Orlando Bloom is a knight in shining armor

The Superficial / October 12, 2007

Orlando Bloom was involved in a wreck last night. After being cut off, he crashed his vehicle into a parked Porsche. He had two female passengers in the car that were both injured. Check out Orlando’s heroic actions immediately after the crash. TMZ reports:

In video taken immediately following this morning’s accident, Bloom can be seen walking away from the scene, leaving two women — one injured and bleeding — in his smashed-up ride. Nice guy!

After walking down the block, the paparazzi repeatedly advise Bloom to go back to the accident scene and “deal with it,” saying that if he leaves, it could be a hit and run.

Despite Orlando exhibiting erratic behavior after leaving the Green Room in Hollywood, police are ruling out drugs and alcohol as the cause of the accident, according to TMZ:

Police tell us that they did not administer a blood alcohol test at the scene, and would not say if one was given at all. But, they insist he was not under the influence.

So basically what the police are saying is that Orlando wasn’t drunk or high when he left two chicks bleeding in his car. This evidence confirms a theory I’ve long held about Orlando Bloom: He’s a giant pussy. But, let’s be serious for a moment. Orlando, I’m here for you. If you want to take my world-renowned hero classes, the door is always open. But it’s not for the weak. If you’re uncomfortable using your raw sexuality like I do to battle famine, disease and killer robots, you can always check out amateur pottery down the hall. It’s conveniently located next to the ladies room which I hear you’ve been to quite often – to pee sitting down.

NOTE: The above video is of Orlando leaving the Green Door in Hollywood about 15 minutes before the accident.