Oprah’s Lindsay Lohan Ratings Stunt Didn’t Work

August 21st, 2013 // 24 Comments
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If you thought Oprah honestly brought Lindsay Lohan on Next Chapter to really get through to her and help her on path to self-discovery, congratulations, you have an exciting future in falling for pyramid schemes. Lindsay was on Next Chapter for ratings. Ratings she didn’t even bring because only an egomaniac like Oprah would schedule their talk show for the same exact time as the final season of Breaking Bad and HBO’s Sunday night lineup without the courtesy of showing some bare naked freckle titty. I don’t own a multimedia empire, and even I know you gotta at least have freckle titty. Less time in Tom Cruise‘s ski chalet, more time on the streets, O. You’re out of touch with the peoples. THR reports:

The one-hour OWN broadcast averaged 892,000 viewers to the 9 p.m. premiere telecast. The 10 p.m. encore averaged 504,000 viewers.

And if that seems crazy low, that’s because it is especially compared to other interviews:

Winfrey’s Oprah’s Next Chapter sit-down with Whitney Houston’s family in March 2012 is still OWN’s most-watched effort for the network, drawing 3.5 million viewers. The first part of disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong’s January interview with Winfrey is close behind with a strong 3.2 million. Third is Rihanna’s interview with the talk show maven in August 2012, which averaged 2.5 million.

So Lindsay Lohan has two perfectly functioning breasts, yet she couldn’t even beat a guy with only one testicle. Jesus. That’s practically the story of her life provided the testicle is her pimp. And her mom. And sometimes a West Asian dignitary asks if she’s immune to snake venom then laughs and says, “Just kidding. I don’t care.”

Photos: AKM-GSI


  1. JC

    Gee, I wonder if the high viewership of all those other guests is due to them actually being semi-relevant? Covered-up freckle tits that haven’t appeared in anything lately except a crappy non-porn porn movie that nobody saw does not a ratings bonanza make.

    • schmidtler

      What gets me is that over a million people tuned in to watch a fat middle aged black broad interview a pudgy worthless coke whore on a night when at least 5 other good shows were on at the same time.

  2. ruckus

    I can’t wait till she ends up on Celebrity Apprentice, and Trump says to her, “You’re fired, crotch.”

  3. Narcissisticbitch

    Seriously, she was up against Breaking Bad & True Blood…for me personally Skarsgard v Freckle Tits is a no brainer. Also I don’t even know what channel OWN in my local area.

  4. catapostrophe

    This bodes well for the future of humanity. Nice work, everybody!

  5. “Which hour of meth do I want to watch?”

  6. If I had wanted bullshit and sagging boobs, I would have gone to the old folks’ home and tuned in talk radio. That’s a better deal, unless Oprah starts sending me tapioca.

  7. zelda

    Yeah I have no idea what channel OWN is on

  8. Oprah’s entire network is circling the bowl, so why would an interview with a 5 time rehab dropout with no talent beyond “here are the tits you wanted to see when I was underage” be any different?

    Lindsay isn’t relevant, Oprah isn’t relevant, OWN isn’t relevant…next we’ll be shocked that nobody wanted to see Ashton Kutcher play Steve Jobs.

  9. malaka

    didn’t oprah promise to retire and go away forever??
    isn’t it bad enough that she completely ruined network television??

  10. There is never a drone strike when you need one. I would have considered it a victory to end two entertainment terrorists at the cost of a few set crew as collateral damage.

    • Rasputin's Evil Twin

      Now THAT’S the spirit! We need to see more of this mindset on this site. While we’re at it, let’s send a case of poisoned anal lube to the Kardashians and see what bs they claim as the “causes of death” and how many of them die.

      My money’s on Kayne going first.

  11. anonymous

    Just because Yahoo! keeps reporting the troubles of ex-Disney and Nickelodeon starlets on its site on a daily basis. Doesn’t mean its news or people are actually interested.

  12. Mal Gusto

    “Lindsay Lohan has two perfectly functioning breasts”?!? If dribbling coke and syphilis out of your freckled nipples constitutes perfectly functioning, then yes, I guess you’re right.

  13. Lindsay is officially on minute 15 of her 15 minutes of fame. If she fucks up one more time, she’s out of here. Let’s count the days until she inevitably does.

  14. anonym

    I feel sorry for her. No one even gives a shit about her.

    nah, just kidding, I don’t feel sorry for her. She needs to do hardcore porn.

  15. …it was a ratings flop because:
    A) no one’s buying any of it
    B) no one gives a shit
    (i should be hired as a network consultant)

  16. I believe I dislike Opie more than I do LiLo.

  17. mikel246
    Commented on this photo:

    surprisingly she dont trip over those ole hangers,,,

  18. Nadlley
    Commented on this photo:

    her black armpit! yucks

  19. Lindsay Lohan Boobs Wardrobe Malfunction Braless Helicopter
    Commented on this photo:

    Only childish women call men criminals who compliment there breasts,cleavages and rears as well as whistling. Ladies who tattle to cowards hiding badges are immature ten year old girls in elementary school who will burn in hell for this horrific deed. Its never okay to misquote Isaiah 29:21 to mean something other than what is being said, such as saying like, throw his ass in a cage like an animal if he says your ass,cleavage and bust is lovely. Did God command criminalizing compliments and racism?

  20. Tom
    Commented on this photo:

    I am an avid traveler and author of world destinations
    and publisher of one of the top celebrity gossip sites
    Great Vacation Spots greatvacationspots.net
    Gossip Magazine Online gossipmagazineonline.com

  21. coco_loko
    Commented on this photo:

    yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!! what a train wreck!

  22. Lindsay Lohan Boobs Wardrobe Malfunction Braless Helicopter
    Mitch Born
    Commented on this photo:

    To be in Hollywood this long those hooters have seen plenty of action bouncing

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