Orlando Bloom has to clean up for Miranda Kerr

February 28th, 2008 // 86 Comments

Apparently Orlando Bloom subscribes to the Britney Spears’ School of Hygiene because his girlfriend Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr (above) wants him to quit being such a filthy bastard, according to Star:

“Miranda thinks Orlando is too smelly. Recently, she asked him if he could wash his clothes and perhaps shower more often.”
When he’s not working on a film, the Pirates of the Caribbean star, 31, “goes days without washing his clothes,” adds the source. “He’ll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer. Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks.”
It doesn’t help that he sleeps with his dog, Sidi, and lets her slobber all over him.

If a Victoria’s Secret model told me to take a shower in order to learn her secret (which better not be a penis this time), I’d be scrubbing down like there was no tomorrow. Mostly because I wake up every morning and roll around in the mud with my pet pig Hewey. I named him after my favorite singer: Jennifer Love Hewitt. But not because she’s fat. I just respect her as an artist – who loves bacon.

Photos: Getty Images

  1. oh please


    the real question is has he changed his dirty ways? if he has, he’s just trying to keep his beard from running away and if he hasn’t, he already has a new beard lined up to replace this one so he doesn’t need to impress her.

  2. Gerald_Tarrant

    I’m with stizz, #38. I wash my jeans every 2-3 wears, I’m not rolling in piles of shit or anything, just wearing them out to a bar or restaurant. It could be 3 weeks before I wash a pair. I think Orlando should wash his ass and change his drawers once in a while.

  3. The Laughing God

    @50 ever hear of the Aztecs? The simple fact that they had the exact same architectural building style as the Egypt? Coincidence, I know, especially because they are separated by that huge body of water that only the Europeans could have crossed, or so say their historical records. The fact that the math we used, hell all of our sciences, come from that region? Europeans only produced the Bible, which is actually a pagan plagiarism of the Hebrew Bible. The fact that human beings are not a 6000 year old creature and that all civilizations rise and fall? The fact that Western Civilization is, at best, 2000 years old and has only really made any technological progress in the last 600 years? Only been recording things, non-bias and accurately, for the last 300? That there are “primitive cave paintings” that predict the locations of entire solar systems we can only now see with the Hubble Telescope? That we have just recently figured out how to craft, or should I say recreate, Damascus Steel http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damascus_steel ?

    P.S. The Black Plague, a European born disease, granted some of its survivors immunity from the autoimmune deficiency aspect of HIV. In other words, it turned them into permanent carriers, host of HIV, they’ll never develop AIDS. they’ll just infect anyone they come across. Many also argue that HIV was man made. Picture that, a man made disease, European descent are immune to… Spreaders of disease, pestilence, famine and war… and quite so.

  4. Paris Hilton's Penis

    Why is no one commenting on how cute this chick is? Are people not impressed because she is clothed? Man I’ve always thought she was a knckout and those dimples. YUM! Also I read that she insulted Paris Hilton once, so that endears me to her forever.

  5. D. Richards (Perplexed.) (What-the fuck?)

    #53 — I’m not entirely sure that I understand your trying to prove?

  6. Son-of D. Richards

    understand what you’re*

    Dick, you’re so dim.

  7. XXooXX

    Um..she is from Australia, by the way.
    And she is the cutest VS angel! Just check her pics on google..Can’t say that’s not hot.

  8. google me

    Miranda Kerr makes me drool…a lot.

  9. Spazz

    How bad does it have to be for your girlfriend to go PUBLIC with your hygiene habits? Scary.

  10. michael

    Fucking stunning.

  11. The Laughing God

    @53: That the majority of European descent “accomplishments” are either the accomplishments of other groups or were entirely based off concepts from other groups.

    You made some really unintelligent comment about how African’s didn’t perform all the atrocities of European past simply because they were not intelligent enough to travel. If that is true, explain how the Aztec, which were a civilization in Central America, have very similar architecture to that of the Egyptians, which were an African based culture? If they are so unintelligent, explain how their civs had “cave drawings,” as originally defined by “enlightened” European explorers, that accurately pinpoint the location of stellar bodies we are now only aware of; thanks to the usage of the Hubble Telescope [the telescope allows us to see farther than any previous in Western European existence, I know most of you already knew that, but apparently D.Richards thinks the telescope he can buy at K-mart is just as good as the Hubble one, only with less fancy buttons.] If they are so unintelligent, why did we now just learn to make the same alloy of steel [Damascus Steel] that these “primitives” could make 800 years ago?

    And the underlying point. Early Europeans are nothing but disease spreading, war starting, fact destroying [remember the Alexandrian library], mistrust educing, parasites on nearly all other civilizations on the planet [and they still continue to be to this day]. Another little history fact. The Chinese had “gun powder” since the 9th century, they used it to make fireworks, entertainment. Guess who gets a hold of it in the 15th century and turns it into a weapon in no less than 20 years? Europeans.

    Now, you nor anyone birth of that genetic line is responsible for the actions of their forefathers, how could you be, you, personally, had nothing to do with it. However, that does not entitle you to turn around and say that someone else’s shit stinks solely based of the pretense of their ethnicity; when your ethnicities’ shit historically stinks the most. And in regards to Africans, without the Europeans constantly fucking them over through the ages, their shit, wouldn’t stink at all.

  12. Alice

    OMG, so beautiful. I saw the same photo in a profile on richsoulmate.com. The profile is sincere and attractive. Even clebs are lonely sometimes. Maybe sometimes they really need a rich soul mate rather than a rich buddy.

  13. D. Richards (Unintelligent.) (Obviously.)

    #61 — You’re reading way too far in to my humor, chump. The joke was supposed to offend; and it did. The way that you began typing things that I didn’t disagree with — hence my confusion — showed me everything that I needed to know about your intelligence.

    Next time I make a joke, I’ll specifically cite material, just for you. Dunce.

    Also, please, in the future, when you’re preparing my meals, I’d appreciate it if you wore a hairnet. Good servant.

  14. beejay

    that is such a lame copout, #61 made you his/her bitch, humor my ass

  15. littlem

    Seriously. I can handle week old jeans and dog dribble. Send him over to me.

  16. D. Richards (copout.)

    It’s easy to ‘win’ an argument when you’ve made an entirety out of a situation that you’re obviously confusing yourself about; an argument that you have, in essence, made-up. I mean the guy started talking about fucking Aztecs. . .He wanted to make the point that Egyptians made their way across the Atlantic in gigantic floating sarcophaguses or some bullshit like that. I mean, there’s just no way under the heavens that human-beings of different portions of the world could possibly think alike, right? No way. Analogy: a cat isn’t going to dig a hole and cover it’s shit without first seeing another cat covering it’s shit. See?! Crazy talk!

    After the beautiful little Aztec gem, I tuned out and didn’t read anymore of that non-point paragraph drivel. There’s no need, it just kept going and going, and going — making all the pretty little cuts of a college sophmore. All those words but with no real point — okay, granted, a point, but convoluted in any real meaning and using information that is more believed in, rather than factual. Boy, he’s good and in no way superfluous. Stars and comets and alien spaceships. Whaugh!

    Oh, yeah — And I almost forgot to add that, I am of ‘poor European stock’. And responsible for everything ever wrong, including, most importantly, slavery. . .

    ‘BeeJay’: I like that. It’s a nice and cutely ironic little name — You couldn’t give that mouth away, sucker.

  17. D. Richards (Surgeon.)

    More: Europeans weren’t busy building the Colosseum and designing war machines — No, they were traveling to technologically ‘advanced’ Africa (Northern Egypt, which, c’mon, is almost not even part of Africa) and stealing everything — everything.

    I remember reading about ‘Demascus’ steal, honey. ‘Demascus’ , for which the steal is named, is a city in Syria. And I’m not sure if you’re aware or not, but, Syria — it’s not in Africa. Syria is in the Middle-east, bordering Turkey.

    Also: ‘Early’ Europeans is a misrepresentative statement. Europe has been settled for thousands of years. Not suddenly becoming settled when they started traveling; and the reason behind the rampant disease is because of the way that the people were living. Large amounts of people congregating in small areas with no filtration systems and rats, is going to produce much disease. Because of the colder climate of Europe, the rats were forced to inhabit the abodes of people, thus making sickness inescapable. Eggs must be broken in order to expand. Plague made Europe stronger.

    Sadly, the resulting transgression of disease towards the indigenous Americas by marauding explorers was unfortunate.

    What has Northern Africa done since the Egyptians built the pyramids? Nothing. Except provide America with tens-of thousands of slaves. And killing Israelis.

    This all means nothing: Orlando Bloom is filthy like black Americans. Period.

  18. mw

    Go look in the mirror and then go find a picture of a Cabbage Patch doll. Uncanny, right? I’m sure Orlando showered for girls that he actually tried to impress. I bet he got his dog from one of his ex-girlfriends and, like a typical bitch, you’re going to do whatever it takes to get rid of it.

  19. Rome

    She looks like a fourteen-year old. Who would tap that? Gross. Olando Bloom. Figures.

  20. spindoc

    Oh give it a rest with all this “He’s European” crap. Look, when ANY other person is wandering around greasy and filthy everybody in the world takes a look at them and immediately knows they are a drug addict. When somebody in Hollywood does it, even this soon after Heath Ledgers death, people pretend they are just being “Artsy” I have news for you, non drug addict artsy people don’t stink. Orlando Bloom is just your typical dirty drug addict who can’t keep his shit together.

  21. MMB

    she should get a tatoo of Xavier Roberts signature on her ass and get it over with…

  22. So funny ! he didn’t wash the clothes? Maybe each man want to find some one like to wash his clothes or others. Now you can get a chance. I am cute girl who is want to find hers lover. I’d like to wash all the clothes of him. If you want to know me more, you can get me on bbwconnect.com. I like go to this site usually, i have many friends on bbwconnect.com. Under my name cherry here….

  23. faith

    anybody knows who’s the dress designer?

  24. The Laughing God

    I know you think your racist comments are funny; they probably are, to other racist… to the rest of us not so much. The statement also lead me to believe that you were descended from peasant stock as well, or at the very least contained the same pattern of thought as them. Damascus is in Syria, Syria is in the Middle East, not European. I was questioning how primitive, this “Non-European” group could be, if the European descents are just figuring out how to make their steel now, 800 years after the fact?

    You then continue to make a bunch of wisdom revealing rants, such as “Egypt being in Northern Africa, so it is almost not African,” implying that it is not part of Africa, perhaps part of another group all together, maybe the Middle East or Southern Europe, or it s own special group you will define for the rest of us. So Michighan, that is in the northern part of the United States, is also almost not part of the United States. Since there is less confusion concerning which country it could belong to, barring that is is not its own country [Richards will soon enlighten us all if it is] am going to say it is part of Canada. Ontario is in southern Canada, so it is almost not in Canada, making it part of the US… wait I am confused. Are southern territories excluded from this translocation system you have theorized? So only norther territories can translocate? Is Egypt still part of Africa on a leap year? Then again you are not the first European descent to have issue with Egypt being African. Most early European explorers, had issue with it as well, what with them being from Europe and all, and you know, NOT having a clue as to how to construct those buildings, especially lacking industrialization, as Europe defined it.

    The Aztec, had similar culture, religious practices, and architecture as the Egyptians, which we know were African [or Southern European according to Richards]. Now we don’t know, verbatim, if there was any communication between these two groups. Well at least Western Society does not. Based off this lack of communication theory, it would be sufficient to assume that they don’t share similar genetic data, or at the very least they share less than Egyptians share with other Africans… yet I don’t see the same effects of the Egyptian culture in other African groups. The Europeans have more genetics on common with the Egyptians [especially with them being in Southern Europe and all], comparative to the Aztecs; yet I don’t see the same effects of the Egyptians there, aside from Christianity being based off their religion. No Richards, and other people of his ilk, would have us believe that the many similarities between these two cultures is solely based of coincidence, when next door cultures barely show any similarity at all; interesting. Richards doesn’t like that theory solely based off the fact that it would mean that the Africans [or Southern Europeans] crossed the ocean long before the Europeans were even contemplating the activity of suppressing, the idea, that the world was not flat.

    “Orlando Bloom is filthy like black Americans. Period.” Black American. That statement is meant to imply African descent whose ancestors were the slave stock of early America, or at least when spoken out of the mouth of such racist as our good friend Richards. Now these Africans, were under the oppression of an alien culture, a European culture. There is no mainstay of one’s culture, in a disconnect from the people of one’s culture, confounded by the oppression of an alien culture. In essence, “Africans” who are not in culturally tied to Africa aren’t really Africans. Just as white Americans, who have a far greater tie cultural tie to Europe, are not considered European; by any standard. As an oppressive culture it would be necessary to alleviate the oppressed of their former cultural ties. Which was made paramount by the abolishment of African: languages, customs and religions, by slave owners and the adaptation of the European. Ultimately, the African American society is a product of the white racist American society, which is a product of the European society. So any way you spin it. Europe.

  25. D. Richards (Fuck the typos.)

    No, calling Orlando Bloom a smelly African-American is meant to denounce modern-day American negroes as disgusting animals (facetiously). I’m sure that the ‘early’ African tribes were beautiful: living off their amazing land — they would most probably be highly disturbed by their modern-day descendants.

    Considering that Northern Egypt is an Arabic speaking society, with lighter complexions (mostly non-black), like their neighbors to the east (Saudi Arabia, Jordan, even Israel) — and being secluded from Mid-to Southern Africa by vast deserts, leads me to conclude that — because of their pocket and the fact that Egypt was, five thousand years ago, far superior in advance to anything that Mid-to Southern Africa has even contemporarily accomplished without the aid of the foreign world makes Northern Egypt almost, but not quite, not part of Africa. Which is not true, obviously.

    In comparison, Michigan being, in the northern most part of the United States — but unlike Egypt in relation to Africa — is undoubtedly one of America’s leading commercial, and economical powerhouses. Via Michigan being the home of Chevrolet, Ford, and Crystler; these corporations being by far the U.S.’s biggest boost for it’s economy, makes Michigan very important to the United States: producing expensive products for consumption by the greater United States. Even if the products suck, hard.

    With Michigan being the leader in mining iron ore (which explains why the automotive industry is located in MI), and copper — and Michigan’s proximity to the Great Lakes, is the reason behind Michigan being the hub that it is and the reason for it’s integral part of the fabric of American life. If it wasn’t for all of the automobiles produced, and textiles, in MI, America’s economy would suffer great loss and go in to a recession. Not to mention, render tens-of thousands of people jobless.

    Furthermore, Michigan ia a state which is part of the United states, while Egypt, is a country unto itself, and in no real relation to the rest of Africa, other than by sharing the same landmass.

    And you’re right, black Americans are the product, figuratively, and literally, of white America. However, the things that I most dislike about blacks: their blatant disregard for respect towards other races, including, most importantly for themselves: their own race; their blaming everyone else (whites) for every single problem that faces a normal and emancipated human-being on a daily basis; and just by being complete dicks, is inherent.

    Since blacks are, as you say, based on the same society that I am from — and my family having come from poor and humble beginings — and given the fact that I don’t live my life in such a destructive, predictable, direspectful, and futile way as the majority of blacks, must mean that it isn’t society (modern American) that dictates the progress of a person. It’s the person themself.

  26. The Laughing God

    Where exactly do you think Arabs come from? Because they have nothing to do with the construction of ancient Egypt, its society or its religion. All Arabs in the Northern part of Africa are immigrants, all African lines that predate their arrival are dead. That is why they needed to rely on the Rosetta Stone to understand hieroglyphs, because by the time Europe got there the people living there were in disconnect, culturally and genetically, with the people who were responsible for the wonders we have today. Arabs have about as much claim to ancient Egypt as Mexicans have with modern California.

    It is quite easy to explain the Black American attitude towards, well everything. First let’s start with history. The Europeans waged a secret war, I don’t have another term for mass kidnappings followed by centuries of brutality and enslavement, against south west Africa. At the time markets only consisted of textiles, lumber, some metal working, produce and livestock (African slaves fall into this category). The major ones being farm related activities.

    Africans, and the Constitution [and civil liberties] being applied only to certain members of the United States, are the two reasons that the US is the economic powerhouse it is today. Let’s take two societies with nearly the same technologies. In the first one, the people who fall into lower tier jobs are paid, and enjoy whatever rights and civil liberties exist. In the other, the people in the lower tier jobs are not paid, they do not enjoy the civil liberties of the other tiers, they cannot leave their tier, whatever cultural/civil ties they form are not respected by the other tiers, and aside from their labor, they are not allowed to participate in any aspect of the society.

    Let’s move up a tier. In society one, these people enjoy more of the benefits of the society, however they do have to pay the people in the tier under them, granted it might not be much, but it is a hit ti their total profit, further, they must compete against others in their tier for workers and total profit. If anyone increases wages, they might draw more workers, more workers could mean higher output, but at less profit, unless one increase the price of the end good. Too much of an increase and the public won’t buy the end good, not when they can get it from someone else at a lower price, who doesn’t treat his workers as well. Further, there is always the threat that someone, in a tier below, could move into their tier, providing more competition.
    In the second society, the people in the corresponding tier don’t suffer a hit to their income due to not paying any wages. At best they need to make sure they feed the tier below the, just enough, to make sure they can continue working: under the threat of beats, torture, rapings, stakings, and linching if they fail to comply. They need not fear reprisal from the government or society, because it is not just deemed acceptable, but sanctioned, with rules and regulations imposed by the government to maintain this order. They also do not need to fear falling into the tier below, nor can people in the tier below rise out of it.

    This situation, along with the effects of the government, allow profit to accumulate in ways that the other society, no society, can match. Excess profit leads to new ways of utilizing said profit, which leads to new inventions, which leads to the industrial revolution. Said revolution leads to new ways of doing old things and new industries. Now there is no need for slave labor to maintain the “standard of living” enjoyed by the other tiers. However, these people are still there in the population. What to do, what to do… I know, remove government sanctions against them. Now they are free. Awesome, awesome. Wait… most of these people can’t read, can’t write, it was forbidden for them to know how, grounds for death. The only skills they have are the ones they have been doing for generations. Even though the government sanctions are removed, the cultural and religious prejudice still remain. Ultimately, they cannot even get jobs where they are paid to do the same job they have been doing for generations, for over 400 years in fact.

    Step in government again, but culturally speaking the government is just as racist as it ever was, however it is not so openly. So to aid these people, it decides to offer a stipend every month, a government check. They have a bunch of different rules and regulations that determine how much you can ask for. However, none speaks more to the overall destructive nature of the program than the one that states that you get more money per child and more money in a household that lacks a male presence. These people, unlearned, but able to tell what number is greater than the other, now have broken households with lots of children. The begin of the decline of their family unit. However this is not deemed enough by the government, since its role was ultimately to eliminate or kill off this segment of the population. Somehow, I can’t directly link this to the government, though they would certainly have motive for it. A pleasure inducing drug that would require education, far outside the capabilities of these people, to manufacture, appears in areas where their populations are the most dense. Further crippling their family unit and any chance they have of their own or joining the current society.

    The black people, feel like they are entitled to something, reparations, an apology, I don’t know really. However, based off the history of being the builders of the US, the brutality, they are indeed entitled to something. Will they get it? Doubtful, that amount of economic redistribution would cripple the economy. They are, however, still quite irate, and they will probably just take it, if they have not already begun so already [MTV, rap, drug lifestyle, suburban infiltration, ect]

  27. D. Richards (You can be right.)

    Exactly! Egyptians are not, really, African! There, you just said it — thank you. As you’re saying, Ancient Egypt had nothing to do with modern Egypt, and – or, ancient southern Africa. Egyptians were too busy building there magnificent Pyramids to move about too much. Now you’re on the same page.

    Old Egypt died for some strange reason, and that area of the world is too complicated to try and delineate with blood-lines. The continents merge there and the holy land is a source for massive exoduses — by East, West, South, and North (by muslims — Ethiopia, Somalia and all those other north-eastern African filth countries.

    You’re talking in circles. No matter what I say, you’ll ‘spin’. Rosetta stone, right.

    No more, from me.

  28. Dick Dicks

    One more quick thing:

    Blacks aren’t ‘taking’ anything. White america is profiting from all of the Hiphop albums — the rappers flaunting massive, fire-breathing SUVs, by which the black public goes out and buys, buys, buys. Who do you suppose is behind the Grammies, and all of the blacks winning? It’s not a bunch of homies.

    Blacks are still working for the ‘man’ — and that man has evolved in to any person holding down the black race. Blacks are keeping their people down: are you too white? You’re not black enough. The Black public is in a constistently precarious state of trying to become successful (like the perceived white race) and keeping it ‘real’. This is why basketball and becoming a rapper are so important to blacks. Basketball is seen as something that is soley a black ‘thang’ — which is odd considering that it was invented by a white man. And rap, minus the white influence. Yet hip-hop is constantly stealing from white artists (and making loops).This way of thought sorely inhibits their social evolution. The majority of whites are ready for their assimilation. Look at Barrack Obama. He’s a great, great man, and black — but more so a man. A great man.

    This great man has a great shot at being The President of The Unite States of America. And I will vote for him.

    Unlike in the days of slavery (and up until the early sixties), blacks have a choice. Negroes can now make their own way. They are choosing, blindly.


  29. The Laughing God

    Actually, what I said was Ancient Egyptians are not Arabs, since Arabs now populate Egypt. Not sure how you got Ancient Egyptians are not Africans, meaning Blacks, but I can only make statements, it is up to your reading comprehension to understand. I guess I’ll just quote, “All Arabs in the Northern part of Africa are immigrants, all African lines that predate their arrival are dead.” No one is certain what killed those Africans in that area, but there is nothing in my statement that concludes that they were not Black, nor was it unfeasible for them to have gotten to the “new world” before Europe did, especially given Aztec development. I am looking it over again, if you can quote where I agree with you I would love to see it… especially since I just quoted where I disagree with you.

    Furthermore, Muslims are a religion, Arabs are an ethnic. Saying that Muslims were moving around does not nail it down to any one ethnicity. Just like the German crusade against the Jews. Flawed beyond reason, but more so because the Jews are a religion, not an ethnicity. Israelites or Hebrews are the ethnicity. You can’t pick out a Jew based of phenotype or genotype any more than you can a Christian or a Muslim, because it has nothing to do with genetics. However, we are talking about early European [well actually not really even that early, come to think of it] thought patterns, so I guess I shouldn’t expect too much actual reason.

    If by circles, you mean I’ll keep coming back to support my original statement? Yes, indeed, I am. If I was going around making a bunch of random statements that didn’t support my original statement, in some way, that would be… stupid. But thanks for the Rosetta Stone comment, it is a nice catch 22, that excludes any other groups now in the region from laying claim to Ancient Egypt, any accept Africans.

    American Black culture is indeed self destructive, it is the fruit from the seeds and soil from their history here in American, provided to them by racist white agendas. However, they are taking several other ethnicities with them, on their path to destruction. Most of which will be directed at their creators. One day, history, from another age of man, will look back on this civilization, with as much wonder and confusion as we look on the Ancient Greeks and Egyptians; thinking to themselves, “why could then not see the signs of their own destruction?”

  30. branden

    I dont believe that!!! Did i tell you theres a new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians March 9th on E! starting at 10 pm et/pt. The first season was good but this season i bet is going to be just crazy. Here are those links you wanted play the tushy game its great!!



  31. Dick, you’re so dim.

  32. anonanon

    The neckline on that dress is absolutely perfect for her heart- shaped face. Bravo!

  33. temp

    she’s sooooooo gorgeous.

    and yes, i love the dress too!
    anybody know the designer?

  34. Roesheen

    So he’s a guy then….funny she didn’t figure that going into the relationship.

  35. samech

    All white people smell like a wet dog…he haw….he haw…lack of melanine leaves toxins in the skin to be released into the environment which does not belong.

  36. Landon

    How in the hell did this come to be a race issue????? Im white and I love black women, shit my girlfriend is biracial and shes beautiful halle berry aint got shit on her… love u boo!!!!!!!!!!

Leave A Comment