If you thought Oprah honestly brought Lindsay Lohan on Next Chapter to really get through to her and help her on path to self-discovery, congratulations, you have an exciting future in falling for pyramid schemes. Lindsay was on Next Chapter for ratings. Ratings she didn’t even bring because only an egomaniac like Oprah would schedule their talk show for the same exact time as the final season of Breaking Bad and HBO’s Sunday night lineup without the courtesy of showing some bare naked freckle titty. I don’t own a multimedia empire, and even I know you gotta at least have freckle titty. Less time in Tom Cruise‘s ski chalet, more time on the streets, O. You’re out of touch with the peoples. THR reports:
The one-hour OWN broadcast averaged 892,000 viewers to the 9 p.m. premiere telecast. The 10 p.m. encore averaged 504,000 viewers.
And if that seems crazy low, that’s because it is especially compared to other interviews:
Winfrey’s Oprah’s Next Chapter sit-down with Whitney Houston’s family in March 2012 is still OWN’s most-watched effort for the network, drawing 3.5 million viewers. The first part of disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong’s January interview with Winfrey is close behind with a strong 3.2 million. Third is Rihanna’s interview with the talk show maven in August 2012, which averaged 2.5 million.
So Lindsay Lohan has two perfectly functioning breasts, yet she couldn’t even beat a guy with only one testicle. Jesus. That’s practically the story of her life provided the testicle is her pimp. And her mom. And sometimes a West Asian dignitary asks if she’s immune to snake venom then laughs and says, “Just kidding. I don’t care.”