated with her parents to trick her into thinking a car service at LAX would take her to a lawyer when instead it went right to the hospital. TMZ reports:

We now have more clarification as to how Lutfi pulled it off. He told Amanda her car would be making 2 stops. First, to the lawyer’s office in Pasadena and then to the London Hotel in West Hollywood where she would confront her parents and tell them about the lawsuit.
She never got to the London, because the driver went to a Pasadena hospital which looked like an office building. Amanda thought she was going to see the lawyer but when she walked inside she was surrounded by hospital staff.

So good news, Amanda Bynes is finally getting the help she needs. Bad news, Sam Lutfi is still floating around in the background going, “Bring me the diamond in the rough…” and hypnotizing her parents with a snake staff. Nothing’s ever simple.

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFphoto, Splash News, TROV/AKM-GSI

The Most Important People on The Internet:
Volume 4.27

October 11th, 2014 // 16 Comments

Welcome to another installment of The Most Important People On The Internet, our weekly roundup of the best horrible shit you people say in the comments. And this week is especially shit-tastic thanks to half of these being about Stephen Collins because souls are overrated. All they do is slow you down and make you form emotional connections with other human beings and that’s fucking crazy talk. Who even lives like that?

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The Crap We Missed – Friday 10.10.14

October 10th, 2014 // 380 Comments

Welcome to Friday’s The Crap We Missed where we’ve already spent the morning setting up our dorm in Hell, then posted the live, updating tweets of a psychotic break, so welcome to the bottom. Down here it’s perfectly normal to look at Coco‘s butt cleavage, then move on to mock French politics and/or ass groping (arguably the same thing, yes), and finish it all with a couple shots from something called the Scene Stealers event where apparently that’s accomplished by showing up drunk and basically naked.

The handicap stall of the IHOP women’s room counts as a scene, right? Asking for a friend,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Amanda Bynes: ‘Just Kidding! My Dad Didn’t Try And Have Sex With Me’

October 10th, 2014 // 26 Comments
This Escalated Quickly
Amanda Bynes Gangsta Shirt Walking Her Dog With Her Parents
Amanda Bynes Accuses Her Dad of Sexual Abuse Read More »

UPDATE: Guess who just got 5150‘d.

Earlier today, Amanda Bynes went on a lengthy Twitter rant accusing her father of sexual abuse which turned out to be on the heels of her parents finally arriving in New York to get her into a mental health facility. Since then, her mother issued the following statement to E! News:

“I am heartbroken today for my husband of 47 years,” Lynn Bynes’ attorney Tamar Arminak tells E! News exclusively in a statement on her behalf. “Rick has been the best father and husband a family can ask for. He has never abused Amanda or our other children physically or sexually. These accusations are absolutely horrible and could not be further from the truth! These allegations stem from Amanda’s mental state at the moment. They have no basis in reality. It saddens me beyond belief that my husband’s character could be slandered in such a way.”

And now Amanda is walking back all of her claims and blaming it entirely on the microchip in her head. But for the record, her dad’s the one who put it there even though he’s not a child molester. Just so we’re all on the same page: More »

Shia LaBeouf Just Had An Existential Crisis, You Guys, He’s All Better

October 10th, 2014 // 11 Comments
Shia LaBeouf
WATCH: Shia LaBeouf Is All Better Now
Better? Or MK Ultra'd?!
Shia LaBeouf Paper Bag On Head Nymphomaniac Volume I Premiere Berlinale International Film Festival

For roughly two years now, counting the Marilyn Manson and butterflies on his penis days, Shia LaBeouf has been a walking performance art twatwaffle who mostly was just plagiarizing anything he could get his hands on. Eventually all of that culminated in him being arrested at a Broadway performance of Cabaret for slapping people’s asses because it turns out he wasn’t so much an artist as a really, really drunk asshole. Except here he is on Ellen being remarkably candid and polite while saying incredibly lucid shit about people writing online. (For example, yes, I am extremely empty inside. Nailed it!) So here’s that for you to watch while trying to remember a Shia LaBeouf who filmed women puking for sport and would threaten death to dinner interlopers at the drop of a hat. Was it all just a dream? An autistic child’s dream?

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Gwyneth Paltrow Wants Obama To Get Up In That

October 10th, 2014 // 46 Comments
You're Her Competition?
Gwyneth Paltrow
Bitch, Martha Stewart Owns A Drone Read More »

Chris Martin has a super-cool new girlfriend, so it behooves Gwyneth Paltrow to one-up him because conscious uncoupling is some hardcore shit. Which brings us to the President of the United States who, granted, is married, but if there’s one thing Gwyneth has taught us it’s that you can cut monogamy out just like gluten. Us Weekly reports:

She went on to talk about the importance of sustainable energy sources, and to praise Obama’s support for equal pay which Paltrow (who Forbes estimates earns an amazing $19 million a year) said was, “very important to me as a working mother.”
Then, overcome with nerves, the actress stumbled a little before passing the microphone off to the President, telling him flirtatiously, “You’re so handsome that I can’t speak properly.”

Forget the Obama shit. (Unless you’re Michelle, in which case, join forces with Martha Stewart. No mercy, no surrender.) Did Gwyneth Paltrow just call herself a “working mother” again? Goddammit. YOU’RE NOT HELPING. It’s one thing to say as a woman, or a considerate human being in general, that you’d like to see women receive equal pay. But when you go, “Well, as a working mother…” as a team of nannies watches your children in one of your several houses on different continents, it becomes way too easy to dismiss a legitimate topic because now it’s about Gwyneth Paltrow. And if there’s one thing people hate, it’s Gwyneth Paltrow. If given a choice between Gwyneth Paltrow or Ebola, they’d take their chances with Ebola. Provided they’re white.

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Photos: FameFlynet