Orlando Bloom is a knight in shining armor

October 12th, 2007 // 89 Comments


Orlando Bloom was involved in a wreck last night. After being cut off, he crashed his vehicle into a parked Porsche. He had two female passengers in the car that were both injured. Check out Orlando’s heroic actions immediately after the crash. TMZ reports:

In video taken immediately following this morning’s accident, Bloom can be seen walking away from the scene, leaving two women — one injured and bleeding — in his smashed-up ride. Nice guy!

After walking down the block, the paparazzi repeatedly advise Bloom to go back to the accident scene and “deal with it,” saying that if he leaves, it could be a hit and run.

Despite Orlando exhibiting erratic behavior after leaving the Green Room in Hollywood, police are ruling out drugs and alcohol as the cause of the accident, according to TMZ:

Police tell us that they did not administer a blood alcohol test at the scene, and would not say if one was given at all. But, they insist he was not under the influence.

So basically what the police are saying is that Orlando wasn’t drunk or high when he left two chicks bleeding in his car. This evidence confirms a theory I’ve long held about Orlando Bloom: He’s a giant pussy. But, let’s be serious for a moment. Orlando, I’m here for you. If you want to take my world-renowned hero classes, the door is always open. But it’s not for the weak. If you’re uncomfortable using your raw sexuality like I do to battle famine, disease and killer robots, you can always check out amateur pottery down the hall. It’s conveniently located next to the ladies room which I hear you’ve been to quite often – to pee sitting down.

NOTE: The above video is of Orlando leaving the Green Door in Hollywood about 15 minutes before the accident.

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  1. Maybe if the stupid Paps would leave people the fuck alone they wouldnt get in car accidents…Princess Diana anyone?

  2. meee

    yeah #2, it’s the paps fault that another car cut orlando off.

    either way, what a dick. i knew i disliked him for a reason other than the trash ‘stashe he frequently sports.

  3. dannyboy

    FIRST WOOHOO

  4. DJam

    He wasn’t driving. get your story straight. was there… saw that

  5. Grace

    “Bloom can be seen walking away from the scene, leaving two women — one injured and bleeding — in his smashed-up ride.”

    DJam, he was in his car. Or did they just happen to be passengers in a car that was driving itself?

    Too bad actors can’t be more like the characters they portray, then Orlando might have some testicles.

  6. freakwad

    #5 … you saw it happen? wow…….. someone! interview him, PRONTO!

  7. Tiffany

    “It’s already on, it’s already on!”

    Lawl. Orlando is hot.

  8. Grace

    Oop, my fault. Serves me right for not watching the video first. I see the woman’s driving and not him. The article’s quotes are very misleading.

  9. Annie Rexia

    Do you really blame this guy. He’s just some pussy ass actor that PORTRAYS heros. It’s the publicists that are responsible for all the machismo. All of these actors are like that. The only thing they seem to be even slightly brave about is thier fucked up liberal politics. Christ. The little faggot probably takes it up the ass.

  10. shannon

    people are so retarded. have any of you even BEEN in an accident? Sometimes people get disoriented/are in shock, get out of their car and wander around a bit or off. I don’t know if OB is a tool or not, but he didn’t leave the scene. retarded.

  11. Sarah

    orlando is too sexy, so its all good

  12. Binky

    # 10 Probably ?
    He’s English – have you not heard of the ‘public’ schools over there ?

  13. Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day

    Fucking ass ugly little bitch I have always hated this guy and thought he was butt fucking ugly and I’m a girl. Apparently all of us ladykind are expected to swoon and scream at the sight of celebs. Since I was a kid I have loathed and hated celebrities. Few women my age can say they hated the New Kids on the Block from day one.

    Anyway what is with celebs and their fucking shit driving and vehicular law breaking? It must be from having their coloniced pampered liposucked asses driven around everywhere that they completely loose their comnprehension of road rules and etiquette.

    But, don’t get to upset about the chicks being hurt they are obviously pathetic groupie whores which means they are basically the mental equivalent of patatoe with a vagina, they are useless organisms filled with implants and booze, covered in makeup and can barely spell the word car let alone comprehend that they are inside one they aren’t worth anything and their only use is as a cum recepticles. And as for Orfago just remeber he’s a celebrity, sort of, which automatically entitles him to an assload of karma and when it hits in all it’s sweet humiliating glory we’ll all be right here on the superfish enjoying every second of his well earned misery.

    So Orlando FUCK YOU but ;’ll just let your boyfriend do that and nice try with the two girl date how incredibly overcompensating of you you fantastical douchebag.

  14. veggi

    #11- your statement has left me disoriented and/or in shock. and possibly retarded. yup, I’m retarded. More so than before. super duper retarded. dammit!

  15. Too cool for a name

    I HIGHLY doubt #14 is a girl.

  16. Kelly

    #14 is just a jealous dude, it’s so obvious

  17. lol @#2. You can’t blame Princess Diana’s death on the paps, that was a ritual killing and the driver was mind controlled to crash the car. I’m not joking look it up.

  18. BunnyButt

    #14, I’d fuck him.

  19. Ript1&0

    Yes! YES! Again I have been saved by the Fish! Thank you man, thank you. Orlando Bloom is a total douchebag cocksmoking retard queefball, and you are my hero and king of everything. Will you marry me?

  20. Kimberly

    Ohh…so this is not around the time of the accident. I was getting confused. All I saw was Orlando making out with the guy in the front seat.

  21. Isn’t there a remote possibility that those women gave him the okay to leave. They did not scream or yell after him.

    How about the driver who cut him off – should that person be charged with a crime? Or will that driver pretend there was no knowledge of an accident.

  22. Gail

    Consider God’s word and refrain from judging Orlando!

    Just kidding. He didn’t walk, he ran away from the car. One of the girls said her dying wish was to have sex with him. I think he first said “eeeeeewwwwwww!!!” and then he ran.

  23. qball

    Poor guy. I read that he was so terrified by the impact that investigators found a huge clot of semen on the back of the driver’s seat cushion.

  24. combustion8

    “cut off”? so that’s what they call drunk driving accidents now? …yeah right.

  25. combustion8

    and what was the tiff about in the silver beamer.. the chick involved was pretty hot.. was orly trying to hook up with that guy?

  26. Butinu

    He was so shaken he called Johnny Depp right away on his cell phone, while he was still breathing heavily, and Johnny said “For fuck’s sake, Orlando, I said the phone sex thing was a one-time prank!”

  27. mr sensitive

    What a pussy. Every guy knows, if you get in an accident with two chicks in the car and you’re ok but they’re not, before you walk away you cop a feel. If they’re unconscious you can be pretty deliberate about it. Gotta love the older cars that have only driver’s side airbags.

  28. Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day

    I love it that is so awesome you guys son’t believe I’m a girl. That so fucking awesome. That is the best compliment I have ever been given. Girls are such fucking annoying bitches. I’m married and I’m trying to think of something to say that only a girl would know.
    Next month I am having an MRI of my ovaries.
    I find strapless bra’s never hold my boobs up properly.
    I had an ultrasound of my pelvic region and for one test they had to stick a thing up my hoo ha that looked like a penis.
    I hate the swabbing part of the gyno exam, well i hate the whole thing.
    No matter what precautions you take at night when you have your period you will stain the bed at night at some point.
    I own 34 pairs of shoes from victoria secret 5 of them are black but they are in different styles.
    I just bought a bunch of new throw pillows for our couch. Well a gay man could do that too.
    My waist is 23 inches but when I have my period it sometimes goes up to 25 inches.

    Sorry folks everything has to be period related because what else do we have that guys know nothing about. I kissed a girl once but it was like kissing a wall it was really boring no sparks I wish it had been a fun experience just to get it out of my system. Ask me a question only a girl would know the answer to.

  29. Kathy

    “Ask me a question only a girl would know the answer to”

    What sex act is painful for girls unless it’s done very vigorously?

  30. BunnyButt

    “Ask me a question only a girl would know the answer to”

    Girls know everything. There isn’t a question we CAN’T answer.

  31. Kathy's Answer

    Aural Sex-
    I’d fuck your brains out!!!!!!!

  32. ssdd

    Jesus called and he wants to know why the fuck Orli can’t drive worth a shit.

  33. amma

    …Uhm, Every Day is I hate Paris Hilton Day…you are *so* not a chick. I didn’t even question one way or another until you tried to “prove” it.
    Anyway, I agreed with most of the stuff you wrote in your original post. Except how hating New Kids On The Block made you unique. Every chick I knew hated New Kids On The Block…I have no idea who their fans actually were.
    Yeah, I don’t get the Orlando Bloom thing either. I don’t believe being hot actually makes a guy gay…that is so American. I never thought Orlando was hot to begin with. Reason? He has great eyes, hair, etc…but he has a really weak chin, bad jaw line.
    There! You have it!

  34. #31 – “does my butt look big?” Maybe that doesn’t count. You do know the answer, you just don’t want to say it.

  35. I liked New Kids On The Block. I was like 8, I’m male. Young boys thought they were cool, the same ones who later thought Vanilla Icewas cool. NKOTB were too ugly for girls to like.

  36. Michael

    Here’s something I believe applies to Orlando’s struggle to find meaning. He’s a very good looking, sensitive young man who simply does not fit in Hollywood, and it seems to be destroying him from the inside-out. It’s less of a prayer than a meditation. God Bless.

    He as hollow as I alone
    A shell of my friend
    Just flesh and bone
    There’s no soul
    He sees no love
    I shake my fists at skies above
    Mad at God

    He as hollow as I converse
    I wish he’d waken from this curse
    Hear my words before it’s through
    I want to come in after you
    My best friend

    He as hollow as I alone

  37. Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day

    Hmmm I wish I knew but I have ovarian disease so I am in a ton of pain right now eating hurts the bathroom visits hurt. It’s possible iIhave ovarian cancer hence the MRI. So sadly all sex is quite painful but whatever. Sorry had to answer that honestly. But I just want to insult celebs and I don’t need any fucking pity. When I was a a children’s hopsital getting an RrI I have a neurological disease as wellI I was like how the fuck can anyone feel sorry for themselves. These kids know what REAL suffering is and that’s one of the reasons I hate shit faced pity party whores like Britney. I don’t sit around crying I’ve got a life to live and celebs to hate. Anyway just by my answer you could tell guys don’t ramble like this. I’m a pussy and I have one too.

    Back when I was healthy it kinda hurt when I put my legs over my head cause My hubby’s extra large penis would bottom out. Seriously it is extra large and I was at the cash buying large condoms and there were all these stupid like 40 year cougar bitches standing around all crusty with their snotty I hate young women faces on so I slapped the box on the counter and said in a loud voice “lucky me”.

    Oh and secretley almost all girls are always in some kind of competiton with each other even the closest friends and pretty girls find it hard to be friends with other pretty girls because it’s hard to share the attention.

  38. Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day

    #34.My husband is much more handsome than Orlando and at first I didn’t trust him because he was so handsome but he’s a sweatheart. I just think Orlando is full of himself and I hate guys who are full of themselves. Anyway I am from Sweden so Sorry I’m not american and although I make jokes I am very pro gay marriage.

    Anyway I wish I wasn’t a girl right now because then I wouldn’t have cysts or possibly cancerous tumours in my ovaires and have to listen to my doctor tell me I can’t have children. So Maybe because you are clearly omnipotent and all knowing you can turn me into a man so that I can be rid of this bullshit. My husband is one of the rare men out there who isn’t homophobic only men whoi have something to hide are homophobic and when you are as hot as he is you get used to being hit on by guys so I’m sure he’d be okay with me turning into a man and then we could be gay lovers.

    Anyway posting is fun for me and takes my mind off the physical pain so object all you want i enjoy writing and ranting.

  39. Samantha Jones

    Um, did I just watch a coke deal on camera? Wake up folks, it was so obvious.

  40. Sabina

    The shorter brown-haired girl who Orlando drives off with is his elder sister Samantha Bloom.

  41. BunnyButt

    #37, your post almost makes me not want to fuck Orlando. As he was making my skull slam rhythmically against the headboard, I’d keep seeing your poem running through my head , and I’d puke all over him, killing the mood. Thanks a lot for ruining my day.

  42. BunnyButt

    #38, my ovaries want to wish your ovaries well.

  43. Everyday is I hate Paris Hilton Day

    #43. Awe thanks Bunny Butt.

  44. miggs

    “As he was making my skull slam rhythmically against the headboard”

    hmmm…if we’re talking about Orlando Bloom, something’s wrong here…

    “As his skull was slamming rhythmically against the headboard”

    fixed.

  45. t

    HA, the car was already on. I love how that dumb bitch who was heading for the passanger seat says ‘ go home orlando’ like she knew him. was that kimberly stewart getting into the back?

  46. G

    eh i dont care….i’d still fuck him.

  47. BunnyButt

    For some reason, I can’t get the song “Yummy Yummy Yummy, I’ve Got Love in My Tummy” out of my head …

  48. DontTazeMeBro

    #48 that’s because you swallow.

  49. Caitlin

    It’s extremely disturbing that drug and alcohol tests were not administered. The behavior of Orlando and his female friend was not at all close to how sober peeople would behave in that situation.

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