P. Diddy launching car service for celebrity drunks

P. Diddy is planning on launching a car service to pick up drunk celebrities. Why did I immediately think of Tara Reid? Because I can smell her rum breath from here – in my house. Next to the sewer plant. Us Weekly reports:

“After partnering with Ciroc vodka, he wants to make sure everyone’s partying responsibly,” his rep tells Us.
One campaign goal? “Making sure nobody gets arrested!” Combs, the father of twins, says.

Best of luck to you, Diddy. I tried a similar plan myself. I basically got an old school bus and offered to drive shit-faced celebs home. Ultimately I was going to dive out the door right before the bus drove off a cliff. But then, after I looked into David Hasselhoff’s sad little eyes, I just couldn’t do it. Mostly because he decided to sit in my lap until we got to his house. Thank God I tied Andy Dick to the front bumper who yelled directions as I drove. Sorry about that cactus, Andy! I meant to hit the barbed-wire fence next to it. Then careen through the lemonade factory.

Tags: Drunk, Puff Daddy