Orlando Bloom has to clean up for Miranda Kerr

February 28th, 2008 // 86 Comments

Apparently Orlando Bloom subscribes to the Britney Spears’ School of Hygiene because his girlfriend Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr (above) wants him to quit being such a filthy bastard, according to Star:

“Miranda thinks Orlando is too smelly. Recently, she asked him if he could wash his clothes and perhaps shower more often.”
When he’s not working on a film, the Pirates of the Caribbean star, 31, “goes days without washing his clothes,” adds the source. “He’ll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer. Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks.”
It doesn’t help that he sleeps with his dog, Sidi, and lets her slobber all over him.

If a Victoria’s Secret model told me to take a shower in order to learn her secret (which better not be a penis this time), I’d be scrubbing down like there was no tomorrow. Mostly because I wake up every morning and roll around in the mud with my pet pig Hewey. I named him after my favorite singer: Jennifer Love Hewitt. But not because she’s fat. I just respect her as an artist – who loves bacon.

Photos: Getty Images
superficial

  1. ANYTHING WITH ORLANDO BLOOM IS WIN

    click on my name dammit, we need more diggs ;)

  2. Italian Stallion

    Orlando Bloom smells like Keath Ledger………

  3. Racer X

    I see what you did there.

  4. OutRunner1

    I’d get cleaned up for her! As clean as she wants me… I mean, who needs that first layer of skin anyway?

  5. me

    he has a huge knot on his head and that lady’s shirt is see-through.

  6. Ted from LA

    Did you see the fucking eyes of this woman? ET, phone home.

  7. Italian Stallion

    *Heath Ledger is what I was going for……

    This just in, Italian Stallion is a dumb-ass………..

  8. Blahdeblah

    Seriously? Clean the fuck up, dude. Given a choice between lack of hygiene and access to her secret, take the latter. Because she doesn’t want you up in there if your definition of “cleaning up” is Febreeze. Stop taking your hygiene tips from Johnny Depp dressed up as Jack Sparrow.

  9. Fleeb

    Bitch

  10. I love the dress. Maybe she will let me borrow it sometime..

  11. Ted from LA

    Don’t get me wrong, I’d hump her like I just got released from prison. I would have to have that ET music on in the background however.

  12. Grunion

    Showers are for fags

  13. gits

    Mostly he reeks of other mens’ semen. She kinda avoided that one.

  14. Rub rub rub one out

    Rub rub rub one out

  15. Grobpilot

    The man in that picture looks like a terrorist! Quick, somebody, kill him! I’m having a panic attack that he will rape me and my family. Damnit, I’ve wet my pants…yes, again.

  16. Ted from LA

    I’ve never been asked to shower by a woman. However, in college I did wake up once with a note taped to my chest saying, “Ted, I had to leave. You’re farts were too bad.”

  17. #15 – Your ideas intrigue me. I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  18. Ted from LA

    beer + late night Mexican food = empty bed in the morning

  19. Cindy

    Ted, a friend of mine told me about that. It’s what you’re supposed to say when you find out the guy’s dick is tiny.

  20. Ted from LA

    Cindy dear, I have a 9 inch dick, honestly. I’m guessing burried in your bucket of a beaver, it might seem tiny.

  21. OutRunner1

    LOL Cindy it’s so true! My friends (who are girls) had to explain that to me when I got that note– Er… Nevermind.

  22. The Laughing God

    Yeah Cindy, you call small penis, I call Grand Canyon Vagina (not all girls are fistable you know). What was I originally going to post? Oh yeah….

    Stinky McStinkFace!!!

  23. Pixotri

    She is gorgeous. seems saw her before on a celebrity and millioniare dating site millionairefriends.com. It is said she has major crush there.

  24. Cindy

    Ted, again, according to the lore your confident size estimates are why girls are bad at math.

  25. Kiki

    Has anybody hear about Pop Fiction. This show on E! Its going to be on air March 9th. If anybody know about it let me know. Also ive seen these. I think this show is going to be good. It has to be its so secretive. Here the link

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/popfiction/index.jsp

    CHAOS IS COMING. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD ARMAGEDDON.  RESISTANCE FUTILE.  POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

  26. Auntie Kryst

    Did anything ever happen after to this limey sissy coward ran away from his car accident? Also why is the Fish showing pictures of a VS model with clothes on?

  27. Auntie Kryst

    @25 buy a banner ad you filthy fucking stealth marketer. Fish, you going to put up with that crap?

  28. Cindy

    #22 – or maybe you have a very small hand?

  29. N.Y. Ted

    I guess Orlando just likes the Pirate way of life now!

  30. The Office Whore

    I would wash Orlando for her..

    @25- we’ve reached new levels here. Fuckwads..

  31. robert doosh

    that veronica vaughn is one piece of AISCHE

  32. The Laughing God

    @28: If if’s and but’s were candy and nuts, oh what a wonderful Christmas!!

  33. kitty cupcakes

    if he’s not washing his clothes he’s probably not washing his ass either. but seriously, i think it’s a guy thing. i know plenty of dudes who don’t wash after friday morning until monday morning, unless some vag is being tossed their way.

    it’s all about the vag. no many is going to bother to be fresh otherwise.

  34. Stephanie

    yeah it’s totally a guy thing not to wash. and isn’t it so nasty when it comes to blow job time? god…smells gross.

  35. Wendy

    Come on, don’t be fools. He wants to minimize the number of times he has to have sex with his beard. It’s hilarious that she has no clue.

  36. D. Richards (Stain.)

    I wasn’t aware that Orlando Bloom was from a black family.

  37. girlseatdick

    THAT GIRL IS UGLY! FUCK HER.

  38. stizz

    Kay wait a sec, as if anyone actually washes a pair of jeans after one wear. A week without washing your jeans is fuck all. I understand you gotta change your damn socks but who has time to do laundry every day? Unless you have a maid i guess, but still…

  39. combustion8

    what fucking planet is she from?

  40. Antonio

    He thinks he’s a pirate in real life

  41. Tom

    A butt pirate.

  42. The Laughing God

    @36: Nope, he is descended from European peasant stock. You know, the one ethnicity on the frig’n planet who never managed to go anywhere without spreading either disease, pestilence, famine or war on the indigenous civilizations they interacted with. Even if said civilization was the sole reason they were able to survive in the new environment. So horrendous is their moral core, that they never even managed to break away from this pattern of behavior, even amongst other “white” groups, why do you think that is? You know, viruses display a similar behavior on all forms of life, either eukaryotic or prokaryotic. Very strange, very strange indeed, perhaps some sort of generalized mental illness that permeates the very essence of their genetic core, thus allowing us to see the manifestation we have today.

    Here is some food for thought, how can one person’s ancestor, be a Christian or even actually believe they follow the Bible or are in God’s good graces. When they subjugate, brutalize, kidnap, rape and brutalize another civilization; unless they are all prone to some mental disease that allows them to think such acts of inhumanity can somehow be forgiven in a way that still makes them a Good Christian? No no no, God doesn’t turn a blind eye to the “situational,” time based, mishaps of we mortals. If such acts are considered immoral now then they were always immoral, more so in His eye’s. Those ancestors didn’t die Good Christian Men, they are burning in hell, for how they have treated their fellow God created brethren, and you will too.

  43. havoc

    Seriously, if a woman has to tell you to shower…that’s pathetic.

    What? Is showering illegal in Europe or something?!?!?

    .

  44. i mean really

    #43

    i’ve dated quite a few Europeans and they were cleaner (bodily as well as their homes) than the American guys I’ve dated. But I’ve also dated some American guys who were clean and one Indian dude who was just ridiculously musty. There was no taming those armpits. Anyway, I don’t think it’s a “where you’re from thing” but more of a personal lifestyle preference.

  45. Hecubus

    The least he could do is wash his vagina. No big deal anyway, if she has to dump him she can always stand in front of a mirror and paint a stupid douchey beard on her reflection whenever she misses him.

  46. JUDGE MATHIS

    re:44

    so basically what you’re telling us is that you get around? can i call you sometime?

  47. D. Richards (Atheist.)

    #42? I’m not worried about some invisible being. I don’t believe in that nonsense, never have. While you’re under your white sheets at night cowering in silence, I’m out there listening to Cannibal Corpse, worshipping porno, and fucking children.

    Can’t keep a good man down.

    Wait: Are you kidding?

    P.S. I’m kidding, obviously; I worship Satan. Heil Satan!

  48. Pop Fiction

    Pop Fiction

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/popfiction/index.jsp

    o CHAOS IS COMING. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD ARMAGEDDON.  RESISTANCE FUTILE.  POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD HAS LOST ITS MIND. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.  

    o HOLLYWOOD IS A GAME. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD WILL HAVE ITS REVENGE. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

  49. Pop Fiction

    Pop Fiction

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/popfiction/index.jsp

    o CHAOS IS COMING. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD ARMAGEDDON.  RESISTANCE FUTILE.  POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD HAS LOST ITS MIND. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.  

    o HOLLYWOOD IS A GAME. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

    o HOLLYWOOD WILL HAVE ITS REVENGE. POP FICTION.  MARCH 9.  E!  THANK YOU FOR PLAYING.

  50. D. Richards (Scorn.)

    Further: The only reason black society never spread any diseases (other than present day HIV; condoms?), is because they lacked the intelligence, and technology to travel. They were so very primitive; their world consisted of a few square miles. Like apes.

    Not much has changed for Africa — Except for that shining beacon of hope named The United States of America.

    Be happy you’re here, yellow-whites.

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