Oprah wants to marry Kate Winslet’s breasts

Oprah Winfrey must be feeling the effects of her new diet because she practically proposed marriage to Kate Winslet’s breasts on her show yesterday. Us Magazine reports:

“I love the fact that you have real breasts, ’cause in all the breast scenes, your breasts do what real breasts do,” she said Tuesday on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
“There’s that wonderful thing, you know, if you are a woman, you’re lying on your back, your breasts they go to – they part – but if you look at a woman with not real breasts, their breasts are sticking straight up,” she told the actress, who won two Golden Globes Sunday. “That’s how you know. God bless your real breasts!”

Wait a minute, I see what’s happening here: Oprah’s after my job! Yeah, well, two can play at this game. I want everyone to reach under their seats – and pull out the keys to your new car! WHOO! Now, I realize some of you might not have keys under your chair and that’s because, congratulations, your parents told me you were adopted. True story.

See, Oprah? You’re not the only one who’s every woman. (Not counting my penis) It’s on!

Photos: WENN