UPDATE – Owen Wilson attempts suicide

August 27th, 2007 // 143 Comments

Owen Wilson was taken to St. John’s hospital in Santa Monica, California Sunday afternoon and the National Enquirer is claiming it was a suicide attempt. They say that he sliced his left wrist and took an overdose of pills. He was transferred from St. John’s after being stabilized to be detoxed and details are still coming out.

He was definitely hospitalized Sunday, but the National Enquirer is the only one saying it was suicide. Although for every story they write about Abraham Lincoln being a killer cyborg from the future they still manage to be right every now and then. And this one just feels right. Like the article they wrote about me breaking the world bench pressing record and then spending my free time rescuing puppies from fires. That’s just good journalism.

UPDATE: Owen Wilson has issued the following very boring statement which says absolutely nothing about whether or not he actually tried to kill himself: “I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time.”


  1. veggo

    61- amen.

    PS: why is this the new post again? Am I lost?

  2. meato

    Ok, Owen, fine. We’ll leave you alone. Just one thing – cut DOWN, not across, you fuckin faggot.

  3. D4P

    “I respectfully ask that the media allow me to receive care and heal in private during this difficult time.”

    But once my next movie comes out, by all means stop respecting my privacy and tune into all of my promotional appearances and go see the movie.

  4. jrzmommy

    Okay, alright……we’ll give you your privacy…………..Dicknose.

  5. my comment

    who cares.

  6. veggo

    Really, I like Owen. This story is bullshit…..and so is this so called Update.

  7. elsbells

    I don’t know if his suicide attempt was about Kate Hudsen or not, but I definitely saw him at a party in May with some brunette chick, and they were holding hands and being very -friendly- with each other.

    Poor guy, I hope he gets the help that he needs…

  8. Bugman4045

    Cocaine is a helluva drug.

  9. brennreyn

    You know, money and fame don’t make everything better…

    This is pretty sad. I don’t really think death and suicide are something to make a joke out of.

  10. brennreyn's overcritical mom

    My gosh, Owen, it’s simple: cut, expose the arteries, then chew them up so that they can’t stop the bleeding fast enough if somebody finds you. Honestly, kids these days have no work ethic at all!

  11. brennreyn's overcritical mom

    And get that disgusting face-penis covered up! Nobody wants to look at that. My goodness.

  12. Chauncey Gardner

    If you imagine the statement in his voice, it’s fucking hilarious.

  13. you can always choose to leave

    “I don’t really think _____ and _____ are something to make a joke out of”

    For you, it’s death and suicide. For somebody else, it’s having an eating disorder. Whatever. If you totalled up everybody’s sensitive nerves, there would be no topics left to make fun of – if your goal was to avoid offending anybody. Either it’s all fair game, or nothing is. The truth is that although it might make you feel better to write something like that, nobody cares what offends you. If you get offended, don’t whine, just leave.

  14. NoAngel

    It’s not a serious suicide attempt. When guys really want to kill themselves, they use a gun or jump in front of a train or do something really violent and permanent. Those methods usually succeed.

    Women, on the other hand, are much more likely to be cutters and use drugs. Those methods don’t always succeed, but sometimes they do.

    If it was a suicide attempt I can’t imagine the misery that he must have been in to do such a thing, but I wish him the best of luck as he recovers.

    I ‘m not a fan of his, but I hope he gets the help he needs.

  15. Dee

    I have to admit that the world of Hollywood far superficial then any of could imagine, hence this fucking site. However we are obviously drawn to it, along with the misery and tragedies of others. Sure like i said… and f**k you veggo…i dont like the more obvious of superficials like the hollywood women who make horrible cheese movies where their looks are the only thing that got them that role… However if ANYONE tries to commit suicide its IS serious. I am sure we all lead very interesting lives to have wasted mintues reading and browsing the superficial.com in the first place. It is like highschool. That to make ourselves feel better or worse we must look into the lives of other and gossip how we are so much better. As if noone here has had thoughts of suicide, or had dreams when they were young of being famous, or who have favorite actor/actress. And I am sure that everyone on here who has posted about looks could be a fucking model. *rolls eyes* sure I judge and I am judged…but i think we are all assholes and idiots. And beyond who he is or what he does I am sure he has plenty of family or friends or fans that love him and would miss him if he were to be gone…i am sure someone will have a witty retort to my response that will make them proud for a minute or two… i look forward to see the stream of idiocy after i post this…

    i love that needle in the hey song…it was ironically enough his brother who tried to kill himself in the movie

  16. Rmc

    and by help…you mean a gun or a fast moving train right?

  17. jrzmommy

    “I don’t really think death and suicide are something to make a joke out of.”

  18. veggo

    80- why the fuck do i get a fuck you?

  19. M. McPhee

    Perhaps you people who think he’s a loser should visit http://www.IMDB.com and look at Owen’s credits. He is an actor, writer and producer, and quite frankly, he has probably accomplished more in one year than most of you losers have accomplished in an entire lifetime.

    You should be ashamed of yourselves for joking about attempted suicide (if that’s even what it was). I hope that if one of your loved ones or friends ever cries out for help, you are not the victim of the same kind of scorn.

    Grow up!!!

  20. jrzmommy

    84—that’s all fine and good, but um, he tried to off himself….not us. So he can be a writer, actor, producer, Indian chief and Grand Poobah but he’s still a miserable dicknose. I’d rather be me than him, obviously. Nice try. And P.S. I hate people who use the word scorn.

  21. lambman

    woa, maybe he did try to kill himself. If it were anything else wouldn’t your statement say “I fell in the shower, am getting x-rays” or “I have a bad case of flu” but just saying you need to “heal in privet” usually means something embarasing like sex injury, drugs or suicide

  22. jrzmommy

    86–don’t forget the old standby………exhaustion.

  23. BlohansDeviatedSeptum

    #84 says ” He is an actor, writer and producer, and quite frankly, he has probably accomplished more in one year than most of you losers have accomplished in an entire lifetime.”

    Yeah thanks for the update. But in reality what has he accomplished? Did he cure some disease? Teach kids to read? Fight terrorists in a far off land? Chase down armed criminals? Cause lots of people do shit like this every day for alot less money than this overprivledged, over paid “celebrity”. So he has problems, who the fuck doesn’t. Just don’t tell me how much this guy has accomplished because in 10 years all he is going to have to show for his “work” is a buch of semi-funny forgettable movies and one failed suicide attempt. So, quite frankly, I don’t give a fuck. Besides nobody likes a quitter.


  24. bottlesandcansjustclapyourhands

    88–Yeah, you forgot Homewrecker and “Dude Kate Hudson broke up with”

  25. Trixie

    Poor guy. Must be really upset about something, but it is hard to feel badly for someone with shitloads of money who can travel anywhere they want, while the rest of us regular people have to live paycheck to paycheck. Talent is objective. Anyone that has made it in Hollywood was in the right place at the right time. Otherwise, people like Jessica Simpson wouldnt have a job.

  26. What

    My god some of you people are ignorant morons. The guy tried to kill himself and your insulting him and making jokes about it, I doubt you would ever do this outside the internet you fucking pussies.

  27. aaagghhh I liked him in Zoolander, that movie is so bad hahaha
    hope he get’s some help or something

  28. starscanfrighten

    Oh, bullshit.
    I don’t even believe this piece of gossip.

  29. Eagle Chick

    Funny #5, I was going to mention his penis-nose too. He is still pretty damn sexy and funny! I’m sad that he is bipolar.

  30. Big D

    The Pills’n'scotch Stallion?

    prolly too soon

  31. Ack! This is horrible news.

    Not to sound like a pussy, but I’d like to focus on the positive.

    Here is UGO’s Hats off to Owen Wilson


  32. STeve

    I hope that if that is what he truly tried to do, then he recovers and gets on with his career. You should support someone during a time like this, not show disrespect and make light of it like the Hollywood media whores. Haven’t you ever know someone who was depressed and was contemplating or attempted suicide? He’s made some good films and I hope he fully recovers and continues his successful career.

  33. Someone

    I very much doubt that he attempted suicide, especially since the reports are from a source that always lies. But even if the reports are untrue, I think it’s extremely disgusting how often I hear people make fun of others who are crying for help. It’s just sick.

  34. Hecubus

    Goddammit now I look like one of these weeping vaginas crying over jokes about suicide. I still have to say it though, I quite like the guy. I’ve only seen him in that shitty movie with Jackie Chan but he had a pretty cool voice. I wouldn’t exactly care if he offed himself but there’s at least a hundred other actors I’d rather see go.

  35. Chipmunk


    “Yes, the rich and famous have time to check sites like this, once in a blue moon.”

    Do you have time for some grammar lessons? Or at least spellcheck? Your post is a mess.

  36. That’s too bad because I thought he had the perfect life. Once again, my life seems okay compaired to celeb life.

  37. GimmeABreak

    Pray for the man, he is human.

  38. Warden Gentles

    I’m gonna need to see 2 dragons to get over this tragedy.

  39. Have Some Compassion

    So Owen Wilson tries to commit suicide and his attempt is weak and ineffectual. Jesus Christ, it’s like his movie performances – he’s always the same way in everything…

  40. 2 Dragons ;)

    @88 “Yeah thanks for the update. But in reality what has he accomplished? Did he cure some disease? Teach kids to read? Fight terrorists in a far off land? Chase down armed criminals? Cause lots of people do shit like this every day for alot less money than this overprivledged, over paid “celebrity”. So he has problems, who the fuck doesn’t. Just don’t tell me how much this guy has accomplished because in 10 years all he is going to have to show for his “work” is a buch of semi-funny forgettable movies and one failed suicide attempt.”
    Maybe that’s why he did this. Maybe he feels like a fuck-up. Who knows. Why are you such an asshole?

  41. woodhorse

    Whoa Fish! Great news day, huh? Sometimes it really pays to get out of bed on Monday morning.

    Now the bet: (1) he’s been abusing downers for so long that he has clinical depression from it (2) he is not really the “butterscotch” stallion – he’s the BUTTERVICODIN STALLION and, therefore, can’t get it up without extreme stimulation (impotence is side effect of downer abuse) hence the whoring around with fresh meat constantly so he can get an erection (3) he hates himself for being alone/lonely and couldn’t see a way out because of his dependency.

    He needs to connect with Keith Urban ASAP.

  42. teri

    Come on, people. He’s going through some serious stuff here. And it’s probably your fault. Yeah, that’s right. You’re to blame: http://www.unboundedition.com/content/view/2176/50/

  43. woodhorse

    #107 caretaker! caretaker! nanner nanner boo boo

  44. Chief Broom

    Funny how when a weak whiner tries to commit suicide, all the other weak whiners start crying in unison for their lil pussy compatriot. If only I could find a pillow big enough for all of them at once…

  45. Jon

    I’d like to round most of you soulless fucks up, put you on a train and ship you off to a WW2 Nazi death camp.

    It’s not jews that deserve to be exterminated, it’s spineless pricks like you. I hope your worst enemy comes after your dead and pisses on your grave.

    And I don’t even like Owen Wilson.. he’s okayish. But he’s human. To the very least if your going to be so cruel about someone’s suffering save it for the Linsday Lohans and Britney Spears.

  46. Jon's gay partner

    Honey, we’ve been over this many times. When you bring up the Nazis it’s always clear that you have a raging hardon, you sexy S&M minx! Great for me, because I know you want to be tied up and sodomized with a cattle prod AGAIN (minx!). But it kinda undermines your self-righteous tone. Lighten up, sweetie. Dad’s dead. He can’t put nipple clamps on your testicles ever again. You don’t need to be so angry, no anymore. *kisses*

  47. ilikecandy

    Shut the fuck up losers. John’s right. Make fun of me or be a freak and troll me I could give a fuck . I personally hate Hollywood; it is the asshole of humanity filled with human filth, festering ego and the stench of soulless greed. I come to Superfish and I trash ‘em and laugh at ‘em. But this is not one of those times. Every human being with a heart and a brain knows what a hard fucked up life this is. Suffering is not and never will be funny to me. I feel for Owen and I feel for his family. I hope he gets the support and help he needs. Only someone with true character and balls can put down the humour shield for a second and just be honest.

    The real pussies out there are the ones who can’t even admit they have a heart and have to hide behind their humour at all times.
    Man up bitches. Your inch long penises won’t fall off if you express your feelings once in a while. Get over yourselves and don’t be so arrogant to think you’ll never know the meaning of suffering.

  48. Owen

    I was sitting in my room, and I was like staring at the walls thinking about
    everything but then again I was thinking about nothing, and then my mom came in and I didn’t notice she was there and she calls my name and I didn’t hear her and then she started screaming:
    - Owen, Owen!
    And I go:
    - What, what’s the matter?
    She goes:
    - What’s the matter with you?
    I say:
    - Nothing mom.
    She goes:
    - Don’t tell me nothing, you’re on drugs!
    I go:
    - No mom, I’m not on drugs, I’m ok, I’m just thinking, you know, why don’t
    you get me a Pepsi?
    She goes:
    - No, you’re on drugs, you’re crazy, normal people won’t be acting that way!
    I go:
    - Mom, I’m all right, I’m just thinking, you know, so why don’t you, like
    give me a Pepsi?
    And she goes:
    - No, you’re crazy!
    All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn’t give it to me,
    just one Pepsi.

  49. Gaydar

    #112 – so you’re saying you’re more of a butch-fem mix? Very complex. Alluring. I assume you can direct me to some public bathroom where I might find your phone number on the wall?

  50. Dr. Patton has Owen's medicine

    Hey #112 – haven’t you heard? Wussie time is over in America. Men – real men – are fighting and getting wounded and dying. For real – real pain, real injury, real suffering, real loss. Not just girlish scratches on the wrist and pathetic limp-dicked whimpering about “emotional pain” (as if somebody like Owen Wilson has any idea what real pain is like). We have work to do now. We don’t have time to waste on the Owen sisters or their panty-wearing sympathizers. Just tune in AMC some time to get a clue about the new reality (same as the old reality):

    Patton: What’s the matter with you?
    Soldier Who Gets Slapped: Well, I… I guess I… I can’t take it anymore.
    Patton: What did you say?
    Soldier Who Gets Slapped: It’s my nerves, sir. I… I just can’t stand the shelling anymore.
    Patton: Your *nerves*? Well, hell, you’re nothing but a God-damned coward.
    [Soldier start sniveling]
    Patton: Shut up!
    [Slaps him, once forehanded, then backhanded on the rebound]
    Patton: I’m not going to have a man sitting here *crying*! In front of these brave men who have been wounded in battle!
    [Soldier snivels some more, and Patton swings a vicious forehand slap, knocking his helmet away]
    Patton: *Shut up!*
    [to the doctors]
    Patton: Don’t admit this yellow bastard. There’s nothing wrong with him. I won’t have a man who’s just afraid to fight *stinking up this place of honor!* You will get him back up to the front.
    [to soldier]
    Patton: You’re going back to the front, boy. You may get shot, and you may get killed, but you’re going back to the fighting. Either that, or I’ll stand you up before a firing squad. Why, I ought to shoot you right now, you…
    [pulls his service automatic. At that, the doctors leap forward and hustle the soldier out of the tent. Patton keeps shouting at the soldier's back]
    Patton: God-damned bastard! Get him out of here! Take him back to the *front! You hear me? You God-damned coward!*
    [Takes deep breath]
    Patton: I won’t have cowards in my army.

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