Owen Wilson licks butt for two hours

Page Six reports that Owen Wilson – also known as the ‘Butterscotch Stallion’ – allegedly brought a woman back to his hotel room and licked her butt for over two hours.

“It’s like, ‘Who cares?’ ” Wilson told Rolling Stone when asked about the item. “I play it as it lays. OK, so I may not be the greatest lover in the world. Well, let’s make that angle work. There’s lots of different paths to the waterfall. You don’t have to be Don Juan. And wasn’t it Gloria Steinem who said that women have to be responsible for their own orgasms? Well, I take her at her word. I’ll do my best, OK, but at a certain point you’ve got to, like, you know…”

That’s possibly the most confusing thing I’ve ever heard a celebrity say about sex. Look, if you’re penis isn’t big enough to make a woman orgasm then just say so. Don’t dance around the subject by talking about waterfalls, and Gloria Steinem, and all the other weird reasons you might have for licking a girl’s butt for two hours. And really, there’s no reason to be licking anything for that long, let alone a girl’s butt. Her poo could be actual Swiss chocolate, and it still wouldn’t make sense to lick that thing for more than twenty minutes tops.