P. Diddy launching car service for celebrity drunks

March 13th, 2008 // 34 Comments

P. Diddy is planning on launching a car service to pick up drunk celebrities. Why did I immediately think of Tara Reid? Because I can smell her rum breath from here – in my house. Next to the sewer plant. Us Weekly reports:

“After partnering with Ciroc vodka, he wants to make sure everyone’s partying responsibly,” his rep tells Us.
One campaign goal? “Making sure nobody gets arrested!” Combs, the father of twins, says.

Best of luck to you, Diddy. I tried a similar plan myself. I basically got an old school bus and offered to drive shit-faced celebs home. Ultimately I was going to dive out the door right before the bus drove off a cliff. But then, after I looked into David Hasselhoff’s sad little eyes, I just couldn’t do it. Mostly because he decided to sit in my lap until we got to his house. Thank God I tied Andy Dick to the front bumper who yelled directions as I drove. Sorry about that cactus, Andy! I meant to hit the barbed-wire fence next to it. Then careen through the lemonade factory.


  1. Sara

    Nice initiative.

  2. Until the driver gets arrested for a DUI.

  3. What a nice guy. I am sure that will make him millions, just from Tara and Britney..

  4. D. Richards

    Eagh, fuck Puffily-Doddly-doo-doo.

  5. Ya what a great goal, lets totally forget the fact that they could kill someone with their drunk ass behind the wheel. P.Diddy the fucking tool.

  6. Snarf

    A service that picks up drunk people…hmm, that is a pretty crazy idea! I can’t believe nobody ever thought of that! Of wait, they have and it’s called a FUCKING TAXI!

  7. Well if these drunken Mensa members were going to call a cab, wouldn’t they have done that in the first place? Why would they start now? Because it’s Poop Daddy? What makes HIS service so great?? Does he serve wake up blow in the car?

    Well, that would be a good reason use his car..

  8. Ript1&0

    Guys, I have a troll.

    I haven’t been on here at all yet this morning.

    And still am not a loser..

    Sure I am lonely as Hell but at my age it gets rough sometimes. Have some respect for an ole gal.

  9. Barack

    “Making sure nobody gets arrested!”

    Well, that’ll be true. For the white celebs.

    The problem is obvious: you’re supposed to call a black-operated car service??? When exactly do you suppose the car will show up, if it does at all? It’s too much to ask of a celebrity drunk to translate the time quoted by some bored, mumbling, rude black operator into the CP-time when the unwashed, lazy, drunk/high n i g g e r will shuffle-drive the car over to pick you up (mumbling something about who he’s supposed to pick up in a bored-rude way…and definitely NOT opening the door for you).

    Yeah I don’t see how it could fail.

  10. follower of Rip1&0

    Tell us a story Ript1&0…..pretty please with sugar on top?

  11. @8 I have a lot of respect for you. We knew it was a troll this morning. You are normaly not that much of a butthole..

  12. Auntie Kryst

    I’d like to see him wearing a little chauffeur’s cap. It feels oddly appropriate.

  13. Ella

    Sounds like a good plan. Nice job Diddy! :)

  14. chriso

    Your blog always gets me in so much trouble at work for laughing my ass off at my desk. Love! It!

  15. #6 – LOL, so true.

    Seriously though, why does anyone care what P-Poopy wants to do? He is near the top of the list of celebrities that need to choke to death on their own vomit.

  16. sameshitdifferentyear

    Why is the lead singer of R.E.M. helping Tara Reid learn how to walk?

  17. #16 Michael Stipe??? I was going to ask the same exact thing!!

  18. Kari

    Why is he getting cars for celebrities? These people can afford to have their own drivers! They make a conscious decision to drive their car drunk, when they have access to many more safe options than others. Why not contribute that same money to a reputable charity for drunk driving such as MADD?

  19. #18 because that would be BORING!!! (nice name btw)..

  20. eurotrash

    no way this is true; why would p diddlydoo give a flyin fuck about some drunk ass wannabe celebrities? i dont think he would wanna soil his ‘reputation’

  21. woodhorse

    Why pick on Rum? I like Rum and I think that remark was uncalled for.

  22. PeachPie

    Do I EVEN need to comment on how gross this is?
    Yes, apparently I feel I do:
    1% of the population, 40% of the weath (that’s the credo of the documentary, right?).

    HEY, POO DIDDY… maybe if you actually cared bout people being killed vs celebs getting arrested, you’d take that money and put it to use. Mmmmm.. like giving a few families the money they don’t have for their child’s cancer treatment?

    Oh… stupid me. I forgot. I should never question how fucking billionaires spend their chunk change. Go ahead, big man. Take care of your own.

  23. absolute

    She looks sexy in drunk status. She is dating online now and she is in relationship with a young billionaire she met on millionaire&celeb dating “W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m”, according to the officials of that site.

  24. fucking genius!

    he’ll make a mint!

  25. lily

    The magazine HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP reported she is dating quality men on service ‘millionaire4me.com’. She uploaded some hot pictures there and wants to find her sweetheart. But she is said to ask her lawyer to take some actions against the magazine!

  26. Cool idea – may save some lives and embarrassment. He stands to make a lot of money, too – also pretty sweet.

  27. Dildo Baggins

    Is that Michael Stipe?

  28. lisa

    This photo cracks me up. AND, it’s difficult to tell who is more retarded. I would normally automatically say Tara. but, then again, I saw that dude’s shoes……

  29. Mandy

    Yeah, jackass, it’s called a cab. or even a limo with a personal driver. It takes a phone call and about $20 which is about .02 to most richies. Celebrities are so fucking stupid it make my head hurt.

  30. herbiefrog

    [[haven’t read other responses but sounds like faucking good to us : )))

    well done

    give that man a cigar [careful]

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  32. I don’t think that’s Michael Stipe but who the hell IS it? He looks so familiar

  33. i think a car service will definitely do good when traveling…

  34. better get the best in the industry to make sure…

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