Rita Ora’s Butt Isn’t Stephen Collins

October 9th, 2014 // 13 Comments

Yesterday, Hilary Duff‘s butt took our minds off the Stephen Collins god-awfulness, so today it’s Rita Ora‘s which isn’t quite as awesome, but I’m pretty sure it’s never said it wants to fellate a baby, so just shut up and look at it. Everything is happy. We’re in the happy place…

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Photos: INFphoto, Splash News, Xposure/AKM-GSI

Let’s Get Stephen Collins Out of The Way

October 9th, 2014 // 53 Comments
Stephen Collins Jessica Biel Gear

So here’s everything that’s happened since our last Stephen Collins post where he allegedly told his wife he’s glad they didn’t have a son because he wouldn’t be able to “keep his little penis out of his mouth,” and we all threw up because that’s literally the most fucked up shit I’ve ever heard in my life. I already want to curl back up in the corner again. So let’s get this out of the way and then stare at boobs and butts. We ride! More »

Holy Sh*t, It’s The Reverse-Flash!

October 9th, 2014 // 25 Comments

I’ve been covering pedophiles and mental illness all week, so for a non-depressing change of pace, and to tickle my nerd-bone, here’s the first look at Reverse-Flash (or God help us, Professor Zoom) on the set of The Flash yesterday. For the record, these are stunt doubles, so if you watched the premiere and are trying to figure out which character the Reverse-Flash is, these won’t spoil it for you. In the meantime, I’ll be working on my resignation because Photo Boy pointed me in the direction of Kate Upton pics, and I blew right past them to look at these. I didn’t even hesitate. *pulls back bow* Superficial Writer! You’ve failed these titties! And, Jesus Christ, I just made an Arrow joke. I’m dying alone.

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Photo: Fame/Flynet

Good Morning, Melissa Rummells, And Other News

October 9th, 2014 // 8 Comments

- Mahky Mahk lost 60 fuckin’ pounds. Give him an Oscah. [Lainey Gossip]

- Jennifer Garner says, “you’re welcome,” for Ben Affleck‘s dick. [Dlisted]

- Can We Just Stay In Bed All Day? [theCHIVE]

- Jessica Simpson‘s calves are out of control. [Fishwrapper]

- Sarah Silverman wants to abolish The Vagina Tax. [The Frisky]

- Miley Cyrus‘ VMA date is in jail already. [WWTDD]

- Nickelodeon event cancelled at NYC Comic-Con thanks to idiot’s epically racist interview. [Death and Taxes]

- Kate Upton‘s breasts demand to be free! [Popoholic]

- Kendra Wilkinson milking Hank’s affair is on TV now. [tooFab]

- Drake banged a stripper and regretted it immediately. [IDLYITW]

- Xenia Deli is still very, very hot. [Hollywood Tuna]

- Sofia Vergara is Botoxing. This won’t end well. [Celebslam]

- What’s up, Kirstin Liljegren? [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW]

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Photos: Fame/Flynet

The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 10.8.14

October 8th, 2014 // 275 Comments

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed starting with Emily Ratajkowski, which I’m well aware will effectively end it for 99.999999999999999% of you. But when your pants are back on, please enjoy John Travolta and his stunt double each reacting to the fact that he will be standing in for the locker room scene, Seth MacFarlane on the set of Ted 2: Remember That Pop Culture Stuff Dick Fart Boob, and Robert Downey Jr. wondering “Ven iz ze time on Sprockets ven ve dance?”

Wait, I think I get this now. References = Comedy! Small Wonder was so weird, amirite?!

- Photo Boy

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Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Amanda Bynes Has A Microchip In Her Head, According To Amanda Bynes

October 8th, 2014 // 22 Comments
Engaged To What Now?
Amanda Bynes Covering Face NYC
Amanda Bynes Has A 19-Year-Old Fiance Read More »

In a new interview with In Touch who I’m pretty sure are just following her around with a tape recorder while she’s talking to herself, Amanda Bynes claims she has a microchip in her head, so if you happen to have a particularly flammable dog, now would be a good time to bring it inside:

The most disconcerting of her erratic behavior was when Amanda told In Touch’s reporter she believes she has a microchip in her head. “I want a dollar a day from every person who [is] reading my mind,” she told the reporter.

Granted, while all of that sounds concerning as hell, at least Amanda Bynes didn’t say she wouldn’t be able to resist putting a baby’s penis in her mouth which is my new bar for judging how awful something is. That’s where I’m at now. “Nobody said they wanted to suck a baby’s dick? We’re good here.” – Me, going forward

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Photos: Abaca USA/AKM-GSI, Splash News

Taylor Swift’s Trying To Bang Selena Gomez!

October 8th, 2014 // 35 Comments
STOP. GOING. BACK. TO. HIM.
Selena Gomez Braless Nipples Cleavage CR Fashion Book Issue No5 Launch Party
Justin Ditches Selena For The Kardashians Read More »

Okay, that headline might seem like sensationalistic click-bait, but I honestly don’t know how else you read this Selena Gomez quote without getting the impression that Taylor Swift wants to passionately tongue her vagina in a Brooklyn brownstone while Karlie Kloss watches from a window, her jealously steaming in the nighttime rain. E! News reports:

Taylor has been begging me to live there,” Gomez said. “She’s like, ‘It’s the best decision I’ve ever made.’ Everyone always says I’m more New York when they meet me so maybe it would be good for me. I don’t spend enough time there.”

See? She might as well have said Taylor Swift keeps sending her photos of her fist. I can’t be the only one getting that impression and doodling it onto any flat surface I can find. Why can’t I get her eyebrows right?

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Photos: Fame/Flynet, ROLO/AKM-GSI, SunOfHollywood.com / Splash News

Gwyneth Paltrow: ‘Martha Stewart Sees Me As Competition’

October 8th, 2014 // 23 Comments
Bitch, I'll Cut You
Martha Stewart Gwyneth Paltrow
And It Won't Be A Good Thing Read More »

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait, she’s actually serious, isn’t she? Us Weekly reports:

“No one has ever said anything bad about me before, so I’m shocked and devastated,” Paltrow said sarcastically. “I’ll try to recover,” she added.
“If I’m really honest, I’m so psyched that she sees us as competition. I’m so psyched. I really am.”

I don’t think Gwyneth Paltrow fully appreciates who she’s messing with here. When Martha Stewart says something like, “She just needs to be quiet,” that’s not coming from a place of fear. That’s coming from a place of you specifically need to shut the fuck up before your shrill, gluten-free words piss her ears off. It’s like swatting at a mosquito if mosquitoes drove Vespas and think they have British accents. Which, again, proves my point that Gwyneth Paltrow would be more tolerable if she simply walked around spreading malaria. How many times are you going to make me keep saying it?

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Photo: Getty